Obligatory Timurid Campaign
-or-
Why Term Limits Are a Good Thing
While waiting for the 1.05 patch to show up, I decided to kill time with a quick little EU2 game and write up an after-action report. Before starting, I thought I'd set some goals for myself.
GOALS:
1. Play the Timurids: Lots of people said they're fun to play, so I thought I'd give them a whirl.
2. Avoid complacency: If something isn't happening, something needs to happen. I don't want to sit around and watch my stability increase.
3. I make the best suggestions, ruler takes opposite path: It's always a lot of fun to see how quickly one can run a country into the ground. It also makes for a funnier game when I play "opposite day" style.
4. The dynamic missions are LAW: Rather than ignore them if they don't suit my needs and just lump the VP penalty, I will do EVERYTHING possible to fulfill them.
AI Settings and difficulty level: Furious, Very Hard
And the game begins...
1418:
Dec 29: My career is most auspiciously blessed! This year, I begin as the Grand Vizier to Shah Rukh, lion of the Timurid Empire. In the ceremony vesting me with my powers and authority, though, a guard accidentally hit Shah Rukh on the back of his head with a rather large mace. Shah Rukh passed out but seems to be fine now, praise be to Allah the Most Merciful. My first meeting with the Shah will be in a few days.
1419:
Jan 1: I have analyzed the situation at hand and it is most grim. Our state is in such disarray, it is a wonder we are still a political entity! Taxes are going uncollected, our diplomats are in hiding, and the past Grand Vizier only left a series of insane babblings before he left without a trace. No matter, I am ready to serve my lord in his hour of need.
I propose to the Shah that we take drastic measures to curb rebellions. First, and most important, we need to cease persecuting the Shiites right now until we are in a better position to deal with them. Second, we need to undertake a reining in of freeholders. The populace is unruly and needs to be under the control of local lords. We can win their approval through a lightening of the taxation burden and really turn things around here.
Strangely, the Shah did not seem all that pleased with my suggestions. A few hours after our meeting, he stopped by to let me know I was making a good start and not to be discouraged. Then he stood on his balcony and proclaimed to the masses of Samarkand that the heretical Shiites thought the former Shah was a cruel man, but they will think a thousand times worse of him. As the crowd applauded, he then said he would break up the estates of Shiite nobles and give their lands to commoners. I could not believe what I was hearing. It was the exact opposite of what I recommended! I am beginning to wonder if the blow to the head he received is still affecting his judgment. Nevertheless, his word is law, and so it shall be.
Jan 12: Shiite rebels have overthrown the government in Baluchistan and Fars. Hopefully, Shah Rukh will see the error of his ways. Nevertheless, the rebels must be crushed, and thankfully, Shah Rukh is in agreement with me on that count. The Shah marches out to Fars.
Jan 25: Receive news the garrison in Baluchistan has regained control of the province. Praise to Allah, the Most Just! Shah Rukh continues his march on Fars.
Feb 1: Baluchistan revolts again. Hamadan, another Shiite province also goes into rebellion. Receive a message from Shah Rukh that he's changed his mind and will march on Indus. He would like very much for me to declare war on India. I can't find so much as a diplomat, let alone enough money to wage a war, so I choose to stall on this one until we're able to control our populace better. I send orders for other forces to move on Fars and Hamadan, now that Shah Rukh will no longer go there.
Mar 1: Another revolt in Baluchistan... I don't know if the second one was quelled or not, but the Baluchi are particularly peeved about their nobilty losing their lands. Can't say that I blame them, really.
Apr 6: Rebels defeated in Fars. Shah Rukh sends a letter asking me how I'm doing on the whole "declare war on Gujarati" thing. I reply the omens are ill and we should wait for the stars to be right.
Jun 1: Fars in revolt again and now Tabaristan is in rebellion. Fighting in Hamadan. Shah Rukh still on the Gujarati border, waiting for war to start so he can invade. I order the Baluchistan garrison to send a detachment to Fars as I order various provinces to raise armies for the unrest to come as more of Shah Rukh's disastrous anti-Shiite policies are carried out.
Jun 4: I hear the Tabaristan garrison was eliminated! Yikes! Shah Rukh's cousin, a commander in an adjacent province, orders his men to attack, although I fear they will be woefully outnumbered.
Jun 17: Shah Rukh's musicians have been playing incessantly since I got here. They play the SAME SONGS ALL DAY LONG. I have dismissed them and there is silence in the palace. I hope I'll be able to do better work from now on.
Jul 6: Rukh's cousin got killed in battle in Tabarstan. I figured that would happen. I now wonder if it was the blow to the head that did it to Rukh, or if he was always this crazy. Forces I've raised and joined to the Baluchistan detachment are gathering, though, so once they're done with Fars, they'll take back Tabaristan. Shah Rukh sends me a note from Qandahar asking just how much exactly it will cost to get the stars in the right places. At first, I think he's realized our treasury is very low, but subordinates inform me that, no, what he really means to do is bribe the stars. I decide to let Shah Rukh know the stars are in the right places, but we are dealing with revolts in the western provinces and cannot attack Gujarati at this time.
Aug 1: I receive news the province of Mekran is in revolt. This is just awful. Shah Rukh refuses to change his policies.
Aug 21: Fars revolt quelled. Finally, a success! Now they will attack Tabarstan! The Baluchistan garrison attacks Mekran, as well.
Sept 3: Mekran revolt beaten down. Hooray for the tough Baluchistan garrison!
Oct 1: Hamadan revolts again, and the local commander had assured me he'd quieted them down, the fool! We have all of 2 ducats left in the treasury, by the way... people are still not paying those taxes. We have to get a better handle on local authorities.
Oct 21: We beat the Tabaristan revolters! Now our loyal troops, who were cut in numbers significantly in the last battle, can help repress the revolt in Hamadan. I wish Shah Rukh's army were available to attack the rebels, but he insists on being ready to invade India as soon as the rebellions are put down.
Nov 1: Tabaristan and Mekran revolt again! We have garrisons there, now, though, so we should be able to stop them quickly.
Nov 13: Both of those provinces beaten down. We might soon not have any Shiites left there to revolt, which would be a good thing. Sort of. I liked my original plan better, though.
Nov 15: Hamadan rebellion taken care of. Finally, some peace in the countryside, but at a terrible cost.
Nov 24: Fars revolts again and Elbruz is up in arms. The peace was but a mirage.
Dec 1: Shah Rukh has been bugging me to hurry up and defeat the rebels so he can get on with adding to the glory of the Timurid Empire, but I keep telling him we desperately need his forces to keep the peace in the land. His response had been in the past to say he has to be ready to go, but now he finally agrees to fight the rebels and will march on Elbruz. He's still insane, but at least he's of some use to me now.
Dec 26: My economic policies are a success. Somehow, I was able to enforce taxes in the last half of the year and rein in profiteers, so our treasury is now in the best shape it's been in years. We've also been able to reduce prices in the markets, bringing greater prosperity to the land. Dancing in the exchequers. Now we can build armies to fight the rebels!
1420:
Jan 6: Chagatai hordes are raiding our lands in the far north-east. I inform Shah Rukh of this issue, but he says he doesn't see any "Chagatai" on his map and orders me to ignore them. I can't believe he's really that stupid.
Jan 16: Another bombshell from Shah Rukh. I just got a letter from him that he's happy to see that I've been raising armies, so he's not needed to quell rebellions anymore. He wrote further to say he understands I've got my hands full and all, so he'll take care of declaring war himself. What a great king... He still doesn't acknowledge the Chagatai threat. Oh yes, another revolt in Fars.
Feb 1: I've been explaining to the Shah where exactly the Chagatai are from and he sent me a thank-you note for my enlightening discussion. He's still ignoring them and, unfortunately, all the other armies are busy fighting rebels.
Feb 10: Chagatai hordes take Tajikistan. I, for one, refuse to ignore them. As soon as our armies are done with the rebels, they will move to crush the Chagatai scum! (We must have priorities. Rebels *were* here first, after all...)
Feb 18: Kirgizistan lost to Chagatai! Curse them and the pigs they rode in on!
Feb 25: Shah Rukh has begun attacking the Gujarati armies in Indus province. I am unexcited.
Mar 2: Fars rebels beaten down. We might pull this one out, yet.
Mar 3: Shah Rukh has defeated the Gujarati armies in the field and is now laying siege to the cities of the Indus. I hope he takes the province soon so we can have his forces back to fight the Chagatai.
Mar 20: The Uzbek Kaganate declares war on us. I send a message to Rukh begging him to lead his army northward. He says he'll be done in a little bit. Meanwhile, our armies march on to Tajikistan.
Mar 24: Our infantry were wiped out in Tajikistan by Chagatai cavalry. So *that's* how they moved so fast... We need to raise more cash for our wars and Isfahan goes into rebellion. One more rebellion to quell, but this time with far fewer troops...
Apr 2: Uzbeks attack Samarkand. This is not good. I need to get out of town.
Apr 7: Uzbeks besiege Samarkand. This is REALLY not good. I REALLY need to get out of town. I sneak out by night and manage to steal through the Uzbek lines forming around the city.
Apr 8: After counseling the Shah to sue for peace and leave Indus alone, I just received word that he opted instead for the following plan:
1. Order all the infantry to quit fighting rebels and immediately march on Indus. Turns out, the Shah's force is predominantly cavalry, which is rather useless in a siege. We could have really used those horsemen against the Chagatai...
2. Once the army gets to Indus, detach the cavalry and ride against our enemies, the swine-eating Chagatai and Uzbeks first. I don't know if this means he'll take on the rebels second or attack someone else.
3. Insult all our other enemies. He took out loans, so it seems, to pay for insults befitting our most hated enemies. He insulted Qara Koyunlu, The Kaliphate, Aden, and Oman. Thankfully, he spent what was left of the loan on raising armies.
Apr 9: I dutifully inform the Shah we have no one left to recruit... our provinces are depopulated, in chaos, and/or rebellion and enemy occupation.
Jun 1: Mekran and Hamadan revolt. No surprises, given Shah Rukh's recent assertion of authority.
Jun 22: Good news: we beat a Gujarati army. Bad news: Chagatai besieged Surkhandarya.
Aug 8: Shah Rukh writes that he needs to lift siege of Indus to properly reorganize the army. He doesn't feel comfortable dividing his forces under the eyes of the enemy. He plans to retreat to Qandahar for a few weeks, then return to Samarkand with the cavalry to lift the siege and have the infantry go back to Indus.
Sept 1: Shah Rukh declines Gujarat and Chagatai offers of peace. I try and re-open negotiations to end these wars, but they insist on negotiating only with the Shah. They don't listen to me when I explain how insane the Shah is right now.
Sept 5: Infantry sent to attack Indus. Cavalry ride north with Shah Rukh. I am watching the siege of Samarkand from a cave in the side of a cliff, and it ain't pretty, let me tell you.
Sept 8: Uzbeks take Samarkand. The capital of Timurlane is now under the boots of foreign conquerors. I shed bitter tears and hope that madman Rukh can drive the Uzbeks and Chagatai from here.
Sept 20: Uzbeks take Bokhara... uh... I begin brushing up on my Turkish... perhaps the Ottoman Sultan can use my services...
Oct 1: Gujaratis counter-attack in Indus; Rebels take Fars and Hormouz; Sultan pink-slips 4000 advisors... not a good job market in Ankara... I decide to brush up on my Arabic, instead... I didn't insult the Mamelukes, so I apply there...
Oct 18: I hear that Shah Rukh died in battle at gates of Samarkand... our forces are in retreat. I am already in Qandahar, hoping to re-create a government and rebuild out of the ashes of Shah Rukh's regime. I chose to retreat to the mountain fastness of Qandahar... all the other mountain fastnesses being too close to rebellions and/or under foreign armies.
Oct 21: kick a man when he down... The Kaliphate of Baghdad declares war on us!
Nov 1: Let's see... we now have new revolts in Mekran, Elbruz, and Kushka. This will not look good on my resume... also, Gujaratis beat our army out of Indus. I have ordered our remaining forces to Qandahar to concentrate them and see about re-organizing our state.
Nov 3: Terrible news. First, the Uzbeks took Khorasan. Worse, turns out Shah Rukh did *not* die in battle, but was only grievously injured. Although he had a miraculous recovery, he is unable to campaign, so he'll be at my side, constantly. He just had me raise war taxes to get a new army started to invade Indus once more. Predictably, we had a revolt, this time Awhaz going over to the rebels... I send out applications to Catholic nations, indicating a willingness to relocate and to believe in Jesus.
Dec 12: Armies gathered in Qandahar. Building new forces and hoping to turn things around. Shah Rukh is spending a lot of time writing out curses to each province in revolt, so he's been leaving me alone. No answer yet from Europe.
Dec 14: Uzbeks take Meched.
Dec 24: Tabaristan falls to the rebels. I am *so* not surprised.
1421
Jan 1: Isfahan revolts and will probably join with the invaders. Things are very hopeless. Shah Rukh happened to wander into my chambers, wondering if we can raise war taxes again. I lost it and shouted, "Well, if you really want the countryside to plunge into rebellion, why not declare war on on Oman and the Delhi Sultanate?" I was being sarcastic, of course. Shah Rukh is not one for sarcasm, though. He loved the idea, as it would sort out those who were truly loyal from the wicked traitors. Before I could say, "Wait! Joke!" he'd dispatched a messenger to those nations with a declaration of war. Sigh.
Jan 2: When word gets out we're declaring war on Oman and Delhi, Baluchistan revolts. The revolt isn't as bad as the general uprising I expected, then I remember two-thirds of the country is already up in arms or controlled by invaders. Then it all makes sense.
Jan 8: I am shocked to receive messengers from China and Bengal bearing news their monarchs are declaring war on us. I later discover Shah Rukh has been sending insults to fabled faraway lands just to see if their peoples were as touchy as the Uzbeks. Looks like the Chinese and Bengals are...
Jan 9: Mysore declares war. Add another to the list...
Jan 13: I find out Shah Rukh has also declared war on England, of all places. The English are the least of my worries, right now. I begin researching undetectible poisons that won't affect the flavors of Shah Rukh's favorite foods.
Jan 16: Vijaynagar declares war on us. Shah Rukh's experiment is bearing astounding fruit.
Jan 18: Qara Koyunlu sends us an extremely well-worded insult. Shah Rukh takes down a few notes, then executes the messenger. I am making discrete inquiries among my closest friends if they know any assassins who do good work and offer reasonable rates.
Jan 20: Orissa declares war. I am now no longer concerned with reasonable rates for assassins.
Feb 16: Uzbeks demand peace. Sadly, they chose to negotiate with Shah Rukh. Predictably, Shah Rukh refused their overture, even though it was extremely reasonable, demanding only two provinces and military access. Still no luck finding good assassins. Apparently, Shah Rukh has hired them all to go after foreign nobles who haven't yet declared war on us as a further test of the ability of mankind to forgive.
April 1: Our army is ready, and none too soon! Unfortunately, yet unsurprisingly, Shah Rukh says he feels up for a campaign and decides to march on Indus. I am now looking in to the possibility of disguising myself as a commoner and living out a nice, quiet life as a slave somewhere.
April 29: The Gujaratis routed our army. We are running out of provinces.
June 15: Our army is routed in Baluchistan. Apparently, the rebels are better armed and paid than we are. I hear a noise outside... hang on, I'll be right back...
August 1: Barely escaped with my life! Shah Rukh is madder than ever! We have been on the run from rebels constantly since mid-June and after but a day's rest after we lost them in the Baluchi desert, Rukh has ordered we attack the Gujaratis who have laid siege to Quetta! True to his mad form, Rukh has declared war on the Ottoman Empire and Mamelukes. I am talking with Uzbek representatives to see if they can smuggle me out after they send another armed peace delegation.
Sept 12: Rukh routed in Quetta. Same song, another verse... I have taken up gardening.
Sept 25: Sandstorm wipes out my crops. I have taken up writing poetry.
Dec 8: Still stuck on the second line. This poetry stuff is harder than I expected. Shah Rukh decides that, to make more money, he'll cut the troops back to half pay. I wholeheartedly endorse this with the hope the troops will turn on him and kill him dead.
1422:
Jan 1: Our capital is now a tent in the middle of the Afghan wilderness. We collect 2 ducats in taxes. Good thing we cut the pay of the troops...
Mar 8: We are down to our last province, Qandahar. The Uzbeks send a highly reasonable offer to end their war and Shah Rukh declines it. Qandahar is now in revolt.
Apr 1: Still repressing the revolt in Qandahar... Shah Rukh has the nerve to demote me and cut my pay. If I hadn't sold off my sword for cabbage seeds last year, I'd use it right now.
Apr 3: Repressed the revolt in Qandahar. Hooray? Shah Rukh says the victorious army can go on the offensive. I fake a trick knee and stay back in the farm house we've renamed, "The Palace."
May 13: Rukh defeated the armies beseiging Quetta. Unbelievable.
July 19: Rukh's army is totally annihilated in a campaign in the north. Amazingly, Rukh survives to tell me the tale. We have no money to raise an army with, so we play chess. I make it interesting at a gold coin per pawn and clean up on the Shah.
Sept 14: The Shah finally lost all his money. I was ready to buy my way out of this hell when he decided to tax me 100% and force me to play chess with him again. Apparently, he's addicted to gambling...
Nov 1: A glorious revolution! The government is overthrown! Shah Rukh is on the run! The new government proclaims an enlightened world for all our citizens and pledges peace with all our enemies! Sadly, our once-proud empire is reduced to a mere 8 provinces, the other 15 lost to rebels and invaders, but at least we can now live in a saner world.
Nov 8: The government accepts my proposal to be their prime advisor and they adopt my plans for rebuilding the empire.
Nov 15: I am resting in my pleasure-garden when I hear a terrible tumult in the city. I rise and rush to see the cause of the commotion. Shah Rukh has returned in force and slaughtered the new government by night! I beg him to kill me, too, but he forgives me instead and makes me his Grand Vizier. AAAAAAGGHH!!! The first task he hands me is the business of getting back to war with the nations we were formerly fighting...
Nov 16: I submit my resignation along with the declarations of war. Rukh accepts the declarations and refuses the resignation. "You're a great chess partner!" he says...
Nov 17: We declare war on the Uzbeks. Our country is thrown into deep turmoil once again.
Dec 1: Delhi Sultanate struck by civil war. Why not us? We declare war on Chagatai.
Dec 2: Fars and Hormouz plunge into rebellion. Who could blame them? They were Shiite, anyway. I send my best wishes in the same mail packet containing Rukh's curses and polemics.
1423:
Jan 11: We have enough money to raise a force of 1000 troops. We do so and Rukh sends a birthday greeting and a declaration of war to the Gujarati. "First thing when that army's ready," he says, "is we attack Indus!"
Mar 11: Our army is ready. Then the Uzbeks show up. I think I know where this is going...
Mar 12: Our army is annihilated. I re-apply for various odd jobs in parts of the world far, far away from Shah Rukh.
July 5: It's hard to get out of Samarkand, ever since the Uzbeks started their siege. This means I'm missing out on all the interviews for positions elsewhere. The good news is now the Uzbeks have breached our walls, so I hope to be able to get out and about more often.
Sep 4: Shah Rukh is sending me to personally deliver a declaration of war against the Delhi Sultanate. I eagerly accept the assignment and ride in what style we have left to Delhi.
Sep 26: I hear Baluchistan is at war with the Timurid Empire. How quaint. I peel another grape as I live out life as a hostage of the Sultan in Delhi. Thankfully, he does not desire to play chess, but instead engages in the arts of statecraft.
Nov 22: Rukh sends me word he's declared war on Qara Koyunlu and is raising funds to buy an army. I wish him luck as I enjoy another curry. I am beginning to love Indian cuisine.
Dec 5: Samarkand falls to the Uzbeks. One can only hope Shah Rukh perished in the sack.
1424:
Jan 7: Get a postcard from Kabul. Shah Rukh survived once again. Fortunately, I remain a prisoner in the palace of the Delhi Sultan. I am addicted to Tumeric, I tell you!
Feb 12: Receive word Rukh has attacked Indus. Good for him.
Apr 4: Hear that Rukh's army left Indus and attacked Uzbek armies laying siege to Qandahar. The army he led perished trying to raise the siege. I expect I'll get another postcard from Kabul next month...
May 18: Yep. He survived. He's got the nine lives of a cat several times over. Delhi is wonderful this time of year.
Oct 1: The Delhi Sultan hands me a bill for my stay in his court. Apparently, I'm no longer welcome here as his hostage. I check to see if the Uzbeks need any hostages.
1425:
Jan 17: I arrive as a hostage/guest of the Uzbek Khan the same day word arrives of the fall of Quetta. Rukh's down to just Kabul. One only hopes another revolution hits, and this one wipes him out.
Apr 2: Kabul under siege. I send maps of the walls to the Delhi forces surrounding that city. That should square things with the ol' Sultan...
Jun 7: Otrar ain't Delhi, and Uzbek food is loooow in Tumeric, but it beats conditions in Kabul. There are no provinces under Timurid control. It's only a matter of time. The Khan says he's considering candidates for the governor of Samarkand when he takes it over and I'm definitely throwing my hat into that ring!
1426:
Jan 28: Kabul could fall any day, I hear! One can only hope! My Buz Kashi game is really improving.
Feb 17: Kabul fell to the Delhi armies. No sign of Shah Rukh. I may have a chance to turn pro if I do well at next week's Invitational.
Mar 17: It's official! I'll be a member of Otrar United as a defender starting in two weeks! Not only will I get a new career as a Buz Kashi rider, I'll be free of that awful Shah Rukh forever! Awesome!
Apr 5: I HATE MY LIFE! They managed to capture Rukh and got him to accept peace terms under torture! Not only is he back in power in Samarkand, he's requested a return of hostages! THE UZBEK GOVERNMENT SENT ME BACK! So much for my Buz Kashi career... I didn't even get to do any endorsements!
Apr 15: Back in Samarkand. Rukh says it's just like old times. I try not to vomit, wonder why I'm restraining myself, then vomit. Rukh blames having too much rich food and put me in charge of the new army he's raising. Great. Now I'm a general.
May 1: The Timurid Empire is bankrupt, in spite of Rukh sticking with his old habit of half-pay for everyone in government. Army morale plummets, mine included.
Jul 5: Shah Rukh read a book about Rome. Now he's declared war on the Papal States.
Jul 15: I convince Shah Rukh to declare war against the Uzbeks. Meanwhile, I teach all my troops how to say, "We surrender" in Uzbek.
Jul 16: I order my forces to march into the heart of the Uzbek kingdom, the city of Otrar. Strangely, the Uzbeks left the place undefended. Reluctantly, we lay siege to the place.
Sep 10: My troops fail to follow my orders and fight an Uzbek army instead of surrendering. Sadly, we are permitted to retreat to Samarkand. How cruel of them not to kill us on the spot if they wouldn't let us surrender!
Oct 6: Chagatai forces beat my army at Samarkand. We retreat to Uzbek-held country.
Oct 27: Woe betide us! We actually defeated an Uzbek army in Bokhara and took the province! My plan is falling to pieces before my eyes!
Nov 22: Looked for another Uzbek army and wound up defeating that one, too! Curse my terrible luck!
Nov 28: Discover Uzbeks are investing Samarkand. I march against them.
Dec 30: Joy! Our forces performed brilliantly! As soon as we saw the Uzbek soldiers arrayed before us, we threw down our weapons in unison and surrendered en masse! It was brilliantly executed and I could not have asked anything more of my soldiers! Many Uzbeks recognized me, in spite of the few Buz Kashi matches I played, and I'm on my way back to Otrar United squad!
1427:
May 17: Got to do my first endorsement for Ben Khalid's Fine Oxcarts. I'm hitting the big time.
Jun 29: Samarkand fell. Why doesn't someone just take over and do away with the formality of getting Shah Rukh to sign a peace he'll never agree to?
Jul 4: Timurids bankrupt again. Their inflation is around 80% and starting to affect the Uzbek economy.
Nov 24: Kazakh Horde vassalized by Uzbeks. Go Uzbek Kaganate!
1428:
Feb 11: The rebels in Fars have joined with the Uzbeks. Shah Rukh as intransigent as ever. The end of the Timurid Empire is near. Meanwhile, Otrar United is in the playoffs. I'm so proud to finally be part of a winning team.
Feb 23: We made it to the semi-finals. Although saddened to not be in the finals, we're proud of how far we've come.
May 3: Timurid army attacked the lands around Otrar. They attacked Otrar United's practice ground and took me prisoner before they drove off the Uzbek regulars. Guess who was leading the army and recognized me and was more than happy to give me my old job back. Once again, I HATE MY LIFE. I am now laying siege to my beloved Otrar. O Cruel Fate!
June 4: Attacked by an Uzbek relief force. Sadly, Rukh refused to hear about my "We Surrender" gambit and retreated after we lost 4/5ths of our army. On my way back to ol' Samarkand, now.
Jul 3: Somehow, Rukh managed to run the economy into the ground yet again. I thought it hit rock bottom and then Rukh finds another palace to build and... 105% inflation...
Jul 4: Rukh is laughing his butt off. I ask why and he tells me he's raised another 1000 ducats to build a palace and has no intention of paying the suckers back. I go back to teaching my soldiers how to defect to the Uzbeks.
Jul 22: My plan worked out great! We got our butts kicked and I'm heading back to Otrar! And I only missed a few games this season!
Dec 12: Rukh's creditors came calling again. Yes, he declared bankruptcy. The creditors asked the beseiging Uzbeks if they could help loot the city once it falls.
1429:
Mar 23: This year, Otrar United made the finals. We lost, but we got further than we did last year. Endorsements are coming in, and the best of all, I just heard Samarkand has fallen to the Uzbek Kaganate. Looks like Shah Rukh's ruling days and days of ruining my life are just about completely over.
Mar 25: It's official! The Timurid Empire is no more! Death to Shah Rukh, if I ever find the jerk again!
Apr 7: Does Allah hate me? Now that Samarkand is part of the Uzbek Kaganate, they now have a Buz Kashi team. I got traded to them in the expansion draft and GUESS WHO is their head coach? Rukh's already decided to pay everyone half-rate so he can beat the salary cap and wants us to take on the Indus team in an exhibition game. He winked at me when he said that. Worst part is nobody takes a Buz Kashi player hostage. I am stuck with this guy until someone shoves him in front of a charging line hell-bent on scoring.
I wonder if I could make that look like an accident?
-or-
Why Term Limits Are a Good Thing
While waiting for the 1.05 patch to show up, I decided to kill time with a quick little EU2 game and write up an after-action report. Before starting, I thought I'd set some goals for myself.
GOALS:
1. Play the Timurids: Lots of people said they're fun to play, so I thought I'd give them a whirl.
2. Avoid complacency: If something isn't happening, something needs to happen. I don't want to sit around and watch my stability increase.
3. I make the best suggestions, ruler takes opposite path: It's always a lot of fun to see how quickly one can run a country into the ground. It also makes for a funnier game when I play "opposite day" style.
4. The dynamic missions are LAW: Rather than ignore them if they don't suit my needs and just lump the VP penalty, I will do EVERYTHING possible to fulfill them.
AI Settings and difficulty level: Furious, Very Hard
And the game begins...
1418:
Dec 29: My career is most auspiciously blessed! This year, I begin as the Grand Vizier to Shah Rukh, lion of the Timurid Empire. In the ceremony vesting me with my powers and authority, though, a guard accidentally hit Shah Rukh on the back of his head with a rather large mace. Shah Rukh passed out but seems to be fine now, praise be to Allah the Most Merciful. My first meeting with the Shah will be in a few days.
1419:
Jan 1: I have analyzed the situation at hand and it is most grim. Our state is in such disarray, it is a wonder we are still a political entity! Taxes are going uncollected, our diplomats are in hiding, and the past Grand Vizier only left a series of insane babblings before he left without a trace. No matter, I am ready to serve my lord in his hour of need.
I propose to the Shah that we take drastic measures to curb rebellions. First, and most important, we need to cease persecuting the Shiites right now until we are in a better position to deal with them. Second, we need to undertake a reining in of freeholders. The populace is unruly and needs to be under the control of local lords. We can win their approval through a lightening of the taxation burden and really turn things around here.
Strangely, the Shah did not seem all that pleased with my suggestions. A few hours after our meeting, he stopped by to let me know I was making a good start and not to be discouraged. Then he stood on his balcony and proclaimed to the masses of Samarkand that the heretical Shiites thought the former Shah was a cruel man, but they will think a thousand times worse of him. As the crowd applauded, he then said he would break up the estates of Shiite nobles and give their lands to commoners. I could not believe what I was hearing. It was the exact opposite of what I recommended! I am beginning to wonder if the blow to the head he received is still affecting his judgment. Nevertheless, his word is law, and so it shall be.
Jan 12: Shiite rebels have overthrown the government in Baluchistan and Fars. Hopefully, Shah Rukh will see the error of his ways. Nevertheless, the rebels must be crushed, and thankfully, Shah Rukh is in agreement with me on that count. The Shah marches out to Fars.
Jan 25: Receive news the garrison in Baluchistan has regained control of the province. Praise to Allah, the Most Just! Shah Rukh continues his march on Fars.
Feb 1: Baluchistan revolts again. Hamadan, another Shiite province also goes into rebellion. Receive a message from Shah Rukh that he's changed his mind and will march on Indus. He would like very much for me to declare war on India. I can't find so much as a diplomat, let alone enough money to wage a war, so I choose to stall on this one until we're able to control our populace better. I send orders for other forces to move on Fars and Hamadan, now that Shah Rukh will no longer go there.
Mar 1: Another revolt in Baluchistan... I don't know if the second one was quelled or not, but the Baluchi are particularly peeved about their nobilty losing their lands. Can't say that I blame them, really.
Apr 6: Rebels defeated in Fars. Shah Rukh sends a letter asking me how I'm doing on the whole "declare war on Gujarati" thing. I reply the omens are ill and we should wait for the stars to be right.
Jun 1: Fars in revolt again and now Tabaristan is in rebellion. Fighting in Hamadan. Shah Rukh still on the Gujarati border, waiting for war to start so he can invade. I order the Baluchistan garrison to send a detachment to Fars as I order various provinces to raise armies for the unrest to come as more of Shah Rukh's disastrous anti-Shiite policies are carried out.
Jun 4: I hear the Tabaristan garrison was eliminated! Yikes! Shah Rukh's cousin, a commander in an adjacent province, orders his men to attack, although I fear they will be woefully outnumbered.
Jun 17: Shah Rukh's musicians have been playing incessantly since I got here. They play the SAME SONGS ALL DAY LONG. I have dismissed them and there is silence in the palace. I hope I'll be able to do better work from now on.
Jul 6: Rukh's cousin got killed in battle in Tabarstan. I figured that would happen. I now wonder if it was the blow to the head that did it to Rukh, or if he was always this crazy. Forces I've raised and joined to the Baluchistan detachment are gathering, though, so once they're done with Fars, they'll take back Tabaristan. Shah Rukh sends me a note from Qandahar asking just how much exactly it will cost to get the stars in the right places. At first, I think he's realized our treasury is very low, but subordinates inform me that, no, what he really means to do is bribe the stars. I decide to let Shah Rukh know the stars are in the right places, but we are dealing with revolts in the western provinces and cannot attack Gujarati at this time.
Aug 1: I receive news the province of Mekran is in revolt. This is just awful. Shah Rukh refuses to change his policies.
Aug 21: Fars revolt quelled. Finally, a success! Now they will attack Tabarstan! The Baluchistan garrison attacks Mekran, as well.
Sept 3: Mekran revolt beaten down. Hooray for the tough Baluchistan garrison!
Oct 1: Hamadan revolts again, and the local commander had assured me he'd quieted them down, the fool! We have all of 2 ducats left in the treasury, by the way... people are still not paying those taxes. We have to get a better handle on local authorities.
Oct 21: We beat the Tabaristan revolters! Now our loyal troops, who were cut in numbers significantly in the last battle, can help repress the revolt in Hamadan. I wish Shah Rukh's army were available to attack the rebels, but he insists on being ready to invade India as soon as the rebellions are put down.
Nov 1: Tabaristan and Mekran revolt again! We have garrisons there, now, though, so we should be able to stop them quickly.
Nov 13: Both of those provinces beaten down. We might soon not have any Shiites left there to revolt, which would be a good thing. Sort of. I liked my original plan better, though.
Nov 15: Hamadan rebellion taken care of. Finally, some peace in the countryside, but at a terrible cost.
Nov 24: Fars revolts again and Elbruz is up in arms. The peace was but a mirage.
Dec 1: Shah Rukh has been bugging me to hurry up and defeat the rebels so he can get on with adding to the glory of the Timurid Empire, but I keep telling him we desperately need his forces to keep the peace in the land. His response had been in the past to say he has to be ready to go, but now he finally agrees to fight the rebels and will march on Elbruz. He's still insane, but at least he's of some use to me now.
Dec 26: My economic policies are a success. Somehow, I was able to enforce taxes in the last half of the year and rein in profiteers, so our treasury is now in the best shape it's been in years. We've also been able to reduce prices in the markets, bringing greater prosperity to the land. Dancing in the exchequers. Now we can build armies to fight the rebels!
1420:
Jan 6: Chagatai hordes are raiding our lands in the far north-east. I inform Shah Rukh of this issue, but he says he doesn't see any "Chagatai" on his map and orders me to ignore them. I can't believe he's really that stupid.
Jan 16: Another bombshell from Shah Rukh. I just got a letter from him that he's happy to see that I've been raising armies, so he's not needed to quell rebellions anymore. He wrote further to say he understands I've got my hands full and all, so he'll take care of declaring war himself. What a great king... He still doesn't acknowledge the Chagatai threat. Oh yes, another revolt in Fars.
Feb 1: I've been explaining to the Shah where exactly the Chagatai are from and he sent me a thank-you note for my enlightening discussion. He's still ignoring them and, unfortunately, all the other armies are busy fighting rebels.
Feb 10: Chagatai hordes take Tajikistan. I, for one, refuse to ignore them. As soon as our armies are done with the rebels, they will move to crush the Chagatai scum! (We must have priorities. Rebels *were* here first, after all...)
Feb 18: Kirgizistan lost to Chagatai! Curse them and the pigs they rode in on!
Feb 25: Shah Rukh has begun attacking the Gujarati armies in Indus province. I am unexcited.
Mar 2: Fars rebels beaten down. We might pull this one out, yet.
Mar 3: Shah Rukh has defeated the Gujarati armies in the field and is now laying siege to the cities of the Indus. I hope he takes the province soon so we can have his forces back to fight the Chagatai.
Mar 20: The Uzbek Kaganate declares war on us. I send a message to Rukh begging him to lead his army northward. He says he'll be done in a little bit. Meanwhile, our armies march on to Tajikistan.
Mar 24: Our infantry were wiped out in Tajikistan by Chagatai cavalry. So *that's* how they moved so fast... We need to raise more cash for our wars and Isfahan goes into rebellion. One more rebellion to quell, but this time with far fewer troops...
Apr 2: Uzbeks attack Samarkand. This is not good. I need to get out of town.
Apr 7: Uzbeks besiege Samarkand. This is REALLY not good. I REALLY need to get out of town. I sneak out by night and manage to steal through the Uzbek lines forming around the city.
Apr 8: After counseling the Shah to sue for peace and leave Indus alone, I just received word that he opted instead for the following plan:
1. Order all the infantry to quit fighting rebels and immediately march on Indus. Turns out, the Shah's force is predominantly cavalry, which is rather useless in a siege. We could have really used those horsemen against the Chagatai...
2. Once the army gets to Indus, detach the cavalry and ride against our enemies, the swine-eating Chagatai and Uzbeks first. I don't know if this means he'll take on the rebels second or attack someone else.
3. Insult all our other enemies. He took out loans, so it seems, to pay for insults befitting our most hated enemies. He insulted Qara Koyunlu, The Kaliphate, Aden, and Oman. Thankfully, he spent what was left of the loan on raising armies.
Apr 9: I dutifully inform the Shah we have no one left to recruit... our provinces are depopulated, in chaos, and/or rebellion and enemy occupation.
Jun 1: Mekran and Hamadan revolt. No surprises, given Shah Rukh's recent assertion of authority.
Jun 22: Good news: we beat a Gujarati army. Bad news: Chagatai besieged Surkhandarya.
Aug 8: Shah Rukh writes that he needs to lift siege of Indus to properly reorganize the army. He doesn't feel comfortable dividing his forces under the eyes of the enemy. He plans to retreat to Qandahar for a few weeks, then return to Samarkand with the cavalry to lift the siege and have the infantry go back to Indus.
Sept 1: Shah Rukh declines Gujarat and Chagatai offers of peace. I try and re-open negotiations to end these wars, but they insist on negotiating only with the Shah. They don't listen to me when I explain how insane the Shah is right now.
Sept 5: Infantry sent to attack Indus. Cavalry ride north with Shah Rukh. I am watching the siege of Samarkand from a cave in the side of a cliff, and it ain't pretty, let me tell you.
Sept 8: Uzbeks take Samarkand. The capital of Timurlane is now under the boots of foreign conquerors. I shed bitter tears and hope that madman Rukh can drive the Uzbeks and Chagatai from here.
Sept 20: Uzbeks take Bokhara... uh... I begin brushing up on my Turkish... perhaps the Ottoman Sultan can use my services...
Oct 1: Gujaratis counter-attack in Indus; Rebels take Fars and Hormouz; Sultan pink-slips 4000 advisors... not a good job market in Ankara... I decide to brush up on my Arabic, instead... I didn't insult the Mamelukes, so I apply there...
Oct 18: I hear that Shah Rukh died in battle at gates of Samarkand... our forces are in retreat. I am already in Qandahar, hoping to re-create a government and rebuild out of the ashes of Shah Rukh's regime. I chose to retreat to the mountain fastness of Qandahar... all the other mountain fastnesses being too close to rebellions and/or under foreign armies.
Oct 21: kick a man when he down... The Kaliphate of Baghdad declares war on us!
Nov 1: Let's see... we now have new revolts in Mekran, Elbruz, and Kushka. This will not look good on my resume... also, Gujaratis beat our army out of Indus. I have ordered our remaining forces to Qandahar to concentrate them and see about re-organizing our state.
Nov 3: Terrible news. First, the Uzbeks took Khorasan. Worse, turns out Shah Rukh did *not* die in battle, but was only grievously injured. Although he had a miraculous recovery, he is unable to campaign, so he'll be at my side, constantly. He just had me raise war taxes to get a new army started to invade Indus once more. Predictably, we had a revolt, this time Awhaz going over to the rebels... I send out applications to Catholic nations, indicating a willingness to relocate and to believe in Jesus.
Dec 12: Armies gathered in Qandahar. Building new forces and hoping to turn things around. Shah Rukh is spending a lot of time writing out curses to each province in revolt, so he's been leaving me alone. No answer yet from Europe.
Dec 14: Uzbeks take Meched.
Dec 24: Tabaristan falls to the rebels. I am *so* not surprised.
1421
Jan 1: Isfahan revolts and will probably join with the invaders. Things are very hopeless. Shah Rukh happened to wander into my chambers, wondering if we can raise war taxes again. I lost it and shouted, "Well, if you really want the countryside to plunge into rebellion, why not declare war on on Oman and the Delhi Sultanate?" I was being sarcastic, of course. Shah Rukh is not one for sarcasm, though. He loved the idea, as it would sort out those who were truly loyal from the wicked traitors. Before I could say, "Wait! Joke!" he'd dispatched a messenger to those nations with a declaration of war. Sigh.
Jan 2: When word gets out we're declaring war on Oman and Delhi, Baluchistan revolts. The revolt isn't as bad as the general uprising I expected, then I remember two-thirds of the country is already up in arms or controlled by invaders. Then it all makes sense.
Jan 8: I am shocked to receive messengers from China and Bengal bearing news their monarchs are declaring war on us. I later discover Shah Rukh has been sending insults to fabled faraway lands just to see if their peoples were as touchy as the Uzbeks. Looks like the Chinese and Bengals are...
Jan 9: Mysore declares war. Add another to the list...
Jan 13: I find out Shah Rukh has also declared war on England, of all places. The English are the least of my worries, right now. I begin researching undetectible poisons that won't affect the flavors of Shah Rukh's favorite foods.
Jan 16: Vijaynagar declares war on us. Shah Rukh's experiment is bearing astounding fruit.
Jan 18: Qara Koyunlu sends us an extremely well-worded insult. Shah Rukh takes down a few notes, then executes the messenger. I am making discrete inquiries among my closest friends if they know any assassins who do good work and offer reasonable rates.
Jan 20: Orissa declares war. I am now no longer concerned with reasonable rates for assassins.
Feb 16: Uzbeks demand peace. Sadly, they chose to negotiate with Shah Rukh. Predictably, Shah Rukh refused their overture, even though it was extremely reasonable, demanding only two provinces and military access. Still no luck finding good assassins. Apparently, Shah Rukh has hired them all to go after foreign nobles who haven't yet declared war on us as a further test of the ability of mankind to forgive.
April 1: Our army is ready, and none too soon! Unfortunately, yet unsurprisingly, Shah Rukh says he feels up for a campaign and decides to march on Indus. I am now looking in to the possibility of disguising myself as a commoner and living out a nice, quiet life as a slave somewhere.
April 29: The Gujaratis routed our army. We are running out of provinces.
June 15: Our army is routed in Baluchistan. Apparently, the rebels are better armed and paid than we are. I hear a noise outside... hang on, I'll be right back...
August 1: Barely escaped with my life! Shah Rukh is madder than ever! We have been on the run from rebels constantly since mid-June and after but a day's rest after we lost them in the Baluchi desert, Rukh has ordered we attack the Gujaratis who have laid siege to Quetta! True to his mad form, Rukh has declared war on the Ottoman Empire and Mamelukes. I am talking with Uzbek representatives to see if they can smuggle me out after they send another armed peace delegation.
Sept 12: Rukh routed in Quetta. Same song, another verse... I have taken up gardening.
Sept 25: Sandstorm wipes out my crops. I have taken up writing poetry.
Dec 8: Still stuck on the second line. This poetry stuff is harder than I expected. Shah Rukh decides that, to make more money, he'll cut the troops back to half pay. I wholeheartedly endorse this with the hope the troops will turn on him and kill him dead.
1422:
Jan 1: Our capital is now a tent in the middle of the Afghan wilderness. We collect 2 ducats in taxes. Good thing we cut the pay of the troops...
Mar 8: We are down to our last province, Qandahar. The Uzbeks send a highly reasonable offer to end their war and Shah Rukh declines it. Qandahar is now in revolt.
Apr 1: Still repressing the revolt in Qandahar... Shah Rukh has the nerve to demote me and cut my pay. If I hadn't sold off my sword for cabbage seeds last year, I'd use it right now.
Apr 3: Repressed the revolt in Qandahar. Hooray? Shah Rukh says the victorious army can go on the offensive. I fake a trick knee and stay back in the farm house we've renamed, "The Palace."
May 13: Rukh defeated the armies beseiging Quetta. Unbelievable.
July 19: Rukh's army is totally annihilated in a campaign in the north. Amazingly, Rukh survives to tell me the tale. We have no money to raise an army with, so we play chess. I make it interesting at a gold coin per pawn and clean up on the Shah.
Sept 14: The Shah finally lost all his money. I was ready to buy my way out of this hell when he decided to tax me 100% and force me to play chess with him again. Apparently, he's addicted to gambling...
Nov 1: A glorious revolution! The government is overthrown! Shah Rukh is on the run! The new government proclaims an enlightened world for all our citizens and pledges peace with all our enemies! Sadly, our once-proud empire is reduced to a mere 8 provinces, the other 15 lost to rebels and invaders, but at least we can now live in a saner world.
Nov 8: The government accepts my proposal to be their prime advisor and they adopt my plans for rebuilding the empire.
Nov 15: I am resting in my pleasure-garden when I hear a terrible tumult in the city. I rise and rush to see the cause of the commotion. Shah Rukh has returned in force and slaughtered the new government by night! I beg him to kill me, too, but he forgives me instead and makes me his Grand Vizier. AAAAAAGGHH!!! The first task he hands me is the business of getting back to war with the nations we were formerly fighting...
Nov 16: I submit my resignation along with the declarations of war. Rukh accepts the declarations and refuses the resignation. "You're a great chess partner!" he says...
Nov 17: We declare war on the Uzbeks. Our country is thrown into deep turmoil once again.
Dec 1: Delhi Sultanate struck by civil war. Why not us? We declare war on Chagatai.
Dec 2: Fars and Hormouz plunge into rebellion. Who could blame them? They were Shiite, anyway. I send my best wishes in the same mail packet containing Rukh's curses and polemics.
1423:
Jan 11: We have enough money to raise a force of 1000 troops. We do so and Rukh sends a birthday greeting and a declaration of war to the Gujarati. "First thing when that army's ready," he says, "is we attack Indus!"
Mar 11: Our army is ready. Then the Uzbeks show up. I think I know where this is going...
Mar 12: Our army is annihilated. I re-apply for various odd jobs in parts of the world far, far away from Shah Rukh.
July 5: It's hard to get out of Samarkand, ever since the Uzbeks started their siege. This means I'm missing out on all the interviews for positions elsewhere. The good news is now the Uzbeks have breached our walls, so I hope to be able to get out and about more often.
Sep 4: Shah Rukh is sending me to personally deliver a declaration of war against the Delhi Sultanate. I eagerly accept the assignment and ride in what style we have left to Delhi.
Sep 26: I hear Baluchistan is at war with the Timurid Empire. How quaint. I peel another grape as I live out life as a hostage of the Sultan in Delhi. Thankfully, he does not desire to play chess, but instead engages in the arts of statecraft.
Nov 22: Rukh sends me word he's declared war on Qara Koyunlu and is raising funds to buy an army. I wish him luck as I enjoy another curry. I am beginning to love Indian cuisine.
Dec 5: Samarkand falls to the Uzbeks. One can only hope Shah Rukh perished in the sack.
1424:
Jan 7: Get a postcard from Kabul. Shah Rukh survived once again. Fortunately, I remain a prisoner in the palace of the Delhi Sultan. I am addicted to Tumeric, I tell you!
Feb 12: Receive word Rukh has attacked Indus. Good for him.
Apr 4: Hear that Rukh's army left Indus and attacked Uzbek armies laying siege to Qandahar. The army he led perished trying to raise the siege. I expect I'll get another postcard from Kabul next month...
May 18: Yep. He survived. He's got the nine lives of a cat several times over. Delhi is wonderful this time of year.
Oct 1: The Delhi Sultan hands me a bill for my stay in his court. Apparently, I'm no longer welcome here as his hostage. I check to see if the Uzbeks need any hostages.
1425:
Jan 17: I arrive as a hostage/guest of the Uzbek Khan the same day word arrives of the fall of Quetta. Rukh's down to just Kabul. One only hopes another revolution hits, and this one wipes him out.
Apr 2: Kabul under siege. I send maps of the walls to the Delhi forces surrounding that city. That should square things with the ol' Sultan...
Jun 7: Otrar ain't Delhi, and Uzbek food is loooow in Tumeric, but it beats conditions in Kabul. There are no provinces under Timurid control. It's only a matter of time. The Khan says he's considering candidates for the governor of Samarkand when he takes it over and I'm definitely throwing my hat into that ring!
1426:
Jan 28: Kabul could fall any day, I hear! One can only hope! My Buz Kashi game is really improving.
Feb 17: Kabul fell to the Delhi armies. No sign of Shah Rukh. I may have a chance to turn pro if I do well at next week's Invitational.
Mar 17: It's official! I'll be a member of Otrar United as a defender starting in two weeks! Not only will I get a new career as a Buz Kashi rider, I'll be free of that awful Shah Rukh forever! Awesome!
Apr 5: I HATE MY LIFE! They managed to capture Rukh and got him to accept peace terms under torture! Not only is he back in power in Samarkand, he's requested a return of hostages! THE UZBEK GOVERNMENT SENT ME BACK! So much for my Buz Kashi career... I didn't even get to do any endorsements!
Apr 15: Back in Samarkand. Rukh says it's just like old times. I try not to vomit, wonder why I'm restraining myself, then vomit. Rukh blames having too much rich food and put me in charge of the new army he's raising. Great. Now I'm a general.
May 1: The Timurid Empire is bankrupt, in spite of Rukh sticking with his old habit of half-pay for everyone in government. Army morale plummets, mine included.
Jul 5: Shah Rukh read a book about Rome. Now he's declared war on the Papal States.
Jul 15: I convince Shah Rukh to declare war against the Uzbeks. Meanwhile, I teach all my troops how to say, "We surrender" in Uzbek.
Jul 16: I order my forces to march into the heart of the Uzbek kingdom, the city of Otrar. Strangely, the Uzbeks left the place undefended. Reluctantly, we lay siege to the place.
Sep 10: My troops fail to follow my orders and fight an Uzbek army instead of surrendering. Sadly, we are permitted to retreat to Samarkand. How cruel of them not to kill us on the spot if they wouldn't let us surrender!
Oct 6: Chagatai forces beat my army at Samarkand. We retreat to Uzbek-held country.
Oct 27: Woe betide us! We actually defeated an Uzbek army in Bokhara and took the province! My plan is falling to pieces before my eyes!
Nov 22: Looked for another Uzbek army and wound up defeating that one, too! Curse my terrible luck!
Nov 28: Discover Uzbeks are investing Samarkand. I march against them.
Dec 30: Joy! Our forces performed brilliantly! As soon as we saw the Uzbek soldiers arrayed before us, we threw down our weapons in unison and surrendered en masse! It was brilliantly executed and I could not have asked anything more of my soldiers! Many Uzbeks recognized me, in spite of the few Buz Kashi matches I played, and I'm on my way back to Otrar United squad!
1427:
May 17: Got to do my first endorsement for Ben Khalid's Fine Oxcarts. I'm hitting the big time.
Jun 29: Samarkand fell. Why doesn't someone just take over and do away with the formality of getting Shah Rukh to sign a peace he'll never agree to?
Jul 4: Timurids bankrupt again. Their inflation is around 80% and starting to affect the Uzbek economy.
Nov 24: Kazakh Horde vassalized by Uzbeks. Go Uzbek Kaganate!
1428:
Feb 11: The rebels in Fars have joined with the Uzbeks. Shah Rukh as intransigent as ever. The end of the Timurid Empire is near. Meanwhile, Otrar United is in the playoffs. I'm so proud to finally be part of a winning team.
Feb 23: We made it to the semi-finals. Although saddened to not be in the finals, we're proud of how far we've come.
May 3: Timurid army attacked the lands around Otrar. They attacked Otrar United's practice ground and took me prisoner before they drove off the Uzbek regulars. Guess who was leading the army and recognized me and was more than happy to give me my old job back. Once again, I HATE MY LIFE. I am now laying siege to my beloved Otrar. O Cruel Fate!
June 4: Attacked by an Uzbek relief force. Sadly, Rukh refused to hear about my "We Surrender" gambit and retreated after we lost 4/5ths of our army. On my way back to ol' Samarkand, now.
Jul 3: Somehow, Rukh managed to run the economy into the ground yet again. I thought it hit rock bottom and then Rukh finds another palace to build and... 105% inflation...
Jul 4: Rukh is laughing his butt off. I ask why and he tells me he's raised another 1000 ducats to build a palace and has no intention of paying the suckers back. I go back to teaching my soldiers how to defect to the Uzbeks.
Jul 22: My plan worked out great! We got our butts kicked and I'm heading back to Otrar! And I only missed a few games this season!
Dec 12: Rukh's creditors came calling again. Yes, he declared bankruptcy. The creditors asked the beseiging Uzbeks if they could help loot the city once it falls.
1429:
Mar 23: This year, Otrar United made the finals. We lost, but we got further than we did last year. Endorsements are coming in, and the best of all, I just heard Samarkand has fallen to the Uzbek Kaganate. Looks like Shah Rukh's ruling days and days of ruining my life are just about completely over.
Mar 25: It's official! The Timurid Empire is no more! Death to Shah Rukh, if I ever find the jerk again!
Apr 7: Does Allah hate me? Now that Samarkand is part of the Uzbek Kaganate, they now have a Buz Kashi team. I got traded to them in the expansion draft and GUESS WHO is their head coach? Rukh's already decided to pay everyone half-rate so he can beat the salary cap and wants us to take on the Indus team in an exhibition game. He winked at me when he said that. Worst part is nobody takes a Buz Kashi player hostage. I am stuck with this guy until someone shoves him in front of a charging line hell-bent on scoring.
I wonder if I could make that look like an accident?
