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The Queen of Thorns

The Queen of Thorns

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Aug 13, 2016
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Hi, I'm a recruit and I'm interested in starting a new and exciting project. I noticed that even though most AARs have comments to give general feedback, there is no place where people can see full on reviews of AARs. I want this service to be a place where people can find out about quality work, and for writers to receive organized feedback and critique.

The format I will use for reviews will go like this:

Summary(first paragraph): Of style, writAAR, and other relevant information such as date first posted. Will also include a two or three sentence summary of AAR's content.

Writing Quality(second paragraph): this is where the quality of the writing will be critiqued. Quoted examples will be included.

Grammar(third paragraph): This is where the quality of the grammar will be analyzed. Quoted examples will be included.

Miscellaneous Impressions(fourth and fifth paragraph): This is where likes and dislikes, as well as any other general observations will be noted.

Conclusion(sixth paragraph): All the main ideas of the review will be synthesized, and a rating out of ten will be given.
10/10 Amazing!
9/10 Excellent
8/10 Quality
7/10 Good
6/10 Decent
5/10 Average
4/10 Weak
3/10 Mediocre
2/10 Bad
1/10 Awful

You don't have to follow this format, but it is the one I will be using. Expect a review every week, and I will take requests. There is also coz1's style, which some of you may like to explore. It goes as follows:
Premise(1st paragraph)
Format(2nd paragraph)
Plot and Characters(3rd paragraph)
Spelling and Grammar(4th paragraph)
Graphics(5th paragraph)
Factual Accuracy(6th paragraph)
Gameplay(7th paragraph)
Conclusion(8th and final paragraph)

Reviews:
The Queen of Thorns:
AAR Reviews-British Raj
AAR Reviews-Sounds of Eternity


NOTE: This thread not be used to attack writAARs that you dislike. Keep the criticism focused on their writing. I hope the moderators will cooperate with me in removing those who use this thread for such purposes.
 
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Have you looked at the AARlander publications?
 
Have you looked at the old material though? Consider that beforehand, that is my advice.
 
loup99 said:
Have you looked at the old material though? Consider that beforehand, that is my advice.
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I am in the process of doing that right now. Very interesting stuff, a lot of history here. However, all of it seems to have ended in an reviewing capacity during 2014. This thread is an opportunity to restart some of it, I hope. Now tell me loup99, do you have an idea for an AAR for my first AAR review?
 
The Queen of Thorns said:
I am in the process of doing that right now. Very interesting stuff, a lot of history here. However, all of it seems to have ended in an reviewing capacity during 2014. This thread is an opportunity to restart some of it, I hope. Now tell me loup99, do you have an idea for an AAR for my first AAR review?
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Maybe you could decide something with the moderation/organisation first? But otherwise it depends on your interests.
 
The Queen of Thorns reviews: The Crown Jewel-A British Raj AAR

Many AAR’s are exceptional. Many are even atrocious. However, far more are simply somewhere in between. Today, we will be having a look at an AAR titled The Crown Jewel - A British Raj Playthrough. Written by ThePatriotofDruemel in June 2016, it has since become the fifth most viewed Hearts of Iron Four AAR as of the time this was written. It is a comedy AAR, with a strong focus on gameplay. Of the six published chapters of this AAR, India has been led from an underdeveloped nation, to a key player in the fight against Fascist and Communist powers, while at the same time becoming increasingly democratic. It is narrated at times by an omniscient narrator, the writer breaking the fourth wall, and at other times by an anonymous official of Indian descent who is for Indian independence.

The AAR is written in a tongue-in-cheek self conscious style, with a heavy emphasis on comedy. The writing is simple and easy to read, summing up what occurs in the images pithily. There's also a short narrative segment which does a relatively effective job in portraying the horror of war. However, phrases can be on occasion awkwardly worded, such as the example below.
However, the British Raj was quite backwards technologically, with very limited amounts of people who actually are literate, and even lower amounts of great minds of innovation. They were reverse-engineering some of the Great War equipment that the British had send to held defend the the region. They also tried to improve their industrial tools.
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Grammar is a more complicated case. The writer, for a beginning English speaker, is not as bad at this as he could have been. However, there are numerous grammatical mistakes which take away from the experience of reading. Words are improperly capitalized, misspelled, commas are missing, and verbs written in an improper tense. An especially bad recurrent case is writing build instead of built. Here are several examples of grammatical mistakes.
More factories where build in the Muslim east of India.
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The Raj had some supply issues, including a short 50 day gun shortage, and a more major mortar shortage. Who needs supplies when you can throw bodies at your enemies anways.
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This AAR is a very image heavy AAR. I tend to dislike this format, but is to the taste of some. The chapters are also rather short on actual writing, in favour of large unedited screenshots. Accompanying music is also included in later chapters.

This AAR is in a humorous style, and many of the jokes are political references to the American presidential nomination. These are especially prevalent in chapter three. Others are of a more whimsical bent, such as saying that a train says choo-choo. The humor for this AAR is very tame, with very little swearing. On the whole, I found myself smiling at many of the jokes, but not roaring, as the jokes seem to lack a proper punch.

All in all, this AAR is relatively decent. It is capable at dropping amusing references, as well as covering the game’s action clearly. However, the tale seems to suffer from an identity crisis, there are simply too many styles and narrators at work here. A case of too many chefs spoiling, but not ruining, what has turned out to be a decent broth. 6/10
 
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Thank you for reviewing my AAR @The Queen of Thorns! This was my first AAR, so it's quite obvious that it wouldn't be the best AAR ever made. Quite honestly, I was relieved when I saw that my AAR was decent. Probably better than what I would think of it. Also, never bring up the fact that he made a mistake with 'd' and 't' to a Dutchie, our rules regarding it are horrendous enough. 'build' instead of 'built' was confusion on my part, since the words are so close to eachother and sound the same, but that doesn't excuse a clear grammar mistake. About the 'improperly capitalized' words, it could just be that my shift-key didn't work properly (which happens, I do not have the best keyboard), or that I just simply forgot to do it.

Overall, I do agree with your review. Looking back, there are many things that could have been improved, and when I restart the AAR, which will be soon, I will try to take your criticism in mind in mind to make for a more pleasant reading experience for everyone.
 
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ThePatriotOfDreumel said:
Thank you for reviewing my AAR @The Queen of Thorns! This was my first AAR, so it's quite obvious that it wouldn't be the best AAR ever made. Quite honestly, I was relieved when I saw that my AAR was decent. Probably better than what I would think of it. Also, never bring up the fact that he made a mistake with 'd' and 't' to a Dutchie, our rules regarding it are horrendous enough. 'build' instead of 'built' was confusion on my part, since the words are so close to eachother and sound the same, but that doesn't excuse a clear grammar mistake. About the 'improperly capitalized' words, it could just be that my shift-key didn't work properly (which happens, I do not have the best keyboard), or that I just simply forgot to do it.

Overall, I do agree with your review. Looking back, there are many things that could have been improved, and when I restart the AAR, which will be soon, I will try to take your criticism in mind in mind to make for a more pleasant reading experience for everyone.
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It was my pleasure to review this piece. I quite enjoy reading and reviewing these sorts of stories. Also, don't sweat the mistakes. For a beginner, this was a good first outing. Their has to be some reason why it is so popular. I am glad you've decided to keep my criticisms in mind, instead of personalizing them and getting offended. After all, the purpose of criticism is to improve a work, not attack it.
 
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