This is not a thread for historical debate, take that to the OT history forums. Keep it a nice fun thread on the ahistorical quirks that EU3 throws up.
Things I have learned while playing EU3
- Thread starter MrQwerty
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Swap in Sweden for Denmark and TO for Poland-Lithuania, then we got an approximately real story.
France is a country in the Andes mountains of South America. Its capital is situated at Nazca, and it has minor colonial possessions in Gallia, Africa and Lotharingia.
In the Holy Roman Empire, from time to time when religious disputes arose between the elector states and virturally all the german states around them, electing the Catholic Kingdom of Malacca to the throne was an absolutely reasonable alternative to electing Protestant Austrians.
France always had armies comprised of exactly 15,000 men. No French army ever had more or less men than this number, which historians believe to be sacred to France.
The inevitable collapse of the English state, after they foolishly underestimated Scottish resistance to invasion, did lead to the formation of the powerful trading and colonial national of Cornwall and it's extensive holdings in New Piskieland, or, as the English minority persist in calling it, 'Canada'.
After the Castillian Navy crushed the Ottoman fleet, precipitating the collapse of the Ottoman state, their successors renamed their former capital of Smyrna to 'Isengard' and sallied forth to conquest under their banner of The White Hand.
There was no practical difference between any of the Anatolian beyliks; they all had exactly the same systems of Government, national priorities, outlooks, economies, military and secular setups. Some had quite good flag though.
Historians still can't understand how the Byzantine Empire was temporarily humbled by the long-dead Ottoman Empire, considering how strong the former was and how weak the latter.
Another historical mystery is how the short-lived nation of Georgia was ever formed in the first place.
It turns out that the Chinese can't establish trade or colonise new lands unless you first castrate the members of their Government.
After the Castillian Navy crushed the Ottoman fleet, precipitating the collapse of the Ottoman state, their successors renamed their former capital of Smyrna to 'Isengard' and sallied forth to conquest under their banner of The White Hand.
There was no practical difference between any of the Anatolian beyliks; they all had exactly the same systems of Government, national priorities, outlooks, economies, military and secular setups. Some had quite good flag though.
Historians still can't understand how the Byzantine Empire was temporarily humbled by the long-dead Ottoman Empire, considering how strong the former was and how weak the latter.
Another historical mystery is how the short-lived nation of Georgia was ever formed in the first place.
It turns out that the Chinese can't establish trade or colonise new lands unless you first castrate the members of their Government.
European policy in the Indian Ocean was not to sieze valuable ports and establish agreements with local rulers to gain a privileged position in the spice trade. Instead, the Europeans swiftly conquered swathes of inland Indian territory, and easily converted these regions to christianity.
The first significant introduction of gunpowder in warfare began at the mysterious 'level 18'. Advanced nations annihilated their enemies, who, being one or two 'levels' behind, were utterly incapable of acquiring muskets or of devising any counter strategy.
From the 15th century onwards, in a fantastic global phenomenon, chivalry invaded the minds of both soldiers and officers. Despite the increasingly real death of the armoured knights of old, armies who entered a province would not leave until they had fought the enemy, even if he outnumbered them 10 to 1. Fort and city garrisons were also unwilling to exit the walls to fight enemies half or a quarter their size, prefering to wait it out inside, while the enemy bafflingly surrounded and sieged the huge fortresses despite numbering only some 200 men.
The first significant introduction of gunpowder in warfare began at the mysterious 'level 18'. Advanced nations annihilated their enemies, who, being one or two 'levels' behind, were utterly incapable of acquiring muskets or of devising any counter strategy.
From the 15th century onwards, in a fantastic global phenomenon, chivalry invaded the minds of both soldiers and officers. Despite the increasingly real death of the armoured knights of old, armies who entered a province would not leave until they had fought the enemy, even if he outnumbered them 10 to 1. Fort and city garrisons were also unwilling to exit the walls to fight enemies half or a quarter their size, prefering to wait it out inside, while the enemy bafflingly surrounded and sieged the huge fortresses despite numbering only some 200 men.
After the Reconquista, Spanish historians found proof that their ancestors once held entire north Africa. The next logical step was to continue the reconquista and get those lands back. In less than a century, there wasn't a single muslim left from Atlas to Egypt.
Coordination and cooperation between allies to further their war goals was impossible, even at the most basic level. It was therefore common that whole countries were occupied by enemy forces, even when nearby allied armies joined together easily would have outnumbered the enemy armies.
The curious steppe nomad state of Genoa survived on their fortress island of Corsica until after the end of the time period, even though they were considered very weak by all measures.
The curious steppe nomad state of Genoa survived on their fortress island of Corsica until after the end of the time period, even though they were considered very weak by all measures.
After the succesfull conversion of the Lithuanian Baltic Pagans to Christianity in the Northern Crusades, the Teutonic Order joined the Holy Roman Empire. With its lands thus under the protection of the semi-eternal Emperor Bohemia, or shorter The Luxemburgers as it is known today, they embarked on a new crusade into the Levante, in which they gained a foothold in the succession-crisis-ridden Mamlukenland. And from then on its history as they kept on crusading into the Black Heart of Africa. And even as they later lost their baltic possesions to the very same Lithuanians they themself had converted, they just moved their capital to Ethiopia and thus through intermingling and mostly cultural assimilation laid the foundation to the well-known Black Prussians (ar as they themself call Schwarzpreußen), whos descendants till today still govern almost all of eastern and southern Africa.
The Great Sinking of 1679
When the Spanish Armada, consisting of over 100 Wargallons and over 2 dozend smaller vessels, ran into a hanseatic 3-Frigates Anti-Pirate patroille just outside of their Madeira colony, the months long battle was devastating. The spanish never stood a chance and saw their colonial income plummet after their resounding defeat with no survivors or captives.
To the astonishment of most historians the at this time common naval "hullrubbing" tactic of tightly binding every ship with ropes to the others of an Armada when dealing with a insignificant enemy force was not reworked, and thus later lead to the Great Sinkings of the whole french Mediterranean Fleet in 1702 against six ships from Genua, and the loss of the complete english Homefleet when it ran into a decomissioned coastal defense vessel and two danish fishing cutters in the Kattegat in 1738.
When the Spanish Armada, consisting of over 100 Wargallons and over 2 dozend smaller vessels, ran into a hanseatic 3-Frigates Anti-Pirate patroille just outside of their Madeira colony, the months long battle was devastating. The spanish never stood a chance and saw their colonial income plummet after their resounding defeat with no survivors or captives.
To the astonishment of most historians the at this time common naval "hullrubbing" tactic of tightly binding every ship with ropes to the others of an Armada when dealing with a insignificant enemy force was not reworked, and thus later lead to the Great Sinkings of the whole french Mediterranean Fleet in 1702 against six ships from Genua, and the loss of the complete english Homefleet when it ran into a decomissioned coastal defense vessel and two danish fishing cutters in the Kattegat in 1738.
Crimea is a tartar nation that revolted in Siberia from their former masters Hungary. They call themselves Crimea because somehow they feel the core center of their nation is in Lithuania owned peninsula of Crimea.
Great Britain formed in the 15th century.
While the history books focus on the large colonizers Spain, Portugal, France and the U.K., they neglect to mention the myriad colonies of Miland, the Papal States and many, many German states.
Japan never unified and remained a divided country ruled by Daimyos.
The Reconquista got out of hand. After conquering the whole of Iberia back from the Muslism, the Castillians said: "right, let's get really busy". They conquered all of North Africa just short of Jeruzalem. The idea of a unified Iberian crown called Spain never occured to the Reconquistadors.
Trade was severly regulated. A nation could only send at most six merchants to specifically designated centres of trade. It was forbidden for merchants to operate anywhere else. Also, there were no trade routes. Spices where never brought back to Europe: instead European merchants would just trade in India and other exotic place with no intention to send produce back to Europe.
There where just two kinds of countries: those with Land tech 18 or higher and subject nations.
Forget about thirst for adventure, virgin lands, profit or religious freedom: the best incentive for people to colonize the New World was having a tribe nation next door.
While the history books focus on the large colonizers Spain, Portugal, France and the U.K., they neglect to mention the myriad colonies of Miland, the Papal States and many, many German states.
Japan never unified and remained a divided country ruled by Daimyos.
The Reconquista got out of hand. After conquering the whole of Iberia back from the Muslism, the Castillians said: "right, let's get really busy". They conquered all of North Africa just short of Jeruzalem. The idea of a unified Iberian crown called Spain never occured to the Reconquistadors.
Trade was severly regulated. A nation could only send at most six merchants to specifically designated centres of trade. It was forbidden for merchants to operate anywhere else. Also, there were no trade routes. Spices where never brought back to Europe: instead European merchants would just trade in India and other exotic place with no intention to send produce back to Europe.
There where just two kinds of countries: those with Land tech 18 or higher and subject nations.
Forget about thirst for adventure, virgin lands, profit or religious freedom: the best incentive for people to colonize the New World was having a tribe nation next door.
The Earth's most remote, sparcely inhabited and resource-poor territories inevitably became thriving centers of trade.
The Chinese never declared war on anybody or engaged in colonizing. They just built buildings and hoarded gold.
The Chinese never declared war on anybody or engaged in colonizing. They just built buildings and hoarded gold.
It was the Mamluks, not the Ottomans, who conquered Byzantium in 1420, and not 1453. The Mamluks also made territorial gains in Serbia and Montenegro and briefly held areas in modern-day Ukraine.
The Ottomans after a quick expand in the Balkans and Anatolia begin their slow fall to obscurity after being invaded by the Timurid, even thought they won the war, the Catholics nations, like, Moldavia, Aachen, Achilea among others starts a series of crusades that destroy the Ottoman Empire.
One of the main history oddity it's that between the 15 and 19 century all but one single nation could send their fleets across the ocean without any damage due weather or supplies.
The Winter never protects Russian or Moscow against the forces of Austria, HRE, France or Mazovia.
Portugal gave up from explore the Africa Coast to find a way to Indie and focus into colonize North America.
The Steppe Nomads nations had an Honor Code that demands to end a war if a nation that the see as "war leader" don't have borders with them. They do this immediately and even if they were clearly winning the war.
One of the main history oddity it's that between the 15 and 19 century all but one single nation could send their fleets across the ocean without any damage due weather or supplies.
The Winter never protects Russian or Moscow against the forces of Austria, HRE, France or Mazovia.
Portugal gave up from explore the Africa Coast to find a way to Indie and focus into colonize North America.
The Steppe Nomads nations had an Honor Code that demands to end a war if a nation that the see as "war leader" don't have borders with them. They do this immediately and even if they were clearly winning the war.
Austria, under divine right, made a series of excursions into Balkan territory and even into the fledging Ottoman Empire. Once Bohemia was unable to defend herself, Austria expanded to the Baltic Sea. Historians question why the Eastern Reich would aggrandize itself so rapidly at the expense of its horrid reputation.
All exceptional man, upon being promoted general, would be given the winged shoes of Mercury. This is what allowed them to be able to instantly transport themselves to different armies, even if seperated on two sides of the world.
All exceptional man, upon being promoted general, would be given the winged shoes of Mercury. This is what allowed them to be able to instantly transport themselves to different armies, even if seperated on two sides of the world.
(In fact, diplomats, magistrates, spies, and other officials all seem to have this magical speedy ability. Merchants, however, are stuck walking.)
Non-European countries never had a chance to beat a European after 1500, making one wonder why it took so long for the Vistoria-era empires to emerge.
