So, just got the demo and started out a game as Matilda.
Picked the ambition of getting so much piety (500) that people are compelled to call me holy or their brains explode.
Before I begin to think about getting sainted or what have you, I should get myself and heir and unfortunately that means sharing the bed with somelowlife only interested in my sweet... Duchy.
I however have other ideas, if some fool wants to marry me he's gonna have to sign a wicked pre-nup that basiclly says 'I own everything and if you don't like it TOUGH'. Well, not surprisingly the it was rather difficult to find someone so open minded yet weak-willed. Eventually I settled on a second son of a north German baron called Godebold Bandenburger. A moderatly skilled guy who would have no problem in the heir department if what my spies told me of his stats were true, which indeed they were.
So with the marriage in the bag I could turn my attention to becoming so holy that the pope wouldn't be able to look at me for my purity, but how?
The answer was so obvious it actually physically hurt that I hadn't thought of it already. I was going to Sardinia (and by 'I', I mean my army) and liberate it from darkness (by 'liberate it from darkness', I mean engage in the wholesale slaughter of thousands of ugly Muslims.)
The armies were called and sent to the HEATHEN ISLAND where they engaged the foul forces of Emir al-Nasir I. Initially my armies of awesomeness (that is their official name) were victorious but that would not last, the Emir used the craven tactic of bringing in reinforcements! The coward! Under this treacherous assault my armies, my preesssssiiiioouussss were beaten and in the attempt to retreat to the boats were utterly and completely massacred. Fortunately my husband, Marshall and a few other of my vassals used a secret transportation device (invented by me) to return home the very same day as the defeat.
I was lost, what could I do but publicly humiliate myself infront of the Emir to win peace. With a nasty smerk I will never forget he gave me peace and so the war of the indestructible (but ultimately destructible) armies was over.
It was not all bad though, after the campaign my husband managed to... do what was required, if you know what i mean. (nudge, nudge, wink, wink)
Soon enough I was beginning to feel a little queasy and the court doc diagnosed me with being "with child" as he put it. However the fool was overpaid as we soon found out. When my time came and I was asked very kindly to please expel the human currently residing inside me, everyone was 'surprised' to learn that young Ottone or Mathilde -which ever it happened to be- was actually Ottone AND Mathilde. "With child" indeed, I think the phrase your searching for is "with CHILDREN!". Anyway I lost quite a few points with the Bish (who was watching over the birth for some reason or other. Maybe he was a pervert.) who was displeased with my choice of words when told it was twins.
He was like, "We must all do our part if it is so willed" and I was like, "Shut UP! Why don't you shove a watermelon through your genitals and see how you like it." (I may have used slightly different words)
Well to cut this rather meandering story short, I had twins. Beautiful Mathilde and Gorgeous Ottone.
With the inheritance fully secure it was time to settle in, improve relations with PAPPY 'A' (Pope Alexander the 2nd) and just relax and watch the coffers fill.
That vilest of fiends, Duke Alberto II Azzo of Lombardia had other ideas. He sent an envoy to deliver a message to me before all the court of Toscana, it went like this.
"Dear Matilda,
You are weak, petty and a fool
but wait there's more,
you're also ugly, pathetic and small
btw, prepare for war"
So with that maddeningly brilliantly worded declaration of war I had to do something big to save face. I decided that if I could win the war with Lombardia -Ostensibly over some tract of land but really a clever ploy to humiliate me- I could end this so-called Duke of Lombardia.
In order to fulfill my plan I needed as many troops as I could get, however the Emperor had decided he needed some troops and since mine were by far the best in the world he had taken most of them. That didn't matter though because I hired three thousand dudes who would fight for me. Mister I'm so great Duke of Lombardia had not expected such a clever plan and his 1500 troops were no match. My mercs quickly took over and I forced a peace on Alberto that was so humiliating he died of stress only 2 years later.
My experience with mercs gave me the confidence I needed to go back and teach Emir al-Nasir I that I remember and will always, always kick unrighteous butt eventually.
Meanwhile, as my grand army of mercs were rampaging across Kabylia I gave birth to two more children (not at the same time thank goodness). By the time the war with Emir al-Nasir I was over and the Emir reprised the role I played in our previous war, I had one girl and three boys. My quest to gain holiness or holyality as I like to call it was coming along well but at 100 piety and only 10 years until the mysterious deadline of 1086, I would have to kick things up a notch.
So I instituted a campaign of granting bishoprics and sending the pope 'Gifts', By 1080 I was up to 300 piety and pregnant for the last time.
It was a week of extremes in December 1080 with my dear husband finally dying of a battle wound that had made him incapable for the last 4 years and my daughter being born that very Friday.
The next two years would see my quest for piety put on hold as the son of Alberto II Azzo, Ugo I Azzo began a massive war with mercenaries of their own. With all my money put into hiring merc, there was none to give the pope. Eventually Ugo's money gave out and with it his army, the peace was harsh like that of his fathers, I was tempted the dig up some claims on Lombardia but was persuaded not to bother since the duchy was now close to bankrupt and of little value. [Had the game been the full version and not limited in scope I would have but the truce would still be in effect for most of the rest of the game].
As I neared the end of my reign I finally got my hearts desire and now have people calling me HOLY (totally worth it). My only rest in my quest came when it was time to find my twins spouses. After many weeks looking, and negotiating I got two very choice deals for my lovely kids. For Ottone, The lovely Princess Markia Dukas of the Byzantine Empire. Youngest daughter of the Emperor. For Mathilde, Prince Heinrich heir of the Holy Roman Empire. With those alliances I now had a strong position to give the 'di Canossa' Family the chance to dominate the world.
That is the end of this adventure, a few more things happened in the game but I thought that was a good place to leave it. If you enjoyed it please leave a comment, if however you did not like it I would still love to hear from you. Thanks for reading.
Glupor.
Picked the ambition of getting so much piety (500) that people are compelled to call me holy or their brains explode.
Before I begin to think about getting sainted or what have you, I should get myself and heir and unfortunately that means sharing the bed with somelowlife only interested in my sweet... Duchy.
I however have other ideas, if some fool wants to marry me he's gonna have to sign a wicked pre-nup that basiclly says 'I own everything and if you don't like it TOUGH'. Well, not surprisingly the it was rather difficult to find someone so open minded yet weak-willed. Eventually I settled on a second son of a north German baron called Godebold Bandenburger. A moderatly skilled guy who would have no problem in the heir department if what my spies told me of his stats were true, which indeed they were.
So with the marriage in the bag I could turn my attention to becoming so holy that the pope wouldn't be able to look at me for my purity, but how?
The answer was so obvious it actually physically hurt that I hadn't thought of it already. I was going to Sardinia (and by 'I', I mean my army) and liberate it from darkness (by 'liberate it from darkness', I mean engage in the wholesale slaughter of thousands of ugly Muslims.)
The armies were called and sent to the HEATHEN ISLAND where they engaged the foul forces of Emir al-Nasir I. Initially my armies of awesomeness (that is their official name) were victorious but that would not last, the Emir used the craven tactic of bringing in reinforcements! The coward! Under this treacherous assault my armies, my preesssssiiiioouussss were beaten and in the attempt to retreat to the boats were utterly and completely massacred. Fortunately my husband, Marshall and a few other of my vassals used a secret transportation device (invented by me) to return home the very same day as the defeat.
I was lost, what could I do but publicly humiliate myself infront of the Emir to win peace. With a nasty smerk I will never forget he gave me peace and so the war of the indestructible (but ultimately destructible) armies was over.
It was not all bad though, after the campaign my husband managed to... do what was required, if you know what i mean. (nudge, nudge, wink, wink)
Soon enough I was beginning to feel a little queasy and the court doc diagnosed me with being "with child" as he put it. However the fool was overpaid as we soon found out. When my time came and I was asked very kindly to please expel the human currently residing inside me, everyone was 'surprised' to learn that young Ottone or Mathilde -which ever it happened to be- was actually Ottone AND Mathilde. "With child" indeed, I think the phrase your searching for is "with CHILDREN!". Anyway I lost quite a few points with the Bish (who was watching over the birth for some reason or other. Maybe he was a pervert.) who was displeased with my choice of words when told it was twins.
He was like, "We must all do our part if it is so willed" and I was like, "Shut UP! Why don't you shove a watermelon through your genitals and see how you like it." (I may have used slightly different words)
Well to cut this rather meandering story short, I had twins. Beautiful Mathilde and Gorgeous Ottone.
With the inheritance fully secure it was time to settle in, improve relations with PAPPY 'A' (Pope Alexander the 2nd) and just relax and watch the coffers fill.
That vilest of fiends, Duke Alberto II Azzo of Lombardia had other ideas. He sent an envoy to deliver a message to me before all the court of Toscana, it went like this.
"Dear Matilda,
You are weak, petty and a fool
but wait there's more,
you're also ugly, pathetic and small
btw, prepare for war"
So with that maddeningly brilliantly worded declaration of war I had to do something big to save face. I decided that if I could win the war with Lombardia -Ostensibly over some tract of land but really a clever ploy to humiliate me- I could end this so-called Duke of Lombardia.
In order to fulfill my plan I needed as many troops as I could get, however the Emperor had decided he needed some troops and since mine were by far the best in the world he had taken most of them. That didn't matter though because I hired three thousand dudes who would fight for me. Mister I'm so great Duke of Lombardia had not expected such a clever plan and his 1500 troops were no match. My mercs quickly took over and I forced a peace on Alberto that was so humiliating he died of stress only 2 years later.
My experience with mercs gave me the confidence I needed to go back and teach Emir al-Nasir I that I remember and will always, always kick unrighteous butt eventually.
Meanwhile, as my grand army of mercs were rampaging across Kabylia I gave birth to two more children (not at the same time thank goodness). By the time the war with Emir al-Nasir I was over and the Emir reprised the role I played in our previous war, I had one girl and three boys. My quest to gain holiness or holyality as I like to call it was coming along well but at 100 piety and only 10 years until the mysterious deadline of 1086, I would have to kick things up a notch.
So I instituted a campaign of granting bishoprics and sending the pope 'Gifts', By 1080 I was up to 300 piety and pregnant for the last time.
It was a week of extremes in December 1080 with my dear husband finally dying of a battle wound that had made him incapable for the last 4 years and my daughter being born that very Friday.
The next two years would see my quest for piety put on hold as the son of Alberto II Azzo, Ugo I Azzo began a massive war with mercenaries of their own. With all my money put into hiring merc, there was none to give the pope. Eventually Ugo's money gave out and with it his army, the peace was harsh like that of his fathers, I was tempted the dig up some claims on Lombardia but was persuaded not to bother since the duchy was now close to bankrupt and of little value. [Had the game been the full version and not limited in scope I would have but the truce would still be in effect for most of the rest of the game].
As I neared the end of my reign I finally got my hearts desire and now have people calling me HOLY (totally worth it). My only rest in my quest came when it was time to find my twins spouses. After many weeks looking, and negotiating I got two very choice deals for my lovely kids. For Ottone, The lovely Princess Markia Dukas of the Byzantine Empire. Youngest daughter of the Emperor. For Mathilde, Prince Heinrich heir of the Holy Roman Empire. With those alliances I now had a strong position to give the 'di Canossa' Family the chance to dominate the world.
That is the end of this adventure, a few more things happened in the game but I thought that was a good place to leave it. If you enjoyed it please leave a comment, if however you did not like it I would still love to hear from you. Thanks for reading.
Glupor.
