Narrator: This man is no ordinary man, this is Mr. Paulus Wirtz, to all appearances no different from any other law abiding citizen. But Mr. Paulus Wirtz has a secret identity. If peasants revolt, at any time, at any place, he is ready to become...
the Revolt-Suppressor Man!
*Meanwhile in Aru, in Dutch East Indies*
The Dutch governor: We'd like to have something eat. I have heard that this is a typical Malayan restaurant with lots of local colour.
Head waiter: Yes, this restaurant is the most traditional restaurant in Indonesia!
The Dutch governor: I think we found what we wanted, dear.
Wife: Wondeful!
Head waiter: Good. Do we take your coats, sir?
The Dutch governor: Ahh, yes please.
*2 traditional Malayans come wearing Malayan traditional costume; only waist clothing while traditional Malayan bongo drumming sounds at the background and take the jackets in a traditional Malayan way*
Old lady with a flower in her hat: Isn't this a racist sketch? And bongo drums? What stereotyping of a native culture! If people don't act like civilized people, it doesn't mean they play bongo drums!
Odd Mongolian looking guy: Anyway.
Waiters: We have taken your coats in Indonesia, yes, in Indonesia where the jungles are filled with bugs!
Wife: Wondeful! Beautiful!
Head waiter: And now the traditional sitting of the Dutch!
*2 traditional Malayans come wearing Malayan traditional costume; only waist clothing while traditional Malayan bongo drumming sounds at the background and puts the Dutch sitting in a traditional Malayan way*
Waiters: The Dutch have sitted down in Indonesia, yes, in Indonesia where the islands outnumber inhabitants!
The Dutch governor: And now the menus.
*2 traditional Malayans come wearing Malayan traditional costume; only waist clothing while traditional Malayan bongo drumming sounds at the background and carries a traditional Malayan menu bringer in a traditional Malayan way*
Traditional menu bringer: *punches customers with the menu*
The Dutch have received the menus in Indonesia, yes, in Indonesia and not in
Malacca!
The Dutch governor: What would you recommend?
Head waiter: For mister I'd like to recommend punchen till nach Faze and then das throw through das window.
The Dutch governor: Sounds amazing!
Wife: And for me?
Head waiter: And for the lady I would recommend Das Punch nach Face mit einem chicken.
Wife: Wondeful!
*And everything happens as planned*
The Dutch governor: This is outrageous! I will totally start oppressing and exploiting the Malayan minorities which will result in a revolt next day!
*The Revolt-Suppressor Man is doing his laundry when a small kid runs in*
Kid: A revolt! In East Indies!
Paulus Wirtz: *thinking* Hmmm, this sounds like a job for the Revolt-Suppressor Man. But how to change clothes and travel to Indonesia without revealing my secret identity?
A Man: If only the Revolt-Suppressor Man was there.
Other Man: Oh, yes.
Paulus Wirtz: I think I know where I can find him. Look!
Mans: Revolt-Suppressor Man! But how!?
*The Revolt-Suppressor man takes a ship to the Dutch East Indies*
*five months later*
Local commander: Oh, Revolt-Suppressor Man, than goodness you've come. Look!
*shows an army of angry traditional Malaysians wearing Malayan traditional costume; only waist clothing while traditional Malayan bongo drumming sounds at the background*
The Revolt-Suppressor Man: *raises a finger and gets to work*
Soldier 2: Wow, he is fightning with his own hands!
The Revolt-Suppressor Man: Hmm, that didn't work out. Lets regroup in south
for another battle!
Soldier 1: See how he uses his infantry to flank their wing.
Soldiers: Oooooohhh.
Local commander: Oh, the Revolt-Suppressor Man, how can I ever repay you?
The Revolt-Suppressor Man: Oh, you don't need guv, its all right. Its all in the days work for, the Revolt-Suppressor Man *snort*
*walks to the sunset in a dramatically slow manner while some really cliche music sounds*
Soldiers: Our hero!