AARland: The Meta AAR

[coz1]

AARland: The Meta AAR​

Part I:​

Dan Raal sat at a desk in the common writers area. His desk was not unlike the countless others that filled the room. Grey, unattractive and sparse. They were communal desks, and therefore only equipped with a desk top computer for game playing, as well as pad, pen and dictionary (foreign language dictionaries were available upon request.) Lastly, each desk had a slot in the corner for the writer to feed his work into once done. It would be posted to the big board from there.

Dan looked over the room at the other desks and wondered where everyone else was. Granted, he had come in to do a little work during the middle of the week when most people had other priorities, but this was very strange. No one was there. It was simply Dan and an empty room full of row upon row of desks, each one empty save his own.

The room was set up to allow for writers of each game to work amongst one another, so Crusader Kings desks were all together and Europa Universalis 2 desks were all together and so forth. Recently they had been combined into one room. Previously, they had been separated out into their own sections and the writers did not talk to one another very often. Now, with the mixture, there was much more camaraderie and even assistance when one of the writers was in a fix.

But not today. Dan was alone and his story was not coming along like he had hoped. The game was stalled because the story was stalled, and all Dan could do was think to himself, if only someone was here to give me a nudge..if only…

And then the phone rang. It was a payphone by the snack machines, and Dan let it ring for a moment or two before rising and heading towards it. Looking around to see if perhaps someone might turn up just to answer it, he eventually gave up and lifted the receiver.

“Hello…hello…” a voice came over the line. Tepidly, Dan answered, “Hello?”

“Dan? Is this Dan?” the voice asked him.

“Umm, yes…yes it is. Who’s asking?”

“You are too damned bored today! Why don’t you go out and play?”

Confused at both what was said and who was saying it, Dan repeated, “Who’s asking?”

The line went dead before any reply was heard. Dan put the phone back on the hook and went back to his desk, confused and slightly irritated. He sat back down and stared at the screen before him. Not the desktop screen, which held a paused game of Crusader Kings, but the lap top screen that sat frozen on “The night was hot and wet…”

All the sudden he heard an old woman scream out in his head, “SULTRY!”

“It’s too goddamn sultry in here,” Dan said out loud completing the thought from his mind. That was a good movie, he thought to himself. Wish I could write something like that.

Instead of dwelling on it, he started to hit the backspace key and erase the inane thought laid out on the page before him. As he tapped it gently, he heard a sound behind him. Turning quickly, he saw a shadow duck down behind a desk in the far corner of the room.

He stood quickly and started towards it, reticent and awkward. He made it past the Hearts of Iron desks and slipped gingerly between the Victoria and Europa Universalis 2 area and finally crept up on the hiding spot of this phantom. Quickly jumping behind the desk, as he waived his arms around frantically in the hopes of scaring the person, he saw that no one was there. Utterly confused, he walked back towards his own desk. As he approached, he saw two legs sticking out from underneath.

“Hello?” Dan asked.

Sliding out from underneath the desk was a short man wearing what seemed like an exterminator’s uniform, complete with hood and gas mask. It was difficult to make out the facial features of the character, but the uniform gave Dan a fright and this person was obviously playing some kind of game with him.

“What are you doing? What do you want?” Dan asked the exterminator.

“Bugs,” was the only reply. Instead, the man pulled a hose from his side and started spraying under each of the desks that surrounded Dan’s.

“Bugs? Since when?” Dan replied. After all, this was the Paradox Building. What did this man really want?

“Since always,” the man suggested before going back to his work. “Geez, how long have you been around?”

“I…six months.”

“Hmmm…six months, eh? Have you met everyone yet? Have they given you the secret handshake yet?”

“Secret handshake? I don’t know what the hell you are talking about, but this is getting a little weird. Is there something I can do for you?” Dan asked with noticeable irritation in his voice.

“No, sir. It is what I can do for you. You seem bored. You should go outside and play.”

That phrase again. Was this the man from the phone? “Did you just call here?”

“No…yes…it doesn’t matter. Here…follow me.” As the man said these words, Dan watched him start to walk towards the front of the room and the large elevator.

“Follow you? Where?”

“The elevator, of course.”

“We can’t go on that?”

“Why not?”

“Well, it’s…it’s for the senior members,” Dan replied, still very much confused.

“Pish-posh! It’s for everyone if they know where to go. Besides, you can’t get anywhere around here that’s restricted. They set it up that way. But you can go anywhere else. I can’t believe you haven’t yet. Shoot, how do you get your copy printed?”

“I just slide it into the slot on the desk when I have an update. From there, it ends up posted on the big board. Never really asked how.”

“Well, today is your lucky day, Dan Raal. Today, you find out how to play and have some fun.”

The man started towards the elevator again and Dan quickly stopped him, “But what if I don’t want to have any fun? At least the fun you are suggesting.”

“Of course you want to have fun. You can’t stay cooped up in this room all the time. Where do you think everyone else is?”

“I don’t know.”

“Exactly. Now you are going to find out.”

Dan watched him reach the elevator door and push the button. Without realizing it at first, Dan started walking towards him. Before he knew what he was doing, he was standing next to the man once more.

“Good. Glad to see you have some spirit after all,” he said and slapped Dan on the back with a hearty thud.

They waited for quite some time before the light above the elevator came on and the doors opened. The small man got on first and waited for Dan to follow. He seemed reticent to join, and finally the small man held out his gloved hand.

“Rube MacHurd, at your service. Don’t be afraid. I’m here to help.”

Dan thought about this for a moment. What did he need help for? Except writing his story, and this Rube didn’t seem to be offering help in that department. But he was bored…

He stepped onto the elevator and with a heavy exhale, as if he was letting go of all his trepidation, he said, “OK, let’s go.”

“Now that’s the spirit!” Rube exclaimed as he pushed the only button in the elevator. The door started to close, but then opened again.

“Damn,” Rube said under his breath. He pushed it again and the doors began to close once more. This time they stayed closed, but the elevator was not moving.

“Is the ride supposed to be this smooth,” Dan asked him.

“No, no…just a few problems we’ve been having lately. Just a moment.” Rube pulled a screwdriver out of his hip pocket and unscrewed the panel behind the button. He fiddled with a few wires and suddenly a spark shot out from behind the panel. The doors to the elevator opened again.

“Is this supposed to happen?”

“Sure, sure. Just needs to catch up, that’s all. Let’s try it again.” He started pressing the button over and over again as he held the panel in his other hand. Eventually the doors closed once more and suddenly the elevator began to move.

Looking up at his handy work, Rube exclaimed, “Now, that’s more like it. And away we go, young sir. Prepare to enjoy yourself.” Rube screwed the panel back and stood with his hands on his hips, just waiting to show Dan what was in store for him.

* * *​

Originally, I had planned on writing an AARticle for the gazette detailing the best way to travel through AARland, IMHO. Thanks to a recent discussion with Director, I had planned on writing it much like frogbeastegg did her AARticle - kind of a story. But the more I got to thinking about the story, the more I realized that it would be a bit longer than one AARticle. So I made the decision to split it out rather than waiting two weeks to write another update. I may regret that, but for now let's just see where our hero is led. I hope you enjoy.

coz1

 

[frogbeastegg]

Excellent, not only a damn good read but educational too. Keep it up.

 

[unmerged(15337)]

With a bit of work you could make this story even more confusing than History Park! But, like History Park, it's also strangely compelling. Let's see where you're taking us.

 

[Valdemar]

hehe this may be the first truly cross game AAR ever

Note to others, Bear in mind that we are not allowed to write true fiction sadly it has to relate to the games

V

 

[coz1]

Thanks guys. I doubt it will become anything like the HistoryPark. Just a leisurely stroll through AARland.

* * *​

The elevator slowly came to a stop and the doors slid open to show a large desk. Behind the desk was an elderly man who seemed entranced in a good book. Rube motioned for Dan to get off first and Rube followed as they approached the old man.

The man looked up and produced a pamphlet from his desk drawer. "Might be handy reading, young man. Haven't seen you up here before. This little guide will give you some great pointers about how to get around up here. Have fun." He pressed a button underneath the desk and a door behind him opened up revealing a long hallway in front of the two men.

Rube gestured for Dan to go first and as he stepped into the hallway, he was immediately drawn to the warmth of the mahogany wood that covered the walls and the comfortable looking club chairs placed every so often between the different doors that checkered both the left and right sides of the hallway. Dan was struck by the difference this place had with the cold, sterile room from the floors below.

As they walked in, Rube was saying "It's always best to start from this area. That way, you know what the latest ideas are, what new projects have started, who's having a celebration and all manner of other things. This area is like command central."

Rube pointed to the first door on the left. "Now that's the door to enter to find your way around to the different games from this floor."

"You mean there is another way to get there?" Dan asked.

"Of course, like I said...command central. How do you read other people's work?"

"Well, I usually look at the big board downstairs. I go into the general discussion rooms for the different games and they have the board on the wall that lists the AAR section. So I follow it and find stories to read."

"Well, that works I suppose. But you miss out on the special features."

"Special features?" Dan questioned.

"Yes. Look down this hallway and what do you see?"

"Lot's of doors."

"And each one of them offering something special outside of just AARs. Take this first one on the right. That's the office for the AARland Gazette. And next door is the lounge for people to get together and discuss it. Here, take a copy."

Rube reached down and picked up a copy of the latest Gazette from a stand right beside the office door. Handing it to Dan, he said "This is one of the best places to start if you want to learn what others are thinking around here. There are some great writers that work for the paper. You definitely don't want to miss out on what they have to say."

Dan flipped through it as Rube started walking down the hall some more. Dan noticed that several people were sitting in the comfortable chairs along the wall. They each had either a book or a paper in their hands as they sat reading.

"And over here is the SolAARium. This is where you go if you want to discuss the craft of writing itself. Occasionally this room will fill up with writers who have some great advice to give to the novice. If you have a literary question, odds are it can be answered in here in some fashion."

"I was wondering where this was. I kept hearing about it, but I never found it downstairs. Now this is where I needed to go earlier today."

"But not quite yet. We aren't through," Rube said as he walked further down the hall. Pointing to his right again, he said "Here is a great area to find other non-AAR books that can help you do your research, and other items that might assist in your AAR efforts. And in that room," he said pointing to his left, "is the voting for the latest award. That room can get pretty hairy at times. Recently, we've had a tight race and I've noticed the action picking up. You should give the nominees a read before venturing in there though."

Pointing to some signs set up outside the room, Rube continued, “And this is where the special awards are announced. When someone is given an honor like writer of the week or a showcase, they list it here and people are allowed to leave nice notes for the writer to read about later. And for writer of the week, it is not uncommon to walk in and find some writer accepting his award and giving the rest of us a brief background of his or her life. It’s quite exciting.”

Dan was becoming over-whelmed. He had no idea there was so much to offer outside of his own little desk and the general discussion rooms downstairs. He had enjoyed some other stories that were listed on the Big Board, but this was the motherload. It could take days just to get around here, and he sensed that Rube was no where near finished with his tour.

Looking to the back wall of the hallway, Dan noticed one final door. "Where does that go?"

"Ahh, that is the board listing of the other topics of interest this area offers. If people have an idea or a special project, they go in there and offer it to the crowd. It's kind of like sending a telegram. You give them the message and they post it on the main board on the wall. People can pick and choose which ones they want to participate in, and if it gets big enough or important enough, they open a new office out in the hallway. Right now, our most popular effort is a Guess-the-Author project. It's been a great ride so far. Now there's something you should try right away. You write a small piece that gets posted annonymously. People then respond to the work with constructive criticism and not colored by who the writer was. It helps you get past hearing criticism of your work as it can get pretty honest at times."

Dan was not sure he was ready for that yet. He knew he had a lot of work to do before he could equal some of the other material that he had read. Perhaps when he felt more confident, he might try that because it did sound like fun.

"So, is this it?" he asked Rube.

Rube started back down the hall and turned back to answer him, "Not by a long shot, buddy. You haven't even been to the watering holes. Now there's a true adventure!"

Dan started to follow, but was not sure he would like where Rube was taking him next. "It's not dangerous, is it?"

"Of course not…not really. Well, there are a few hurdles to get over, but..well, you just need to see for yourself." Rube had made his way back to the door heading towards the different games. "It's through here. I'm surprised you have not seen them before. You can get there from the game rooms."

"Oh, you mean the bAAR?" Dan asked.

"Yes, that and the Mess Hall and the Tea Room among others."

"Well, truth be told, I was a bit scared to go in there. I wasn't sure what kind of people hung out there. I wasn't sure if I'd fit in."

"Nonsense. The only thing it takes to fit in is a voice, and you can talk can't you?"

"Well, yes…but…never mind. I just wasn't sure."

"Well today you can be sure. I'll be with you just in case you don't feel comfortable. I just want to show you what you've been missing."

With that thought, Rube opened the door to the other games and went inside. Dan followed with a certain sense of joy. He already felt more of a member just by knowing these other things were offered, but now he felt like he was finally crossing over a threshold. He could actually be a part of this group rather than feeling like an outsider. But what was all this about adventure? He wasn't sure but he would follow Rube and find out. Rube seemed to know and Dan's trust of this strange little man was growing.

 

[Valdemar]

Excellent

V

 

[Judge]

Printed out your story and read it over a cup of coffee. Very nice idea coz and the writing is excellent. The tale is a perfect introduction for the solitary or bewildered forum member.

Will you end up in the opium nest next time and will you be playing that old mating song “touch me” if you meet a young blonde girl on your way to the heart of light?

 

[coz1]

Thanks, V. And Judge, I have yet to decide if certain people will be making personal appearences, but it is always hard to leave that beautiful young blonde thing out of anything. Perhaps when I reach that point, I'll get you to pen a little interlude. I'll let you know soon since we are approaching the watering holes coming up.

 

[coz1]

Part II:​

Rube led Dan into a medium sized room that seemed well furnished for something that looked like a waiting room. There were mirrors on the wall and more club chairs spread around the room. On the west wall hung a beautiful tapestry of a Free Company during the middle ages. In the opposite corner, there was a small table set up with all kinds of liquor in crystal carafes and snifters underneath.

Rube walked around a large oak table that was situated directly in the center of the room. Dan realized they were not alone. There were other people in the room. They sat, much as the others in the hallway, deeply engrossed in some fine story as they sipped on their drink. Turning to look at Rube again, Dan almost ran into a bald man in glasses.

“Excuse me,” Dan said apologetically.

“No problem.”

Rube stepped in between them and put his hand on the man’s shoulder. “This is Alexandru. One of our resident editAARs, among other things. Alexandru, meet Dan.”

Alexandru held out his hand and shook Dan’s, “A newbie? Excellent…more slaves,” he said with a smile. “Must hurry though. Need to update the Gazette index and try and write my next AARticle. Good to meet you.”

He was off as quick as he appeared. Dan looked at Rube, “What is that accent?”

“Moldavian. He’s a swell fella. Don’t mind the slave bit. That’s just his thing. Now are you ready for the big time, my friend?” Rube said with obvious excitement.

“Sure, I suppose I’m ready. I’ve followed you this far.”

“Wonderful. Now where to begin? Hmmm…let’s have a drink first.”

As Rube walked over to the little bar, Dan shifted on his feet uncomfortably. “I’d kind of like to move on ahead, if you don’t mind.”

“That we will, sir. Never mind the drink! After all, I can get one inside,” Rube answered with a sly grin. “Now how about we start with the newest of the bunch, eh? A little Crusader Kings for you?”

“Well, actually, that’s just what I was working on so perhaps that might be best.”

“Then off we go. If you’ll look to your right, you will see the door marked Crusader Kings. Head that way, sir and we shall be introduced to the lands of knights and their fair maidens, shifty eyed monks and treacherous Dukes, plague ridden rats and fire breathing dragons…”

“Um, Rube? There were no dragons.”

“Well...maybe not the dragons…but you get the point. This way, sir.” Rube excitedly moved past Dan and opened the door for him. “After you, Mr. Raal.”

They walked in and were in yet another, much smaller room. The walls were covered in bulletin boards with all kinds of messages posted on them. A door was located to their right, and Rube was pointing Dan in that direction. Dan also noticed another door straight ahead.

“Where does that one go?” he asked before joining Rube.

“That’s the librAARy, but in here is where we want to go. This is the TavAARn. The newest establishment for the oldest gaming period. Let’s hoist a few. How about it?”

Dan thought for a moment and then let go of his fear. “We’ll go in there after, right?” he asked pointing back to the librAARy.”

“Of course. It’s essential, after all. But this is the best place to start any area. Get a drink, hear a few recommendations and head off in that direction to begin your reading enjoyment. Fool proof, I say. Besides, the folks are quite nice once you get up the nerve to talk to them.”

Rube gestured for Dan to open the door and enter. Slowly Dan approached the door and with his right hand, reached out to turn the knob.

“Just one quick word of warning,” Rube said suddenly.

“Warning?”

“Well, more like advice. You have to be in character, see.”

“Character? What do you mean?” Dan asked.

“When you enter the tavAARn, you must be in character. But it’s OK. You don’t have to really do too much pretending…”

“Of course I would. I have a hard enough time writing for it, but to try and be someone from that period? You must be crazy.” Dan huffed.

“Well, no…it’s not really that hard because you…well, you’ll see. Just watch yourself until you reach the tavAARn, OK?”

Before Dan could ask what that meant, Rube had opened the door and shoved Dan in, saying ‘Farewell’ that seemed to trail in the distance. All the sudden, Dan was not in another room. The door had disappeared and he was alone. Instead of another room, Dan found himself in the middle of a muddy road. Rain beat down upon his head and it was growing dark. There were no people around that he could see, but in the distance he saw what appeared to be a small town.

Confused and frightened, Dan started walking toward the town grumbling to himself about what he would do to Rube if he saw him again. He trudged on as his shoes soaked through, and it was at this time that he realized that he was no longer wearing his tennis shoes. Instead, he wore leather boots, and he had never seen any like them. His jeans were gone, and his shirt had disappeared with it. Instead he wore a tunic, with a dagger strapped to his belt.

I must be dreaming, he thought to himself. But he walked on knowing that he would need to either find someone soon or wake up. But where the hell was Rube? This wasn’t a part of AARland. This seemed like a nightmare.

 

[Alexandru H.]

:rofl: bald, glasses?... coz1, I'm flattered by your analysis and hope to put it in practice in a few years.... about thirty, when I'll be your age, I think...

It seems the people need a new image of me....they must think I'm a sleezy old hack, living in a basement with nothing more than a Playboy on hand...I protest, I own most of the issues...

PS. Don't call me Romanian....

Edit2: Moldavian...

 

[coz1]

I knew that bit would get you, Alexandru. At least I didn't say stocky, Mr. Costanza.

And why not Romanian? Is there something else you prefer? I'd be happy to include it.

 

[Judge]

Excellent idea you got coz, hm Alexandru making an appearance *Who needs playboy?, I need a cross and some garlic*

 

[coz1]

Dan slogged his way up the muddy road, cursing under his breath. He did not notice the group of knights approach on their steeds. They nearly ran him over, thinking him nothing more than a common peasant. He had just enough time to turn and jump out of the way before being trampled under their feet.

After they passed, he looked down at himself and gave out a loud sigh. Picking himself back off the ground, he started his journey once more, this time interrupted by the sound of men talking. They too came from behind him, and when he turned to see who it was, they were just as startled as he was. Bumping into him, they once again sent him sprawling on the ground.

"Good sir, pray tell me you are not hurt," the first squire said to him as he helped Dan back to his feet. "Were I to know you were a presence, I would have certainly given you the right of way. Please accept my humble apologies."

"Sure," Dan replied. Looking over the various men, five in all, he noticed they all wore different tunics. "What? You guys didn't have enough to buy five of the same uniform? Pretty cheap park, huh?"

"Pray thee explain these strange words you speak, kind pilgrim," another of the squires asked.

"Strange words? What…no schooling either?"

"We are each schooled in the art of service to our masters, if that is what you speak of," claimed yet another of them.

"Masters? What's going on here? Who the hell are you guys?" Dan exclaimed with great impatience.

"What language!" suggested the first squire again. "For what it is used, I know not. But it would not be allowed in the house of my lord, for that I am certain. Where do you call home, good sir?"

"I call 911 Burns Drive my home. How about you?"

"You stand upon my home and that of my brethren. We are but lowly squires, home from the tournament held by the lord and master of this realm, King Henry the magnificent, the merciful, the courageous and the prolific…"

Dan cut him off before he could use any more superlatives. "Henry, eh? King, you say? I am right in thinking this is some kind of theme park, right? Perhaps one trained in the method, but it's all pure acting...gotta be."

"There are no actors here, sir. We do not allow such characters to dawdle here. Thespians are the lowest form of life and we would not have them break wind near us, much less sleep, eat and live," replied the first squire. "But it appears that you have lost yourself, sir. May we be of service in finding you suitable lodgings for the night? The tavern just up ahead offers a shared bed and a bird. It costs naught but a shilling for two nights."

Dan nodded his head, still completely confused, but thankful for this assistance nonetheless. "I would be grateful to you if you would point me in the right direction."

"We were headed there ourselves to drink. If you would care to follow, we should be honored to have you as our guest."

With thanks exchanged once again, the squires set off with Dan following slightly behind. He had questions, but it was obvious that these men would not be able to answer. If he kept talking, he was afraid he might be burnt at the stake for heresy if they really were medieval squires…but how?

The rain let up some as the men approached the tavern. Knocking their boots at the door, they entered. Dan walked in last and noticed the room was very crowded. There did not appear to be an open seat until one of the squires gestured for him to come with them. "We have a table in the back that is kept for us during the tourney days."

Pleased to finally sit, he nodded in the affirmative when asked if he would like a drink. He sat, looking around the room, hoping desperately to find Rube. He was having no luck. Instead, he saw one man giving what seemed like a lecture to several others in the far corner of the room. There were others that seemed engaged in writing on some form of parchment or otherwise engrossed in their drink. The counter itself was elbow to elbow with young men, old men and men in between.

As he sat and listened quietly to the squires talk, he picked up some useful information. Apparently, the Duke had taken the day and left the King quite angry. The King's own favorite had fallen in his first ride and the King was apparently a sore loser. As well, there was some talk of the King's mistress also being the lover of the Duke, but this was said in very hushed tones.

From the look of it, Dan felt that perhaps he had, indeed, fallen into some sort of wormhole in time. He was clearly no longer in the 21st century. But if not there, then where? Before he could ask himself another question, an older man, who's breath stank of ale, sat beside Dan and started speaking, "You don't seem to be from around here, pilgrim. In fact, the clothes you wear are very strange indeed. We have not used tunics like that for over a hundred years."

Trying to gauge the man's intentions, Dan simply nodded in the hopes he might go away. The man was more stubborn than that. Getting closer to Dan, he continued, "In fact, I have not seen a tunic like that since…since…" and he remained confused for a few more moments as he turned his back to Dan. Giving up, he turned back and put his arm around Dan. Poking him in the chest as he spoke, he went on "Still, you look familiar. Well, not you…but your type. Something about it…about you…I know!"

Dan jumped at his exclamation. The old man continued, "You are one of them players, are you not? One of them what come in here and drink and write. Only you people dress like this. Unable to keep with the fashions, is your King."

Excitedly, Dan began to ask questions. Where exactly was he and how did he get there? How was he supposed to get out? And did this man know Rube?

"Not sure what it is you mean by all that, son. But I have seen this man you call Rube. He was here not one hour ago. Said something about moving over to the Mess Hall? Whatever that is. He did not mention much else. Surely nothing about meeting an acquaintance."

"So you do not know how to get to where he is?" Dan asked with his hopes quickly fading.

"No, not rightly…but he did go out that door there," he answered as he pointed to a door in the corner of the room.

Dan quickly picked himself up from his seat next to the old man and squires. He walked over to the door and stopped himself before opening it. What would be in store for him this time? He needed to find out though, as he would be stuck in his current hell if he did not. He turned and gave a wave to the men that had helped him, and then pushed the door open.

Immediately, he found himself back in the room that he originally came from.

"Damnable man, that Rube." Was all he could think to say. He thought about simply going into the librAARy and forgetting the whole mess, but the man had said Rube was in the Mess Hall, and he felt the need to give old Rube a piece of his mind.

He walked back out into the main waiting room and found his way to the Hearts of Iron door. Walking in, he found this outer chamber to be just the same as the Crusader Kings outer chamber. There were the same bulletin boards on the walls, though with different messages. He saw the same two doors, located in the same areas as they were for Crusader Kings. He went to the door that he assumed led to the Mess Hall, and with some surprising courage, twisted the knob and walked in.

 

[Alexandru H.]

Boo!

 

[Judge]

Holy smoke, have you started an assembly line here? What will await Dan in the mess hall? A freaking lunatic biting on carpets? A fat man talking about iron curtains or perhaps a blond girl?

 

[Zuckergußgebäck]

A cake telling people about swedens fate in WWI?

 

[coz1]

Once again, the door behind Dan disappeared, and instead Dan found himself in the midst of an army encampment. However, this army seemed much more modern than the knights he had previously encountered. Instead of horses, armor and squires, Dan saw men walking around in the green uniforms of the U.S. Army. Tanks were being repaired, men sat around between tents playing cards and talking, and immediately Dan noticed a few officers approaching him.

The first one to reach him saluted and waited for Dan to comply. Not wanting to raise the ire of this man, Dan snapped to attention and gave a salute. The officers then walked on without saying a word. Turning to watch them walk away, Dan saw them enter into a large tent and disappear.

He looked down at himself and noticed that he too was wearing a green army uniform. Obviously thought I was one of the men, Dan thought. Guess that means I am for now. Before he could think any further, he heard the sound of a plane in the air. Looking up, he was just in time to see the German plane fly over and begin firing into the camp. He began running and just missed being hit.

He dove into the tent to escape and was greeted by loud talking and singing. Men sat around eating and drinking, several discussing engagements since they had started the war. Picking himself off the ground, he began walking around the tent, overhearing snippets of conversation here and there and eventually spied a counter that served as a bar. Sitting at the very end was a short man wearing an officer’s uniform that Dan felt sure he recognized, but he could not place the face.

The short man saw him as well, and rose to shake his hand. "Dan, good to see you made it."

"Rube? Is that you? What the hell has been going on around here?" Dan asked excitedly.

"Now, now. Calm down. It's nothing you have not been able to get out of, obviously. I started you on CK just to make sure. You weathered it fine, old boy."

"Weathered it? I could have been burnt at the stake!"

"Nah, they'd never do that. Granted, those folks have yet to understand who we writAARs are, like they have in the other watering holes, but we are new. Sooner or later, we will have taken over that place as well."

"Rube, I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about."

"Then sit, Dan. Sit down here and let me tell you about it," Rube said as he offered Dan his stool.

Rube ordered up a few drinks, and soon he was explaining how the watering holes worked. "See, once a new game has started, we need to find a place for the writAARs to hang out. But we need a place of that period, see? And sometimes the local populace doesn't know what to think of us. It takes time for them to get used to us being around, hearing our strange talk and perhaps even strange dress since we can't always be right on the money."

"Tell me about it. You sent me back to the 13th century in the wrong clothes," Dan said with anger.

"Hey, you got out and met me here didn't you? So it couldn't of been that bad. The Mess Hall, which you are in now, has been around far longer. The folks are used to us now and keep a pretty good distance."

Dan looked around the room to see if he recognized any of the other patrons. He was still rather new and none of the figures were recognizable to him. Rube noticed this and began trying to tell him who everyone was, "Well, that's vigilantsldr…and that's Zuckergußgebäck…and over there is COEBAOTAUTROTFU…and that's a quote!"

"A what? What kind of a name is that?"

"Not a name. You better get down. I think I hear Valdemar coming."

"Who?"

Rube pushed Dan's head below the counter as a stream of liquid came flying through the air over their heads. Dan turned to follow it's path and was just in time to see the terrible quote blown from the room, it's remnants covering the poor souls who had the misfortune of being seated directly underneath.

"Pretty messy. They don't lie."

"What in the hell was that?" Dan asked in obvious alarm.

"That, my friend, is the quote gun. It is brought out when someone has made the poor choice to quote within the watering holes. It is forbidden, you know."

"You mean, I can't come in here and start spouting off Shakespeare, or Beverly Hills Cop?"

"Well first, though both are great, I'm not sure I would put those two together in one sentence. Two, the folks in here have yet to be introduced to the pleasures of Eddie Murphy, so you had better keep that second one to yourself, and finally, you can say anything you'd like. Just don't copy what someone else has said and use it again in your own speech."

"Who said anything about a speech?"

"I mean when you speak to someone. Just assume the room knows what you are referring to when you wish to touch on something someone else has already stated. It's not too hard once you get the hang of it. By the way, did you see Valdemar before he left?"

"No, I must have missed him over all the excitement."

"Well, you'll have a chance to see him and Stroph1 before it's all said and done." Rube stood and helped Dan to his feet. "Let's see what's cooking over in the VictAARian Tea Room. Eh, wot-wot, as a friend used to say."

"Well, I certainly hope it's less eventful than this. It's been quite a journey, and there seems like so much to learn."

"Oh, you'll get the hang of it," Rube tried to reassure.

Before leaving the Mess Hall, Rube stopped by the back door to give congratulations to someone named Battleline, and then the two of them walked out. Dan was back in the outer chamber once again. He followed Rube through the waiting room and walked into the room marked Victoria. Once again, the surroundings seemed familiar. The same two doors, and the same boards hung on the walls. Though he noticed a picture of an orchestra of some sort on the wall to the left, everything else seemed identical. Gesturing to the photo, Dan asked Rube who they were.

"Ahh, that is the Wlak Pack. It's a great band coz1 signed to entertain the folks in the Tea Room. They even have guest singers from time to time. Recently they featured Lohn Jennon. Everyone seemed to enjoy it. But let's show you what I mean. After you sir," Rube suggested.

Dan was having none of it. "I'm not going unless you go first. I'm making sure you are there with me, this time."

"So be it," Rube answered. He opened the door and pulled Dan in with him.

As usual, the door disappeared and instead they found themselves standing by a river in a field of grass. Turning around, Dan realized they were standing in a park. To their left was a road, not paved, with buggies moving to and fro rather than cars. It was a strange sight, but Rube was more interested in Dan seeing the grand Tea Room located at the other end of the park. As they got closer, he could see that the building was rather large.

They walked up the large steps, and around the grand veranda outside. Reaching the main door, Rube tipped his hat, which was now a top hat, to a gentleman leaving and held the door for Dan. "After you, sir. And this time I insist."

Somewhat curious now, at least to see what was inside, Dan walked in as Rube followed.

 

[Amric]

Very nice so far, coz1....But I haven't seen the bAAR yet featured yet...I can hardly wait to see what happens when Dan gets there....

 

[Judge]

Tea room* ah the smell of tropical wood and G&T and girls?!

 

[coz1]

Walking into the grand room, Dan and Rube are both met with a few glances from patrons seeing who had stopped in. Rube gestured for Dan to head over to the counter, while Rube himself stopped by the bandstand and tipped the Wlak Pack to play his favorite music. Soon, the strands of Beethoven filled the room.

Rube tipped his top hat at a few gentlemen having a heated conversation about Japan, and joined Dan at the counter.

"coz1, old chap. How about two glasses of cognac, eh?"

The tall bAARtender walked over and pulled two snifters from the glass rack above. He poured them both a small bit and pulled a box of cigars from under the counter, "Care to partake, gentlemen?"

"No, no. Thank you anyway, sir. I must keep to only one a day these days and I have already had three I am afraid," Rube replied, glancing at Dan to see if he was interested. Dan shook his head no as well, and coz1 placed the box back under the counter.

"You don't mind if I smoke, do you? Nasty habit, but I love it so, don't you know?" coz1 waited for the reply which was a 'no' from both, and he sat on his large stool overlooking the room and lit his cigarette. Puffing away, he glanced at Dan. "New here, eh?"

"Yes. And this fine fellow has been showing me the ropes," Dan replied pointing at Rube.

"Well, you could not ask for a better guide. Have you stopped by the gazette office yet?"

"Of course we did. You don't think I would start this tour without beginning there do you," Rube cut in.

"Excellent. And are you feeling more at home, my friend?" coz1 asked Dan.

"It has certainly helped me get my head around all there is to do around these parts. And we have not even hit the librAARy yet."

"Ahhh, then you are in for a real treat. Packed full of great stuff, let me tell you!"

As the Wlak Pack segued into a rousing rendition of Beethoven's 9th, Rube gestured for Dan to take a look at a room off to the side. "That's the opium den, right there."

"Opium den? What kind of place is this?" Dan asked, shocked that a proper gentlemen's club would cater to such types.

"A place that does not judge, sir," coz1 answered quickly. "We wish to make everyone feel welcome, and if that's your predilection, then you have a place to go in our Tea Room. Besides, you would be surprised how many of our "upstanding citizens" partake of the goodies inside."

Now slightly inquisitive about it, Dan stood and walked halfway over to the room. As he looked back to Rube, his friend gestured for him to go on, "I'll be with you in a moment. Must have a few more words with our friend here."

So Dan walked in by himself. Perhaps it was better this way, because he had a chance to see her all to himself. No one else was in the room at present. It's only inhabitant was a beautiful blond woman…girl. Not sure what to say, Dan felt his head fill with what seemed like ginger ale. He began to sway back and forth, as if he meant to pass out. Soon, his mind was a mixture of dreams and reality all bundled together, yet there she was with her back to him, swaying to some music in her head. He watched her move from across the room as he slowly drifted away…

***​

A shy girl known as Erika Blow is spending her time amongst tropical wood and exotic spices in the tea-room lounge. She is dressed in a mini-skirt and a thin blouse as some sort of excuse for not appearing totally naked. However it is fairly obvious to the observant tea-room visitor that she isn´t planning on keep her clothes on forever.

The CD is playing " AHHH, YUM-YUM...SHE IS A GOOD OLD GAL!! YUM-YUM!!"

Erika sipping on an ice cold G&T changes disc. "Oh got to listen to my old fav, Samantha Fox. Just loved her scene presence and her wonderful music".


"Hot & cold emotions confusing my brain
I could not decide between pleasure & pain
Like a tramp in the night
I was begging for you
To treat my body like you wanted to"

She approaches a young man that just has entered the premises. The man looks somewhat confused. Erika blows him a kiss. "Care to dance with me sir"….

***​

Rube slapped Dan across the face a third time, and Dan snapped out of his trance without realizing what had happened.

"We'd better go," Rube quickly said to him.

"But why, we just got here?"

"Let's just say a certain bAARtender isn't too happy with you looking at Miss Blow like that. I admit she is a spectacular creature, but one that is guarded jealously by our patron."

"I didn't realize…"

"Yes, well. If we don't get going, you may not be doing much of anything. I hear he keeps a baseball bat behind that counter. Best not give him a chance to use it. Come, let us slip out the back. It's time to take you past the EU bAARs anyway."

Rube grabbed Dan's arm and led him to the back door. Quickly through and away from potential harm, Rube was already moving back into the waiting room and over to the Europa Universalis doors. "Which shall it be? The original game or the original bAAR?"

Dan though on it for a moment. "Might as well start at the beginning. Let's check out the EU1 bAAR."

"Actually, we call it the Private bAAR, though I confess, I am not sure why. Doesn't matter really. Let's see what they are up to."

The two walked into the door marked Europa Universalis and were headed towards yet another corner of the Paradox universe. Dan could only imagine what would greet him next.

* * *​

OOC - I'd like to thank Judge for providing the above dream sequence. No one writes for Erika better! And of course we will get around to the EU2 bAAR, Amric. Best for last or something like that. Thanks for reading folks.