Bard Skulesson Crovan
King of All Norway of Sweden and of Denmark
Wefwections on his weign, 1329 – 1330
Greetings again, it is I, Ogmund von Starchshirt, your humble narrator. This morning, I bring news of Great Import, for my Lord, King Bard, through the act of raw courage and nobility which has left him terribly injured and bed-ridden, and also from the overwhelming victory the rest of his army inflicted upon the heirs of King Arthur, has achieved a stunning peace from the perfidious King Olaf.
Emissaries from Duke Wulfhere the Saxon of Slesvig have reported to Viken Castle to request Royal Aid in their epic struggle against the Earl of Orkney.
Since Duke Wulfhere is not only a good Crovan and one of the most powerful of the Norwegian Lords, but also a direct descendant of Half-Dan the Great through the Senior Slesvig Line, I thought King Bard should have offered to dispatch a pair of English Regiments to his aid.
King Bard, had other designs. Apparently, he felt Wulfhere’s very name was a personal insult directed at himself, replying “Wuwwfhewww….Wuwwfff…Wuffheweew…The Saxon cwan dwo what he wawnts, but my vwikwings wiwwwll bwe stwaywing hwome.
Exwept fwor de wowns attackwing Twondewag.”
You know what, if I were a vassal of these imbeciles, I would rebel too.
Now the Earl of Vasterbotten has rebelled against his lord the Duke of Norrland. I did not tell King Bard, but dispatched a regiment on his orders as soon as the Duke’s emissaries arrived seeking assistance..
Someone has to desire some order in this place.
I think King Bard has some sort of father-complex. Like an Oedipal Complex, but without the murder and incest.
I base this hypothesis on the fact that he insists on promoting men to high office based on their resemblance to the late King Skule, for example, Ottar Ringnes, the new Duke of Trondelag.
The Black Death has arrived in the dominions of the Crovan Kings. There is some hope in the higher circles of power as well in the upper church offices in Viken that it is a disease which only afflicts the poor.
Accordingly, I have asked for a raise.
Today, I broached a rather sensitive subject with King Bard.
You see, while the King is still rather young, he has been bed-ridden from his injuries for well on a year now.
He also has no sons and current Norwegian inheritance laws would hand the whole Crovan Empire to his distant cousin, King Einer of Scotland. To me, this is not a bad thing. Einer is a King and a Crovan, so the crowns would stay in the family and, indeed, the Crovan Empire would but grow in prestige and power.
But no, King Bard says that “A Scwotish Cwovan may neva wrule fwom Viken!”
Apparently, the Scottish Branch is somewhat looked down upon.
I asked King Bard who should gain the throne instead.
His reply was startling. He felt that Duke Wulfhere the Saxon, as a good Crovan cousin, descendant of Half-Dan the Great, and the most powerful of all the vassals should be the King. He ordered me to have a charter drawn up changing the inheritance laws of the Kingdom to remove King Einer from the succession and supplant him with Duke Wulfhere, since no one would willingly cross Wulfhere the Saxon.
Ahem…except King Bard. I did not bother to mention his stunning lack of support when Duke Wulfhere came requesting aid.
I really do think the Crovan Rebellion Curse I have heard so much about is largely self-inflicted.
Although it is hardly seems necessary, since Wulfhere is so powerful, but King Bard wanted me to draw up his lineage so that all might know that he is no mere Country Cousin. His father, Duke Harald of Slesvig from 1304 until his death in 1318.
Duke Harad’s reign was marked by conquests in England and Excommunication from the Pope. Most of the tapestries he commissioned emphasized the former rather than the latter.
Duke Harald’s father was Duke Ale of Slesvig, who held the Ducal power from 1296 until his death in 1304 and really didn’t do very much at all.
And, of course, Wulfhere’s great-grandfather, Duke Kare of Slesvig who held the Ducal crown from 1284 until his death in 1296.
Duke Kare and his father, Duke Sigurd the Unlucky – who was in fact Half-Dan’s oldest son and heir to the throne until King Half-Dan disinherited him and exiled him to Slesvig – fought well and loyally for King Skule during his Civil Wars, indeed Duke Sigurd died during one of the final great battles.
As far as I can tell, the promotion of Duke Wulfhere to the Royal Dignity could be considered a “restoration,” of sorts, replacing King Skule’s line of bastards with the legitimate older Crovan Line.
But don’t tell King Bard I said that.
So King Bard has reached a decision on his succession, Wulfhere the Saxon is going to be the next king. I guess all we have left to do is sit back and wait for King Bard to kick the bucket…or father a son. Either way, good times are coming on the next exciting episode of