SUENIK THE BELEAGUERED
CHAPTER 75 - WHERE DID ALL THE GOOD GENERALS GO?
(1178-1179)
NOTE: Many, many, MANY apologies for the huge delay in updating this - real life has been heinously busy. Normal service should resume shortly.
Despite my marshal having served me ably, I'm not interested in able servants if their er...ableness comes from the fact that they've made pacts with Satan and all his little imps. Therefore, I ship him off to meet the Inquisition.
Besides, I have this guy waiting in the wings to take his place so – meh - no great loss.
No sooner have the Inquisition flame-grilled Gurgen, than my new wife comes to be and insists that she wants to show me just how impressed she is with my staunchly Christian stance on all matters occult.
Wow - not only is does she possess youthful er...exuberance in abundance, she also has a damn sight more moral fibre than that last whore I married.
I stand on the battlements of my castle, look out over the (heretic infested) land before me and smile.
Life is good.
Trust my vassals to ruin things for me.
Ah - not content with fighting the "emperor", they have decided to mix things up with his vassals too. I offer both wronged parties peace but neither are willing to listen. For some reason the ineffectual, neutered Byzantine remnant WANTS to go up against me.
I guess I'm going to have to end this quickly.
Thankfully Suenik has a fine military tradition of heroic warriors and able leaders. I have every confidence that my generals will bring this war to a swift and glorious conclusion.
Great.
Amidst the screams of the dying and the rivers of blood there is some good news.
Sadly I left it to my wife to name my daughter and I'm not entirely certain she wasn't drinking when she named her. Just how do I pronounce that name? "Hoor-ig"? "How-ar-ig"? "Our-ig"?
Good job she's the daughter of an emperor, otherwise she'd probably end up being bullied at school.
To make matters worse, the Emir of Granada takes this opportunity to declare war on me - again - and then says that we can be friends if I pay for his castle to be done up.
I politely decline and inform him that my men will pull his world down around his ears.
Wow - listen to me. That's hero talk! I scared myself!
Sadly, the first skirmish of the war with Granada doesn't go that well, and the shambling, slavering idiots that I employ as troops lead to the Emir sending me a note stating "Nothing’s fallen down yet. You'll be sure to let me know when they start?"
Argh.
Thankfully, the emperor is very quickly sorted out - myself and the Emir of Arabs find ourselves unlikely allies as we partition Cyprus between us.
I then have the emperor hand out a lot of his land to some of my vassals. I can't justify taking any myself, but ruling over scheming, power-hungry Greek princes means that there's every likely hood that in every war with Byzantium I will have a couple of Princes under my command who will be able to cite some tenuous claim on the emperor's lands.
Meanwhile, the cycle of ineptitude against the Granadans (sp?) reaches epic proportions when I'm forced to pay a staggering sum of cash to secure the release of my steward who somehow managed to get himself captured.
He returns bearing a note saying "Found: one steward. PS - my world is still firmly above my ears. How's yours doing?"
I'm almost ready to start smashing things wantonly in frustration when my Bishop says the one thing guaranteed to bring a smile to my face.
You'd be amazed how long some people can take to burn...
Buoyed, I decide to end the war with Granada myself. I ride out that morning with my host and meet the Emir in battle, reinforcing a Suenikian division that was about to turn tail and run.
I fight back my nerves, turn to my men, raise my sword and yell "CHARGE!" Twelve thousand voices join mine and battle is joined.
How will the battle go? How many updates until the "special update"? Stay tuned for the next exciting episode of Suenik - Land of the Beleaguered!