This, legal with that vote on Göring? No way sir!Good to see it's running again!
Good point
And welcome back! -
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Good point
And welcome back!
Panzer Generals.
Germany being the leading nation in tank warfare, Panzer leaders aren't handled just like the rest of the army generals - they deserve a special treatment, like higher wages, large land grants, free cinema tickets and special conferences with the Chief of Army, Werner von Fritsch. Yep, that's the guy who's been looking more stupid than Göring himself since the beginning of this AAR, and that's telling you something.
The Panzer Generals Fritsch is busy aggravating are guys nobody has heard of.
NO, YOU HAVEN'T HEARD OF THEM!
Er, sorry about that, I was talking to the history buff sitting in the front rank. History buffs always have to show off. I mean, in this AAR's world these Panzer Generals really aren't famous.
Anyways, I was going to say I won't bother giving you the names of our three Panzer Generals. You don't know them, you don't want to know them and you won't remember them. They're not the point of this update anyways, we're here to bore you to death with Fritsch's inane remarks - and you should count yourself lucky that I've decided to spare you from having to endure them for at least a couple dozen seconds.
Fritsch: Alright boys, since you are the first Generals who will command Armored divisions in a real war-
General #3: Please, we are at war with Italy.
Fritsch: Yes, and Italy is a major European power, their army is only second to France, so we have to be careful when we fight them - the three of you more than any others, as your Panzers will play a unique role in the coming operations.
General #2, sighing: It's not like Panzers were the best weapon to break through the Alps.
Fritsch: Exactly. We must be careful when we attack the Italians. We will have to plan our operations thoroughly and launch slow and methodical offensives to successfully advance through the mountain. Nothing else will work.
General #1: Daring and nerve work fine.
Fritsch, annoyed: General Gargamel, I flatter myself that I know a touch bit more about mountain warfare than you do.
General #1: Ever heard of the guy who stormed the key position held by the Italians at Caporetto?
Fritsch: Erm... No.
General #1: Here's a picture of him.
General #3: The man on the picture looks awfully like you, old boy.
Fritsch, coughing: Ah. Erm. Well. Yes.
General #1: Name's Rommel by the way.
General #2: Why the fancy glasses?
Rommel, shrugging: My PR guy said they look cool.
Fritsch: General Rommel?
Rommel: Yes?
Fritsch: Since you do know about Mountain Warfare, would you mind sharing your experiences with the others after the conference? It'll- erm- save time, you know.
Rommel: Sure.
General #3: It's always better to learn from a man who knows what he's talking about.
Fritsch: AHEM. Well, there is one domain of warfare about which none of you know more than I do.
Rommel: Sitzkrieg?
Fritsch: No! Erm I mean yes, but that's not the subject. I know more than any of you about ANOTHER form of warfare: Panzer warfare!
General #2: Are you sure you know more about Panzer warfare than I do?
Fritsch: OF COURSE I do, General Good Aryan! Nobody knows more about Panzer warfare than the chief of the Wehrmacht!
General #2: Not even the inventor of Panzer warfare?
General #3: The man on the cover looks awfully like you, old boy.
Rommel: Fritsch almost got your name right. I'm jealous.
Fritsch, coughing: Ah. Erm. Well. Yes.
Guderian: You won't mind if I teach my colleagues how to lead their Panzers?
Fritsch: Oh... OK. We'll just talk about our attack plans, then, shall we?
General #3: May I?
Fritsch: What is it now, general von Frankenstein?
Rommel: This guy signed our appointments as Panzer Generals and he doesn't even know our names
Fritsch: You can't know the attack plans better than I do anyway, I'm the one who drafted them!
General #3, showing a piece of paper without his picture: Certainly you drew your own attack plans. You might still want to obey this order.
Fritsch: I'm the one giving the orders here!
General #3: Not to the Führer, you aren't. Read this.
Fritsch: By order of the Führer, the attack plans we'll use against Italy are the Sickle plans drafted by Major-General von Manstein and approved by me, signed Adolf Hitler...
Manstein: I'm afraid I get to explain our plans for a motorized offensive.
Fritsch: You can't launch a motorized offensive.
Manstein: The Führer orders us to launch a motorized offensive.
Fritsch: The Führer's orders can't make Panzers move without fuel.
Manstein: Of course not. That's why I gave orders to have important fuel reserves brought to the local depots.
Fritsch: And I gave orders to have the reserves sent back to Berlin.
Guderian: Surely he didn't dare?
Guderian: $@#!
Manstein: *sigh*
Fritsch: So there. Now we have to do things my way.
Guderian: No way!
Manstein: Call the fuel trucks back!
Fritsch: I won't.
Manstein: I'll tell the Führer about this!
Rommel: Don't worry, guys. We'll get our fuel back eventually. Why don't we take a look at our tanks?
Fritsch: Erm, good idea. Er, I'll go and get my pictures of them.
Guderian: Pictures?
Manstein: What a jerk.
Rommel: Why don't we just go outside to see them, herr General? These guys need some fresh air, and we can have a look at the tanks while they chill out.
Guderian: I don't-
Manstein: Are you-
Rommel, raising a hand: Keep cool, guys. Being angry won't make the problems go away.
Manstein: Good point...
The four Generals go outside, and Fritsch leads them to this:
Guderian: What???
And this:
Fritsch: Here you go. The best tanks Germany has to offer!
Guderian: Is this some kind of sick joke? These are the dummy tanks I had built to train our troops in the early 30s!
Fritsch: Well, we had to make budget cuts because upgrades are expensive, so we focused on the really important stuff.
Manstein: Our support bombers?
Fritsch: Er... No, the rifles, the artillery, accommodations for the horse-drawn carriages, higher grade horse-fodder... The important things...
Guderian & Manstein: WHAT?
Rommel: Can I have a look inside the light tank?
Fritsch: Erm... I'm not sure it's a good idea.
Rommel: Herr General, please. It's not like I can go anywhere without fuel. Heinz, can you show me the controls?
Guderian: What's the point? We can't drive the tank.
Rommel, reasonably: Please, I just want a quick look.
Guderian: Oh, alright.
Manstein: I think I'll come with you guys.
Fritsch: I'll wait for you outside. It's a bit cramped in these light tanks.
Rommel: Of course, Herr General.
Rommel and Guderian get inside the tankette.
Guderian: Let's get this over with quickly. Just ask whatever questions you have and we'll get out of here. I want a word with that simpleton.
Manstein, blandly: Colonel-General Simpleton.
Rommel: Does the machine-gun have ammunition?
Guderian: It has.
Rommel: And I can rotate it manually with this wheel?
Guderian: You can.
Rommel: And I can also remove the safety lock manually?
Guderian: You can, but I don't see the point of firing this machine-gun.
Rommel: Do you think Fritsch does?
Guderian: How could he know something I don't?
Rommel: That's what I wanted to hear. He removes the safety lock and begins to turn the machine-gun.
Fritsch, outside: What are you doing?
Rommel: Just checking if this works.
Machine-gun: Bratatata.
Rommel: It works.
Fritsch: Arg!
Rommel: Was there something, Herr General?
Fritsch: ...
Manstein: Oh my God! You've killed Fritsch!
Guderian: The bastard!
Rommel: Heinz, please.
Guderian: That was brilliant! I never saw it coming!
Manstein, shrugging: Trickster trait.
Rommel: Now we've got just one small problem to solve.
Guderian: A problem?
Rommel: What do we tell Hitler?
Is Fritsch really dead? Or is he coming back in the next episode just like a bad imitation of Kenny McCormick? That is your call, dear readAARs
Germany being the leading nation in tank warfare, Panzer leaders aren't handled just like the rest of the army generals - they deserve a special treatment, like higher wages, large land grants, free cinema tickets and special conferences with the Chief of Army, Werner von Fritsch. Yep, that's the guy who's been looking more stupid than Göring himself since the beginning of this AAR, and that's telling you something.
The Panzer Generals Fritsch is busy aggravating are guys nobody has heard of.
NO, YOU HAVEN'T HEARD OF THEM!
Er, sorry about that, I was talking to the history buff sitting in the front rank. History buffs always have to show off. I mean, in this AAR's world these Panzer Generals really aren't famous.
Anyways, I was going to say I won't bother giving you the names of our three Panzer Generals. You don't know them, you don't want to know them and you won't remember them. They're not the point of this update anyways, we're here to bore you to death with Fritsch's inane remarks - and you should count yourself lucky that I've decided to spare you from having to endure them for at least a couple dozen seconds.
**
Fritsch: Alright boys, since you are the first Generals who will command Armored divisions in a real war-
General #3: Please, we are at war with Italy.
Fritsch: Yes, and Italy is a major European power, their army is only second to France, so we have to be careful when we fight them - the three of you more than any others, as your Panzers will play a unique role in the coming operations.
General #2, sighing: It's not like Panzers were the best weapon to break through the Alps.
Fritsch: Exactly. We must be careful when we attack the Italians. We will have to plan our operations thoroughly and launch slow and methodical offensives to successfully advance through the mountain. Nothing else will work.
General #1: Daring and nerve work fine.
Fritsch, annoyed: General Gargamel, I flatter myself that I know a touch bit more about mountain warfare than you do.
General #1: Ever heard of the guy who stormed the key position held by the Italians at Caporetto?
Fritsch: Erm... No.
General #1: Here's a picture of him.
General #3: The man on the picture looks awfully like you, old boy.
Fritsch, coughing: Ah. Erm. Well. Yes.
General #1: Name's Rommel by the way.
General #2: Why the fancy glasses?
Rommel, shrugging: My PR guy said they look cool.
Fritsch: General Rommel?
Rommel: Yes?
Fritsch: Since you do know about Mountain Warfare, would you mind sharing your experiences with the others after the conference? It'll- erm- save time, you know.
Rommel: Sure.
General #3: It's always better to learn from a man who knows what he's talking about.
Fritsch: AHEM. Well, there is one domain of warfare about which none of you know more than I do.
Rommel: Sitzkrieg?
Fritsch: No! Erm I mean yes, but that's not the subject. I know more than any of you about ANOTHER form of warfare: Panzer warfare!
General #2: Are you sure you know more about Panzer warfare than I do?
Fritsch: OF COURSE I do, General Good Aryan! Nobody knows more about Panzer warfare than the chief of the Wehrmacht!
General #2: Not even the inventor of Panzer warfare?
General #3: The man on the cover looks awfully like you, old boy.
Rommel: Fritsch almost got your name right. I'm jealous.
Fritsch, coughing: Ah. Erm. Well. Yes.
Guderian: You won't mind if I teach my colleagues how to lead their Panzers?
Fritsch: Oh... OK. We'll just talk about our attack plans, then, shall we?
General #3: May I?
Fritsch: What is it now, general von Frankenstein?
Rommel: This guy signed our appointments as Panzer Generals and he doesn't even know our names
Fritsch: You can't know the attack plans better than I do anyway, I'm the one who drafted them!
General #3, showing a piece of paper without his picture: Certainly you drew your own attack plans. You might still want to obey this order.
Fritsch: I'm the one giving the orders here!
General #3: Not to the Führer, you aren't. Read this.
Fritsch: By order of the Führer, the attack plans we'll use against Italy are the Sickle plans drafted by Major-General von Manstein and approved by me, signed Adolf Hitler...
Manstein: I'm afraid I get to explain our plans for a motorized offensive.
Fritsch: You can't launch a motorized offensive.
Manstein: The Führer orders us to launch a motorized offensive.
Fritsch: The Führer's orders can't make Panzers move without fuel.
Manstein: Of course not. That's why I gave orders to have important fuel reserves brought to the local depots.
Fritsch: And I gave orders to have the reserves sent back to Berlin.
Guderian: Surely he didn't dare?
Guderian: $@#!
Manstein: *sigh*
Fritsch: So there. Now we have to do things my way.
Guderian: No way!
Manstein: Call the fuel trucks back!
Fritsch: I won't.
Manstein: I'll tell the Führer about this!
Rommel: Don't worry, guys. We'll get our fuel back eventually. Why don't we take a look at our tanks?
Fritsch: Erm, good idea. Er, I'll go and get my pictures of them.
Guderian: Pictures?
Manstein: What a jerk.
Rommel: Why don't we just go outside to see them, herr General? These guys need some fresh air, and we can have a look at the tanks while they chill out.
Guderian: I don't-
Manstein: Are you-
Rommel, raising a hand: Keep cool, guys. Being angry won't make the problems go away.
Manstein: Good point...
The four Generals go outside, and Fritsch leads them to this:
Guderian: What???
And this:
Fritsch: Here you go. The best tanks Germany has to offer!
Guderian: Is this some kind of sick joke? These are the dummy tanks I had built to train our troops in the early 30s!
Fritsch: Well, we had to make budget cuts because upgrades are expensive, so we focused on the really important stuff.
Manstein: Our support bombers?
Fritsch: Er... No, the rifles, the artillery, accommodations for the horse-drawn carriages, higher grade horse-fodder... The important things...
Guderian & Manstein: WHAT?
Rommel: Can I have a look inside the light tank?
Fritsch: Erm... I'm not sure it's a good idea.
Rommel: Herr General, please. It's not like I can go anywhere without fuel. Heinz, can you show me the controls?
Guderian: What's the point? We can't drive the tank.
Rommel, reasonably: Please, I just want a quick look.
Guderian: Oh, alright.
Manstein: I think I'll come with you guys.
Fritsch: I'll wait for you outside. It's a bit cramped in these light tanks.
Rommel: Of course, Herr General.
Rommel and Guderian get inside the tankette.
Guderian: Let's get this over with quickly. Just ask whatever questions you have and we'll get out of here. I want a word with that simpleton.
Manstein, blandly: Colonel-General Simpleton.
Rommel: Does the machine-gun have ammunition?
Guderian: It has.
Rommel: And I can rotate it manually with this wheel?
Guderian: You can.
Rommel: And I can also remove the safety lock manually?
Guderian: You can, but I don't see the point of firing this machine-gun.
Rommel: Do you think Fritsch does?
Guderian: How could he know something I don't?
Rommel: That's what I wanted to hear. He removes the safety lock and begins to turn the machine-gun.
Fritsch, outside: What are you doing?
Rommel: Just checking if this works.
Machine-gun: Bratatata.
Rommel: It works.
Fritsch: Arg!
Rommel: Was there something, Herr General?
Fritsch: ...
Manstein: Oh my God! You've killed Fritsch!
Guderian: The bastard!
Rommel: Heinz, please.
Guderian: That was brilliant! I never saw it coming!
Manstein, shrugging: Trickster trait.
Rommel: Now we've got just one small problem to solve.
Guderian: A problem?
Rommel: What do we tell Hitler?
Is Fritsch really dead? Or is he coming back in the next episode just like a bad imitation of Kenny McCormick? That is your call, dear readAARs
My goodness, Rommel is a dirty trickster! Fritsch must obviously survive, but with a nasty would that bothers him almost as frequently as he returns to bother the readers!
My goodness, Rommel is a dirty trickster! Fritsch must obviously survive, but with a nasty would that bothers him almost as frequently as he returns to bother the readers!
Hehe, maybe he can be like Kenny (They killed Kenny! err Fritsch) hehe But yes you have to have him come back for comedic interaction with serious business! :rofl:
Shadow
Attacking Italy via the Alps using Panzer is just copycatting Hannibal. Been done before.
That Rommel certainly adapts...the author of "Infanterie Greift An" now uses tanks for strategic warfare. Now put Hitler in charge of the Army while Fritsch recuperates (or not).
That Rommel certainly adapts...the author of "Infanterie Greift An" now uses tanks for strategic warfare. Now put Hitler in charge of the Army while Fritsch recuperates (or not).
:rofl: Pure brilliance!
Now I'm looking forward to seeing General Gargamel go hunting Smurfs in Italy ... or "Puffi", as they are called there ... "Poof" and they're gone ... "BOOM" and they're gone for good.
What, a working machine gun?
I would never have known that!
What a twist!
Well, needing a new Oberkommando der Wehrmacht?
I would never have known that!
What a twist!
Well, needing a new Oberkommando der Wehrmacht?
My goodness, Rommel is a dirty trickster! Fritsch must obviously survive, but with a nasty would that bothers him almost as frequently as he returns to bother the readers!
Rommel is Rommel
You're right, it's a good idea to keep a character who bothers the readers
Serious business? In this AAR? Excuse me, I've got to go and hang myself
Elephants don't need oil!
Hitler in charge of the army? Do you really want me to lose the war?
:rofl: Pure brilliance!
Now I'm looking forward to seeing General Gargamel go hunting Smurfs in Italy ... or "Puffi", as they are called there ... "Poof" and they're gone ... "BOOM" and they're gone for good.
You never know, we might see Smurfs in the future
What, a working machine gun?
I would never have known that!
What a twist!
Well, needing a new Oberkommando der Wehrmacht?
I could do with one
This is a Nazi AAR
Glad you like it. Welcome!
Ohhh, inspiration
Thanks and welcome!Everyone, it's starting to look like I may need to appoint a successor to Fritsch. Any ideas?
Yes.Do you really want me to lose the war?
When (if) your forces come to the province of Bourgoin-Jallieu, perhaps? There is a bit of woodland around there with a sign saying "Forêt de Gargamel" (pardon my French, I really don't know if i placed the ^ right), though I haven't been able to google it.You never know, we might see Smurfs in the future
Edit: Replace Fritsch with Eva Braun, then.
Who knows And you got "Forêt" right
Funny you should mention Eva Braun: I had some plans for an update with her before the war... The German Cabinet looked like this:
And you got "Forêt" right Funny you should mention Eva Braun: I had some plans for an update with her before the war... The German Cabinet looked like this:
Who knows
Funny you should mention Eva Braun: I had some plans for an update with her before the war... The German Cabinet looked like this:
Only Hitler would have a ruthless power-monger as a girlfriend.
Rommel is Rommel
Serious business? In this AAR? Excuse me, I've got to go and hang myself
Oh dear, I'm afraid I'm not as good at comedic sarcasm as you are...hehe. The serious was a "serious" attempt at tongue-in-cheek sarcasm.
Only Hitler would have a ruthless power-monger as a girlfriend.
I thought it should be "ruthless gold-digger."
I just spent the last hour or so reading through this wonderful AAR, chuckling many times. Stupendous stuff! I am very much subscribed.
This is the most absurd, ridiculous, ludicrous excuse for an AAR I have ever seen (in HOI 3. Some EU3 AARs get pretty ridiculous too.)
Well done.
Well done.
Oh dear, I'm afraid I'm not as good at comedic sarcasm as you are...hehe. The serious was a "serious" attempt at tongue-in-cheek sarcasm.
I am horrible at comedic sarcasm.
I thought it should be "ruthless gold-digger."
The association of "Hitler" and "Gold" disturbs me
(The association of "Göring" and "Gold", well...
)Priceless
Thanks
Thanks to you, and welcome!
This is the most absurd, ridiculous, ludicrous excuse for an AAR I have ever seen (in HOI 3. Some EU3 AARs get pretty ridiculous too.)
Well done.
I need to catch up on some of those, then
Everyone, you haven't been getting an update in a while and it's Shams' fault, spent too much time enjoying HttT now that I've got it
I'll pick up where I left off as soon as I manage to remember I'm playing with a different interface - I actually managed to disband my CAGs three attempts at returning to HoI3 in a row... When I finally managed not to do it, I disbanded the fleet!
I mean, I can't start DoWing overseas countries if I don't have a navy, can I?