Roast Duck
Go West!
Õigemeel was in his full war gear. All clad in his armor, his trusty axe by his side. The latter has seen its share of war and looting and split skulls. More than one soldier gazed at it, longingly. Superb craftsmanship. Perfectly balanced. Sharp. Sturdy. Few engravings on the handle, but otherwise, plain. A tool meant to do one thing and one thing only- to kill. As efficiently as possible. And worth a King’s ransom. Or, as Õigemeel remembered, the blacksmith charged multiple King’s ransoms for it.
When Õigemeel came to throne, he was already a brilliant commander and his personal combat prowess was the of the legends. Years have only honed these skills, so even his enemies describe him as one of the most brilliant generals in the history of men. Also, they usually run when they see an eldrerly man, holding a round shield with a symbol of red axe in a black background, charging towards them on the battlefield. Better be a coward than a corpse.
Standing on a stone, outside Kalevan, he gazed at his troops. Most of them were from the castles around the city. Tried and true, with whom he had made the entire Europe cower in terror. Next to them, on a separate unit, the best of the followers of Otso. 1500 of the toughest fighters from all over Suomenusko lands, heeding the call of the legendary Hero. Õigemeel had feasted with them, sparred with them. They knew their Hero, knew his prowess in battle. Would follow him to glory or death. First strongly preferable.
Õigemeel grinned. The best warriors in the world, at his command. Then, he let out a small cough.
Within a minute, the entire field grew silent, eyes fixated on him. Almost 12 000 soldiers looked at him in unison.
“Boys,” he bellowed. “I am personally fed up with the looting and the riches. I want to try something new. This time, in addition to plundering their gold, we rob them of their lands and titles! And win glory to Ukko in the process. Who’s with me?”
The crowd cheered back. Then, it was time to board the ships. With almost 12 000 of his best. With her daughters and shieldmaidens, Helmi and Mari, by his side, Õigemeel also entered aboard and before noon, almost 200 Estonian longships started their journey west.
Main army, starting their journey to France
Õigemeel did not leave Estonia undefended. Expecting the Khagan to brave the wildlands between Ashina and Estonia, he was fully aware that he will be sailing to France and expecting to be fully busy there. So, he gathered men from the rest of his holdings, and from his vassals. And 7000 strong Sons of Kaleva, a Holy Order dedicated to protecting the Suomenusko. Leaving behind a stronger army then the one he took with him.
Sons of Kaleva, at our service.
Arrival
The journey west took two month. Exactly. On 12th of July 913, Estonian troops arrived outside Normandy, only to find out that the recently built fortifications around the mouth of Seine made travel on the river impossible. Or at least, too costly. So, Õigemeel and his merry men disembarked on Evreux. There, shamans gave every soldier a small token- Hammer of Ukko. To be hanged from one’s neck. Showing that the soldier participated in the most noble of all wars. One that is blessed by Ukko. Õigemeel and his daughters showed an example, taking their expensive necklaces and throwing them into Seine river. Instead, adorning the wooden hammer, claiming it to be the most precious of jewels. Incidentally, that resulted in a lot of French taking up diving lessons once the Estonians had passed.
Arrival. And the state of Evreux. And it is hammer time!
Evreux was a split country. The French Khagnate only controlled the main castle, while Galicia-Volhynia (Saxons, who also happened to be owners of the City of Constantinople) controlled the rest. One castle was more than enough though. The incursion of Estonians into coastal areas of Europe had forced the local lords to up their defences, but while the Castle of Evreux was now more than just a wooden palisade and central tower, it was nothing compared to Byzantine and Levantine castles. On 24th of July, Estonians had finished their preparations and stormed the castle, brushing aside scared defenders and taking minimal losses. Duke Rangnald of Baden was now one castle short, while Õigemeel had started his Holy War on a very successful note.
First castle to fall.
Paris was next. Khanum Gisela, fighting the rebels who did not like the fact that they had to bow to Great Khagan, had taken some of the holdings in the county and Gisela, with her small army of 2000 soldiers, was besieging them. Until in August, the Estonian army arrived. Center, led by Õigemeel, did not even bother with tactics, but charged. King at the front, holding his axe up high and screaming from the top of his lungs.
While the military prowess of Gisela was without question, she had met more then her match. Õigemeel was brilliant in the matters of warfare, ferocious in battle and her daughters, leading the left and right flank, were also commanders like few the world has seen.
The French looked at the charging Estonians. Then, they ran. To be fair, they shat themselves and ran. Then, the Estonian light cavalry galloped past and charged the runners. And it is always easier to fight a man who his fleeing for his life. Gisela lost nearly half of her soldiers that day and pulled back. The first battle, though not even by any standard, was a success.
The first battle against Gisela
The Folly of Men
The reaction to Õigemeel’s war was mixed. Of course, fellow Suoumenusko cheered. The nomads of the steppes were not the happiest. Apart from those who did not really like Bulan, they cheered as well. The Christians were just confused, unsure what side to support, but pretty certain they would be on the receiving edge anyway.
The best reaction came from Alfgeir though. A Germanic pagan adventurer, nominally answering to King Wigbert of Saxony, in reality only to himself. As soon as he heard of the war, he made the logical conclusion that King Õigemeel would be fighting in France with his soldiers. From there, he jumped to another conclusion- that the Estonian counties, that are amongst the richest of Europe, would be undefended. His stories of unguarded riches of Kalevan were able to convince enough Saxons and Norseman, hungry for loot and gold, as well.
At the end of August, Alfgeir and his merry men, totalling little over 2000, arrived in the county of Läänemaa. And they were right- Õigemeel was in France, busy taking Paris. Just, the thought of Õigemeel leaving some troops behind apparently never crossed Alfgeir’s mind. Boy, were they in for a surprise when nearly 17 000 Estonians, hearing the news of looting, marched to Läänemaa and descended upon the poor looters. Around half of them were killed. Alfgeir was hanged to a pine and left as a warning, while the remains of his looting party fled for their lives. Penniless and in hostile lands, most perished anyways. Such is the folly of men.
This is stupid...
Roast Duck
Khan Sichar the Mutilator of Germany was not the most popular person in Germany. Yes, he had the backing of Great Khagan, Bulan. But that is what irked his Dukes and Counts and Barons. For the Great Khagan did not want you to bend your knee to him. He wanted you to crawl in front of him and kiss the land in front of his feet. Begrudgingly, the German nobles did so, for they were kind of attached to their heads. When Sichar demanded similar practice in front of him (well, after all, the sight of nobles crawling in front of him must have been a pleasure), they did so. Even more begrudgingly, for Sichar was still a Christian Khan, first amongst the equals. But they did not like it by far. Best not to urge the Khan’s tendency to mutilate, after all.
As time passed, the nobles of the realm grew more and more discontent. Not really ready to risk an open revolt yet though, because mutilation is not fun. Instead, a word here, a conversation there. Just some friends having a beer together and reminiscing about the good old times, nothing to see here.
Historians of later periods have speculated that the Estonian attack on France was the final motivator to put the plan in motion. For it seems like the German nobles were certain that Bulan will be too busy with Õigemeel to react properly and with force. That is just that though- speculation. For the conversations amongst good friends tend to leave no paper trail.
All we know is that on 18th October 913, King Sichar the Mutilator of Germany was enjoying a duck, specially prepared for him, during a feast. There are strong suspicions of poison, though the contemporary sources just tend to say that he choked on a bone. Whatever the reason, he died on a spot that evening, not leaving behind a male heir.
The suspicion is based on two things- the general popularity of Sichar and how fast the future events unfolded. King Bertfried II de Chaumontois of Aquitaine was sometimes called the “Toy King”. Mostly because his entire kingdom consisted of the County of Worms, and even from that county, one castle belonged to Ashina. He was there on that fateful feast though. And even before the body of Sichar was removed from the throne room, the German nobles kneeled in front of Bertfried II and proclaimed him the new King of Germany. Bertfried accepted.
An hour ago, he was just a Toy King. Now, his realm extended from Iberian Peninsula to Frisia in the North. From Brittany in the West to Germany in the East. Of course, this was more spots of the lands amongst the territories of Ashina, Saxony and Galicia-Volhynia, but still, Bertfried became one of the most powerful men in Europe almost overnight. Was it because he was at the right time in the right place? Or did he also enjoy reminiscing amongst the select cadre of men? We never know for sure. We know though that Bertfried refused to kiss the ground in front of Bulan and suggested that if the Great Khan wants kissing so much, then the Great Khan is free to kiss his butt. One duck had changed the fate and power balance of Europe and curbed the Ashina influence to half.
From Toy King to one of the most powerful men in Europe. All thanks to a duck.
As for Õigemeel, he returned the castle of Evreux to Rangnald of Baden, for Rangland swore loyalty to Bertfried and therefore was not part of Ashina no more. He was more than happy to do it, for it meant much less opposition to him.
Former King Sichar was not just the King of Germany though, but also of Austrasia and Burgundy. Through some miracle and thanks to Khan’s soldiers, his sole child, Magnatrude, was able to hold into these lands. Ruling as Khanum Magnatrude of Austrasia, Khan Bulan now has two Khanums in Europe. And much less land.
The daughter of Sichar got the smaller half
Sichar the Mutilator. One of the wicked siblings had found his unfortunate early grave at the age of 40. Only one left. Gisela “The Monster”.
Rest well, Sichar. Few will miss you. At least , you were crowned like a proper Christian Khan.