Episode XXXIX: Sic Semper Tverannis
An Extract From I Came, I Saw, I Wrote Magnificently by Charles Percival Huiver-Bagge, MA, KG, GCMG, etc (in the post I am told)
I epistlise once more to you, the people of England, breaking my long fast from the table of wordsmithery. I write because these last years have been amongst the most eventful in the history of the Empire of Tver – and I, Charles Percival Huiver-Bagge, shall be the pilot of the ship of prose that guides you towards the shining beacon of knowledge.
These have been times of great change in the Empire. It began when the Czarina decided that the one of the Empire’s neighbours, the Teutonic Order, should be brought into her sphere of influence (and the Czarina’s spheres of influence are distinctly plentiful).
The Order is but a shadow of its former glory, and the Czarina’s generous extension of Tver’s protection brought much approval from the modernisers in the Tverian parliament, those who believed it was in the Empire’s interests to take a further interest in European events. But traditionalists, and the Czarina’s many enemies, were worried. Her cousin, Lady Elena Rurikovich, was not in favour of the enterprise.
‘You are too cosy with the Latin west, Aleksandra. Too nice to them. We should be looking to our own borders, not seeking to meddle in their affairs.’
Czarina Aleksandra smiled.
‘What difference does east and west make, Elena? Our Baltic frontier is as important as our Asian one. ‘
Mysterious Don Pedro, moustachios quivering, smiled and uneasy smile. For some reason, he does not just frown like a normal, sensible person would.
‘My Czarrrina, the Lady Elena was, I think, merely suggesting that we should exercise more caution. Perrrhaps it would not be wise to attract too much attention from some of the west’s larger prrrredators.’
‘Are you suggesting, Don Pedro, that the men of Tver need fear the decadent westerners?’
‘Decadent westerrrners, my Czarina, with guns. Loud guns. Ourrr men, brave as they are, are outclassed.’
‘Outclassed, Don Pedro, only because the nobility of this country are unwilling to adapt, to encourage the spread of new ideas. In the army as much as in other areas. No. It is time for change. Radical change. Huge investment in our armed forces, re-training and re-equipping them to western standards.’
Elena and Don Pedro exchanged concerned glances. The fourth member of the party, hooded clergyman Brother Mijado , merely hovered at the perimeter, looking devious as usual (he unnerves me. I often wonder what he keeps beneath that cassock).
‘Western standards, Aleksandra? I – and many others – am getting rather worried about your need for
western standards.’
‘In our own inimitable style of course, Elena. But progress must be made. Like it or not, great technological advances are being made in the west, nd we must keep pace with them. Let it be so – a great reformation of the army.’
The pace of improvement in Tver’s armed forces was rapid, so rapid that it even caught many of the soldiers themselves by surprise.
Regardless, though, Tver’s already well-drilled soldiers were swiftly issued with muskets as standard weaponry, negating the largest advantage that the Empire’s western…
cousins would have had in case of any minor disagreements.
Tver is, of course, a backward country in many ways, and their empire-building, while great in scale, will never match western civilisations in innovation: these savages would likely have never even considered the idea that Pyrenees are rightful property of the nation of Augsburg!
While they maintain similarly backward ideas about east-central Europe: the Sheikh of Mentese has as strong a claim to the lands of Podlasie as any other mortal king!
The Czarina, though, was having none of her advisors’ dissent.
‘Our internal affairs are progressing perfectly well. In fact, this very day we have taken Sarai, capital of our former tormentors. The city will be razed to the ground as a reminder of what will happen to all who oppose my will.’
‘
Your will, Aleksandra?’
‘My will is the will of Tver, Elena.’
‘There are many amongst us who would dispute that.’
‘I prune daily in the garden of noble idiocy, but I have only ordinary shears. To do the job properly, I would need a scythe.’
Elena shook her head. ‘You refuse to listen to reason, Aleksandra, Look at the advances the western countries are making. Austria stretch towards the Middle East, and we are right in their path. We need to keep our heads down.’
‘Keep our heads down? You speak like we’re still some provincial city state, waiting to be dominated by the Muscovites or the Tartars. Where are they now? The Tartars’ lands are almost all ours, while Muscowy is our puppet. No. Our best defence against the Austrians is to maintain our strength. The westerners won’t keep out of our affairs, so we must not keep out of theirs. Look: the Scandinavians squabble over territories that could be ours.’
Brother Mijado’s head tilted slightly, inquisitively.
‘You wonder, Brother Mijado, why I am interested in acquiring Estland?’
The clergyman nodded.
‘Expansion in the Baltic would allow us to move into more profitable regions: the Prussian territories are fairly rich. The Teutonic Order’s holdings – and former holdings if we get the chance – would be an excellent acquisition.’
Elena shook her head. ‘All very well, Aleksandra. But Tver is in no state for expansion. We must be cautious. These are most dangerous times.’
‘Dangerous times are times of opportunity, Elena! We need to open up our country to new ideas. Western ideas as much as any other!’
‘My Czarrrina, I cannot recommend this. If you start to follow European trrrends, you will look weak.’
Elena nodded. ‘We must stick to what we know, maintain our country’s traditions.’
‘No. Change is coming, and it is I who shall instigate it. Let the study of European arts and sciences flourish. Open our society to new thinking and ideas.’
‘You cannot do this, Aleksandra!’
‘Why not? I am Empress of Tver!’
‘Empress in title, yes. All very grand. But you need us. And we will not allow it.’
‘You cannot stop me, Elena. For too long have I tolerated your interference and that of your kind.’
Don Pedro shifted nervously. ‘What do you prrropose, my Czarrrina?’
‘To end the nobility’s domination of our state’s governance once and for all. Already we are an Empire in name, but it is time to complete the last of our major reforms…’
‘And to finish our transition to becoming a modern, European state.’
‘You would reject hundreds of years of good governance from our aristocracy?’
‘I reject the self-interested whining of privileged nobles with no interest in the advancement of this country. I am taking complete control.’
‘
Complete control?’
‘The parliament shall remain, but my position, as Empress, shall be absolute. Tomorrow I will, finally, be crowned Empress of Tver and all the Russias. All our people – nobility, clergy and commoner – will bow before me, and see me elevated as the supreme authority of this most mighty nation.’
There was an awful pause.
‘Very well, Aleksandra.’
The Czarina, geared up for another fight with her cousin, was taken aback.
‘What was that, Elena?’
‘Very well. You can have your way. I suppose I have been – narrow-minded about this whole modernisation business. Perhaps it is time for change. The western countries have powerful monarchies, why should Tver – sorry, the Empire of Tver – have something similar?’
Don Pedro was similarly surprised. ‘My lady?’
‘Oh, Don Pedro, trust me. It’s time we accommodated the Empress’ wishes. A country of this size needs to be ruled with force and authority – and only an Imperial crown for its leader can bring that. It is for the good of the Empire.’
The Spaniard nodded. ‘Very well, my Lady. If you say so.’
‘Aleksandra, we must retire and prepare. You would be coronated tomorrow?’
‘I would.’
‘Very well. Then Don Pedro, Brother Mijado, come with me. We must make the proper arrangements.’
This change of heart on the part of Lady Elena Rurikovich paved the way for the Czarina’s coronation. The streets of Tver are lined with colourful flags and joyful crowds, who wait partiently to see their Empress. The cathedral is decked out in its best finery. For all their barbarity, these Russians understand how to organise a spectacle, and such shall be this Imperial coronation. While widely disliked by her own nobles, Empress Aleksandra enjoys considerable popularity amongst her common people.
A glorious day dawns as the triumphal procession approaches the palace and cathedral. All is prepared for the coronation. At this very moment, the Empress is in her private chamber in the cathedral, awaiting the ceremony that will enthrone her as one of the most powerful leaders the world has ever seen. As they say in this country – what could possibly go wrong?