Stuck in the Middle (Ages) - Croatia
- Thread starter Dartheal
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Well you could mod your own Empire
Perhaps it is a cruel twist of irony that I have actually modded in my own Empires, I just feel that at this point it'd be gamey to do so. It is mid-campagin and all.
Chapter Twenty Five - Never Faced These Problems as a Muslim
It's true! Succession is so much easier as them...
And now that the hurricane has safely passed and only given me some slight problems, we may continue about where we left off.
First thing is first, though. Time to start the most bloody war between Croatia and the Byzantines over a single city ever. In other news, I fully expect my Occitanian relative to rebel now due to the fact I just fired him from being my spymaster. Oh well, life happens.
These sieges will take a while. I can see why the Muslims failed time and again to invade the Byzantines. But in other news, I'm already tired of my newest spymaster because everyone loves him so much they want to kick me out of Croatia and Jerusalem for him. The nerve of some people.
Thankfully, my son was scared of the dark. When we addressed the fears, it turned him Dilligent. Hopefully people will see how great this guy can be and vote for him. Until I forcibly change the succession laws to Primogeniture, anyways.
I'm glad I didn't raise my Occitanian's armies, mostly to make him not rebel. Now I can send his 5000 or so men and pillage the Frankish countryside. I will say this, though, the Big Bleu Blob has a way with timing, doesn't it?
I take it back. The one time I was lazy to bring ships up has helped me, obviously. And Occitanian just died and his son inherited, so now I don't even have any rebels-in-making. Kickass.
I'm fighting three wars here, and technically losing one due to my forces being a tad spread thin. This is not the time to whine about something as small and insignificant as an assassination.
I guess his little Succession Crisis is going poorly for him. Whatever, it gives me the chance to finish off Jerusalem and then fight the Franks! And fast, I'm not losing a bit of land to some other country that was technically successful in inheriting another kingdom. Like they taunt me with that fact...
Well the wars are going rather south, to be honest. I can't end my rebellion fast enough and France won't accept a white peace since they are winning. I've got to take hold of the situation, and if necessary spend money on mercenaries. I'm hoping to just white peace France and then try to assassinate the Frankish king so his claims will die with him. It's a work in progress.
Also that happened, he became kind.
One hundred prestige or not, I'm not helping you with your rebellions. Done with that, man. Just... done with that.
Take the shot!
Seven hundred gold to kill a king? Cool. Not cool is that I'm still at war with this guy. But with a child-king on the throne... maybe his vassals will revolt.
There was no way I could win that war. It was just not possible for me to defeat his armies enough to do that. My best bet now is to launch a reclaimation war once his vassals start rebelling, which I hope they do since his is a 15 year old boy.
Oh well. Being invincible is boring.
Whoops, forgot to screen shot the winning the rebellion. I won it and my son is also a Zealot now. I'm still kind of depressed over the whole county of Gabes thing, though. I swear... Denmark is always my damn enemy for some reason. I don't even know why, they just are. I need to assassinate their kings as well, just to get rid of their alliances before I strike against France next.
~Time passes~
And I've been staring at all my vassals, trying to figure out which ones were fighting so I could change my damn laws. Wouldn't you know it... I can't find any of them fighting at all!
~Time passes~
Okay, so I tried to release all the ex-dukes, now counts from prison. Nothing. I did notice I can change Africa's laws, so the problem lies with Jerusalem and Croatia and their de jure or de facto vassals.
Sigh... well, whatever. Here we have the chance to put my dynasty on the Hungarian throne. I can deal with that. I can't deal with the fact that I cannot find any of my vassals fighting! I wish there was an "End all wars" code for the console or something and that it would tell you who is fighting and where. This is ridiculous.
Yep, a summer fair. It's time to try to get rid of my bad traits and stuff. Paranoid will give me 6 traits, one too many. The random chances of losing something good are there, but I might lose Craven or Shy.
So a whooooooooooooooooooooooole lot of nothing just happened as I continued trying to figure out why I can't change the darn laws and I've given up on trying to. When I eventually lose Croatia, I will simply invade it all and take it by force. It's my way, I guess. But anyways, here is the world at large and if you will excuse me, I need to take a break from this.
Chapter Twenty Six - Rebellions 3-D
It's Friday, Friday, gotta get posting on Friday.
And as we start out, I realize why I took a bit of a break this past week. I'm still really bummed about the succession in Croatia and Jerusalem. Because they are Elective and no one is actually voting for the guy I want which means I will lose Croatia.
The irony of this being a Croatian AAR and losing Croatia is not lost on me.
And because I am Wroth, I can screw the rules and make people not write satires about me. Also... as it turns out I can change the laws in Jerusalem now. Joys of joys! The problem, of course, is that I will still ultimately lose Croatia unless I get extremely lucky and can change them again.
I believe the meme is "Brace yourself/Winter is Coming" and thus I use it now to invoke "Brace yourself/Rebellions are Coming". Now... this time, let's not accidentally imprison someone.
Actually, I've already given them money. Like I said, Rebellions are Coming.
If the Fatmid Successors weren't in the middle of their own crisis, I'd say they would try to take back part of the Holy Land.
I knew the Jerusalemites would rebel. It makes sense, they had literally the most to lose out of everyone.
Of note so far:
1) I gave my youngest son a barony because some baron died without an heir
2) There's a Muslim trying to take my rebelling vassal and she tried to white peace
3) I am in an race against time as I refuse to white peace
Oh yeah? Come at me, bro.
Oh yeah? Come at me, bro. Again.
Oh yeah? Come at me, bro. Again. Again.
Look, there's not many insightful comments I can give to someone declaring war on me when I expect a war to be brought upon me. Except that I had that Bishop Army over there for the likely rebellion of my Frenchlish vassals. And look how my crazy awesome strategy worked!
Yeah, yeah. Come on and fight like a man.
Boom, bi- wait, let's not get carried away. But yeah, once more I have bested the Jerusalemite vassals who dared to rebel and now use their armies that once fought for independence to fight against other vassals who dare to dream of independence.
Ah the circle of life...
Really, you were a One County Mayor. What the hell did you expect when you rebelled? Also that army just got disbanded in order to have them not die at the hands of my French Rebels as I bring up my armies to take down my African Rebels first and then the French ones. Oh boy.
Hooray for old age and disease!
I knew this day would come.
I thought it was going to happen well over a hundred years ago, but I knew it was coming.
Hot firey damn.
And the best part is that the guys who were pillaging my land are now fighting against Toudalini's army, they're practically even! Also, as you can see I don't know how to spell the duchy's name off the top of my head. I do that a lot. Anyways, my daughter is continuously Proud and I try three times to make her humble, my heir is Just, I have lost Dilligent and now I'm losing my Sicilian and Tortuga rebellions badly.
It's time to play a game of disappearing relatives.
But sadly that must wait until later today, I have an engagement to procede to.
It's Friday, Friday, gotta get posting on Friday.
And as we start out, I realize why I took a bit of a break this past week. I'm still really bummed about the succession in Croatia and Jerusalem. Because they are Elective and no one is actually voting for the guy I want which means I will lose Croatia.
The irony of this being a Croatian AAR and losing Croatia is not lost on me.
And because I am Wroth, I can screw the rules and make people not write satires about me. Also... as it turns out I can change the laws in Jerusalem now. Joys of joys! The problem, of course, is that I will still ultimately lose Croatia unless I get extremely lucky and can change them again.
I believe the meme is "Brace yourself/Winter is Coming" and thus I use it now to invoke "Brace yourself/Rebellions are Coming". Now... this time, let's not accidentally imprison someone.
Actually, I've already given them money. Like I said, Rebellions are Coming.
If the Fatmid Successors weren't in the middle of their own crisis, I'd say they would try to take back part of the Holy Land.
I knew the Jerusalemites would rebel. It makes sense, they had literally the most to lose out of everyone.
Of note so far:
1) I gave my youngest son a barony because some baron died without an heir
2) There's a Muslim trying to take my rebelling vassal and she tried to white peace
3) I am in an race against time as I refuse to white peace
Oh yeah? Come at me, bro.
Oh yeah? Come at me, bro. Again.
Oh yeah? Come at me, bro. Again. Again.
Look, there's not many insightful comments I can give to someone declaring war on me when I expect a war to be brought upon me. Except that I had that Bishop Army over there for the likely rebellion of my Frenchlish vassals. And look how my crazy awesome strategy worked!
Yeah, yeah. Come on and fight like a man.
Boom, bi- wait, let's not get carried away. But yeah, once more I have bested the Jerusalemite vassals who dared to rebel and now use their armies that once fought for independence to fight against other vassals who dare to dream of independence.
Ah the circle of life...
Really, you were a One County Mayor. What the hell did you expect when you rebelled? Also that army just got disbanded in order to have them not die at the hands of my French Rebels as I bring up my armies to take down my African Rebels first and then the French ones. Oh boy.
Hooray for old age and disease!
I knew this day would come.
I thought it was going to happen well over a hundred years ago, but I knew it was coming.
Hot firey damn.
And the best part is that the guys who were pillaging my land are now fighting against Toudalini's army, they're practically even! Also, as you can see I don't know how to spell the duchy's name off the top of my head. I do that a lot. Anyways, my daughter is continuously Proud and I try three times to make her humble, my heir is Just, I have lost Dilligent and now I'm losing my Sicilian and Tortuga rebellions badly.
It's time to play a game of disappearing relatives.
But sadly that must wait until later today, I have an engagement to procede to.
Chapter Twenty Seven - War never changes
Well that took longer than I expected. Anyways, let's continue.
We start off today with a healthy dosing of murder and kinslaying. Even though this means I cannot revoke a duchy, I can teach this boy myself and gain positive modifier boosts due to it. My fiendish plan is not yet done as I still have to assassinate the Duke of Sicily. But unfortunately, my Spymaster is stuck in the county I put him in for a while yet and I have to wait.
Fun fact: There are a ton of rebels running around my kingdoms for no reason. Hooray!
But on a much darker note, I must now slay more of my family.
Five hundred gold, plus twenty for an additional "Don't rebel" bribe to his son, and I kill the Duke of Sicily. Excellent work, everyone. Let's wrap up the African rebel and go about fixing the kingdom back to its original state of semi-working-ness.
Oh yeah, another kingdom under my belt. Though... I've personally never seen a "The Crown Laws of X applies in Y" before. Neat!
Man, I don't even know where Cathay is. But yeah, now it is time to play clean up with the who kingdom and liberate the people from the generic rebel scum.
I just... cannot get a break, can I? God damn it. Time to... lower my army and then reraise them. But first, I should really get rid of the rebels.
I decide against solving the rebels with the two pathetic armies of mine and I instead drop and reraise them. And yes, Lords of the Catholic Faith, let us ride to war against the Caliph and defeat him! He's only got one mosque, let's go rough him up.
The war is starting off... poorly. The Middle East is killing my troops and also the Caliph has got an army on his side that's more unified than just several stacks of 4-8 thousand soldiers. Also with my king being wounded and stressed, I pray he can live long enough to see this battle through.
My fears aren't unfounded, but I am glad to be wrong this time.
Well this sucks. The Caliph won't give in just because I have his only mosque. In other news, I am now known as The Illustrious. That's just so friggin' cool.
After... however long that was of fighting, the Caliph finally surrendered on my terms and totally made me look so Illustrious in the eyes of all of Christendom. But for now, we should look to our borders and start to upgrade our places. This war has taught me that some baronies in my country have very high level buildings, and I aim to have such things as well.
Well, Hungarians are apparently wanting to have their dynasty die out for a Croatian woman to marry their heir. Weirdos. Anyways, I can see below that my 2000 strong army from Iberia is losing to common rebels. Typical. But this also means that queen must die because I want that new son-in-law on their throne post-haste.
So that worked, but my name was also told. Who cares? That guy won't do anything about it, I hope. I really hope. Because if he does, then my guy might die and if my guy dies, my son won't inherit Croatia. Stupid elective system!
Sure thing my son-in-WHAW. The Seljuk Successors are kicking major Byzie ass. My dreams of a Latin Empire grow each day, hooray for the soon-to-be-fall-of-the-Byzantine-Empire!
Yeah. They are kissing cousins, though they're really far removed. I only did this because the Byzantine Empress has a husband, and everyone loves the husband. I'm not gonna waste money on trying to get her to marry my son if everyone loves her husband.
Besides. I really want the copper brown color of Latin instead of the royal purple Byzantine.
I just can't win, can I? I just cannot friggin' win.
I can win Crusades and Jihads and fight to reclaim all of Iberia and the Holy Land...
But I can't place my dynasty on the thrones of Kingdoms peacefully.
Bored now, let's get the rest of Galacia. From there we shall work on getting the rest of Leon, or at least 50% of it so I can make the kingdom.
Oh yeah. I got the Doge of Venice on my side. I sacrificed my sister to the Doge and my half-sister to the Doge's heir for a continuous ally. And why not? They might be useful.
Turns out that he wasn't useful and we "lost". I probably could have won that war, however, I kind of didn't want to put that much effort into it. I'll wait for the Cruade for it, if there is one of it.
Anyways, here's the world at large. Man, I haven't done one of these in a while. If you notice in the north, Norway has fractured every which way and exists, but mostly in name only. Denmark is slowly eating Poland. Ireland and Volga Bulgaria have both formed, though I knew Ireland has been there for a while. Right now, I think the best thing to do is actually follow my advice and just stay put and make my lands better. I always have so much money and I never spend it on anything except assassins and mercenaries.
Well that took longer than I expected. Anyways, let's continue.
We start off today with a healthy dosing of murder and kinslaying. Even though this means I cannot revoke a duchy, I can teach this boy myself and gain positive modifier boosts due to it. My fiendish plan is not yet done as I still have to assassinate the Duke of Sicily. But unfortunately, my Spymaster is stuck in the county I put him in for a while yet and I have to wait.
Fun fact: There are a ton of rebels running around my kingdoms for no reason. Hooray!
But on a much darker note, I must now slay more of my family.
Five hundred gold, plus twenty for an additional "Don't rebel" bribe to his son, and I kill the Duke of Sicily. Excellent work, everyone. Let's wrap up the African rebel and go about fixing the kingdom back to its original state of semi-working-ness.
Oh yeah, another kingdom under my belt. Though... I've personally never seen a "The Crown Laws of X applies in Y" before. Neat!
Man, I don't even know where Cathay is. But yeah, now it is time to play clean up with the who kingdom and liberate the people from the generic rebel scum.
Insert a picture of the Sunni Caliph declaring a Jihad against me. At least this Jihad actually makes sense, you know? Not attacking, just defending.
I just... cannot get a break, can I? God damn it. Time to... lower my army and then reraise them. But first, I should really get rid of the rebels.
I decide against solving the rebels with the two pathetic armies of mine and I instead drop and reraise them. And yes, Lords of the Catholic Faith, let us ride to war against the Caliph and defeat him! He's only got one mosque, let's go rough him up.
The war is starting off... poorly. The Middle East is killing my troops and also the Caliph has got an army on his side that's more unified than just several stacks of 4-8 thousand soldiers. Also with my king being wounded and stressed, I pray he can live long enough to see this battle through.
My fears aren't unfounded, but I am glad to be wrong this time.
Well this sucks. The Caliph won't give in just because I have his only mosque. In other news, I am now known as The Illustrious. That's just so friggin' cool.
After... however long that was of fighting, the Caliph finally surrendered on my terms and totally made me look so Illustrious in the eyes of all of Christendom. But for now, we should look to our borders and start to upgrade our places. This war has taught me that some baronies in my country have very high level buildings, and I aim to have such things as well.
Well, Hungarians are apparently wanting to have their dynasty die out for a Croatian woman to marry their heir. Weirdos. Anyways, I can see below that my 2000 strong army from Iberia is losing to common rebels. Typical. But this also means that queen must die because I want that new son-in-law on their throne post-haste.
So that worked, but my name was also told. Who cares? That guy won't do anything about it, I hope. I really hope. Because if he does, then my guy might die and if my guy dies, my son won't inherit Croatia. Stupid elective system!
Sure thing my son-in-WHAW. The Seljuk Successors are kicking major Byzie ass. My dreams of a Latin Empire grow each day, hooray for the soon-to-be-fall-of-the-Byzantine-Empire!
Yeah. They are kissing cousins, though they're really far removed. I only did this because the Byzantine Empress has a husband, and everyone loves the husband. I'm not gonna waste money on trying to get her to marry my son if everyone loves her husband.
Besides. I really want the copper brown color of Latin instead of the royal purple Byzantine.
I just can't win, can I? I just cannot friggin' win.
I can win Crusades and Jihads and fight to reclaim all of Iberia and the Holy Land...
But I can't place my dynasty on the thrones of Kingdoms peacefully.
Bored now, let's get the rest of Galacia. From there we shall work on getting the rest of Leon, or at least 50% of it so I can make the kingdom.
Oh yeah. I got the Doge of Venice on my side. I sacrificed my sister to the Doge and my half-sister to the Doge's heir for a continuous ally. And why not? They might be useful.
Turns out that he wasn't useful and we "lost". I probably could have won that war, however, I kind of didn't want to put that much effort into it. I'll wait for the Cruade for it, if there is one of it.
Anyways, here's the world at large. Man, I haven't done one of these in a while. If you notice in the north, Norway has fractured every which way and exists, but mostly in name only. Denmark is slowly eating Poland. Ireland and Volga Bulgaria have both formed, though I knew Ireland has been there for a while. Right now, I think the best thing to do is actually follow my advice and just stay put and make my lands better. I always have so much money and I never spend it on anything except assassins and mercenaries.
Chapter Twenty Eight - Rebels IV The Revenge
We start today off with a rebellion! Who would've thought, a rebellion in Croatia? But I knew he would try to rebel, the punk. Now all I need is for Jerusalem to rebel as well and I can install people who like me.
A whole lotta nothing has happened as we slowly but surely siege the rebel counties. But hey, at least Sicily is de jure Croatia now! The irony of Sicily losing Sicily is not lost.
Yeah, well you smell bad. Another victory on my belt as suddenly I dislike the fact Sicily is de jure Croatia. Now he has a vote in my kingdom, and for some reason no one likes my son. What jerks. But hey, at least his sister who was the countess of the other county and is now duke loves me enough to vote for my son. I count this as a victory.
Oh no. Don't do that. You're such a valuable part of my kingdom.
Oh no! Don't do that! You're such a valuable part of my kingdom!
So I look over to get my Tortalini people and I see green where Navarra was. I was all "Oh geeze, how did the Muslims do that?" Turns out it's Ireland, encroachin' on my territory. What a jerk.
I see some red next to some dukes. Thanks bishop, thanks a bunch.
A daugher of mine grew of age and I have married her Slow butt off to the Bohemian king. Not like I can use his help since vassals can't enter my wars, as I recall. Oh well.
Hurrah, I have once more beat the rebels down!
Or my daughter could die of pneumonia... that... RAAAAAAAAAGH. Why can I never get politcal in this AAR? I always seem to be able to in my personal games! I mean, for crying out loud... Ireland/Navarra formed! And then he lost it to some queen, but whatever. It still happened.
So as I try to see if I can find a claimaint to the Empire of Persia... no reason, just wanna try something different, this guy rebels. What a jerk, I think it is time to beat him with my giant army.
Why is he rebelling again?
Ah who cares the reason, I've won that war lickity split. Some count in the Byzantine Empire wanted to steal a county, but I was all like "No.". Also, this sucks. The duke has both counties in his duchy so I can either take his duchy away and not get a new duke, or revoke a county and still not have a new duke.
I think I'll take his duchy away, destroy it so others don't hate me for having three of them, and give it to whomever inherits his counties.
Hmmm... This could work.
Or... not. Whatever, he's a gavelkind anyways. He'll split his lands up among his daughters in no time, especially if I get the chance to torture him and such.
But at any rate, here's the world at large and in charge. Norway has finally reformed, either that or the Super Duke usurped the kingdom. Scotland hasn't taken its de jure land... I'm surprised at that. I'm still waiting for the Seljuk Successors to take Constantinople and destroy the rest of the empire so I can heroically steal it back and become the empire I always wanted to be.
We start today off with a rebellion! Who would've thought, a rebellion in Croatia? But I knew he would try to rebel, the punk. Now all I need is for Jerusalem to rebel as well and I can install people who like me.
A whole lotta nothing has happened as we slowly but surely siege the rebel counties. But hey, at least Sicily is de jure Croatia now! The irony of Sicily losing Sicily is not lost.
Yeah, well you smell bad. Another victory on my belt as suddenly I dislike the fact Sicily is de jure Croatia. Now he has a vote in my kingdom, and for some reason no one likes my son. What jerks. But hey, at least his sister who was the countess of the other county and is now duke loves me enough to vote for my son. I count this as a victory.
Oh no. Don't do that. You're such a valuable part of my kingdom.
Oh no! Don't do that! You're such a valuable part of my kingdom!
So I look over to get my Tortalini people and I see green where Navarra was. I was all "Oh geeze, how did the Muslims do that?" Turns out it's Ireland, encroachin' on my territory. What a jerk.
I see some red next to some dukes. Thanks bishop, thanks a bunch.
A daugher of mine grew of age and I have married her Slow butt off to the Bohemian king. Not like I can use his help since vassals can't enter my wars, as I recall. Oh well.
Hurrah, I have once more beat the rebels down!
Or my daughter could die of pneumonia... that... RAAAAAAAAAGH. Why can I never get politcal in this AAR? I always seem to be able to in my personal games! I mean, for crying out loud... Ireland/Navarra formed! And then he lost it to some queen, but whatever. It still happened.
So as I try to see if I can find a claimaint to the Empire of Persia... no reason, just wanna try something different, this guy rebels. What a jerk, I think it is time to beat him with my giant army.
Why is he rebelling again?
Ah who cares the reason, I've won that war lickity split. Some count in the Byzantine Empire wanted to steal a county, but I was all like "No.". Also, this sucks. The duke has both counties in his duchy so I can either take his duchy away and not get a new duke, or revoke a county and still not have a new duke.
I think I'll take his duchy away, destroy it so others don't hate me for having three of them, and give it to whomever inherits his counties.
Hmmm... This could work.
Or... not. Whatever, he's a gavelkind anyways. He'll split his lands up among his daughters in no time, especially if I get the chance to torture him and such.
But at any rate, here's the world at large and in charge. Norway has finally reformed, either that or the Super Duke usurped the kingdom. Scotland hasn't taken its de jure land... I'm surprised at that. I'm still waiting for the Seljuk Successors to take Constantinople and destroy the rest of the empire so I can heroically steal it back and become the empire I always wanted to be.
Chapter Twenty Nine - Invasion or Crusade
You know... being the HRE might not be such a bad thing. At the very, very least I'd have to siege each county at least once and secure the fact I'd replace all the people who matter with my own people. I have France and Poland as allies, what can possibly go wrong?
But of course, this must come first. It is the only logical thing to do.
And the third and final holy order has finally formed. Soon they will get counties to fight the pagans that still exist, ironically enough. Thought they'd be dead by now.
And so the tournament ends without a hitch. Okay, a bunch of people got wounded, but no one important died.
Curse this crippling Shy attribute!
But at least I'm generous to the needy and the poor.
Yes, the county next door should...
Is that Iceland in Finland? God the north is one big mess this game.
Well, it's time to invade the HRE. Because he only lives once and who knows if my heir will be able to do this sort of thing again? With the might of Croatia, France, Poland, and Venice... we are invincible!
They have an 18k stack right there and another 13k and a 9k stack in Italy and they have soldiers up fighting Poland as well? Good Christmas, they're invincible!
We're in the middle of something, Teutons, we can't care about the county next door. Honestly, just invade them and be done with it. They're the only major pagan players in the north besides the Cumans!
So while the HRE has the manpower, we have the ability to quickly siege the jerk's lands. And to be honest, we're too evenly matched for me to wish to continue. I was looking for a reason to White Peace from the war, and the Crusade is giving me one. I won't try to Invade the HRE ever again, if I want an Empire I have to make the Latin one.
Let's say I did win, just a war score to 100 percent. I'd be riddled with so many rebellions in a matter of years that it wouldn't be fun to continue. That was a pipe dream at best, better to make it slowly than steal it all at once.
At any rate, it's time to make my forces ready to invade Portugal for a Crusade. I will have all of Iberia, dammit.
A negative nine percent? Let's change that around...
Well our armies are basically just smashing into each other and killing many, many numbers on both sides. But hey, I have the most contribution because of it as well as the only occupied county. Victory is assured for the Catholic faith!
The Crusade thus far, but for now we must leave it at this as to have some suspense as to what will happen. Also my army that was wrecking Granada was just wiped out and I wanna just give it a break while I mentally recharge from that.
You know... being the HRE might not be such a bad thing. At the very, very least I'd have to siege each county at least once and secure the fact I'd replace all the people who matter with my own people. I have France and Poland as allies, what can possibly go wrong?
But of course, this must come first. It is the only logical thing to do.
And the third and final holy order has finally formed. Soon they will get counties to fight the pagans that still exist, ironically enough. Thought they'd be dead by now.
And so the tournament ends without a hitch. Okay, a bunch of people got wounded, but no one important died.
Curse this crippling Shy attribute!
But at least I'm generous to the needy and the poor.
Yes, the county next door should...
Is that Iceland in Finland? God the north is one big mess this game.
Well, it's time to invade the HRE. Because he only lives once and who knows if my heir will be able to do this sort of thing again? With the might of Croatia, France, Poland, and Venice... we are invincible!
They have an 18k stack right there and another 13k and a 9k stack in Italy and they have soldiers up fighting Poland as well? Good Christmas, they're invincible!
We're in the middle of something, Teutons, we can't care about the county next door. Honestly, just invade them and be done with it. They're the only major pagan players in the north besides the Cumans!
So while the HRE has the manpower, we have the ability to quickly siege the jerk's lands. And to be honest, we're too evenly matched for me to wish to continue. I was looking for a reason to White Peace from the war, and the Crusade is giving me one. I won't try to Invade the HRE ever again, if I want an Empire I have to make the Latin one.
Let's say I did win, just a war score to 100 percent. I'd be riddled with so many rebellions in a matter of years that it wouldn't be fun to continue. That was a pipe dream at best, better to make it slowly than steal it all at once.
At any rate, it's time to make my forces ready to invade Portugal for a Crusade. I will have all of Iberia, dammit.
A negative nine percent? Let's change that around...
Well our armies are basically just smashing into each other and killing many, many numbers on both sides. But hey, I have the most contribution because of it as well as the only occupied county. Victory is assured for the Catholic faith!
The Crusade thus far, but for now we must leave it at this as to have some suspense as to what will happen. Also my army that was wrecking Granada was just wiped out and I wanna just give it a break while I mentally recharge from that.
Well it's been quite the break from this. In my defence, my parents are on their anniversary getaway and I had the large TV all to myself. But I digress, let the chapter begin!
Chapter Thirty - Spoiler Alert: Kings Die
We start off today with a rather anticlimax of a war. I won, but thousands died in the assaults to bring the war score just a liiiiiitle more until that Emir surrendered.
My new territories and all their beauty. Now all I have to do is wait for their modifiers to disappear and then I can continue to kick the Muslims off of Iberia several hundred years before they're supposed to. Of course, I had to change the Succession in Portugal because it was elective due to Croatia being elective.
Forever a thorn in my side.
I accept. The Danes have forever been making me angry in this game ever since the Poland Division. I might even go help, other than just saying "Yeah I will help".
Or... not. I forget how OP the HRE can be if they stay unified. I feel as though they're still unified because I helped them with their rebels. Oh well, it was "worth" it.
Another one? Fine, fine. I shall be gracious enough to say "Yeah I will help".
Well damn, now I can't go ahead and righteously wage the good war for my land. Because now it belongs to France forever and forever.
I've won two Crusades, countless rebellions, I've been maimed in combat, I've been stressed since my early twenties... yet I'm still Craven. This guy is the best of the best, I have to say, because so far he's expanded the most thanks to the Crusades.
Aaaaand he's gone. And there's a rebellion.
What a fantastic way to start off the reign of a new king.
We're going to have to stop for now, at least until later today because of reasons unknown.
Chapter Thirty - Spoiler Alert: Kings Die
We start off today with a rather anticlimax of a war. I won, but thousands died in the assaults to bring the war score just a liiiiiitle more until that Emir surrendered.
My new territories and all their beauty. Now all I have to do is wait for their modifiers to disappear and then I can continue to kick the Muslims off of Iberia several hundred years before they're supposed to. Of course, I had to change the Succession in Portugal because it was elective due to Croatia being elective.
Forever a thorn in my side.
I accept. The Danes have forever been making me angry in this game ever since the Poland Division. I might even go help, other than just saying "Yeah I will help".
Or... not. I forget how OP the HRE can be if they stay unified. I feel as though they're still unified because I helped them with their rebels. Oh well, it was "worth" it.
Another one? Fine, fine. I shall be gracious enough to say "Yeah I will help".
Well damn, now I can't go ahead and righteously wage the good war for my land. Because now it belongs to France forever and forever.
I've won two Crusades, countless rebellions, I've been maimed in combat, I've been stressed since my early twenties... yet I'm still Craven. This guy is the best of the best, I have to say, because so far he's expanded the most thanks to the Crusades.
Aaaaand he's gone. And there's a rebellion.
What a fantastic way to start off the reign of a new king.
We're going to have to stop for now, at least until later today because of reasons unknown.
Good read! The abortive attempt at invading the HRE was a bit of an oops, but I agree that going for the Latin Empire is more realistic/more fun anyway.
Yeah, I got pretty impatient about not having one since the Byzantines were still kicking. That and I wanted to see if the game would kill my ruler then and there, it seemed like a logical time for it to do.
Oh well, now we can move on and go with...
Chapter Thirty One - Rekonkviste
Hopefully Google Translate translated it correctly.
While going off and supressing the rebels, I look up and I see this. Go home, Navarra, you're drunk.
Really now, was there any doubt I'd lose? Do I look like the AI? I hope not, I like to think I have a better beard.
Hooray for zealotry!
I apparently had a rival. Still do, because that intrigue point looks delicious. Also, it's some random courtier... what's he gonna do about it? Rebel? Go to another court? Ha!
I think it's time to actually start to kick them off of Iberia. Preferably before those... Genoa Merchants steal my land. Which they have started to do, by the by.
I've been at the point where it's God awful and annoying to raise all these men constantly. I cannot wait until Legacy of Rome for the revised levies and retinue system. Even though this AAR should be finished by then. Future games of mine will love it, at least.
That's one Holy War down, one to go. One to go... for now! *thunder*
And another duchy liberated from the Muslims! And I am not gonna wait too long until I strike at them again and again. Truces? With Infidels? What are those? I don't even know.
But it won't be immediately. I would like to get a tournament out of the way first and let the "Raised Levies" modifier go away first.
The play-by-play of who won, who died, and the ending of it. It's the first time I've cared that someone died because it was a member of my dynasty.
At any rate, heres the world thus far. Rus in the north have converted to iconoclasm or whatever, one of the Orthodox heresies that aren't the Ethiopian one. England and Poland are messes, the Byzantines are being eaten away slowly, Egypt is breaking slowly but surely, and this king of Croatia (and many other kingdoms) has transferred into his title rather smoothly if I say to myself.
I'm still confused as to what happened with Genoa. They are now the Catholic Andalusian Serene Republic of Sicily ? When I saw that dynastic name I assumed they were muslims.
They haven't yet usurped Sicily, but that's basically what's happened. I don't understand it myself and this is the first time I've ever seen that happen to Genoa. I've seen them become Greek or German, but never Andalusian. It might have something to do with Mallorca, I think that's Andalusian and somehow an Andalusian got the republic. It's flittered back to Genoa once or twice during that last Crusade, but it always ends back with the Andalusians. It's really strange.
Enjoying this AAR, nice humorous style. You must have a lot of good times loading troops onto boats... and what a lot of king titles to manage...
I second that
Totally addicted to this AAR, I find this style of writing alot easier to follow and less effort to read Dont get me wrong, the storyteller-style writers are talented, but im just too lazy to follow that kind of AAR tbh.png){kind=avatar}
Not a lot of comments on this thread, but it's a good AAR. Just straightup ruling and conquering, with more focus on screenshots than lengthy storytelling, and some funny remarks and comments inbetween.
I second that
Thanks for the comments you guys.
My only regret is that I cannot update this as much as I wanted to. Perhaps starting this a month before my classes really took off in full was a bad idea, but I thrive on those things.Chapter Thirty Two - There's a Title
Anyways, it's 6 years into my reign or so. I looked on my Crown Laws tab and saw that there are currently zero vassals fighting. If I'm as lucky as I was this afternoon with my car and not getting into an accident, there's a chance I can finally go to Primogeniture. And then fight the rebels.
What can ya do?
Except my dukes began to favor this guy who will do what I wanted with Poland and bring Navarra and Ireland under my heel. Somehow... I dunno if I will even be that lucky to do that. Navarraland might fracture or something, the possibilities are endless for my...
Hm.
Yeah those other titles being Primogeniture means I need to kill my first son and his two sons I think.
Ha. Awkward.
Like I've never killed a son and grandson before. And it actually is a good thing my second son will inheirt it all. He's a genius, quite intelligent really.
Two down, one to go. Then I give my second son the barony so he can sow his wild oats with the queen of Navarraland.
Looking through... my guy actually killed his daughter already. And it clearly states "on the orders of King So-and-So I". I wonder why I don't have Kinslayer.
On the continuing bright side, though, I can switch to Primogeniture and not worry about anything. Hopefully.
Truces? With Muslims? Like I care. Though, to be honest... I should've gone for the Doge who has my islands first. Oh well, that will be secondary. Mainland Iberia first! The reason that I waged all three wars at once is because I know they're just going to join in on the wars. I might as well curbstomp them while I'm at it.
Oh that's right, he's doing that. I'll let him keep at it, he still gives me the important plots and stuff. Anyways, the wars are going predictably well enough. Their doomstack is nothing compared to my multiple doomstacks.
Theoretically, I will gain two more kingdoms.
The game, however, likes to prove me wrong. But if I'm right... I can own Navarra without being Basque. Freakin' solid.
Do you know how many ducal titles that guy had? Six. Six titles.
How the mighty fell quickly.
And it's gonna be a 7/10 split with this chick. Oh well, I already have to fight the Moors at least thrice more to get them off of my de jure Aragon. In the meantime of fighting Muslims, I can take back my islands I technically own.
Oh no the woman my father married in order to gain more Iberian land, nooooooo.
Oh yeah, more Iberian land.
Dun dun dun.
But that war is for next time on Stuck in the Middle (Ages), till then it's time for other things.
Croatia is looking solid now, and dont worry about the updates thing, take things at your own pace (although I may start suffering withdrawal symptoms) :wacko:
Suffer not from withdrawl for I have come for all your Croatian needs!
Chapter Thirty Three - Could it be?
So we start off today with the city folk hating on their normal taxes. Well I say "Whatever, when ya die it's not like you hold grudges or something.".
Never again. Never again will I be elective. I guess this also means I will never again play as the HRE, and I'm a-okay with that. I've got tons of custom Empires (ironically none I can actually make as Croatia) to keep me company. Especially since Legacy of Rome will make me want to play as Orthodox.
But I digress, this is frustrating. I thought it meant the rebels or something. But no, the game just hates me.
I keep getting drawn into these Excom wars by France and the HRE for some random country. It's annoying 'cause I never help them anyways. Also that duke I'm about to assassinate is the heir to Croatia. Yeah, he needs to die.
Wait... could it be??
:O
It's time to party, mother lovers! Ye-haw! And other such noises to express my pure joy at this event. Turns out Bosnia and... the other Serbian duchy were in the middle of a little war and it ended. Well once it did, I checked it out. To my utter glee, it turns out I could make Croatia be all it can be as a Primogeniture!
And now the fall out is about to commence with the rebellions.
Yeah my rival... that guy. Landless and stuff. Uh. Gimmie the intrigue.
So some rebels happened and we killed them so badly that they'll probably return soon enough. Also the duke saw through our plan to kill him. Way to go, Spymaster of Tortilla. You had one job.
This spymaster.
This friggin' spymaster if the duke's.
He's an imbecile, that's what he is. Once the duke is dead, I'm gunning for him. He's failed me not once but twice now.
Third time is the charm... and I'm still caught. Over 100 percent chance to do it and we're caught 2/3 times AND some woman got drunk and blabbed. Worst assassination ever.
Man, four spoilers with two pics each. Extravagent. Some sheik has decided to rebel. I have decided to attack and kick him and some other woman off of Iberia forever! Unless they get thrown into an Iberian county or something, then I guess it's just temporary.
Ugh, if there is one thing I wish to change about this game it's the system for the armies. Which, coincidentally, is getting an overhaul anyways. But until then, I guess I just have to keep truckin' along.
It's the ships, mostly.
We have officially reached the mid-point, everyone. Wonder if the Persians can win.
Taking all bets!
One down, one to go.
I... what? Uh. Sure, whatever. I have you guys doing that already for a reason, but apparently I don't? Whatevs, gimmie that green stuff while I continue my merry war.
Muhahahaha! It feels good to win wars.
Speaking of, let's go win another one right quick.
*sigh*
The Confessor, huh? Ever since my second guy, we've been named things that are awesome and slightly holy. I guess we have to make up for the sins of our fathers, specifically the Decadent. That's still a pretty cool name.
Every little bit helps in the long run. Now to give my levies a rest and contemplate my next war. I'm thinking against that Doge because unlike the Muslims, I have to care about truces with Christians. Besides, I have to wage three wars against the Moors until I gain complete control anyways, those should take more than 10 years since I have to take two counties from the Doge.
I think I'm pretty much obligated to make this. I won't be able to really press any claims, in nine years it will disappear from France so I'll hold the only two duchies of it. Ah well, more power to me!
I've basically started to keep any cities in Iberia as my own once I win the Holy Wars, or at least I'm keeping them as my vassals. This guy is the only one who dares to complain, but he's just a bishop so... DENIED.
Well this has been a long chapter, let's close up for now. As if on cue, the Cuman lands of Volga Bulgaria and Cumania have both suddenly exploded very close to when the Ilkhan will invade. 'Course, they have time until the Golden Horde sweeps in, but still it's frightening if the Mongols sweep through. It looks like the Seljuk-Successors have are sorta-kinda winning an invasion of Greece, here's hoping they do. Then a Crusade might be called on it and well look how it's literally next door to me.
Then I can "probably" make the Latin Empire depending on the status of the Byzantines. Everything north of Hungary... is still a mess. It's ugly, look at those borders. I miss it when France had England, those were nice borders. Poland might last long against the Mongol onslaught thanks to a Denmark shield. I also doubt that the Russians will be able to make it due to the fact they are not unified, in fact Rus is still very heretical.
*Exclaims, with dilated pupils* PERFECT i'm feeling better already!! :rofl: Excelent update as always
Chapter Thirty Four - Something Magical
Huh. Well I for one did not know that the event could kill my spymaster. Maybe from now on I should just have them strive to steal technology from the Byzantines or the Muslims.
I will forever remember this man as my rival. Though he was an unlanded noble, the fact he felt he could challenge a king meant he had balls. My only regret is that we never dueled or anything.
Well I don't see why I shouldn't go off and have sex with this woman. My cousin is too old to bear children and I feel the need in my character's gut to go off and have children. If only because he's killed two children and two grandchildren and lost the second daughter to some disease.
od Split, huh? I feel as though there is innuendo in that, even though there isn't.
And the mighty showdown of Persia vs Ilkhanate has begun! Who will take the lands the other so rightfully claims is theirs? Will the Hordes be stopped? What will happen to the world if the Ilkhanate wins? Find out soonish!
Yeah, I'm vicious. Roar.
Also: Holy friggin' crap, the Seljuk Successors won against the Byzantine Empire! It's collapsed!
It's my time to shiiiiine.
I'm sorry, child, but I don't know who either of you are. Surely you are mistaken that I could have a daughter who is a bastard. After all, even if I legitimize her chances are she won't carry on my dynasty anyways. Therefore and thusly, it is with a heavy heart that I denounce these two women. Oh well.
Like taking candy from a baby. Even though babies do have powerful grips.
Before I go off and make my new Empire, I would like to take another county riiiiiiight quick.
Anyways. Where was I?
Ah yes...
Victory, thy name is in Latin! I am the ultimate continuation of the Roman Empire, I am the Liberator of Iberia, the Thief of Constantinople... in short, I have done what I wanted to do.
Now it's time to get the rest of Greece.
Oh, by the by, the Ilkhanate won and are now working on pushing into Khvia.
What can I say, babe, I'm a heart-breaker.
While putting down rebels... pretty much everywhere, this happens. Good on ya, Mongols. Let's see if you can survive Round Two for Persia. At least it's not against me for Jerusalem or something. It would certainly explain why suddenly Greece has balkanized.
Sunni! He's not Catholic anymore! CB for those islands, here I cooooome!
Of course, I can't just leave the Moors out, now can I? I didn't think so.
However, these are battles for next time. I've formed the Latin Empire and I have the most stable country in the whole world due to my sheer awesomeness. At least until the Confessor dies and his son inheirits, then I might explode. But that's why I might give out kingdom titles and also duchy titles in Iberia. The duchies especially so those guys can take care of the rebels on their own and not rely on me. Other than that... I guess I'll invade Egypt to get to Abyssinia and Makkah and then maybe once the dust settles in Greece I'll take a look at it for conquest.
EDIT: I just realized I still haven't invaded Venice. I should get that county/duchy/kingdom next time.
Huh. Well I for one did not know that the event could kill my spymaster. Maybe from now on I should just have them strive to steal technology from the Byzantines or the Muslims.
I will forever remember this man as my rival. Though he was an unlanded noble, the fact he felt he could challenge a king meant he had balls. My only regret is that we never dueled or anything.
Well I don't see why I shouldn't go off and have sex with this woman. My cousin is too old to bear children and I feel the need in my character's gut to go off and have children. If only because he's killed two children and two grandchildren and lost the second daughter to some disease.
od Split, huh? I feel as though there is innuendo in that, even though there isn't.
And the mighty showdown of Persia vs Ilkhanate has begun! Who will take the lands the other so rightfully claims is theirs? Will the Hordes be stopped? What will happen to the world if the Ilkhanate wins? Find out soonish!
Yeah, I'm vicious. Roar.
Also: Holy friggin' crap, the Seljuk Successors won against the Byzantine Empire! It's collapsed!
It's my time to shiiiiine.
I'm sorry, child, but I don't know who either of you are. Surely you are mistaken that I could have a daughter who is a bastard. After all, even if I legitimize her chances are she won't carry on my dynasty anyways. Therefore and thusly, it is with a heavy heart that I denounce these two women. Oh well.
Like taking candy from a baby. Even though babies do have powerful grips.
Before I go off and make my new Empire, I would like to take another county riiiiiiight quick.
Anyways. Where was I?
Ah yes...
Victory, thy name is in Latin! I am the ultimate continuation of the Roman Empire, I am the Liberator of Iberia, the Thief of Constantinople... in short, I have done what I wanted to do.
Now it's time to get the rest of Greece.
Oh, by the by, the Ilkhanate won and are now working on pushing into Khvia.
What can I say, babe, I'm a heart-breaker.
While putting down rebels... pretty much everywhere, this happens. Good on ya, Mongols. Let's see if you can survive Round Two for Persia. At least it's not against me for Jerusalem or something. It would certainly explain why suddenly Greece has balkanized.
Sunni! He's not Catholic anymore! CB for those islands, here I cooooome!
Of course, I can't just leave the Moors out, now can I? I didn't think so.
However, these are battles for next time. I've formed the Latin Empire and I have the most stable country in the whole world due to my sheer awesomeness. At least until the Confessor dies and his son inheirits, then I might explode. But that's why I might give out kingdom titles and also duchy titles in Iberia. The duchies especially so those guys can take care of the rebels on their own and not rely on me. Other than that... I guess I'll invade Egypt to get to Abyssinia and Makkah and then maybe once the dust settles in Greece I'll take a look at it for conquest.
EDIT: I just realized I still haven't invaded Venice. I should get that county/duchy/kingdom next time.
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