V
The empress decided that we should be married in July. I had been in Rome for a little over one year. I was terrified, sleepless, tired and depressed. I felt like a lamb that was taken to slaughter. Empress Helene wanted to give the people of Constantinople something to celebrate, something that would take their minds of the work my fathers siege had caused. the suburbs beyond the Theodosian walls were still being reconstructed. The empress herself slowed the rebuilding. Initially, as the city's population rose, the suburbs simply grew without any control. Now empress Helene wanted the districts designed properly, only problem was, that she changed her mind about the plans almost weekly. So that there were many homeless people living in slums, when there was perfectly good land for them to live in relative comfort. Such was the selfishness of empress Helene.
The wedding was going to be a unprecedentedly grand affair. Three years ago the city had witnessed the wedding of crown prince Constantine and his Georgian wife, but then Rome had been preparing for war, and the ceremony had been relatively modest. I felt sick joy as I imagined the envy despoina Melano must have felt. Ships carrying goods arrived in the city every day. Ships from Italy, France and from Spain, all loaded with precious cargo. Exotic delights, fruits, flowers and even rare fish. More servants, priests, and soldiers.
The empress unexpectedly visited my quarters in the palace of Blachernae this one evening. I was alone, eating dinner. My husband-to-be visited me at the door, but said he wasn't hungry. I startled every time I saw him. I had just finished eating when the servant announced that the empress was coming. I ordered us some wine. I curtsied and waited for her to sit down on the sofa. I couldn't speak, the empress always spoke first. She took a wineglass from the servant.
-Sophia, we must now talk freely. We shall forget about the protocol. We have to talk.
-Your Majesty...
-Please, Kyría (madam) When we are alone, you can say kyría, and right now you don't have to follow the protocol.
-Kyría, I sputtered, I am very grateful, that you have come to visit me.
- I have been concerned about you both. The prince hasn't been well lately, he survived the pox, did you know that? He recovered just a few months before you got here.
- Praise be to God for his recovery.
- What do you think about him?
-I...I was very shocked when I saw him for the first time.
-I could tell.
I became bolder.
-His appearance is rather shocking, Kyría. The scars left by the pox make him even uglier, and he constantly scratches his body parts. Is that a habit? He is so skinny, and his eyes just kind of sink into his face...
-My child, he looks like a monster. He wouldn't be of any importance, but prince Constantine still has no children. We have brought you here to serve Rome, surely that is better than your dreadful life in the harem?
I felt good. Despoina Melano couldn't get herself pregnant. Can't say I blame her. The rumors told, that crown prince Constantine preferred men in his bed. I didn't judge him, he was always far too handsome for just women. The empress told me that, in my place, she would not have been able to sleep with Andreas. I understood what she said. There was only one way to get a baby. I told her, that there shouldn't be any problems with that. The empress was moved to tears, the wine may have had something to do with it. She felt guilty that I had to spend all my nights with the disgusting prince Andreas. I knew I could do it, I would simply close my eyes and think of Rome. After few glasses of wine, we felt rather merry, and tipsy.
After this peculiar audience, the empress decreed that my husband and I would have to spend all nights together after the wedding. Her majesty had commanded me to get pregnant. I had to be ready. Ready to transform from a barbarian Turkish princess into princess Sophia, the despoina of Epirus. I was an adolescent girl, but I had to step into the great history of the mightiest empire on Earth. I was ready, Nikolaos, wasn't I?
Kyría, we were ready. You, me, Maria, we stood there with you. Every step of the way we were together. And I feel like I should be here to follow you on this journey as well. You have a tendency to forget things you don't wish to remember.
You are an impudent old man, did you know that? This is my life, like I experienced it.
Exactly. Those that come after you deserve to know the full account of what transpired in the history of Rome in the days of Empress Helene, and her successors.
Fine! But this will all be top secret. For the emperor's eyes only. My son will probably burn half of it, and censor the other half... But that won't trouble me, for I shall be dead.
i shall write down as you speak Kyría.
Very well Niko, let us speak about my wedding. It is a beautiful day to talk about weddings, the window opener just opened the windows. Why on earth do we have a specific person for opening windows? But I digress.
The Christian marriage between me and prince Andreas was bound in the cathedral of Holy Wisdom on the 21nd of July 7069
(1561) I had turned fifteen, my fiance was sixteen. The night before I wept. My husband was an idiot. Would I have to share the bed with that fool? Would I submit to his groping? Was there even a drop of passion in him? Maria gave me a book that clumsily described, what would happen between a man and a woman on their wedding night. I felt sick. I threw the book into the fireplace. I told Maria that I do not need education on that matter. God knows I have never ever had the need for it.
My wedding day was beautiful and sunny. I was bathed at six in the morning and afterwards the empress and the ladies of the court inspected me. I stood before them naked. An old tradition dictated that the bride would be inspected. I felt like a horse for sale. My teeth were inspected, my womanly parts were checked. All was fine. Then I prepared for the ceremony. I had to tie a thick cloth between my legs, since I couldn't possibly go anywhere to relieve myself during the long ceremony, that lasted for five hours.
My wedding gown was heavy and filled with jewelry. On my brow was a heavy diadem decorated with a large diamond from India. I was like a living holy icon. My husband was handsomely dressed, for once, in the Genoan style, but he smelled of dirt. Prince Andreas rarely took a bath.
I surrendered myself to this marriage. I was taken into Rome by force, but I now stepped into the imperial cathedral voluntarily, for I had my own ambition, my own goals. I could have escaped! With you Nikolaos, and with Maria. We had devised an escape plan. But my eyes were now set. Set on the crown. As a daughter of the Ottoman sultan, I would have married one of my fathers emirs, I would have given him many children, and history would have forgotten me. I was free of the chains of the harem, but prisoner to the will of the empress.
I was pale. Maria noticed it and brought me a glass of water, it was liquor. I couldn't turn my head, because of the jewels. Next to me was the prince. His eyes were staring, but his face was expressionless.
The empress was beautiful, her jewellery was modest, as if not to take the attention away from the bride, who was drowning in her own baubles. The streets were lined up with people. Tens of thousands had come, hoping to catch a glimpse of the bride, the groom, or the empress. They worshiped us.
We walked slowly towards the iconostasis, hand in hand. The empress walked behind us, now wearing the Imperial Dragon crown, made for emperor Andreas. It was the official crown of house Palaiologos, made of gold and decorated with the image of Christ Pantokrator. At the top of the high arch was a cross, guarded by two dragons with emerald eyes. It was an unwieldy thing, and never really suited anyone who wore it.
We were wed by the ecumenical patriarch. But I can't remember a word, only the grey fog, that dizzying smell that made me sick. I hadn't eaten all day and I was breathing the incense. I knew I couldn't pass out, it would have been a scandal. The Imperial cathedral was glorious, but I couldn't concentrate on anything. The heat was becoming unbearable. The sun was scorching outside, and all the guests in the cathedral were sweating. The smell mixed with the smell of the incense
.
The empress was in a world of her own. She was noble, and unspeakably beautiful. We had to stand trough the whole ceremony, she sat in a golden chair with a self-conscious smile on her face. Sometimes she had to rise like a common mortal, during the important parts of the service. She was helped by her courtiers.
At some point we were pronounced husband and wife. My husband bowed before me and I before him. The choirs sang beautifully and the voices echoed within the great dome. I really felt married. My husband was not the prince of my dreams, but at least he was a prince.
In the city the church bells were ringing and the cannons singing. We returned to the palace of Blachernae. There we sat, the imperial family. The divine empress Helene on her great seat of marble, on her left side crown prince Constantine, the despot of Morea, with his wife despoina Melano, and on her right side prince Andreas, the despot of Epirus and his new wife despoina Sophia Palaiologina former Mihrimah Sultan. I was only few long steps away from the throne.
Did I dream about sitting there as an imperial consort, besides my husband the emperor? No, for I was too busy breathing and staying alive. To many highborn, I was still the Turkish princess. The Latins hated me the most, they had infiltrated into every corner of the city. The Genoans had wanted the prince to marry some Ligurian wench. Hah! They got something very different.