The HeAARt Of Germany - A Frankfurt AAR

ATBKING · Jul 14, 2013

Chapter XXIII: No More Danes

Gnorf: On the Outs? You dont want to stay?
Carolus: And do what?
Gukpa: Last time I checked, you were second in command of the entire Frankfurt Royal Army.
Carolus: ..... Well yea.
Fallon: Come on, you know you were a better general then an Administrator.
Wiliart: Plus, you downright sucked at your job...
Carolus: No I didnt.
Wiliart: Bavaria was your first vassal. You've tried to integrate them for nearly 150 years. He did it on his first try.
Carolus: He got lucky.
Gukpa: Either you take the Commander job, or Im giving it to Vivienne.
Vivienne: I think Ill make a wonderful commander. Its time to go bust out the Latex.
Chalk: The What?

Vivienne looked at him and smiled.

Chalk: Major Turn Off....
Vivienne: Hahaha.
Gnorf: Say, What do you guys think about Ansbach?
Gukpa: Measly nation wasting space.
Carolus: Ditto
Vivienne: Dildo?
Fallon: No comment....
Wiliart: I love you.
Fallon: Who me?
Carolus: No one likes you.
Fallon: oh....
Chalk: Such Negativity.
Vivienne: You get used to it after a while. Then you begin to join in on the fun.
Gnorf: Back to the subject at hand. I think we should reign them into our little 'circle' if I may say.
Fallon: Through war correct.
Gukpa: I would have it no other way.
Chalk: Before that. Am I supposed to be in charge of the people of Frankfurt, or do I include the vassals in this 'circle' of ours?
Vivienne: Well, this is a pretty Big nation. I think you should hire someone to be the representative of the Vassal.
Carolus: OOH OOH MEE MEE!!! PICK ME!!
Gnorf: Hell No. I will find somebody to take the job.

Gnorf: Wonderful. We've got ourselves a new vassals.
Carolus: Yes we do.
Gukpa: Of course it was a success.
Fallon: But what now. The war is somewhat ongoing. We are still at war with the Danes and Palatinate.
Gnorf: I know what we can do to the Danes...
Wiliart: What?
Vivienne: I dont even know why your here? Dont you know that the Danes have Lubeck Blockaded with Boats?
Wiliart: Hold That Thought.

Fallon: Annex? Why?
Gukpa: Who Cares? We have land in Scandinavia!!
Vivienne: So. I must leave for a while. Sjælland is home to Copenhagen. Copenhagen is home to the 2nd largest Admiralty School in Europe besides London. I must take a leave to put things in order.
Wiliart: Admiralty school? Im in. Care if I accompany you my fair lady?
Vivienne: I do. But your going to follow me regardless so no. You cant come.
Wiliart: Why Thank You.

Chalk: He.... is an awkward one....
Carolus: He is.
Gnorf: Not as awkward as this? Gukpa, whens the last time you saw one of these?

Gukpa: HAHAHA!!! Since the war with Bavaria!! How bout we beat them just like Bavaria?
Carolus: Sounds like a plan!

End of Chapter XXIII

Wiliart · Jul 14, 2013

I sound like a man in love... with boats

Gukpa · Jul 15, 2013

Let's Smash Switzerland!Forwards soldiers!Until the victory!

ATBKING · Jul 21, 2013

Chapter XXIV: Swiss Cheese

Gukpa: This Is wonderful!! We have had war, Declared on us!! Lets move out men!!
Carolus: You really are happy about this...
Gukpa: Its been so long!! It feels like a second Honey moon to me.
Fallon: HAHAHA!!
Gnorf: Well, please be wary. The Swiss are still just as strong as us.

Fallon: All for the challenge I guess right? Shall we get started?
Gukpa: Seems someone is just as Excited as I am.
Fallon: Its time for revenge. That was my First defeat. It would like to even the score between us.
Carolus: Then Shall we move out?
Voice: Before you go? Why dont you all get something to eat?

They all turned and looked.

Gukpa: Who the hell are you?
Voice: Me? My name is Rafaello Durante di Fausto. I am the head Connoisseur out of Italy.
Carolus: We hired a Connoisseur?
Gnorf: I know nothing of it.
Rafaello: I am here because of Lady Vivienne. She has very 'Exquisite' tastes. She likes a nice glass of wine with her dinner. Helps keep her sane. I cook a majority of her meals, as the last chef could not make meals that benefit Wine.
Fallon: Wait.... DOES THAT MEAN NO MORE BURGER NIGHT!!
Carolus: You wouldnt DARE get rid of Burger night.
Rafaello: I do make a mean burger. I have an excellent recipe of Angus beef, Bacon and Swiss Cheese.
Gukpa: Swiss? SWISS? IM GOING TO KILL YOU!!!
Rafaello: Pardon?
Chalk: The Word Swiss is forbidden around here. Just like we dont ride on BMP's.
Rafaello: BMP?
Chalk: Bayerische Motoren Pferd. In universal language, Bavarian Motor Horses. We dont use Bavarian Equipment.
Rafaello: I dont think anyone does... But Swiss cheese is a magnificent Horderve. That, Strawberrys and Chocolate are the keys to a womans magic Box.

The room got silent.

Fallon: Really?
Gnorf: Even I did not know that.
Carolus: Can we get an increase in these things in her diet?
Rafaello: Only If I can make Burgers with Swiss cheese.
Gukpa: HELL NO!!
Rafaello: Then, I guess this conversation shall come to an end. Here, eat up, and safe journey to the battlefield.
Chalk: These are some wonderful looking. What are they?
Rafaello: Formaggio Alla Griglia Sandwich.
Gukpa: Thats Italian for?
Rafaello: Grilled Cheese Sandwich.
Fallon: Why is the cheese white?

Rafaello looked at him with a smile.

Rafaello: Because it is Swiss Cheese.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gukpa: Finally we get our hand on a province. These Swiss are pretty formidable.
Fallon: Whats that? You complementing your enemy? Have you gotten soft Gukpa?
Gukpa: ME? Never.
Carolus: That is so cute.
Gukpa: I got your cute.

A Messenger runs up and hands Gukpa a letter.

Carolus: What does it say?
Gukpa: It seems that the Teutonic Order has joined the Swiss in a war against us. They have already taken control of nearly 75 percent of the Norht Eastern area.
Fallon: Do you want me to go?
Gukpa: No, I think I will do this one. We have pretty much destroyed The Swiss army. Theres nothing but mop up duty left down here.
Carolus: Well, have fun.
Gukpa: Oh, I will.

Gnorf: Job well done of Course.
Carolus: Did you expect something else?
Gnorf: No, I just say it anyway. Dont want you all to feel, unappreciated.
Rafaello: Here, eat this. Welcome back.
Vivienne: Ah, Rafaello, good to see you.
Fallon: Vivienne is back. That would mean...
Wiliart: Yea. IM BACK TOO. What did I miss?
Carolus: A war. But dont worry, we won by a landslide.
Vivienne: Where is Master Gukpa?
Gnorf: He is on his way back from finishing a war in Danzig.
Wiliart: So, who is this scrub?
Rafaello: Scrub? I will have you know that I am Rafaello Durante di Fausto, one of the greatest culinary experts in Europe!!
Wiliart: Ralfelo di Dauthuranto?
Rafaello: Rafaello Durante di Fausto, you ingrate.
Wiliart: Can I call you Dauth. Yeah, I am going to call you Dauth.
Fallon: Dauth is a lot easier to say. We shall call you Dauth.
Dauth: I hate all of you.
Vivienne: Dont be so rude. At least they didnt kill you.
Gukpa: It seems everyone is here then?
Carolus: The Man has returned. What took you so long?
Gukpa: I was negotiating.
Gnorf: With?
Gukpa: This man.
Wiliart: Who is he.
Gukpa: This man is Sir Rendap Von Rabenstrange of Danzig. He, was the reason The Teutons gave me so much trouble.
Rendap: Pleasure to make all of your acquaintances.
Fallon: Your bringing in an enemy to work for us?
Gukpa: Yes.
Carolus: Why?
Gukpa: Because this man has the makings of a GREAT military general. He withheld my army from taking Danzig. ME!! Thats more then enough reason. Well, it was either that, or death. He actually chose death.
Vivienne: Then why is he here?
Gukpa: BECAUSE I SAID SO.

End Of Chapter XXIV

Dauth · Jul 21, 2013

I appear! And with food! Curses, now I'm hungry.

Webstantine · Jul 21, 2013

I like the chef, I also like how my character is the only one with a different name from me, but I guess it's hard to make my name fit!

Belgiumruler · Jul 21, 2013

Bayerische Motoren Pferd

ATBKING · Jul 31, 2013

Chapter XXV: Good Food

Wiliart: So, your name is quite interesting, Sir Rendap.
Rendap: How so?
Wiliart: I have never heard of a 'Von Rabenstrange' before.
Rendap: Well now you have. The Order keeps to themselves.
Wiliart: I see.
Carolus: Are there more like you?
Rendap: No. Sir Gukpa made sure of that...
Gnorf: What do you mean?
Rendap: He killed everyone.
Gukpa: I did not. I only killed that one guy because he spit on my shoe.
Rendap: He was everyone else.
Gukpa: Oh. Then Guilty as charged.
Chalk: So, I have added a new district. Sir Rendap, you will be in charge of the Northeast, so your home base will be in Danzig, seeing as it is a COT. Your army already stands their waiting for you to return.
Rendap: My you all work fast.
Fallon: Thats Frankfurt for you.
Dauth: Would you like some Gourmet food on the way out Sir?
Rendap: Don mind if I do.
Wiliart: Where's Mine?
Dauth: Indeed, where is your food you foul mouthed ingrate.
Vivienne: Be nice 'Dauth'. You have to play nice with the boys to keep friends.
Dauth: Never.
Gnorf: So Vivienne, I heard you like a good alcholic beverage?
Vivienne: I prefer Wine, but I do like a good scotch every now and again.
Gukpa: Scotch? You drink Scotch? Whats next. You gonna say you like Whiskey.
Chalk: Hey. You watch your words when you talk of my peoples whiskey.
Carolus: HAHAHA. You all are such hard drinkers.
Fallon: I shall stick to my Schnaps...
Vivienne: We should have a drinking party!! We should all bring our mother drinks and try them out.
Rendap: Even though I am of Prussian decent, my people drink Vodka. I dont thik you all will like or even be able to handle Russian Vodka.
Vivienne: Try me.
Wiliart: I can bring...
Carolus: Be quiet Wiliart. We dont drink your kind around here.
Wiliart: Well I NEVER!! Our Brandy is top NOTCH!!
Dauth: so are your Space cakes...

Everyone turned to look at Dauth.

Fallon: What in the world is a space cake?
Wiliart: THE GREATEST RELAXER EVER!!
Carolus: That does not explain anything.
Vivienne: I remember my first Hash. I lost my V card that night.
Fallon: Can you get a few of those for us.
Dauth: If you desire, I shall make some for tonight. It is Hamburger night.
Carolus: HAMBURGER NIGHT!!
Rendap: What is Hamburger Night...
Gukpa: Thats gonna have to wait. We have a war to fight.
Gnorf: We do? Who?
Gukpa: I just sent word to Saxe-Lauenburg.
Gnorf: But thats my Job.
Chalk: Quit complaining.

End Of Chapter XXV

Dauth · Jul 31, 2013

Loving my response to rudeness. However I am disappointed that anyone prefers whiskey (Irish or American (insert urgghghghgh sound here)) over Scotch.

I wish you'd stop making me hungry though.

TheChalk · Jul 31, 2013

The "What is Hamburger Night?" wasn't a reference was it? Reminded me of something is all

ATBKING · Jul 31, 2013

Sorry Dauth, Didnt do it on purpose.

@Chalk: No not really.

Wiliart · Aug 1, 2013

It's not only weed around here -_- we have lots of different kinds of beverages too. Not that I drink or smoke myself, but still.

Great update though.

ATBKING · Aug 1, 2013

I dont smoke at all. I just thought it would be funny to throw it out there. And I said Brandy. You were going to talk about Brandy, then the Chef made a comment about the cakes.

EDIT: Moral of the story, Sorry if it offended you.

Wiliart · Aug 1, 2013

Don't worry, it didn't.

Gukpa · Aug 2, 2013

Yay

almost creating Germany

LeLapinImperial · Aug 2, 2013

Permission to make this my first post on this forum? :3

Love the AAR, by the way. Hopefully Austria has had to endure a soaring inflation rate in order to maintain its mammoth army. This usually results in them cutting back on their army (at least in the games I've played).

ATBKING · Aug 2, 2013

@Gukpa: Yes. It wont be long now. It will be the first Germany AAR that the Forum has seen in MONTHS and I am more then glad to be the one to do it.

LeLapinImperial said:
Permission to make this my first post on this forum? :3

Love the AAR, by the way. Hopefully Austria has had to endure a soaring inflation rate in order to maintain its mammoth army. This usually results in them cutting back on their army (at least in the games I've played).

Let me be the first to Welcome you to the Forums. I am honoured that you chose this AAR for your first Comment. Moments like this make me all 'Gitty' on the inside!! You all shall see Austria's true extent in the next 5 Chapters, as will you see all of the nations around me. I dont discriminate.

New chapter in a few hours. Im leaning Towards a double release today as well, seeing as it will be a WONDERFUL occasion.

Gnorf · Aug 3, 2013

ATBKING said:
@Gukpa: Yes. It wont be long now. It will be the first Germany AAR that the Forum has seen in MONTHS and I am more then glad to be the one to do it.

Let me be the first to Welcome you to the Forums. I am honoured that you chose this AAR for your first Comment. Moments like this make me all 'Gitty' on the inside!! You all shall see Austria's true extent in the next 5 Chapters, as will you see all of the nations around me. I dont discriminate.

New chapter in a few hours. Im leaning Towards a double release today as well, seeing as it will be a WONDERFUL occasion.

A double release sounds great.

ATBKING · Aug 4, 2013

Chapter XXVI: The Peace

Carolus: Ah, The account is starting to get low again. We need to start minting to gain more ducats.
Chalk: Minting? You serious Butty?
Carolus: Butty?
Chalk: Sorry, Mother Tongue.
Gnorf: Well if we can mint, what do you suppose?
Chalk: Garnering the home front is my job, Let me handle this.
Fallon: Well, things have been so quit here without any wars...
Wiliart: Gukpa is suffering from withdraws....
Gukpa: Must....Kill.....HUNDREDS....
Gnorf: I see peace isnt our strong suit...
Rendap: It was all fine until we ran out of Liqour.
Vivienne: Your not going to blame me for that again are.
Rendap: Then, my fair Maiden, why is there no 'Booze'.
Wiliart: Why is the Rum gone?
Gnorf: Keep your heads everyone, its not her fault.
Vivienne: Its not my fault that Dauth cant handle his.
Dauth: I must apologize my lady. I did not know what came over me.
Fallon: You started playing dodge ball with the bottles of liquor. WHO DOES THAT!?!?
Dauth: Did I ask for a stroll down memory lane? No. So shut your mouth before I make you eat the Fireball Special.
Wiliart: That sounds horrible. Dont threaten people with food.
Dauth: Are you speaking again ingrate?
Carolus: Hold it. Look, we already sent orders to get more alcohol brought over. Everything will be fine.
Gnorf: Yes, Simmer young stallions.
Chalk: Ok, Money problem solved. Here is some money and two new core provinces.

Carolus: How did you do that?
Chalk: Whats Wrong, You Jelly?
Carolus: Not at all, I never get jealous.
Gnorf: Tire Swing Incident.
Carolus: Shut your mouth.
Gnorf: Just sayin. Right Gukpa?
Gukpa: Must Kill Thousands.
Fallon: Man he is losing it.
Chalk: Well, pertaining to how I came to acquire all these new assets. I offered them a naked portrait of 'The Goddess of Frankfurt'.
Wiliart: Who me?
Dauth: I wished to gauge out my eyes the second you said that.
Wiliart: You know you cant handle my humps.
Vivienne: It seems your humps do not mean anything to my Milkshakes. Want to have a challenge?
Wiliart: I would never. I win hands down. I went to Twerk School in Zeeland.
Vivienne: Oh my? Can you do it upside down?
Wiliart: No.
Vivienne: Then you cannot possibly defeat me. Speaking of schools. May I have a word with you Chalk?
Chalk: Of Course.
Vivienne: It pertains to the University you wanted built in Oberpfalz. There is already a University in Franken and Munich, Must I still make them?
Chalk: Now that you mention it, that would be a waste. We shall cancel the development process and look towards something else. I have been talking with Luneburg about integrating into Frankfurt. They are definitely thinking it over.
Gnorf: Lets go with that one.

Chalk: Wonderful. That went better then expected.
Gnorf: What do we do next.
Chalk: How about some Boundary Disputes?
Gukpa: WAR IS COMING!!
Fallon: He really needs help...

Gukpa: Wait? You want to go to war with Cologne? For What?
Gnorf: To subjugate them.
Gukpa: No, Were not going to war unless we grab another territory.
Carolus: I see where your coming from but,
Gukpa: Shut it. Cancel the plans now.

Gukpa: And while were at it, lets stir up the pot a bit shall we?

Fallon: ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR DAMN MIND!!
Gukpa: No, Im sober. This is what happens when I dont get my daily dosage.
Vivienne: Well that seems fair doesnt it?
Dauth: We can let it slide.
Carolus: What do we do after that?

Wiliart: Yes!!

End of Chapter XXVI

ATBKING · Aug 4, 2013

Chapter XXVII: The Last War as Frankfurt

Chalk: Here is the news around the Republic.

Vivienne: As well as our schools new advancements.

Wiliart: I also just finished constructing the Second Fleet.

Gukpa: Everything seems to be on the correct track. What do you say Carolus?
Carolus: Everythings fine to me as well.
Gnorf: Everything is not fine. What the hell is this?

Carolus: This is Worse then the damned Brittany Emperor...
Fallon: I dont even know why we even have an Empire, if we dont use somebody from the empire to run it.
Wiliart: I find it funny.
Dauth: Glorious Day for my Fellow Italians!!
Chalk: Your Umbrian?
Vivienne: No, Hes actually From Savoy.
Gukpa: No wonder you like Swiss Cheese. Its because your old masters made you eat it...
Dauth: Take that back. Now.
Carolus: Please forgive him Dauth. He didnt mean it.
Dauth: I will remember this at Dinner tonight.
Gukpa: Wait no. Im sorry.
Dauth: Too Late.
Gukpa: BUT ITS TACO NIGHT!!
Wiliart: Can I have his share?
Gukpa: You wouldnt dare.
Dauth: Yes, you gluttonous Neanderthal.
Wiliart: SWEEEEEET!!
Vivienne: Sometimes I wonder if insults even affect him.
Rendap: I highly doubt it. He seems to enjoy it actually.
Wiliart: Gotta love my Haters!!
Vivienne: What is a Hater?
Wiliart: Someone that hates you for no reason. Like a woman that hates you for being prettier.
Vivienne: I have a lot of those.
Carolus: Frankfurt has alot of those.
Chalk: Serously, I dont even know why we call ourselves Frankfurt anymore.
Gnorf: What do you mean.
Chalk: We might as well call ourselves Germany. We damn near own all of it.
Fallon: You make a good point.
Carolus: Shall we make arrangements to the name change?
Gukpa: No. Not yet.
Carolus: Why not.
Gukpa: As the First ruler of Frankfurt, I want one last war with the nation that I helped create.
Dauth: Thats a true mans Romance right there.
Vivienne: Look at the Battle Hardened Gukpa showing a manly tear...
Gukpa: I know just the place.

Carolus: Lead the Way.

Gukpa: Here is where we form our new Empire.
Carolus: That we all carved with our own sweat and blood.
Gnorf: Its been a long Journey.

Gnorf: We just laid claim to the Entire German region.
Gukpa: Then we have a lot of warring to do.
Carolus: Are you guys ready?
Fallon: More then.
Rendap: I'm sure I will enjoy myself and splurge a little.
Wiliart: Dont forget about the Navy. We are ready for Departure.
Chalk: I do believe we just became the strongest nation in Europe.
Vivienne: We already were the strongest nation in Europe. You will see why in the next few years.
Gukpa: It's time for War. Everyone, Move out.

End of Chapter XXVII

The HeAARt Of Germany - A Frankfurt AAR

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