That was an excellent update! I enjoyed many of the descriptions (the mad Scotsman in a fourty-ton beast of armored death being just one of them), to the point of actually laughing in a visible and audible manner, but that segue was just perfect.
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That was an excellent update! I enjoyed many of the descriptions (the mad Scotsman in a fourty-ton beast of armored death being just one of them), to the point of actually laughing in a visible and audible manner, but that segue was just perfect.
Forster has a point......our good General / Feld Marshall is such a lazy boob.....yet manages to erect a persona about himself that all of Germany thinks of him as the "White Knight of the Fatherland".....Heck...I think he is actually more brilliant than even he thinks....and obviously the rest of the Wehrmacht thinks of him the same way.....
Looking forward to the next update
Looking forward to the next update
Quick Note: This weekend I am finally moving out of my apartment into a new one (after spending a month in my old one with everything in boxes). And for the first three days of next week I have finals!
Fun!
So the next update will almost certainly be delayed as I get everything moved in. Once I'm settled though, I should be able to get an update finished.
Also, I'd like to ask anyone willing to act as an unofficial editor to please let me know. I write because I love to tell stories, but I am technically not very talented. My knowledge of the English language is all instinctual - I spent most of my early years bouncing around from school to school and state to state, so I think I missed all the important bits (grammar - my mortal foe!) in between the cracks.
So one of the reasons I like to write here is because I can come up with short little stories and get instant feedback (I have to stoke my ego like a conductor stokes an engine. With coal). So I would really appreciate any feedback about my writing style. Everything from spelling errors and words in the wrong tense to sentences being too long and a general butchering the English language - I want to hear about it! So let me know if you want to act as an editor, or even if you want to just let me know after I publish a chapter.
I can only get better if I know what I am doing wrong*, so please spread the word - its beat up on DoD time!
* And yes, I know that extreme laziness and procrastination is one of my most challenging faults. I'll fix it... one of these days... I swear!
Some are heroes, some are reluctant heroes. Karl is the kind of "hero" that has to be dragged into glory kicking and screaming.
Thanks! I do have a deep love for dark comedies and comedy of errors.
That and greasepaint mustaches.
Hey, if Oberst Klink could retain his rank for 20 years, imagine what a man with a bit more dash could accomplish!
Oh, now that does make me happy! To actually get someone to laugh aloud is quite a feat! I feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
Thank you very much!
So am I!
Fun!
So the next update will almost certainly be delayed as I get everything moved in. Once I'm settled though, I should be able to get an update finished.
Also, I'd like to ask anyone willing to act as an unofficial editor to please let me know. I write because I love to tell stories, but I am technically not very talented. My knowledge of the English language is all instinctual - I spent most of my early years bouncing around from school to school and state to state, so I think I missed all the important bits (grammar - my mortal foe!) in between the cracks.
So one of the reasons I like to write here is because I can come up with short little stories and get instant feedback (I have to stoke my ego like a conductor stokes an engine. With coal). So I would really appreciate any feedback about my writing style. Everything from spelling errors and words in the wrong tense to sentences being too long and a general butchering the English language - I want to hear about it! So let me know if you want to act as an editor, or even if you want to just let me know after I publish a chapter.
I can only get better if I know what I am doing wrong*, so please spread the word - its beat up on DoD time!
* And yes, I know that extreme laziness and procrastination is one of my most challenging faults. I'll fix it... one of these days... I swear!
Some are heroes, some are reluctant heroes. Karl is the kind of "hero" that has to be dragged into glory kicking and screaming.
Thanks! I do have a deep love for dark comedies and comedy of errors.
That and greasepaint mustaches.
Hey, if Oberst Klink could retain his rank for 20 years, imagine what a man with a bit more dash could accomplish!
That was an excellent update! I enjoyed many of the descriptions (the mad Scotsman in a fourty-ton beast of armored death being just one of them), to the point of actually laughing in a visible and audible manner, but that segue was just perfect.
Oh, now that does make me happy! To actually get someone to laugh aloud is quite a feat! I feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
Thank you very much!
So am I!
This is quite possibly the best AAR I've read. Amazing writing, so much so that I would dare not edit it, for fear of ruining a joke or two. You'll have to find someone braver than I, Herr daemon. Good luck with moving and finals.
Your writing style is just fine. The story has it all. Humor......love (or as the General sees it ...lust)..... intrigue....historical tidbits thrown in for good measure..... Danger (ie: cluster grenades, etc).....great characters and interactions between them ......who cares about the occasional misspelled word or word tense or sentence structure? I sure don't. Just let your story flow forth. As I see it all that can only happen is even more fans reading this great AAR!
Wait a minute... You need an editor?! :rofl:
Forgive me my blunt response, but you are one of the few persons on this forum who take the time and effort (or plain luck, if you so wish) to make correct and literary sentences. If I ever find a mistake though, I'll make sure to tell you.
Forgive me my blunt response, but you are one of the few persons on this forum who take the time and effort (or plain luck, if you so wish) to make correct and literary sentences. If I ever find a mistake though, I'll make sure to tell you.
As the Brits are so fond of saying in films,Here! Here!
Good luck also. I am soooo glad those days are finally over.
Good luck also. I am soooo glad those days are finally over.
Just caught up!
Wonderful story!
Looking forward to seeing the General win the war single handed (while remaining behind the safety of several metres of reinforced concrete preferably)
Wonderful story!
Looking forward to seeing the General win the war single handed (while remaining behind the safety of several metres of reinforced concrete preferably)
Update:
Well, I finished finals and got moved into my new apartment. But just as a note, I moved in on the 1st of December. Only late yesterday did I actually get internet in my new apartment. So I'll try and get an update up soon, but the lack of updates absolutely not been my fault. Thats my story, and I'm sticking too it.
No problems, and thanks. But hey, if you ever spot something, don't be afraid to let me know.
I guess its because I like to improve as a writer. Being told how incredibly awesome/funny/sexy I am is wunderbar for the ego, but only when I know what I'm doing wrong can I fix it. But I'll try my best to keep the funny coming.
Thanks! And I do try my best on the editing front. I'm not too good at it, beyond catching some of the simple stuff.
Thanks!
Fate has a way of playing with ones expectations, doesn't she?
Well, I finished finals and got moved into my new apartment. But just as a note, I moved in on the 1st of December. Only late yesterday did I actually get internet in my new apartment. So I'll try and get an update up soon, but the lack of updates absolutely not been my fault. Thats my story, and I'm sticking too it.
No problems, and thanks. But hey, if you ever spot something, don't be afraid to let me know.
I guess its because I like to improve as a writer. Being told how incredibly awesome/funny/sexy I am is wunderbar for the ego, but only when I know what I'm doing wrong can I fix it. But I'll try my best to keep the funny coming.
Thanks! And I do try my best on the editing front. I'm not too good at it, beyond catching some of the simple stuff.
Thanks!
Fate has a way of playing with ones expectations, doesn't she?
Looking forward to finally getting an update...Hope your all settled in.....passed all your tests.....cracked the knuckles, and then start to type away....sipping a refreshing adult beverage while your thoughts and ideas flow to the AAR story line........
Hear hear! Just so, old man
.Some most excellent writing in this AAR - amongst the best I;ve yet read on this forum. Can't wait for the next episode, and I can't help but feel a little sorry for the Allies on the western front once our Hero and his gang bump into them!
God, I've really need to proof-read what I type. It seems as if I just can type anymore and am making all kinds of mistakes. "Here! Here!" Ugh!
Took me over two weeks after moving in to get my internet. Was... not fun. At least I had power, but still...
Hear hear! Just so, old man
Some most excellent writing in this AAR - amongst the best I;ve yet read on this forum. Can't wait for the next episode, and I can't help but feel a little sorry for the Allies on the western front once our Hero and his gang bump into them!
Well I'm quite pleased to hear it. I'm always trying to improve though, so if you guys ever see anything wrong - or even just worded awkwardly, etc. - I would appreciate hearing about it. My friends aren't too interested in much of what I write, so it can be hard to get back constructive criticism.
Proof reading is a pain in the arse. But I've found it to be slightly more bearable after doing it a few times doing so with my... um... my My Little Ponies fan-fiction... *embarrassed cough*. Anyways, proof-reading and self-editing is especially important for when it comes to longer pieces. So an AAR update (the next TME update should be up soon, incidentally) is short enough that you don't have to fiddle with much. But its good to catch silly mistakes like wrong words when you can.
Even then, I still often don't notice mistakes except when I happen to glance through the material again. But it really does help - even if it I dislike re-reading my own work.
See jaw.
See jaw hit floor.
See jaw crashing through floor and continuing on in an anthropomorphic version of China Syndrome.
You? A Brony? No offense is implied, honestly, to each their own and all that (plus, I don't know enough about the recent reincarnation of My Little Pony to actually have the right to comment), but My Little Pony and the erstwhile 'Padishah of Putrefaction' was not a combination that I would've seen coming.
Could make for a half-way decent buddy movie, though, now that I think of it...
Anyway, I might try to pop over if I find the time (your writing's excellent, based on the sample I've witnessed so far, so it should make for interesting reading) and regardless of all that, I'll wait with anticipation for the next update about Karl.
See jaw.
See jaw hit floor.
See jaw crashing through floor and continuing on in an anthropomorphic version of China Syndrome.
You? A Brony? No offense is implied, honestly, to each their own and all that (plus, I don't know enough about the recent reincarnation of My Little Pony to actually have the right to comment), but My Little Pony and the erstwhile 'Padishah of Putrefaction' was not a combination that I would've seen coming.
Could make for a half-way decent buddy movie, though, now that I think of it...
Anyway, I might try to pop over if I find the time (your writing's excellent, based on the sample I've witnessed so far, so it should make for interesting reading) and regardless of all that, I'll wait with anticipation for the next update about Karl.
Eh, I don't consider myself a "Brony" per se. But then, I am a man-child at heart... which is pretty evident when one considers the fact that I'm still using "daemonofdecay" as my forum name, something I came up with when I was in the 7th grade and nerd-obsessed with Warhammer. But that show... it is insidious. It's a story you hear time and again - you hear about it, you dismiss it, friend says 'go watch, its good', you give in and watch an episode, its sorta okay so you watch another... and a few weeks later you are sitting there watching the latest episode live and wondering how the hell you got there in the first place.
Of course, that other story isn't "funny", and I think that despite my desire to write serious material, I do seem to have better success in the humor department. Maybe its just because I find it suspiciously easy to channel the spirit of a misanthropic, self-absorbed, cowardly, and greedy bastard like Karl.
But hey, at least I don't watch Anime! Those guys are real nerds, amiright? Eh? *is swiftly beaten to death by a kettle wielding a black pot*
I know what you mean. I downloaded the pdf Davy made of "Germany: Take Two" and speed read through it only to find a ton of stupid grammar mistakes all over the place.
well, if you're adamant about constructive critisism, I will from now on point out any glaring spelling errors I come across.
Time for more lines about our hero Karl....My funny bone doesn't feel like it is so funny anymore...it has been too long since the last update...We know you have one that you are probably proof reading over and over and over...but just stop obsessing on it and post it...We need it.
Thank you. Maybe I have an inner sadist just crying out to be told how terrible I am? Tell me I've been a bad author! *smack*
Funny you should mention this...
From Through My Eyes by Karl Ludwig Ritter von Weißbrücke
Book One - Chapter Nine
You can learn a lot about a man by observing how he deals with travel.
Victor approaches travel with absolute trust in authority and little common sense to balance the scales. He follows signs, announcements and directions to the letter. Thus, like most Germans, he usually ends up at the right location with plenty of time to spare. But when any of those three guidelines happen to contradict – say, if a train’s platform was changed but the signs had not – then he enters what I affectionately term the ‘idiot spiral’. When faced with two conflicting commands his simple mind cannot cope and begins to spiral downwards in an exponentially increasing bout of confusion, hesitation and self-doubt. Eventually either someone notices his panicked state and directs him to the proper destination, or he begins to shout at the sign and/or ticket which has caused his confusion, which invariably leads to the former solution, just with more whispers and awkward glances.
Otto never arrives early – even when escorting myself in performance of his duties, the lazy bastard – yet always manages to make it to the right place at the right time, with his personal effects in the right order. Being an unscrupulous and greedy weasel, Otto naturally possesses keen organizational skills that allow him to know with perfect accuracy everything he possesses, its current prices, and how best to get about moving his ‘product’ from one location to another. It is quite intuitive, and the man takes great pride in how to best organize and protect what he has purchased and/or stolen – which is ironic, as he takes very little pride in his own appearance or personal grooming. But then, considering how ugly he is, I doubt that any amount of bathing would improve his appearance in any measurable way. As tight-fisted as he is greedy, he doesn’t care if he has to scrounge for a seat as long as his merchandise is safely stowed.
Oberstleutnant Batz, my commanding officer, is much the same travelling as he is in command: gruff, practical, and with little appreciation for bureaucratic nonsense. Considering his career is in the Wehrmacht, his distaste for bureaucracy is quite tragic. Batz passes through all the train cars when his men are embarked so he can keep an eye on proceedings and work out any small problems before they become major ones. He always projects an aura of calm confidence before him wherever he goes, although that could just be the smoke from his endless chain smoking. Indeed, I have a sneaking suspicion that his habit of patrolling down the aisles was to keep his cigarette smoke from building up in his car and suffocating the rest of the battalion’s officers.
And myself? I am a consummate professional when it comes to travel. I always arrive early enough to make it to my destination without rushing, my personal effects are always neatly organized and stowed away, and the trip itself leaves me nothing but relaxed and rested at the end. Which isn’t difficult; I just leave the pertinent matters to my subordinates while I grab a pre-journey beer or two1.
General Karl’s Life Lesson #16: Being Tipsy makes Traveling a Treat.
Now an important part of any man’s character is reflected in how he deals with problems and stress. Travel can bring out the worst in people. Especially when facing unexpected delays, annoying company, or other personal pet peeves. I can understand them all, but I consider myself a very composed individual. When travelling there are really only two things that can quickly put me in a foul mood.
The first are those individuals who deliberately annoy and hinder everyone else at the station while they attempt to herd around large groups of flatulent cattle that they call children. I dislike children at the best of times, but it is doubly true when travelling: they are loud, obnoxious, and without fail seem determined to ruin my journey with malicious intent.
The second are British fighter-bombers, and for the same reasons.
Photograph from an RAF plane during an attack on German rail lines in Belgium, 1940
When one pictures a trip by rail over the Rhine and into Belgium and northern France, one imagines rolling green hills, sweeping rivers, and lush forests. Normally those lovely sights are supposed to be flying past your train window while you sit comfortably and relax. The same natural beauty that is so enjoyable when one is travelling at a few dozen kilometers per hour loses a good portion of its appeal when seen from up close. That sort of visual treat is much better when taken in fleeting doses from a distance, for it keeps everything fresh and novel.
It was a topic that crossed my mind repeatedly as I pressed my nose into some lovely French mud while, a couple of meters away, what had been a very comfortable repurposed passenger train billowed black smoke as it was consumed by fire. I couldn’t help but remember how much prettier everything had looked from the tender embrace of a padded chair. Like the girl at the bar with the brilliant smile and the club-foot, nature was best admired from a distance.
And when you didn’t have some Tommy doing his best to kill you.
After constant air attacks by hundreds of planes over many terrifying hours – an accurate depiction of events, despite whatever my watch and the rest of the battalion said – I was finally able to remove my nose from the mud without the risk of being perforated by a British pilot bitter over being forced to drink the horse-piss that passed for French beer. After scanning the skies to ensure he hadn’t called in comrades, I immediately set about checking that nobody vital had been wounded or killed in the sudden attack. Thankfully I hadn’t been hit, so I turned my attention to the rest of the battalion taking shelter not far from the destroyed train.
While it was jarring and quite a shock, casualties were thankfully limited. Less than twenty men in total were killed or seriously wounded. The pilots had focused their attack at the front of the train, targeting the engine and first few cars. This was good news for the battalion, as the rear of the train held the more fully loaded cars and carried most of our battalion’s heavier equipment, and thus escaped unmolested. It was, however, quite tragic news for me, as the officers’ cars – i.e. the first-class cars – had been at the front of the train. In amongst the burning wreckage were most of my pre-war liquor, my cigars, and the other luxuries I liked to keep near my person to avoid one of my incompetent subordinates destroying them (or stealing them, in the case of Otto).
With our engine destroyed the battalion was forced to wait until a new one could be rerouted to our position. It was not an easy task, as the man on the other end of the radio reminded Batz more than once, making it sound as though it our fault that we had been attacked. Batz had looked ready to break the radio set after that exchange. I think the only thing that restrained his hand was the knowledge that a different bureaucrat just like the first would be waiting to talk down to him. Instead, he ended the transmission and waited with us. And waited. And waited. Dirt and grass and mud are not very comfortable after the first few hours. It was sunset by the time the battalion was moving again.
So at the cost of eighteen casualties, twenty bottles of wine and spirits, and two boxes of fine cigars, the honor of the Großdeutschland division’s first combat experience was granted to the men of the reconnaissance battalion. It wasn’t worth it.
Knowing the nature of a man’s character is vital when in a position of command. When you know a subordinate is brave but foolhardy, you can take that into account when issuing orders. Likewise, knowing a subordinate is craven and self-serving allows you to try to remove him from power by shifting him off to some other position elsewhere. A good commander will get to know his men and truly understand who they are and what drives them.
This is why, when one is as craven and self-serving as myself, the art of lying and deception becomes so important. The coward has to hide his cowardice to avoid being punished by his superiors. On the face of things it would seem a coward’s best defense would be to appear incompetent, thus removing himself from consideration for promotion or transfer to more dangerous positions. But this is not always true, as the punishment for being an incompetent officer run the gamut from a safe and unimportant posting in the heart of the Reich to ‘punishment details’. After the start of Barbarossa, such punitive postings were inevitably ones on the Russian front, and were never a reward.
So in early 1940, with Tommies trying to kill me and no Soviets to worry about, one might wonder why I did not present myself as a fool to my superiors with the hopes of being shuffled into some minor position far from the front. But for that I must remind the reader that I am not a coward – I am a greedy, self-serving coward. And an especially good-looking one. There is quite a difference, foremost being that an officer serving in a division like the Großdeutschland received better pay and perks than one monitoring Bavarian shepherds for signs of treachery. And at the time, my only experience with combat came in the form of teetotaling British pilots bent on purging the sin of alcohol from their presence with 20mm cannon fire. I felt like I would be safe enough to serve my time until I could go home or get promoted to a more protected position.
So in other words, I was naïve and foolish.
Truly it was not until much later, when I was in Russia trying to figure out which of my testicles was the least frozen, when I realized that my greed and ego had taken away my chance for peace. For while my little ‘accident’ with the grenade had garnered me a minor medal and some recurring health problems, more importantly it had created amongst the men a belief in my qualities as a man and a leader – qualities which were entirely unjustified and untrue.
But that didn’t keep me from enjoying the perks that came with them. Soldiers were more respectful of officers they trusted; more willing to obey orders that came from men they felt had their backs. A man with a heroic reputation gets given more leeway in his personal behavior, and his motives are questioned less. Once labeled as brave, a soldier gets a great deal of respect and prestige from amongst those aware of his reputation. And reputations often reach others long before you do.
The downside is obvious to anyone. Heroic officers are more likely to be called upon to perform heroic duties – heroic, of course, being synonymous with stupid and dangerous.
Thus a craven and self-serving man needs to master two important skills: maintaining the illusion of heroism and the perks that go with it, and avoiding going into needlessly dangerous situations. I was only truly proficient at the former, and even then I did not honestly set about trying to create a new persona for myself. After all, at the time my reputation was limited to just the men of my battalion, and the perks were nothing major. It was not like it would be, when I started having my picture plastered on walls and my name announced over the radio. Really, my reputation would take on a life of its own without my direct involvement.
Well, I do admit that I did indulge it initially from time to time during the early months, when I thought it was nothing more than a small upside to my near-death experience. More evidence for my naïve and foolish nature, apparently.
The problem with a reputation, for good or for ill, is that they are devilishly hard to shake. So by the time I realized what was really going on it was too late to reverse my fortunes: I was already stuck on a train bound for unwanted glory and honor. And, to abuse this poor analogy even further, while I had boarded that train with the grenade incident, the journey didn’t truly begin until Sedan.
French S35 panzers en route to the Battle of Sedan, May 1940
1: Or if the General is traveling by plane, three or four beers, a scotch, and a martini chaser.
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