Heroes Of Belgorod-A Pecheneg AAR
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Im tired of talking about my humor
I talked to my mom. I think she took it as end of the world.
Some warlord offers his help to me. Id decline as I dont want extra expenses but say thanks anyway. See gods, Im not evil.
It seems gods have noticed my improvement. Thank gods!
Few lesbos attack me in Tyrnovo. Sol shouldnt have problems.
Manuel has mobilised impressive army of lesbos. Oh my gods, Sol might loose, making Bulgaria defenceless until new army is raised. Sol, our people count on you!
Thank gods that I got talented men like Sol. Lets hug, everyone!
Sol ran away from me to Philippopolis and attacks remaining lesbos. I heard him mumble that I was better as evil.
Evil swedes didnt create any more obstacles to my kinghood. For some reason I had to pay for title. Its like a supermarket.
"Id like to have a...King of Germany and Duke of Saxony please. Put it to bank.
"Sorry sir, your bank account has no funds."
Those swedes are really twisted.
Magically all my land was painted in blue. All darkblue except those areas around Baltic are my personal playground. I think its ok-sized, I dont want to conquer the world anymore.
Does Batan stay as good boy? Does her mother commit suicide? Does Batan conquer the heart of Lesbos?
I talked to my mom. I think she took it as end of the world.
Some warlord offers his help to me. Id decline as I dont want extra expenses but say thanks anyway. See gods, Im not evil.
It seems gods have noticed my improvement. Thank gods!
Few lesbos attack me in Tyrnovo. Sol shouldnt have problems.
Manuel has mobilised impressive army of lesbos. Oh my gods, Sol might loose, making Bulgaria defenceless until new army is raised. Sol, our people count on you!
Thank gods that I got talented men like Sol. Lets hug, everyone!
Sol ran away from me to Philippopolis and attacks remaining lesbos. I heard him mumble that I was better as evil.
Evil swedes didnt create any more obstacles to my kinghood. For some reason I had to pay for title. Its like a supermarket.
"Id like to have a...King of Germany and Duke of Saxony please. Put it to bank.
"Sorry sir, your bank account has no funds."
Those swedes are really twisted.
Magically all my land was painted in blue. All darkblue except those areas around Baltic are my personal playground. I think its ok-sized, I dont want to conquer the world anymore.
Does Batan stay as good boy? Does her mother commit suicide? Does Batan conquer the heart of Lesbos?
Yet another meaningless line
I think Croatians and Hungarians have some sort of annual "attack Birlad" competition. I revoke title and they magically forgot everything they were doing in Birlad.
As apology to my actions in past I install my mum as chieftess of Birlad. I hope she can avoid Croatia-Hungary match in "conquer-the-Birlad".
This is my most precious vassal, Sol of Tirgoviste, conqueror of Bulgaria. I hope he stopped converting me back to evilness.
I love to meet new personalities. Come here, you. Lets hug!
Hes not military genius but I still appoint him as my marshal.
In my 16th birthday night I magically turned from little black boy into a big, hairy man.
I marry a Finnish honest and indulgent diplomatic genius. Can man ask for more?
Now that I can finally lead my own armies Im going to conquer the heart of Lesbos. My navigator decided its best to go through Crimea and Constantinople. I think he bought some booze in Constantinople because he went past Lesbos before heading there.
I celebrate my first invasion as head of army in traditional pagan way.
After my successes in Russia and Bulgaria I throught they would call me brilliant strategist. But noooo, they think Im just tough soldier.
Can Batan repeat the successes of past now when he leads army? Does Croatians and Hungarians keep their tradition and attack Batans mother? Is new Belgorodian boy or girl?
I think Croatians and Hungarians have some sort of annual "attack Birlad" competition. I revoke title and they magically forgot everything they were doing in Birlad.
As apology to my actions in past I install my mum as chieftess of Birlad. I hope she can avoid Croatia-Hungary match in "conquer-the-Birlad".
This is my most precious vassal, Sol of Tirgoviste, conqueror of Bulgaria. I hope he stopped converting me back to evilness.
I love to meet new personalities. Come here, you. Lets hug!
Hes not military genius but I still appoint him as my marshal.
In my 16th birthday night I magically turned from little black boy into a big, hairy man.
I marry a Finnish honest and indulgent diplomatic genius. Can man ask for more?
Now that I can finally lead my own armies Im going to conquer the heart of Lesbos. My navigator decided its best to go through Crimea and Constantinople. I think he bought some booze in Constantinople because he went past Lesbos before heading there.
I celebrate my first invasion as head of army in traditional pagan way.
After my successes in Russia and Bulgaria I throught they would call me brilliant strategist. But noooo, they think Im just tough soldier.
Can Batan repeat the successes of past now when he leads army? Does Croatians and Hungarians keep their tradition and attack Batans mother? Is new Belgorodian boy or girl?
EvilSanta said:I celebrate my first invasion as head of army in traditional pagan way.
:rofl:
Keep up the good work.
Specialist290 said:
He definately has a reason for it. His inner struggle with his evilness isnt over yet.
east_emnet said:
I try. Theres lots of interesting events in Batans life still unwritten.
Grundius said:
I try. Theres lots of interesting events in Batans life still unwritten.
phargle said:
I love to hear you enjoy this. I got inspiration for this aar from your Knytling adventures.
Update will come soon.
I find life amusing
I name my first son Kortan. Belgorods have a heir! I give him Lesbos and title "High Chief of Moldau" so he is elected as my successor.
I hope all my kids wont be idiots like he.
I celebrate having a heir in traditional pagan way.
Kiev keeps its traditions alive and attacks enemies twice its size.
I have no idea who he is or what he did in my court so he isnt a big loss.
My wife wants to name my another son Satajalka. It mean "Hundred Foot" in Finnish. Im glad he isnt like his name, having one hundred feet would look pretty weird. I give him Euboia and Wallachia to make him my strongest vassal and eventual successor.
I celebrate having a non-idiot heir in traditional pagan way.
My 3rd child turned out to be girl. I will give her to my courtier when shes old enough. I love to choose peoples destiny! Its so deliciously evil.
Sol was right. Beeing evil is lot funnier.
I dont see any reason to allow Kortan to rule anymore.
Luckily, he didnt see any reasons himself. But he did see a reason to declare independence. He shall pay.
I celebrate the future beating of my own son in traditional pagan way. Lempi is indeed worth her name.
Does Batan attack his own son? Do Batan and Lempi keep on their Irish method of breeding? Who is eventual successor of Batan?
I name my first son Kortan. Belgorods have a heir! I give him Lesbos and title "High Chief of Moldau" so he is elected as my successor.
I hope all my kids wont be idiots like he.
I celebrate having a heir in traditional pagan way.
Kiev keeps its traditions alive and attacks enemies twice its size.
I have no idea who he is or what he did in my court so he isnt a big loss.
My wife wants to name my another son Satajalka. It mean "Hundred Foot" in Finnish. Im glad he isnt like his name, having one hundred feet would look pretty weird. I give him Euboia and Wallachia to make him my strongest vassal and eventual successor.
I celebrate having a non-idiot heir in traditional pagan way.
My 3rd child turned out to be girl. I will give her to my courtier when shes old enough. I love to choose peoples destiny! Its so deliciously evil.
Sol was right. Beeing evil is lot funnier.
I dont see any reason to allow Kortan to rule anymore.
Luckily, he didnt see any reasons himself. But he did see a reason to declare independence. He shall pay.
I celebrate the future beating of my own son in traditional pagan way. Lempi is indeed worth her name.
Does Batan attack his own son? Do Batan and Lempi keep on their Irish method of breeding? Who is eventual successor of Batan?
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I like bread
Okey, okey, got it, Im not evil anymore! My gods seriously need girlfriends.
I send Kortan, who returned to my court after beeing conquered by Principality of Peloponnesos, to one bum who claims beeing a noble. I give him second chance to keep gods off my back until they get ladies.
Peloponnesos is added to my "to-conquer" list. Lesbos has too sexy name to lose it.
Like Kortan wasnt pathetic enough, he has to catch a serious illness.
My wife wants to name my 3rd son Suru (sorrow in Finnish) because the disease that struck Kortan. I would have named him "Ohjoy" or Imsohappy" if it has to deal with Kortan and disease.
I think gods got ladies. Too bad Lempi doesnt want to celebrate in traditional pagan way.
Yup, Im pretty sure they are busy with their girlfriends.
Lesbos are ruled by a crazed bastard. I think its improvement after Kortan.
I give Suru to same bum who was "teaching" Kortan.
I have a strange feeling that the bum is a pagan god who wants to have sex with my children.
Who is this mysterious bum? Does Lempi keep on her celibacy? Does Batan attack crazed Leo?
Okey, okey, got it, Im not evil anymore! My gods seriously need girlfriends.
I send Kortan, who returned to my court after beeing conquered by Principality of Peloponnesos, to one bum who claims beeing a noble. I give him second chance to keep gods off my back until they get ladies.
Peloponnesos is added to my "to-conquer" list. Lesbos has too sexy name to lose it.
Like Kortan wasnt pathetic enough, he has to catch a serious illness.
My wife wants to name my 3rd son Suru (sorrow in Finnish) because the disease that struck Kortan. I would have named him "Ohjoy" or Imsohappy" if it has to deal with Kortan and disease.
I think gods got ladies. Too bad Lempi doesnt want to celebrate in traditional pagan way.
Yup, Im pretty sure they are busy with their girlfriends.
Lesbos are ruled by a crazed bastard. I think its improvement after Kortan.
I give Suru to same bum who was "teaching" Kortan.
I have a strange feeling that the bum is a pagan god who wants to have sex with my children.
Who is this mysterious bum? Does Lempi keep on her celibacy? Does Batan attack crazed Leo?
You cant stop rock'n'roll
I feel like attacking Principality of Cherson for no reason.
My plan was brilliant. I lead my men to Theodosia while Bickcili leads his forces to Crimea. And they call me just "tough soldier"...
Both of us win our battles againsnt grossly outunumbered enemies. Beware Caesar and Alexander, here comes Batan!
After victory in Cherson Bickcili joins me in siege of Theodosia. Then I show my brilliant tactical skills in final stand of Alexandros.
My wife gets depressed because I came back from my war in Cherson. She shouts that her places still hurt after last celebration in traditional pagan way.
I send Sol away to conquer Archbishopric of Thessalonika. I dont want to hear stories of his traditional pagan celebrations
I have to cheer up. So I claim few titles of revolters that broke away during Pronskian war. Nothing feels better than a new title and killing rebels.
I won a battle against Chernikov! This calls for celebration. Another less important news are vassal declaring independence and attacking me, threat of civil war and treason in my ranks.
Can Batan prevent a massive civil war? Does Lempi get rid off her depression?How Sol celebrates his newest victory?
I feel like attacking Principality of Cherson for no reason.
My plan was brilliant. I lead my men to Theodosia while Bickcili leads his forces to Crimea. And they call me just "tough soldier"...
Both of us win our battles againsnt grossly outunumbered enemies. Beware Caesar and Alexander, here comes Batan!
After victory in Cherson Bickcili joins me in siege of Theodosia. Then I show my brilliant tactical skills in final stand of Alexandros.
My wife gets depressed because I came back from my war in Cherson. She shouts that her places still hurt after last celebration in traditional pagan way.
I send Sol away to conquer Archbishopric of Thessalonika. I dont want to hear stories of his traditional pagan celebrations
I have to cheer up. So I claim few titles of revolters that broke away during Pronskian war. Nothing feels better than a new title and killing rebels.
I won a battle against Chernikov! This calls for celebration. Another less important news are vassal declaring independence and attacking me, threat of civil war and treason in my ranks.
Can Batan prevent a massive civil war? Does Lempi get rid off her depression?How Sol celebrates his newest victory?
Brrrraaaaiiinssss
Prince of Vidin attacks my vassal. Soon I have Prince in Vidin to be my vassal.
My son Suru drew to my maps. I decided to try moves according to his drawings. It scares me that they worked.
I celebrate victory in traditional pagan way.
Lempi feels like her name again!
I ally with Sharu-khan of Cumans. I hope he can sharu the khan of Seljuks.
I name my new son Aba. I was supposed to call him Abc but I forgot what came after B so I put another A.
Sharu, this is how alliance works. I attack, you help. You attack, I dont help. Ok?
Rodislav dies to old age.
Who?
In order to have reason for pagan celebration, I attack Principality of Hellas. Half of their army goes to defend Croatia from me and other half is destroyed in battle of Athens.
Does Batan keep attacking Greek principalities? Does Lempi celebrate with his husband in future? Does Sharu keep Seljuks in order?
Prince of Vidin attacks my vassal. Soon I have Prince in Vidin to be my vassal.
My son Suru drew to my maps. I decided to try moves according to his drawings. It scares me that they worked.
I celebrate victory in traditional pagan way.
Lempi feels like her name again!
I ally with Sharu-khan of Cumans. I hope he can sharu the khan of Seljuks.
I name my new son Aba. I was supposed to call him Abc but I forgot what came after B so I put another A.
Sharu, this is how alliance works. I attack, you help. You attack, I dont help. Ok?
Rodislav dies to old age.
Who?
In order to have reason for pagan celebration, I attack Principality of Hellas. Half of their army goes to defend Croatia from me and other half is destroyed in battle of Athens.
Does Batan keep attacking Greek principalities? Does Lempi celebrate with his husband in future? Does Sharu keep Seljuks in order?
Im your father
I
like
fancy
titles. Yep, I like fancy titles.
Another vassal gets attacked. My gods, these Greeks really love to attack people smaller than them. They remind me. Apparently Apulians rather eat pizza at home than loot and pillage, that fast peace was signed.
Mobilization plan was simple.
I celebrate going to war in traditional pagan way. Depression doesnt slow my wife when it comes to celebrating.
Küerci won a battle with inferior numbers. This is first of its kind. This calls for
pagan celebration.
My wife is away but when has it stopped men from having sex?
We were invaded 2 months ago. Now we are invading. And when war is in Greece, you pop up in Tmuturakan in Crimea? You arent so willing to fight afterall.
Can nothing satisfy Batans endless lust? Does he conquer the world? How many titles he is going ot create?
I
like
fancy
titles. Yep, I like fancy titles.
Another vassal gets attacked. My gods, these Greeks really love to attack people smaller than them. They remind me. Apparently Apulians rather eat pizza at home than loot and pillage, that fast peace was signed.
Mobilization plan was simple.
I celebrate going to war in traditional pagan way. Depression doesnt slow my wife when it comes to celebrating.
Küerci won a battle with inferior numbers. This is first of its kind. This calls for
pagan celebration.
My wife is away but when has it stopped men from having sex?
We were invaded 2 months ago. Now we are invading. And when war is in Greece, you pop up in Tmuturakan in Crimea? You arent so willing to fight afterall.
Can nothing satisfy Batans endless lust? Does he conquer the world? How many titles he is going ot create?
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EvilSanta said:My wife is away but when has it stopped men from having sex?
Can't blame Batan for that, his wife is already pregnant, so why not check out greener pastures for some, oh, nine months? Can't have enough heirs
Yep most definitely a good afternoon read. Many pictures and not too text heavy.
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dark_melancholy said:
And when has pregnancy stopped women from having sex?
Jacko the Panda said:
CK has best aar writing features by far from all Paradox games. Glad you are enjoying this.
Dysken said:
Its a lot easier to just post few pictures and create some lame joke to it than writing a great novel.
CK isnt as important as life and death. Its much more important.
Im really getting bored of naming these little nuisances.
Sol died. He was the last of famous 39ers. It is still mystery what happened in 1038.
I send Bayca the Bastard to nunnery. If he survives it, he is worth legimating.
He didnt fall apart in first month so he is worth legimating.
Come on, Im not even at war! Why cant I get help when I need it?
Oh, Im at war with Byzantines.
Byzantines? I throught I destroyed them years ago.
It seems Seljuks have owned Serdica for ages but they dont want to make peace. Hey, arent they religious enemies? You dont have to make peace, you idiots!
I finally get to attack Pronsk, last of rebellious chiefdoms. My revenge is complete.
If I get 7 ducats in particularly good year, I dont even want to know what happens in bad year.
My marshal died. My last male in my court is my steward who knows as much about military as my wife knows about condoms. Since hes only one who knows what is difference of euro and squirrels fur in my court, he has to stay as steward.
Why I have to rule land of idiots? Everyone else has professional advisors and
I have to steal my lousy advisors from foreign countries.
Does Batan get a capable marshal? Can he increase the intelligence of his court? What happened in 1038?
Im really getting bored of naming these little nuisances.
Sol died. He was the last of famous 39ers. It is still mystery what happened in 1038.
I send Bayca the Bastard to nunnery. If he survives it, he is worth legimating.
He didnt fall apart in first month so he is worth legimating.
Come on, Im not even at war! Why cant I get help when I need it?
Oh, Im at war with Byzantines.
Byzantines? I throught I destroyed them years ago.
It seems Seljuks have owned Serdica for ages but they dont want to make peace. Hey, arent they religious enemies? You dont have to make peace, you idiots!
I finally get to attack Pronsk, last of rebellious chiefdoms. My revenge is complete.
If I get 7 ducats in particularly good year, I dont even want to know what happens in bad year.
My marshal died. My last male in my court is my steward who knows as much about military as my wife knows about condoms. Since hes only one who knows what is difference of euro and squirrels fur in my court, he has to stay as steward.
Why I have to rule land of idiots? Everyone else has professional advisors and
I have to steal my lousy advisors from foreign countries.
Does Batan get a capable marshal? Can he increase the intelligence of his court? What happened in 1038?
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Found this thread through Steevo's AAR. I havbe to say this AAR is damn funny. I feel like playing CK again. But vassals declaring independance just sucks so I'll stick to HOI2, but who knows.
CK is game where 20 countries fight each other and in the end Germany wins
I desire the company of nearly irresistible young wench. What I got was this cow of a woman. And another crying machine to feed.
Gods must hate me.
As long as my wife pays his food, changes his diapers and he doesnt spend his nights close to my room, I doubt he will cause any problems. He is 3 weeks old, not like he starts an open rebellion against my rule.
My wife wants to have another baby. I declare war on Cretans to get away from her. I start to understand my father.
How did she do that?
Im getting good at winning battles with awfully superior numbers.
My steward dies. I feel like we have to abandon our current currency and switch to squirrels furs.
I give my newest daughter to a poor russian family for raising. I swear, if I get anymore children, Im going to kill myself.
My people are so dumb I have to steal my idiots from foreign countries. He was former Prince of Krete.
Nnngggg...
I stop mentioning them from this point on. My story is nothing but babies.
My realm isnt under threat of civil war anymore.
What I did to prevent it?
How many babies can Lempi still produce? Can Batan get talented people from his own land? Why vassals are magically more happy with Batan?
I desire the company of nearly irresistible young wench. What I got was this cow of a woman. And another crying machine to feed.
Gods must hate me.
As long as my wife pays his food, changes his diapers and he doesnt spend his nights close to my room, I doubt he will cause any problems. He is 3 weeks old, not like he starts an open rebellion against my rule.
My wife wants to have another baby. I declare war on Cretans to get away from her. I start to understand my father.
How did she do that?
Im getting good at winning battles with awfully superior numbers.
My steward dies. I feel like we have to abandon our current currency and switch to squirrels furs.
I give my newest daughter to a poor russian family for raising. I swear, if I get anymore children, Im going to kill myself.
My people are so dumb I have to steal my idiots from foreign countries. He was former Prince of Krete.
Nnngggg...
I stop mentioning them from this point on. My story is nothing but babies.
My realm isnt under threat of civil war anymore.
What I did to prevent it?
How many babies can Lempi still produce? Can Batan get talented people from his own land? Why vassals are magically more happy with Batan?
The problem with all these kids is that once they are sixteen or so, they start begging for land. Good luck with that.