The Decline of Western Civilization Part IV

[Brandenburg III]

And out of the blue one of my old KATUSA buddies contacted me on a facebook page I didn’t know I still had. Apparently I never completed it but it was still available. I don't get it but I must've done enough to get it up and running. Its weird after about eight or nine years of silence. Perhaps I’m a memorable character to some… I almost have to be considering how much drifting I do though over the last few years some of the dust has settled.

And stop reusing old pics!

And starting sentences with the word ‘And!’ You lacking laconic alliterative phrased freak.

The rest of the ‘80’s passed by peaceably which is more than I can say 100 years from now. Or is it then? Anyway, the US and Mexico white peaced, Italy formed and I received a border incident event against the US but my truce wasn’t going to expire in time and I wasn’t ready to take another prestige hit on the outside chance that I may be able to sneak back into the top 8.

I know, I only recognize two of them, too.

Apparently - back to the game - when I try to go right, I end up going left. My Swedish slant on politics must be a little off.

Or years of trying to go left are unfortunately paying off.

This was followed a few months later by an anarcho-liberal revolution. But let’s be honest here. A revolution isn’t really a revolution until it’s cowardly leader flees the country twice only to return in a Rolls-Royce after its safe.

The CSA was having its own troubles later in May 1890. Surprisingly, they’d put out all their rebels by late September of the same year.

The next two years introduced more inaction excepting a French annexation of Oman. I was offered and took MA from the UK in ‘93 and in ‘94 election results came in with a 94% conservative win. Too many meatballs, maybe?

The remainder of the year a province became electrified, more oil was found in someplace… either Mexico or Texas but is there really a difference these days? Lets not quibble over details.

1895 I began reducing relations with the OE. They’re in the Top 8 and still without an army unfortunately they’re allied to some big dudes in the region. If their alliances break, I’d be able to swoop in, prestige shock them and hopefully catapult myself back into the top 8.

What did I tell you about that?

Anyway, it looks like there’s a lot of writing for 1896 for a few years so a war or something probably happened. I guess we’ll stop here at the end of 1895. So from all of us over here to all of you out there, wherever you are. Remember: The light at the end of the tunnel may be you. Goodnight, Detroit!

 

[Brandenburg III]

On a whim I decided to go back to school.

Wow. Its been so many years since I’ve been there that I - probably intentionally - forgot about how dumb many of the incoming freshmen are, the sycophantic professors and how perky

could be during the Age of Avarice & Lust. And people act like those are bad things. Like taking what you want is evil.

That kind of thinking would’ve prevented the CSA from declaring war on the USA for Pennsylvania. Should the CSA get what she wanted, the United States would be split in two. How awesome would that be? I’d have a run of the west and the CSA could finish eating up the east the rest of the game!

After mobilization the USA took on 103 regiments/41 ships; the CSA 169 regiments/215 ships. Should be a close one.

In European affairs Italy declared war on Morocco and France intervened on Morocco’s side by September. And in November I decided to join in the US land grab, wanting Wyoming.

In the ensuing months remaining in the year I won a large stuffed animal for my “girlfriend” by slamming US soldiers because she demanded payment of some kind and I was all out of 50’s.

And yeah, we followed ‘em like shadows in the moonlight. As the year turned to 1897 the US was surely thinkin, ‘Mama told me there’d be days like this and man she wasn’t foolin.’

The stats didn’t change much from when they were referenced earlier. Although I suppose I neglected to mention mine: 166 regiments/63 ships.

On the 1st of the year I aided the CSA in another battle and within the week my first militia units from Spain landed in New England. Love them New Englanders.

Though I would’ve loved them more if they didn’t win all their Super Bowls by cheating.

Three days later the US landed a small contingent in Cuba. Eh, you’re not gonna get many points there. Meanwhile I steamrolled through the open plains slaughtering US soldiers like battered bison. My first loss didn’t even come until 28 February in Chicago.

And through those first three months of the year I sacked Casper, Omaha, Billings, Binghampton, Dupree, Newark and Syracuse. Battles introduced May along with occupations in Long Island and Rochester. In all that time the US only managed to take Jagua from me.

(That Chester Potter is really gettin' around, ain't he?)

Again, its militia so like Roman slaves to the aristocracy, they could be eaten by eels for all I care. They really don’t matter… unless they lose you war score points in a closely edged war. But it wouldn’t be smart to throw militia only units against regular army in closely contested wars. That’d just be crazy.

The beatings continued all the way into the first of July. Stats? Heh, yeah, we got em

CSA USA Spain
154 104 163 Regiments
215 56 63 Ships

Unfortunately we got pics too. I hate piecing these things together. I need to start outsourcing this **** to Vietnam or something.

And because I don’t feel like writing anymore, I’m not. We’ll pick this up later. I’ll see you on the other side.

 

[Brandenburg III]

DLC. You see it everywhere these days. But we all know what it really means. “Stuff we would’ve put in the game for free five years ago but now that everyone else is doing it, we’re going to gouge you too.” I’m one of those few people who balances their lives on principal so if I ever suspect a game, any game, is going to have DLC I just don’t pick it up. And since I don’t hype myself up for games I’m prepared to siege the company, prepared to wait them out a year or two… unless I forget about them first and end up never getting it.

Though I suppose arguing against DLC isn’t going to change anything like it did with DRM. You’re always going to have those irrational fools who geek out and want everything right that moment **** the cost! Until people alter their buying habits arguing against the issue is like voting in Chicago: It doesn’t matter.

I suppose I left you hanging over the last week and a half but The World of Carl Sandburg isn’t going to create itself. And, I soon realized, neither will this AAR.

Toward the middle of July I aided the CSA in Wheeling, resulting in a small victory for our side. I lost another group of regiments in Minneapolis without being surrounded. I really don’t get it sometimes. It isn’t like I didn’t have an escape. It isn’t like I didn’t have 25,000 troops left over.

But they got theirs through the rest of the month as I toppled Albany, Sioux Falls, Atlantic City and New York.

By the end of the year I sacked five more cities and destroyed a small American army in Atlantic City - red light district will kill you. You ever been to one of em in Korea? Yikes! When they tell you someone’s a ladyboy, believe them!

Early 2 February 1898 I encircled and destroyed a large American army in Philadelphia reducing them from 100 regiments to 68. And WT* is up with these new smileys?

Anyway, sixteen days later they’d lose big again, knocking them down to 36 regiments. I was totally like

Around that time I decided to add the war goal to free the Manhattan Commune… and when I decided to help the CSA destroy another US army in Wheeling… USA? 21 regiments.

And the peasants rejoiced.

Up through May I continued to occupy states with little opposition but the USA finally managed to occupy the entirety of Cuba on 4 May. Thumbs up for you!

White peace with Haiti followed and, surprisingly, although not as much as it probably should’ve been, the USA and CSA white peaced. So much for splitting the US in two. At least Davis is somewhat keeping his promise in saying that, “…we just want to be left alone…”

Come June the Mexicans filled the CSA void, DoWing the US for Oregon. Maybe they’ll win this time.

Meanwhile I took down another series of provinces: Green Bay, Chicago, Colombia and Sandusky. Why do I mention this? Well, its where Brandenburg III was born… the doctor was Doctor Jolly… she killed herself two years later. I like to think there’s no connection but plenty of irony.

And by the start of, where are we? 1899? The US was down to 24 regiments. Myself 153 and Mexico 35. But let’s Ving Rheims this thing. I’m running out of words.

By 29 March, after the US had been reduced to 7 regiments, they came crying to us for peace.

And so we won. I took in a level 7 fabric, 5 paper, 3 wine, 3 cement, 2 furniture, 1 fuel and 1 lux clothes.

Victory Dance!

 

[Brandenburg III]

So I was going to say something about being tied up with a few things since the last update but I’m not the submissive type. And yesterday was one of my nephews birthdays. I am the “cool” uncle. The one that’ll buy you your first under-age tattoo in the back of a barroom with a name like the Iron Horse Saloon or something. I’m totally not like those uncles that’ll buy their nephews dolls, and yes, action figures are dolls, too. If you disagree then you’re probably pre-ordering your copy of CK II right now. Really the only main P’dox man-games are EU and Victoria. What? You think HOI? I don’t know, one guy ordering around a bunch of other guys? Sounds more like an Oklahoman S&M club. Not that I’ll knock you for being into it; whatever makes your Yankee Doodle Dandy, but still… ah, I’ve gone off topic again, haven’t I…

And how in the world can I not get any support here for the Cretaceous Period? What is wrong with you people?!?! Who doesn’t want to play as a dinosaur?

The last event of the century spelled the end of Ethiopia with France’s annexation of it. Now I was planning to do a 1900 update but seeing as how I expected to be through with this AAR by now I’m going to skip over it and you’ll just have to live with it.

Let’s si… 1900 a few bureaucrats became upset over some colonial business and I was to host the second Olympic games. Sweet… Though we’ll have to do without the torch. At least until 1936.

Through 1901 Mexico lost all its regiments, Austria declared war on Germany and the Mexicans and US agreed to peace… Great. Stupid Mexicans. I wanted California.

After demobilization, and don’t ask me how, the USA was left with 73 regiments. A sudden influx of immigrants chanting ‘And I hear the Jingo, Jango, Jingo’ as they hopped off the boat. 1902 The Austrians white peaced with Germany.

Shocking!

1903 and 1904 I apparently had a lot of things happen but I don’t feel like going through the screenshots right now. They were pictures so they weren't very important anyway.

1905 I was granted a border incident against the US however the US had since powered up. At 158 regiments and 46 ships v. my 101 regiments and 100 ships, I passed. There would be no war. And luckily, as the CSA inducted me back into their sphere in May, the USA’s declaration of war against me seemed less likely. Either way, all provinces in Wyoming were turning into level 3 forts. To end out the year the UK DoW’d France for Bamako. Even though France was aligned with such mastodons as Belgium, Netherlands and Switzerland, the UK outmatched them all in military might by 4 ½ times even after the French alliance mobilized and the UK didn’t.

But the war wouldn’t last long, ending in a white peace the next year. Ten days after that peace, on 21 August 1906, France and the USA became allies. Awesome! Now I have an excuse to use up my diplomatic points and began raising relations with the US. Psst! They want me so bad.

By 23 March 1907 the US had more than doubled our regiments. And yes, we’re back to using ‘we’ and ‘our’ for now. Ending 1907 the CSA sphered Hawaii. Wow… what a great use of your sphere points. You so deserve to be a great power.

11 August 1909 the USA declared war on Mexico for Arizona and I began forting up all my islands. I usually don’t protect them very well and in a game where my fleet will not compete against the United States’ technologically, I’ll have to do everything I can to delay them. Provided they don’t overrun my New World conquests in a future war.

Oh, and Japan DoW’d the Netherlands for Biak… France would intervene on the Netherland’s behalf toward the end of the year. I thought that was interesting.

What was more interesting? Well, with the UK out of Mexico, I thought my declaration of war against Mexico for a Chihuahua would fit. It’s the one from Taco Bell. It had to be done.

Product placement. Pay me.

 

[Brandenburg III]

Earlier today my group - and by my “group” I mean "me" which consists of myself and three morons - had to come up with a series of questions about Ireland for a middle school class. Easy country, right? I don’t know. I swear I’m stuck with a bunch of facebookers posting stupid comments like these

Anyway, I told the girl I’d slap her if she didn’t know when the Irish potato famine occurred. So when I was released from the sheriff’s office I felt I had to come home to burn off some steam. Thus, a new update.

Okay, the Mexican war of 1910... About a month after the declaration the US and Mexico agreed to peace with the US taking Arizona… and twenty days later Mexico entered the USA’s SoI. I’ve noticed this happening a lot, and it still happens in 1.4. After a war a nation should not be able to invest influence in its enemy for five years yet the AI can do this and I can’t? Its been about a year since the release of Vik II, right?

Let’s get back to the game cause Mexico’s gonna be spanked like a newborn baby.

I destroyed a Mexican army on 4 June, obtained MA from the USA somehow on the 8th and by July the Mexicans were down to 38 regiments. Myself? 117. Not as good as 125 but it’ll do.

Toward October Reactionaries revolted. But they’re small time, the bulk of them only containing 3000 armies per province they were in.

At the end of the year I had taken a few provinces and I finally have some real pics for, ya.

Mexico had been reduced to 28 regiments but lost another 17 come March. Its obvious where they went. They finally have a border to cross into illegally.

I managed to destroy the last Mexican army in mid April.

After their army fell there was nothing left to harass me except creepy homeless men on the subway.

The war didn’t last much longer, ending on 4 August 1911. Chihuahua became mine and I took in six factories. And isn’t Baja looking scrumptious…

And they say violence doesn’t solve anything. :wacko:

 

[zagoroth]

(Post to show I am still following)

I will never be able to watch Pirates of the Carribbean again with a straight face.

 

[Brandenburg III]

zagoroth: I’m glad you stopped by because I was really starting to miss my “Wheat” response text color.

***

After nearly a year without EU3 I decided to load it up again a few nights ago. Since getting nearly the entire Paradox catalogue during Steam’s summer sale I still have yet to test some games to see if they work on this laptop. But I finally got around to EU3. I don’t know if it was HttT or DW but whatever was done since IN has made the game incredibly easy. As Algiers within the first ten years I’ve sacked Tunis and Tripoli, ripped apart Aragon and Sicily and am now poised to destroy a distraught Morocco. But the game has also slowed to an incredible pace since my leader died early and left his heir to a Regency Council at the age of 2. And the lack of a Magna Mundi mod for DW or something like it really hasn’t enticed me to come back to the series. Ah well, FTG can still save me while Paradox pitfalls into eternal combat over the sandbox world against Civilization which, if they choose to fight on that battleground, Paradox will ultimately lose.

Oh, and who else is psyched about becoming a second class citizen if you don’t preorder your games? I don’t know about you but I remember HOI I, EU 1 - 3, Victoria II, CK w/ DV, PoN, etc… they all make Brandenburg III cry but only after he’s downed nearly a bottle of Fanboi.

Before I end this little intro, who else thinks its funny that just a few weeks before I wrote something about DLC that Paradox comes out roughly a week later to claim that’s how all their future ‘expansions’ will be enacted? Ah well, looks like I’ll be saving some money as I generally look down on expansions anyway. Honestly, without the need to speed up the time in vanilla EU3 or to have the AI load more than one regiment on a fleet of ships, I would’ve never upgraded to IN… and was only “upgraded” to DW through the Steam sale. If their new policy had come online at the start of EU3, I wouldn’t have had to spend another dime after my initial purchase… and I wouldn’t have.

Not that I’m arguing against it… it wouldn’t help since there are some weirdos on here who admit to buying numerous copies of the game just to ‘help Paradox.’

Anyway, let’s try to knock out these last twenty years because I don’t want this hanging around for the next few months with only two or three more updates to go. So like the last bit of toothpaste in your tube, we’re gonna squeeze out every drop we can.

Not where I was going but… okay.

1913 remained uneventful while a push in 1914 saw the emergence of China as a Great Power. Any hopes I had of jumping into the Top 8 in the final years were dashed. China would ultimate declare war on Korea, annexing them little more than a year later while France declared war on Italy for Savoi. The world is starting to erupt but the alliances just aren’t here. *sad face*

At the end of 1917 France ultimately took Savoi and Italy’s Agean Islands as Japan made a second push for Biak against the Netherlands.

By 1918 I was getting bored having the same government. Socialists, Communists and Fascists all seemed so far away so I changed it on my own… I instantly became Fascist but don’t fear me! Because I wear my jackboots with style.

Middle of July I dissolved my alliance with Argentina and began dropping our relations whenever I could.

Then in 1919 the USA had level 5 forts everywhere. The Cold War comes early this year… unfortunately, nuclear winter is still a few years off.

A pair of years passed without much change except for an election that tried to change my party. In returne - yes with an ‘e’ because I’m fance like that - I changed it back to Fascism. 1925 - yeah, I got a lot of reading done… Crazy From the Heat by David Lee Roth anyone? - I declared war on Argentina. After mobilization they had 11 regiments. Anyone wanna guess how this one was gonna go? Yeah, its like predicting what’s going to happen to Vinnie Vincent in his next band.

By late August 1925 their army would be destroyed; one year from that point peace would come.

These last few years were a little boring like the feeling you get whenever you hear about X European country bashing America. I guess they burned more books over there than originally thought. So without further ado I’d like to introduce you to someone:

“No, see, she’s not really a nurse.”

 

[zagoroth]

Alas! Twas one of the better AAR's up here, and sad to see it end. Also, it was rather sad that it did not get the viewership it earned.

Any plans on a new AAR, Brandenburg?

 

[Brandenburg III]

zagoroth: Honestly, I don't let views or comments sway me either way anymore. If I want to do something, I do it. There was a brief period when first starting out it [Edit: when first writing the first AAR Yaroslaval, Yourself... not this particular AAR] did bother me a little but that time has long passed. I'd like to reference this interview between Lisa Robinson and David Lee Roth from July 1984.


LR: So you're very conscious that the audience is fickle and that you could lose them?

DLR: Absolutely, that's why I feel no responsibility whatsoever to my fans.

LR: What???

DLR: Why should they feel any towards me? If I make a bum record, if I put out a lousy song, how can I possibly expect them to buy it?


Basically they do what they want and I do what I do. Anyway that's how I see it.

I don't know if there'll be any new projects coming this year with how busy I've become. I have two things in mind: I want to finish Dante's Blood and I've been toying with the idea of picking up my DW game I described in the previous post and maybe turning that into an AAR and possibly an eventual conversion into V2 if the converter is any good. But who knows. If I decide to do it, it'll be gameplay.


***

It seems I have a few final pics I forgot to add. Oopsy doopsy.

By National Ranking - Pics taken sometime during 1933

Not A Minute Too Soon - Vixen
7 Days Over You - Poison
If You Don't Start Drinkin' (I'm Gonna Leave) - George Thorogood
Old Hat - Izzy Stradlin
Same Old Song and Dance - Aerosmith
Wasted Time - Skid Row
Wasted Time II
Stormtroopin' - Ted Nugent
She Wants More - Slaughter
Shut Up and Don't Interrupt Me - Humble Pie
Two Out of Three Ain't Bad - Meatloaf
Empire - Queensryche
Shotgun Sally - Cats in Boots
Call On Me - Big Brother & the Holding Company
Crash Crash - Murderdolls
Death To All But Metal - Steel Panther
Its A Long Way To The Top (If You Wanna Rock N Roll) - AC/DC
Its the Little Things - Alice Cooper
Yankee Rose - David Lee Roth
In the Sticks - Warrant
American Hair Band - Tuff
Hair Of The Dog - Guns N Roses
Screwed, Blued 'N Tattooed - Sleeze Beez
Wherever I May Roam - Metallica
Hang On Lucy - Wildside
Promised Land - Chuck Berry
That's Life - Jani Lane

 

[aldriq]

You always end up in Patagonia – hey! what happened to my eye-rolling smilie?! The glare is not quite the same :glare: it looks shifty, like Alan Rickman in Snow Flake. Anyway, I don't blame you, at least you always finish your AARs.

Nice touch of the US to invade Cuba so close to the historical date, that was definitely the turning point... So how is the latest V2 patch? I've been out of the loop for a while, I played a game with the US in 1.3 a few months ago and many odd things still kept happening. Oh my, now I have to catch up with your new Russian AAR, don't I?

I’m totally not like those uncles that’ll buy their nephews dolls, and yes, action figures are dolls, too. If you disagree then you’re probably pre-ordering your copy of CK II right now. Really the only main P’dox man-games are EU and Victoria.

I totally agree, but then CK2 will be the prettiest doll house you can possibly run on an Intel processor No, I'm not pre-ordering it, I'm not decadent Victorian enough yet to pre-order a doll house, but I'll be buying it.

 

[Brandenburg III]

For the most part they've been completed

I haven't really been keeping up either. I've played a few decades as the Ottoman Empire in a 1.4 beta a month or two ago but its looking better than 1.3. Although I haven't bothered to download the latest beta or anything so I can't comment much about it.

As for Alan Rickman, I prefer him in Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street.