THE STORY CONTINUES
- ! with guest stars ! -
A thousand horses appear in front of him. His men were climbing the mountains, and he was among them. Suddenly a sword was shaped in his right hand. “What the hell?” He looked upside to the mountain, when a man cried out “Here they come!” Many horses, so much he couldn’t count them all out, came down the mountain side in a fast gallop. The men were waring rags on their heads. Turks!
“What am I doing among the soldiers? Why am I don in a safe place?”, thought the chief, and decided to go back to a safe place to observe the battle. Someone started yelling, which was ok, because everyone was yelling at the beginning of the battle, but the weird thing was that his voice could be heard among all the others. “The king is fleeing! Retreat!”. The king tried to hold them back, telling he’s only looking for a nicer spot, but he was interrupted by the hit of memories. And then he was taken along with the crowd.
Later that day, back in the city of Athens, they were having supper.
“Damn this army food! Why can’t we get some puding?”, one of the leaders complained.
“This isn’t a place for sissies, friend!”
“What did you call me?”
“I called you nothing! I said this isn’t a place for sissies!”
“Pull out your sword, so at least you could die with honor!”
“Make me!”
The following day, at the burial. The king was talking to one of his servants.
“He really shouldn’t have said “make me” to the guy. I know puding is for sissies, but still...”
“What did you call me?”, the guy overheards him.
“Nothing, major”
“So where are we going to get a new general? This one was our brightest home...”
“He did lose the battle of Morea against 8000 Turks”
“But it was y...”
“Puding?”
“Yes sir.....”
“I could make one of these sheep bunglers my new general, but I guess I would just start another blood feud”
“Sir, if you’ll allow me. I know a guy, who knows this other guy, and the other guy’s friend told me about this general...”
Time shifting again....
There were horses again. There was a sword in his hand again. There was a guy with no pants next to him.
Who?
“ChArGE!”, the guy yelled. The chief had no idea what was going on, so he decided to leave everything the way it was, and wait untill he gets his memory back. He could see his men fighting the Turks. The guy next to him was obviously the general.
“General, we are losing men on the right wing” - a servant started saying - “Perhaps you should send reinforcement there”
“ChARgE!”
The battle was over in two minutes, the enemy was crushed and killed to the last man. The chief then remembered what has happenned in the last three years. And he remembered tha scouts report that there were at least 24.000 Turkish soldiers against them. They just fought those men.
“That was incredible, general! How did you manage to slaughter 24.000 men in only 2 minutes, and with 15.000 men on our side?”
“HoLpLy DOlaLpy”
“Amaizing! What about that city there? Morea? We need to capture it too”
“SmOOp!”
A grand festival was heald later that day, celebrating the capture of the city. With the crowds chased away by the repeated fireing into them that BoB ordered to the soldiers, there was no one to disturb their fun. And just as the chief started dancing on the table with a wine bottle in his hands, he got into time traveling again.
He fell on his horse, drunken and still singing his song: “Hit me baby one more time...”
“ChARgE!”
“Another battle? Let’s see it”, the king thought, and decided to turn his horse around, because he was facing the wrong direction. When he succeeded in turning around, the battle was all over.
“smOOp!”
And Thessaloniki fell too, right after the 11.000 Turkish army was annihilated. The chieftain looked at his watch: the year was 1425, November. So he travelled only six months. The city was captured only six months after Morea?
“This is incredible, general! What should we do now?”
“DoGs SmeLL LiKe doG fOOd”
“Excellent! Our people would be lost without you, BoB!”
A servant ran towards them.
“Sir! Sir! I have important news!”
“Well read it out loud then, son!”
“Sir, I really think you should hear it in private!”
“I’m not hiding any information away from BoB”
“All right then, Sir. We have just gone bankrupt!”
“What? But how? When? Why?”
The soldiers started shouting.
“Did you hear that? We’re not going to get payed, fellows!”
“Boooo!”
So the king decided to calm them down.
“Men, hear me! Surely the loot you’ve taken in the last two cities should be enough to compensate...”
“Booooo!”
“I’m declaring war on Byzantium tomorrow! The loot we’ll get there is more that you could imagine!”
“Booooo!”
“BoB, do something!”
“I’m NoT a FlyIng sAucEr!!!”
The men get so encourraged by these words that the following day they annihilate the 32.000 men Byzantine army, losing only 2000. BoB sends small detached forced to the provinces of Bulgaria, Rumelia and Dobrudja. Bulgaria and Dobrudja were previously captured by Wallachia in a separate war, but the troops are needed there to cover the provinces in case they sign a white peace deal with the Ottomans. Then he orders the army to march further into Anatolia, to fight the last remaining, 26.000 men army there.
The chief, of course, goes into time shifting again. He appears just a minute before the battle.
“Wow, these Turks look so mean, general. And they are guided by Murad the Indestructible. You will surely need good tactics now, general!”
“ChARG!!!”
“I would never think of that! What a genius!”
The Turks are defeated, but not annihilated. Some 8000 of them survive, and flee to a neigboring province. After waiting for a few months, they decide to strike again, thus pissing BoB off, who decides to annihilate them this time. And he does. Then he sends out small troops to cover all the remaining provinces, and seeing that he’s work is done, he disappears into the night.
The chief shows up in the year 1431, in his old wooden palace. He remembers disappearing from it only a few weeks ago, but in reality he was away for 8 years. The emperor of Byzantium, and the sultan of the Ottomans are sitting in front of him. He waits for a minute for his memory to recover, then begins to speak.
“You, Byzantium, I will annex you, because I like you!”
“Can I at least keep my pet Sparky?”
“No, Sparky now belongs to the state. And the state, that is I”, the chief chuckled as the humiliated emperor was taken away in chains. Then he turked over to the Turkish sultan.
“I will let you live in your small province of Anatolia, along with your pet...”
“Bajugoon?”
“Yes, whatever. But I want all your other provinces...”
“No way!”
“You have no provinces left”
“I don’t care”
“You have no more armies to command”
“Not listening...”
“And would you accept if I leave you the two Muslim provinces on the East, and take everything else?”
“Deal!”
This was a good deal anyway. A month ago the people of Albania, remembering their rebellions being crushed over and over, spontaniously decided to convert to Catholicism. The Catholic element has now showed up in the kingdom where it was largely ignored in favor of the overwhelming Orthodox and Muslim population. In the peace deal, Albania gained all the Orthodox provinces, save Ruthenia and Dobrudja, and none of the Muslim ones. This was Catholicism could be tollerated.
“Ha, I expanded my empire by 500% Who can do that again in only ten years?”
“Sire, there was once this guy, called Gengis...”
“Silence! Now that I’m powerful, I don’t need to be nice to people anymore”
“Yes Sir”
And the chief got into time shifting again....
For more about BoB check out
Splangy's Armenian Adventure