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    Real Strategy Requires Cunning

Dartheal

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Croatia, 1066



That. That looks mighty unprofessional. Clearly off to a great start already in this, my first AAR.

Well, it can only get better from here on out.
 

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Chapter One - Retcon From the Start


This is my kingdom, smack dab in the middle between two great empires and Hungary. In fact, I already have all my de jure territory, thus my only options of expansion are holy wars and fabricated claims.


That's me, a level three diplomatic genius legitimized bastard-dwarf who's ugliness is only matched by my depravity through hedonism, lust, and wine. I make quite the party animal, as you can imagine. All in the name of min/maxing, my most dreaded enemy in many respects.


Well, I need powerful allies and I can think of no one better than the Holy Roman Empire itself. Its doomstacks are legendary in the Christian world, much like the Byzantine's or the Fatmid's.


Before she even arrives I make it my ambition to see this marriage through! It is highly important that I gain piety as a hedonistic lustful man.


The nine gold is tempting, but I choose the prestige anyways. Every little bit helps.


As I was suddenly thrust into this job as king, I have no council. To be honest, this is a substandard one. But that's perfectly fine, I don't want a claim yet, the three studying always take forever, and I don't think anyone is plotting my death quite just yet.


I gain the piety for marriage and immediately set out to wanting a son. My heir is nondynastic and therefore I should be extremely careful how I proceed with my country, I am still wounded from a previous party afterall.


Or not. I might say I'm patient, but I'm pretty quick to attack despite everything technically against me at this time.


And that's why I love the Holy Roman Empire, it might basically landblock me from going west, but it never strays from a fight against infidels.

Except Crusades. They always seem to get sick or die or something inconsiderate to not help out.


Ah... this might take a while...


Haminahhaminahhaminahhaminahhaminah. This war is in the bag, metaphorically.


I can already taste that sweet, delicious land.


Well on this note and a war done, I believe we shall end the first... wait... something isn't right...


Oh. My zeal in doing this AAR got the better of me and I exited without saving. I'd be mad if this was a personal game, but right now I'm just incredibly, incredibly embarrassed.


But this is all wrong! The doomstack was supposed to assault it and have us win before this date! I don't care that we won, we won later than before. And that's just wasting time assaulting another county when I didn't have to before.


Well... at least I still won in the end. A whole month later than the first time. At least this time my wound healed and I had the foresight to go and set my ships to start docking before I ended the war to dismiss them quicker.

On that note, let's actually end this first entry.
 

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Chapter Two - Croatian Marines


A whole year of absolutely nothing going on, finally the Kaiser calls me to arms against the Sardinian Muslims. I accept as I would like to stay on his good side, though, I don't know how helpful my small armies will be.

Come to think of it, that's probably why he called me. I have small enough levies to have quick marines of sorts with my ships and levies.


Magic was in the air as my wife became pregnant as I poised my armies to strike, I can only hope for a son, though a daughter won't be unwanted as -any- dynastic child of mine would be welcome.


The Kaiser and myself care not for the French and their holy wars!

We occupy the Sardinian county and go onto our ships to assault the islands just off of Iberia. These ones didn't give that much of a challenge due to their recently conquered state.


Like father, like son. I have a son who is a dwarf and his mother's not-ugly looks. I can accept this, but our lives are still young and there will be plenty of time to see if we can get a regular genius, or at least one with the genius trait, born before I am too old to train him.


While I got the rest of my levies and sent them across the sea, I decided that it would be a good time to make my ambition to have a daughter. I like to pretend it increases the chances of getting one, even if it affects nothing except to get rid of the "choose an ambition" circle.


Sticks and stones may break my bones, but epithets are forever.


No one plots against heirs to duchies in my kingdom! Which reminds me...


I need more power to revoke, you never know when that comes in handy. I also start a vote for feudal taxation, I need money for many buildings! And I desperately hope my king doesn't have anymore sons since I am gavelkind still. But can I get lucky with my future kings until high crown authority? Will it matter by then?


And I helped out the most, sieging wise. Prestige for me (and looted gold) and land for him, hooray for us!


And on this note, I take my leave of once more with yet another overmap look.
 

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Chapter Three - Second Verse, Same as the First


"Hey, what is this? This isn't what you left off on!" Tell that to save file corruptions. "What about auto-saves?" Unfortunately, I wanted to try a Seljuk game and, as one can imagine, it autosaved.

Honestly. I haven't had this many problems with a game since twenty minutes ago with Banjo Kazooie. Stupid, stupid musical note glitch... but I digress, let's try to redo the past two years. As they say in The World of Matar, "Blitz that sh-".


Tyranny vs Holy War. I prefered the Holy War.


Yeah, the Holy Roman Empire is kind of exploding. And now I also feel like I've somehow cheated due to the fact my son isn't a dwarf now, he's a genius. The amount of disappointment I feel right now is sublime, I am awestruck by this feeling I feel.


Good news! I helped put down two counts rebelling. Of course, cascading rebellions occured and I'm not part of those wars. I'm sure it will all work out in the end...


I have my work cut out for me this time. And it will all one day be thankless, thankless work. Unless I loot the land, anyways, then the money will be invested in buildings.


Two years of a setback and my wife is pregnant again. I can only hope for a daughter, as once again it is my ambition.


Can I call them or what? I'm still crying internally, by the way.


Oh that's right, Croatia is de jure Byzantine Empire. I don't really know how their crown laws affect me since I am independant, but I don't want to take the risk of them getting High/Absoulte so soon in game. I ignore with a vengeance.



So I couldn't trust my steward for a brief moment. I guess I should be happy that he isn't stealing, however, I'm actually fuming at the Emperor right now because two counts are now independent because he casually ignored them until their warscores reached 100%. I was sieging both, desperately trying to put it out of the negatives. If I had more soldiers, I could've taken them, but sadly he will have to siege those two brave counts himself.


Thank you, Culture Change Through Ports! I love you.


And the race is on for the rest of the Sicilian islands.


No. No. I had better not die, not yet!


On this note, with the future uncertain, I end this chapter.
 

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Nice job so far. I always enjoy the light-story AARs with more screenshots.

Incidentally, I noticed your ruler's headgear changed when he marched off to war. Are you playing with any mods?
 

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Nice job so far. I always enjoy the light-story AARs with more screenshots.

Incidentally, I noticed your ruler's headgear changed when he marched off to war. Are you playing with any mods?
Yeah, I'm using Better Looking Characters, Culture Spread Via Ports, and Syren's Nickname as well as a few "soft mods" of mine regarding ahistorical de jure placement of empires (the emptiness was killing me) and renaming a few titles and such.
 
Last edited:

Dartheal

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Chapter Four - Almost Flawless


Okay, let's kick this off by first observing Croatian troop numbers to the three Sicilian OPMs and then declaring war. I don't want any of them to feel left out, and they would most likely join in anyways. Since the Kaiser only has one rebel left to take care of, I predict he will arrive shortly after I take out my first OPM.

And looking at the Kaiser being called The Great makes me sad... The Ugly wasn't a good epithet, but it was -my- epithet.


While I siege what I percieve to be the weakest of the three, the ones I have instigated against have joined their levies into one army in Palemro. I've seen the power of OPMs in Europa Universalis III, vassal OPMs when directed against one enemy are very powerful. But since this is the beginning of the game, we are all technically weak and I can do things like this with ease.


Illness shall not strike me down, even if it coincidentally killed two of my courtiers the week before.


One down, two to go. And I must hurry because Palemro is almost finished being sieged.


The king whom I have replaced died in valiant battle today against the Sicilian Muslims. He was also a pretty great Marshal, and I am sad to see him dead. His replacement is a baron with a Martial stat of 17, so I suppose it could've been worse.


We rout the Muslims and divide the OPMs in two. Now it is just a matter of sieging each county and obtaining the land itself. I also have the ability to make the Duchy of Sicily, which I will do one day soon.



Oh good that certainly helps... 1117, huh? More than thirty years from now? I feel as though I may have messed up the different_religious_group modifier a bit too much. Thinking back now, my logic was infalible as the multiplication I was doing was indeed 15 times the three year conquered modifier. In my haste from changing everything back from three years to what I thought was the normal one, I do believe I have accidentally caused my Sicilian counties to be SOL as, if I recall correctly, even if I went in and edited the defines.lua now, the would still take 30+ years.

I should fix that.

I was going to also do a "Posts without Technical Difficulties: 1" this post too. Consarnit...


There is, of course, no one but myself who should tutor my first born and heir. I'm silently predicting the education events, when they come up and they are what I have called, I shall say so.


Yeah, not surprised.


The Kaiser sent about 5000 troops or so to help speed things up, the cascading Muslim alliances were also quite useless against me for some reason. They're all the African counties... they should have boats and stuff.



Speak of the De- Hey, hey! Where are you going? You're on my county right now, I don't own Messina yet! What, is he going to walk to Croatia-Proper from Italy? They already shuttled themselves from Africa, were the boats rented hourly or something?

Huh. Well. They did send another army to land at the county I'm currently besieging. With a four hundred man army against one ten times its size. I'm starting to understand why Leon and the Byzantines are still alive in this game. (Also the Religion Group Modifier).


Guys, control yourselves. I'm trying to close this post.


Anyways, this is the world about ten years into the game. Rus has formed, Leon ate Galacia, the Byzantines are alive... Now to go fix the conquered modifiers back to, hopefully, vanilla levels.
 

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Chapter Five - Boring Victory Against the Machine


While the whole lot of nothing was going on in Croatia, I decided to go see why the Catholics were still kicking in Iberia. As it turns out, the Muslims have actually fought against each other more than the Catholics. In fact, Aragon and Leon have both won Holy Wars against the Muslims, which to me is something I rarely ever see. Especially since they're actually -stable- and not plagued by rebellions.

And Leon is even taking the oppertunity of the Muslim in-fighting to take over Castille, thus allowing King Alfonso IV three kingdom titles in one.



Well William has clearly lost it all against the house of Godwin. In fact, the Godwin line has a boy-king on the throne after Godwin of Godwin perished as a maimed cripple. With a boy-king on the throne, I suppose that since Harald also lost his claim on England, Sven's successor... Knud the Bastard. Maybe we will actually see a bastard being a conquerer after all.


The Seljuks failed against the Byzantines, in my experience that's a 50/50 thing. They've also formed the Persian Empire, however, they have fractured apart so much I don't expect them to recover, this is not surprising to be honest. And oh look, Abyssinia has been all but crushed, who could have ever forseen this circumstance?


On a side-note, my son is at least Humble. Since Excommunication is a real possibility in the Christian world, I don't want a power-mad duke to take advantage of my heir by excommunicating him the second he ascends to the throne.


I also have another son. Oh joy of joys, I can -smell- the succession crisis brewing.


Oh. Maybe I was just smelling England.


Your whining about taxes reminds me to see if the feudal tax law has come into power yet!


... Oh right. That was retcon'd. Well, better do the taxes then the crown authority laws. And so I upped crown authority to give me the power to actually revoke titles and can now get the feudal taxes, all without any vassal wanting to rebel, hooray for Zoidberg Croatia!


Four point forty-four gold down the drain. Damn I wish I was ambitious now, then I could've gotten gold and diamonds! Or whatever that event tells you.



I'm itching for a fight and this guy is going to give it to me, come at me br- Oh God damn it. We actually arrested the guy. Also, it's low crown authority, man, it's not that bad. You guys can still do things without my consent. And the moment I bust him out of prison and slap him back into his Stewardship role, Smallpox breaks out. I can only imagine the death and desolation our small country shall feel in this time of plagues.


I decide that I should start making future alliances, so I bethroth my daughter to the king of Hungary's son, sadly their children will not be my dynasty, but that is the price I pay for allies in the future. Speaking of which, I send her off to get tutored by my steward, it gains favor in him and will teach her to be a better stewardship wife for the Hungarian prince.



My son and I are friends. That's one less potential plotter! And his new zealous nature is a-okay with me. Martial and Learning bonuses in one go? I will give my country to a zealous humble king, churches love zealous humble kings.


Well that's all I can handle of not too much goings on, as we can see the world is a very strange place in my eyes. The Christian kings are alive and almost united, England is divided heavily, the Seljuks are actually recovering, the Pagans still exist. That last one actually is my fault as I increased the number of soldiers the Pagan Warrior Grounds get. This is the first time I've seen them actually help them out.
~~~
Posts without technical errors: 1
 

Dartheal

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Chapter Six - Did everyone have a nice weekend? I know I did.


Eh, she's a courtier. What's she going to do about this? Plot again? And once again my steward is accused of stealing from the treasury, big surprise he is innocent. Again. We have also been called into war by the Kaiser to take back one of the OPMs that successfully rebelled. I'm not going to actually send my soldiers, that'd be a waste of time.


I love a son who's Just, the stewardship benefits as well as the interpersonal relations boost is a must-have.



Man. That apple does not fall far from the tree in the house Rurikovich. I almost thought they were the same person from a distance, perhaps justified as they are brothers. Man, if the Russian countries were Senority, I can only imagine how powerful they would become in a few decades.

Also the claim on the OPM ended. Big surprise, we won.


In addition to my son being charitable, my wife has become pregnant as well. I'm partially estatic over the thought of yet another child, but I can't help but feel that something might go horribly wrong.


It's a sign to invade more Muslim lands. Culture changes are a huge thing and clearly show that it is time to once again expand.



I will be one duchy closer to the Holy Land or something, really, I just want to expand and Sicily is clearly out of the question until I can stop making buildings and actually create Sicily as a duchy. I also call the Kaiser in, but I doubt he will actually do more than accept.


He might not be a heretic, but I do believe he's in the wrong job. But since my chancellor is better, I guess he can choose his own path. And more people... uh... "convert" to the Croatian culture in Sicily. People complain about Sicily either being Italian, Norman, or Maghreb, but I've never seen anyone complain about a Croatian Sicily.


Kickass, twin girls! Even better, one of them is a genius dwarf, just like her father! The other one is plain with no genetic traits at all, but oh man, Jovana might come in handy to secure alliances one day.


A Shiite Jihad for Armenia? I know the Seljuks failed in their invasion, but I did hope that the Fatmids would Jihad and/or Invade Greece instead of Armenia. But since my ultimate goal is to maybe form the Latin Empire, I guess every little bit helps. Oh and as it turns out, I had actually forgotten to ask the Kaiser for help. Should've have done that because he declined anyways, the jerk.


More infidels and/or heretics have converted to the Catholic faith and that is a-okay with me. Also my son is honest, totally saw that event coming a mile away.

I swear to God I just saw a 3000 man-strong army marching away from me. I don't know what I got myself into, but perhaps I should edit who leads the army for optimal battle modifiers and such. Hm. Well. I guess I can't actually do that until after we siege all these individual provinces. Crapbaskets.


And once the dust settles from the Holy War of mine, I will actually fight my first war against a fellow Catholic nation. Since the guy is old, I'll probably wait and see if he kicks the bucket first before I go ahead and wage war. I might get lucky and whomever holds the title might rebel, thus making my righteous claim on a single county worth while.


Damn those Croatian Muslims, they're ruining my country by rebelling.


Yeah, the Kaiser's armies are looking pretty fine right now. On the flipside, my second son, Ioan has become of age to be taught. I'm hoping deperately for him to become Content. And my wife is pregnant again, as if this war couldn't get any worse.


Ouch, but so long as I don't lose the money I just looted off of him, I'm okay with that. White Peace isn't a coward's way out, it's a looter's way out.


What a swell guy. It's a shame he has to die one day. And hey, my new child is an ugly dwarf daughter! How unlucky for her and me.


And here we are, the world at large. Leon has become Castille for no real reason and lost Portucale, England has a new king, I've gained no land, and I am still interested in the Russian politics to see if they form Russia.
 
Last edited:

Dartheal

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Chapter Seven - Part of the Rebel Alliance


While Sicily is getting its butt handed to it by the Genoese, I decide to take it onto myself and attack them.


Oh. Oh snap. If I wasn't waging war at this very second, I would imprison him so hard. He thankfully has no supporters, but when he does I must do my hardest to have them stop backing it. If I can keep him from gaining support, his plot will fail long enough for me to end this de jure war.


Oh my God, why. All I want is Sicily, not these rebels.


Well... at least it's not just me fighting the rebels.


I love this guy already, he will make a fine king some day.


Okay, so we've taken two of their counties, crippled their... "army", and the rebels won both sieges. They also dispersed for some reason and I'm not going to complain about that.


Aw, ya sure? Okay...


God... God damn it. They're not even there any more! All that gold is now gone to the rebels. But I guess it could've been worse, there could've been some execution or something.


Well I feel stupid now. Whatever, I got the Brave trait from this fight. Another fight survived and an island liberated, I go now to arrest that mad duke from lowering crown authority...


Sicily shows me the price of failure as he now faces civil war on an epic, for that country, scale.


I failed, and yet I don't care. I had my men stationed in his capital for precisely this reason. Who rebels when their county is occupied anyways? That guy, that's who.


Post of rebels, so many rebels, I cannot hold all these rebels.



I see her land and the potential for me to take it from France if they don't have high crown authority... and I am a-okay with such an ugly border. Because, hey, why not?



I was wondering when this would happen. I've been waiting all the game so far for this to fire off. I have no choice but to accept... the dice roll now if she becomes pregnant (almost certain she will) and if she gives a son or daughter. And my wife just gave me two more twin daughters, hurrah! Hey. At least they're not boys, my lands would be divided so terribly after my death...


It's a girl, thank goodness. What's the worst that can happen now?


God speed, you magnificent son of mine.


I lose Dilligent, I lose my court chaplain... what's next, the Mongols circumventing everyone except me?


That would be bad. I was joking, CKII, I was joking when I challenged you.


And so the rebellions have ended and I give the duchy I just revoked to... that count. Honestly, I doubt he will be able to keep it since he has one county to the other guy's three, however, I do not plan to release the now-count anyways. Muahahaha!


With the future bright, I call forth a grand tournament for all the land to participate and fight and give me honor and prestige!


And at the last, this is the world as it stands now. Well... I for one thought that the Iberian Christians would survive, oh well. They gave it the old Iberia Try. At least they lasted longer than Abyssinia. And heck, the Pagans are still running around, how about that? With the Crusades soon to be called, I believe, I think for now, barring any unforeseeable circumstances, we shall bolster our forces.
 

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Will be following :) Things are looking pretty good for Croatia so far!
 

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Chapter Eight - The Center Cannot Hold in Other Places


It is a time of great deeds for Croatia as we hold our first grand tournament! Hopefully the event will end correctly...





The winners of the tournament by unanimous ass-kick are... random... people. Not surprised, though. Also, "two months" doesn't equate to half a year, game. C'mon. I was getting worried it was glitched or something. And no one was even wounded nor maimed, to boot. I'm proud of our safe tournaments. During said tournament, my daughter became of age! However, her soon-to-be husband was born in April and we have a few more months before she is to be sent off.


Only two more Muslim counties and one Orthodox county left to go, oh boy!



Okay, Wroth is bad, but it's one of those faults that also gives a point in something. I won't be too mad if he stays Wroth... except he got neither of them. Honestly, I've had more success in beating my children into being Patient than talking to them about it. And my daughter is also Charitable, hurrah!


And she's outta here, off to the Hungarians and securing our alliance once and for the start of it. I do wish I chose a country with ports, or else I would attack Africa again.


Ha! Totally harmless, will never come and bite me in the butt at all.


I get the feeling he was waitng for some poor schmuck like me to ally themselves with him. Oh well, I had nothing better to do other than saddle up and ride to war for prestige and profit.


We easily rout their armies and begin sieging their counties. Some mayor or two died in the two battles, but whatever they're pretty unimportant, I believe, in the grand scheme of things.


He becomes Humble instead of Proud, though unlike Wroth, Pride really is an okay sin to have all the time. Though, piety is harder to come by than prestige in my experience, so Humble works out for the best. My daughter is also patient. It's like they both have the same MTTH with their events or something, it's rather uncanny.


Damn it, Hungary. Don't call me in just to slightly tip the war in your favor and White Peace. They raided your counties and all you did was capture one barony! Oh well.


Oh that's right, I have a lover. I'm already lustful, so that event wouldn't help. The other two are just not good for me right now at all! I might as well spend it working on things that aren't women or whatever. Besides, it all worked out in the end. I have a wife, I have a lover, and I still have a bastard. Status quo!


Well. At least it's not a Shiite Jihad. But they're coming at a bad time for the Iberian Christians. It's like... they know or something.


Well, here it is. The world at large so far. All that pink in Sicily, by the way, is not me. It's Genoa. God damn republics, I miss it when they were pretty docile and not expansion-heavy. Especially in places I want to eventually go into. Oh well, hopefully my lazy chancellor will actually fabricate any claims. That's what he's been doing for almost thirty years (okay, it's been three or so different ones, but still) for one county. I expected results by now!
 

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Chapter Nine - Crusades For The Wrong Religion


The first thing I do is bethrothe my other daughters off to various people; people like the prince of France, king of Georgia (and one day emperor of the Byzantines), prince of Denmark, king of Norway, and the king of Castille. These will give me great allies one day in the future, though right now it's only France I really want as I really want that part of Africa that I lost before.


I decide to buy my wife a falcon as we have the spare money. Also it would be good to try to bridge our relationships again as she no doubt hates me because of that bastard.


Well, to be honest, I've never had more than one bastard per lover. She's kind of given that and I see no reason to keep lying to my spouse about a lover.


It could be worse, I suppose. My other son tries to be ambitious again, however, I put a stop to such nonsense as fast as I can press the "Ambition will not serve you" button.


My wife might be my honor, but a ten percent chance of being wounded? Well, that's what I get for breaking up with a lover, it seems. However, I was not wounded so it all went great in the end! The only count under my vassalage, son of my former spymaster who has died of old age, believes it is wrong to be as Brave as I am. Damn negative relations hit I cannot control!


A farmer complains about something, I like Justice and such so I demand he is paid. And for once, the man in question agrees with me!


Wow. My second son really, really wants traits that will not help him later in life.


Oh what the hell. Well, time to go to war... again.


Truces? Where I'm going, I don't need truces. I could also call in King Fish (okay, Salamon is just one letter away from Salmon or Solomon, but rule of bad puns), however him being Hungarian... he has no ships and would have to walk all the way to Africa. Doesn't sound like a good idea at all.


No, I don't think so, random count. Who am I kidding... he's the only count. He kind of hates me for holding one too many duchies and for holding the duchy he wants. I don't necessarily want to make him mad if I can help it, even though I do want that county of his.


It is time to realize my son's ambition of being a second born son. Well, it's my ambition for him. Whatever.


Hooray, we're friends! Also France won their holy war, big surprise.


All that beautiful, sexy la- Oh goodness, Genoa is friggin' huge. Man, we complain about the Big Bleu Blob, but it's the Pretentious Pink Power that's going to be a major thorn in my side one day. I divide my new lands up between three random courtiers and a holy man I invited to my land. Out of the four... the holy man will one day get the duchy, whenever it is I make it.



My daughter is temperate and also the Shiite Jihad has been called off. Should've gone for Greece, Caliph, you guys never lose that one for some reason. Then again, you normally win it if the Seljuks win their Invasion... eh, I'm sure they'll get lucky one day.


I was so happy because I thought the Crusades were upon us... as it turns out, it's an Orthodox Crusade. Forgot I enabled them to do that... dammit.


Deceitful, Strong, and Patient? She's going places in Norway! Kind of. I also gave the newly made duchy away... except it turns out all of them are old, the men and the women (except the new holy man). None of them will likely have children, which sucks.


The faster I kill him and regain that county and duchy, the faster I can install a man and woman (or at least a man) who will undoubtably produce children.


It worked! Also my second son has a son, how nice. My first born also has children... however, them being in a foreign country, they will most likely turn Frankish. Which means I cannot make Croatian things until the time that my grandson's son is Croatian for sure.


FINALLY a claim! And here I was worrying over nothing... let's do it, let's press this claim right meow. I mean now.


Or... we wait until I have a positive balance, that's always good too.


The world at large... I don't think there will be a Catholic Crusade this time around, just a gut feeling.
 

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Really enjoying this AAR. In mine, I have eyes on taking Croatia some day, so it's fun to watch from the other side.
 

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Chapter Ten - The Power of Iberia is Relative to The Power of Greece

The stronger the Byzantines are, the weaker the Iberians are. And the stronger the Iberians are, the weaker the Byzantines are. Personal experience, anyways.


Patience is a virtue. Perhaps it's a clever way for the game to tell me to wait on waging war on a bogus claim I fabricated. Also the fact I'm in debt helps with that idea that it's better to just wait.


Yeah, okay, I'll come and help. It's not like I'm in... well, I'll still accept, even though chances are I won't actually move my armies out for a while.


To war and for my righteous bogus claim!


Oh, I am also known as the Decadent. Also... I left the game unpaused while typing up parts of this post. That explains why I suddenly have 50 gold and why it's suddenly August and not May. This also serves to remind me that my wife is old and I have only two children that can inherit. Come to think about it, that's okay. Any more and my next character would lose more titles. I mean, can you imagine if my sons both died and I was stuck with the girls? It'd be divided hellishly and they're not married to carry on my dynasty!


I... I am legitimately surprised at this. The Byzantines have a city in a county I will one day invade. Hopefully, I will one day be powerful enough (or they will be dead enough) for me to take it over. One day, there will be a bloody war over... one city. Yeah.


My king has finally realized there is more to life than just wine, women, and song. And I also have finished the war with the Duke Next Door. I'd go help Hungary... except that Cumania is now involved and they're like the Pagan Fatmids, doomstacks up the wazzu.


"Dear King of Sicily,

No."


...

Holy crap. They were so strong at the start, too.

Also my first set of twin daughters have become of age, married off, and secured me alliances with Georgia and France. Between you and me, only France is the viable ally here. They're pretty much holding off a Sunni Jihad for Aragon and it's been years since it started.



Oh. God dammit. I'll "accept" and "send" aid just like I'm "helping" the Hungarians.


Why can't these people be silent like my Western neighbors? They are always at war! And Georgia will probably at the very least white peace, when you've got the Byzantines as allies you know you've got firepower.


Watch out everybody, we got assassins. Maybe they will kill off the random courtiers I have in my my court that can't be used at all due to disease or clear lack of fertility.


And the world at large. Still no Catholic Crusade, not even for Iberia. Oh well, at least I pressed a claim on another nation, my second son had a daughter, my first born probably has even more kids now... life is a-okay for us. Even if our allies are dying like cattle at the hands of Pagans and Muslims, throwing their numbers away like it was a poker game.
 

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Chapter Ten - Technical (Error) Knock Out

So while playing, my computer decided to freeze and force me to restart. Thankfully, I had saved for some reason a month before that. In that month... nothing happened, so the episode can pan out as per usual except for the fact I have no "The World, circa 11XX" this time.

It also means I have to actually remember what happened instead of relying on me typing it up as I go along.


So we start off with a fairly standard borning starting month and it turns out Georgia loses its war. So glad I married my daughter off to such a fantastic man!


Ah yes, my Court Chaplain has been apparently trying to find heretics instead of converting the county itself.


And so begins my first... forcing... dynastic relations onto a different country, or whatever. Sadly, he has a Weak Claim and thus I need to kill King Denmark as soon as possible so his son inherits and I can then wage war.


I decide that my son isn't a terrible diplomat, so I place him in that prestigious role. I just wish that was what he wanted... oh well, maybe some new blood will help get me claims on the Duchy Next Door.


While trying to find accomplices for my murder most foul, I fall ill! Is it dramatic irony that I know I will live from it, or is dramatic irony only if you know things turn bad?


Well. Sixty percent isn't terrible, but I'd rather not pay for this myself. I need to find a way to... I dunno, discredit him or something. Maybe he will do it on his own, I don't know.


See? I am a-okay, healthy as Medieval Charlie Sheen.


My daughters are turning out prety darn well, if I say so myself. It comes with me taking their teachings myself instead of some random courtier or duke or count.


Even now I don't know if I should be happy I will have dynastic children in Denmark, or mad because they're both twin girls. Honestly, what is with my family, twins, and girls?


Fun Fact: The captcha or whatever's code was King Arthur. I would've gone with Ceasar, myself.

But yeah, I don't know what he did, but suddenly some people want him dead. Sadly, not his Spymaster... oh well.


My vassals' court chaplains continue to prove how much better they are at converting than my personal one.


I actually want him to rebel so I could take his land... except for the fact that he is a Content man. He has several high negative modifiers, like "Desires County X" "Desires Duchy Y" "Low Crown Authority" etc. and yet he's still at 99/100 for relations!


Their failure reminds me to reset the Orthodox's ability to Crusade as I believe it prevented us Catholics from Crusading. The fact they failed is another big reason.


We end on a depressing note as Hungary fails to take more land. What a shocker. Now I'm off to fix the religions.txt and then play as Austria in EUIII for a bit, coincidentally enough that also crashed before my laptop restarted. It's like a Paradox Conspiracy or something.
 

Dartheal

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Chapter Eleven - Dun dun dun


Let's start off where we should've ended last time. It looks like it's the season of rebellions, I do believe many of the Iberian Muslims are waging such wars and it looks like Denmark is too. At least the HRE isn't, not that we're allies anymore... But whatever, I've got places to go, people to kill! Like King Denmark.


A bard? With my life-style? Yes please!


I like this count, he is going to go places!


Aw yeah, another claim! Two more and I can start on Hungary. Start what you finish, you know? But I've still got that pesky truce... oh well. And my king notices the country is, gasp, in the red. But that's okay, he can get loans! I don't think so, I'll not take a loan, thank you.


Another Sunni Jihad? But... isn't there one going on already against Barcelona? I can find no record of it... it obviously failed, but still. I wasn't informed of its loss. I guess they just said "Redirct yourselves from Iberia, take Africa back!" So long as it wasn't my piece of Africa, I don't mind.

And now, because I forgot to screen shot, I must inform you that there is a Byzantine holy war for the same duchy that Hungary wanted earlier. The Byzantines are going to do what the Hungarians couldn't... We're doomed! They're getting too strong.


Well. That's what I get for being allies with France.


While comparing Tigres's flag to that of a rebel flag, my life-style has doomed me to die a horrible, horrible death.

Oh my God, MY CLAIM!! I have to wage war, now! Hey, no one will care: My king will be dead soon enough.


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!


Well. Good news is that I'm still a part of the war for my father's claim! Go me!




I can't deal with this. Nope. No duchy is worth having potentially crap kings. I'm going to divorce her and switch to Elective, I'd rather do that than deal with those kids.


I also do this, raise Crown Authority. I won't actually divorce my wife until this war ends, just to keep me focused on one thing at a time.

We quickly win the war, my two sisters come of age and I marry them off, and now I find out I need to kill my wife because I can't divorce her for some reason. Gosh darn it.


This guy hates my guts. I wouldn't put it past him to try to rebel.


Definately wouldn't put it past him.


Spoiler alert, he stops wanting to rebel... in other news, the Byzantines are getting stronger! My dreams of forming the Latin Empire might be shattered.


Yeah, and it's unfortunate I have to look at your ugly mug. Rebel, dammit!


So it's do or die... got it.


Lucky. Very lucky.


Now to conspire to get the Throne of Poland! Kind of like what I wanted for Denmark, except I stopped caring about Denmark the moment my sister died a natural death and my father died of a unsexy sex disease.


Weak Claims, I understand them. I hope she gets pregnant and gives me a kid before we win... so I can take charge of the child. I rarely do the landed spouse marriage, so I don't know what will happen.


Sadly... Cliffhanger. I have to leave, but this time I did not forget to get the "And here is the world so far..."
 

Klarum

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That is a foxy young wife you got out that deal plus a Kingdom to boot, not bad. :happy:
 

Dartheal

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Chapter Twelve - Curse of the Domagojevics


I keep getting these messages and it keeps reminding me that I have children that I cannot control. It makes me so mad, but I know in ten years or so I shall switch to elective and forget allllll about France. For now, anyways.

The war in Poland is starting to pick up as the rebellion by the king's brother is put down; now I have to face the full might of the Polish army.


Kick ass! I do hope it's a son, that way he can truly inherit both kingdoms without me having to hope for another one.


Forty gold - mostly looted from Poland - is nothing compared to enhancing my country's technology levels.


Well a duke and a count hate me a bit, but I'm sure nothing bad will actually come of it.


Oh... no... Oh well, the war is going on longer than I had hoped, so maybe I'll get lucky! Maybe.


This war is pushing us both to the brink! And that Duke Next Door was called in... but I don't think he's going to be trouble, he's currently fighting the Byzantines because one of them had a claim on a county. I really wish they were weakened by successful Muslim invasions.


It took me over two hundred gold, but I pretty much bribed King Hungary to come in and help me in this war.


Several things, as you can see, are going on here.

1) Rebels are attacking my brother's counties.

2) The Sunni Jihad for Africa is going poorly for us.

3) My wife is pregnant.

I only care about one of those things, and the first two don't count.


Scratch that, I don't care about any of those things. Least of all the Jihad, it's been a wishy-washy war from the start. And with so many daughters, I have no choice but to call this the Curse of the Domagojevics. Always daughters, very few men.


I'm also thinking I should leave my army there for a little bit, at least until I know her brothers aren't going to try to rebel. I just fought for this country, I ain't losing it to some punk duke.


Well here's hoping I get custody of the children!


With all that sweet, sweet Polish gold, I usurp the Duke Next Door's duchy and wage war with him. Sure, I broke a truce... but I need the land! For prestige and such.


THE CUUUUUUUUUURSSSSSSSSSSE. Also I did get custody, sweet. Now all I need is a son. One who isn't French or complete and utter sin.


Anyways, I win the breaking truce de jure war and this is the world so far. Really hope the Fatmids and Seljuks get their acts together and invade the Byzantines at the same time, then they'd [Byzantines] lose for sure!