Please keep them coming! They brighten my day! Especially my evil, hard, engineering classes!
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Berlin September 1941
A new day breaks in the capital of the Third Reich. Hitler, looks in the mirror buttoning his collar just as Ribbentrop enters the room.
Hitler: Ah, morning Ribbi!
Ribbentrop: Heil, mein Fuhrer! As usual I’m here for your daily morning briefing!
Hitler: Excellent give it here then.
Ribbentrop: (hands him a pair of white boxer shorts with red hearts printed on it) Just as you like it sir, pressed with a little starch.
Hitler: Wonderful! (puts on his briefs) Now tell me what’s going on in the world.
Ribbentrop: Britain and her common wealth have been quiet of late. Once in a while they send a division to storm a fortified beachhead or two, trying to convince people that they aren’t totally impotent in this war. We throw them back into the ocean with little trouble so I guess everyone wins in the end.
Hitler: How about the Americans?
Ribbentrop: The have strengthened their army which now has over 200 divisions! Their naval fleet is second only to Japan’s! And their IC production capacity is truly a fearsome thing.
Hitler: So have they done anything with all that strength?
Ribbentrop: No mein Fuhrer. It seems that the peace rally in Washington D.C. continues.
Hitler: Hehe, silly Americans. Half of them wants to go to war, the other half doesn’t and protests. In the end they get nothing done. Ah, democracy, got ta love it! No sense worrying about them I guess.
Ribbentrop: In the orient, the last Chinese strong hold as fallen to the might of the Japanese army.
Hitler: Wow, I’m surprised the Chinese lasted this long. Kudos to them! Send them a consolation fruit basket to cheer them up.
Ribbentrop: And lastly, the remaining Free French forces continue to write us hate mail from their territories in Northern Africa and Siam.
Hitler: What is it with people? Conquer their country and they crucify you for it. They really ought to lighten up. (sighs. He looks at the world map where a majority of Europe is shaded in German gray.) You know the old saying Ribbi, you can’t make an omelet without breaking a few heads.
Ribbentrop: Quite Right mein Furher.
Hitler: Ah, Ribbi, my dream of unifying Europe under on rule is finally coming true. And to think that my high school guidance councilor once said that I was doomed to failure and most likely commit suicide in a secluded underground bunker! Haha, well I showed her! Who’s the Fuhrer now baby!
Ribbentrop: Yes, mein Fuhrer. You’re sure to impress everyone at your high school reunion. Anyone can be a doctor, but how many people can say they’ve crushed once proud nations under the heel of their boot?
Hitler: Damn right Ribbi! (they high five) Alright Ribbi, tell me what’s happening in the world.
Ribbentrop: There have been some difficulties with the union of the European nations, sir. The various currency’s and denominations make it difficult for people to do business through out the Third Reich. I recommend that we create a uniform currency.
Hitler: Oh, that doesn’t sound half bad. Now people won’t have to worry about converting Deutsche marks into Franks, or Franks into those shiny bits of glass and colored pieces of string that the Polish use. It will make everyone’s life easier.
Ribbentrop: I’ll see to it right away, sir. Might I suggest we call this new currency the Euro?
Hitler: Blah, that just doesn’t seem to have the spirit of the Third Reich associated with it. Hm… (rubs his chin in thought) I’ve got it! The new form of currency for the Third Reich shall be called Hitler Fun Bucks! What do you think Ribbi?
Ribbentrop: It shall be done mein Fuhrer!
Stockholm Sweden September 1941
It is evening in the land of the rolling meatball. Electric lamps illuminate the cluttered room in the German field headquarters. Von Kluge nervously bites at his nails and von Mastein pages over the incoming reports from the front with an ever-worrying expression.
Von Mastein: Blast! Another senior officer has been has reported missing! We lost contact with his division soon after.
Von Kluge: That’s the third one now right? The same has been happening since we landed in Sweden. Commanding officers suddenly began disappearing left and right. Then the men they commanded disappeared too! What the heck is going on?
Von Mastein: I’m not sure but it looks the whenever the scouting parties are sent out, they never return. All communication was lost. The main German advance is bogging down because of this. We’re running our of experienced officers because they keep winding up lost!
Von Kluge: The men are getting jumpy, Mastein. Fighting an enemy face to face is one thing, but a hidden foe can shake the resolve of any man. Don’t we have any idea of whose responsible for the disappearances?
Von Mastein: Our spies and contacts within the Swedish high command could only glean something about a special elite Swedish commando team to could be responsible. I believe they are called the SBT.
Von Kluge: SBT??? An elite commando team? Impossible! Isn’t it? (looks very troubled)
Von Mastein: How else can you explain all those disappearances. It beginning to look like our officers are being liquidated one by one.
Von Kluge: But how could they get through security? You’d have to waltz through the German army to get to the officer corps!
Von Mastein: I don’t know, Kluge. I just don’t know. (shakes his head)
Suddenly the lights in the room go out. Out side the door a scuffle is heard which is quickly ended by a thud to the ground. The field marshals reach for flashlights in the darkness.
Von Mastein: (swallows) Kluge, it looks like we’re next.
The two turn their flashlights to the door.
Von Kluge: Mastein I’m scared!
Suddenly the door bursts and members of SBT swarm in surrounding the two men with their weapons bared.
SBT operative: You are surrounded! Now cum quietly with us!
Von Mastein’s and Kluge’s eyes widen finding themselves trapped with no way out. The look at each other then back to the SBT operative and hold their hands up into the air: We surrender!
Berlin Emergency staff meeting September 1941
It is late at night and the usually quiet nights of the Command room are a flutter of activity and reports come streaming in that the German expeditionary force in Sweden has surrendered to the undermanned and ill-equipped Swedish army by joint orders of Field Marshals von Mastein and von Kluge.
The doors to the command room burst open as Hitler thunders into the room. He is wearing his pajamas and holding a brown teddy bear in his arms. He also sports a pair of pink chinchilla slippers.
Hitler: How the hell could this happen!?!
Ignoring the aids and junior officers who fearfully try to blend into the background, he marches to the main table where the senior staff nervously sits.
Ribbentrop quickly rises with the Georing, Rommel, and Guderian: Heil Hit—
Hitler: Sit your arses back down and tell me what the hell is going on!
Ribbentrop: Sir! Our forces in Sweden have given up the fight. It seems that von Mastein and von Kluge have surrendered their forces to the Swedes.
Hitler: What!?!
Georing: Our sources say that they have been captured in a clandestine operation carried out by an elite Swedish commando force codenamed the SBT!
Hitler: Grrr! And double Grrr!!! Hell, triple Grrrrr!!!
An aid quickly scurries up to Ribbentrop handing him a folder and whispering into the foreign minister’s ear. Ribbentrop opens the folder and reads through it. His eyes go wide and he swallows.
Ribbentrop: Sir! We have uncovered more information about the SBT and their movements! Many agents were lost getting this information to us. (with a trembling hand he hands Hitler the file)
Hitler: Let me see! (opens the folder and his jaw drops) My god… von Mastein and von Kluge never had a chance…
Rommel: Sir?
Hitler sees the questioning looks of the rest of the command staff and distributes the documents within the folder. Silence reigns as the men sit dumbstruck from the folders contents.
Raeder: I should have never let those two go. Or at least I should have gone with them. (shakes his head sadly)
Rommel: (Stands up hastily) Mein Fuhrer! I ask that you allow me to lead a mission to rescue Mastein and Kluge!
Hitler: (Turns to Guderian) What do you think Heinz?
Guderian: (Looks to the documents then to Rommel) No, it’s too perilous.
Rommel: (a bit frantic) Let me face the peril! Come on it’s only a little peril! Please?
Guderian: (shakes his head) Nope, too much peril. I don’t think any man here stands a chance against the Swedish Bikini Team !!!
Georing: Um… Is it too late for ‘us’ to surrender too?
A new day breaks in the capital of the Third Reich. Hitler, looks in the mirror buttoning his collar just as Ribbentrop enters the room.
Hitler: Ah, morning Ribbi!
Ribbentrop: Heil, mein Fuhrer! As usual I’m here for your daily morning briefing!
Hitler: Excellent give it here then.
Ribbentrop: (hands him a pair of white boxer shorts with red hearts printed on it) Just as you like it sir, pressed with a little starch.
Hitler: Wonderful! (puts on his briefs) Now tell me what’s going on in the world.
Ribbentrop: Britain and her common wealth have been quiet of late. Once in a while they send a division to storm a fortified beachhead or two, trying to convince people that they aren’t totally impotent in this war. We throw them back into the ocean with little trouble so I guess everyone wins in the end.
Hitler: How about the Americans?
Ribbentrop: The have strengthened their army which now has over 200 divisions! Their naval fleet is second only to Japan’s! And their IC production capacity is truly a fearsome thing.
Hitler: So have they done anything with all that strength?
Ribbentrop: No mein Fuhrer. It seems that the peace rally in Washington D.C. continues.
Hitler: Hehe, silly Americans. Half of them wants to go to war, the other half doesn’t and protests. In the end they get nothing done. Ah, democracy, got ta love it! No sense worrying about them I guess.
Ribbentrop: In the orient, the last Chinese strong hold as fallen to the might of the Japanese army.
Hitler: Wow, I’m surprised the Chinese lasted this long. Kudos to them! Send them a consolation fruit basket to cheer them up.
Ribbentrop: And lastly, the remaining Free French forces continue to write us hate mail from their territories in Northern Africa and Siam.
Hitler: What is it with people? Conquer their country and they crucify you for it. They really ought to lighten up. (sighs. He looks at the world map where a majority of Europe is shaded in German gray.) You know the old saying Ribbi, you can’t make an omelet without breaking a few heads.
Ribbentrop: Quite Right mein Furher.
Hitler: Ah, Ribbi, my dream of unifying Europe under on rule is finally coming true. And to think that my high school guidance councilor once said that I was doomed to failure and most likely commit suicide in a secluded underground bunker! Haha, well I showed her! Who’s the Fuhrer now baby!
Ribbentrop: Yes, mein Fuhrer. You’re sure to impress everyone at your high school reunion. Anyone can be a doctor, but how many people can say they’ve crushed once proud nations under the heel of their boot?
Hitler: Damn right Ribbi! (they high five) Alright Ribbi, tell me what’s happening in the world.
Ribbentrop: There have been some difficulties with the union of the European nations, sir. The various currency’s and denominations make it difficult for people to do business through out the Third Reich. I recommend that we create a uniform currency.
Hitler: Oh, that doesn’t sound half bad. Now people won’t have to worry about converting Deutsche marks into Franks, or Franks into those shiny bits of glass and colored pieces of string that the Polish use. It will make everyone’s life easier.
Ribbentrop: I’ll see to it right away, sir. Might I suggest we call this new currency the Euro?
Hitler: Blah, that just doesn’t seem to have the spirit of the Third Reich associated with it. Hm… (rubs his chin in thought) I’ve got it! The new form of currency for the Third Reich shall be called Hitler Fun Bucks! What do you think Ribbi?
Ribbentrop: It shall be done mein Fuhrer!
Stockholm Sweden September 1941
It is evening in the land of the rolling meatball. Electric lamps illuminate the cluttered room in the German field headquarters. Von Kluge nervously bites at his nails and von Mastein pages over the incoming reports from the front with an ever-worrying expression.
Von Mastein: Blast! Another senior officer has been has reported missing! We lost contact with his division soon after.
Von Kluge: That’s the third one now right? The same has been happening since we landed in Sweden. Commanding officers suddenly began disappearing left and right. Then the men they commanded disappeared too! What the heck is going on?
Von Mastein: I’m not sure but it looks the whenever the scouting parties are sent out, they never return. All communication was lost. The main German advance is bogging down because of this. We’re running our of experienced officers because they keep winding up lost!
Von Kluge: The men are getting jumpy, Mastein. Fighting an enemy face to face is one thing, but a hidden foe can shake the resolve of any man. Don’t we have any idea of whose responsible for the disappearances?
Von Mastein: Our spies and contacts within the Swedish high command could only glean something about a special elite Swedish commando team to could be responsible. I believe they are called the SBT.
Von Kluge: SBT??? An elite commando team? Impossible! Isn’t it? (looks very troubled)
Von Mastein: How else can you explain all those disappearances. It beginning to look like our officers are being liquidated one by one.
Von Kluge: But how could they get through security? You’d have to waltz through the German army to get to the officer corps!
Von Mastein: I don’t know, Kluge. I just don’t know. (shakes his head)
Suddenly the lights in the room go out. Out side the door a scuffle is heard which is quickly ended by a thud to the ground. The field marshals reach for flashlights in the darkness.
Von Mastein: (swallows) Kluge, it looks like we’re next.
The two turn their flashlights to the door.
Von Kluge: Mastein I’m scared!
Suddenly the door bursts and members of SBT swarm in surrounding the two men with their weapons bared.
SBT operative: You are surrounded! Now cum quietly with us!
Von Mastein’s and Kluge’s eyes widen finding themselves trapped with no way out. The look at each other then back to the SBT operative and hold their hands up into the air: We surrender!
Berlin Emergency staff meeting September 1941
It is late at night and the usually quiet nights of the Command room are a flutter of activity and reports come streaming in that the German expeditionary force in Sweden has surrendered to the undermanned and ill-equipped Swedish army by joint orders of Field Marshals von Mastein and von Kluge.
The doors to the command room burst open as Hitler thunders into the room. He is wearing his pajamas and holding a brown teddy bear in his arms. He also sports a pair of pink chinchilla slippers.
Hitler: How the hell could this happen!?!
Ignoring the aids and junior officers who fearfully try to blend into the background, he marches to the main table where the senior staff nervously sits.
Ribbentrop quickly rises with the Georing, Rommel, and Guderian: Heil Hit—
Hitler: Sit your arses back down and tell me what the hell is going on!
Ribbentrop: Sir! Our forces in Sweden have given up the fight. It seems that von Mastein and von Kluge have surrendered their forces to the Swedes.
Hitler: What!?!
Georing: Our sources say that they have been captured in a clandestine operation carried out by an elite Swedish commando force codenamed the SBT!
Hitler: Grrr! And double Grrr!!! Hell, triple Grrrrr!!!
An aid quickly scurries up to Ribbentrop handing him a folder and whispering into the foreign minister’s ear. Ribbentrop opens the folder and reads through it. His eyes go wide and he swallows.
Ribbentrop: Sir! We have uncovered more information about the SBT and their movements! Many agents were lost getting this information to us. (with a trembling hand he hands Hitler the file)
Hitler: Let me see! (opens the folder and his jaw drops) My god… von Mastein and von Kluge never had a chance…
Rommel: Sir?
Hitler sees the questioning looks of the rest of the command staff and distributes the documents within the folder. Silence reigns as the men sit dumbstruck from the folders contents.
Raeder: I should have never let those two go. Or at least I should have gone with them. (shakes his head sadly)
Rommel: (Stands up hastily) Mein Fuhrer! I ask that you allow me to lead a mission to rescue Mastein and Kluge!
Hitler: (Turns to Guderian) What do you think Heinz?
Guderian: (Looks to the documents then to Rommel) No, it’s too perilous.
Rommel: (a bit frantic) Let me face the peril! Come on it’s only a little peril! Please?
Guderian: (shakes his head) Nope, too much peril. I don’t think any man here stands a chance against the Swedish Bikini Team !!!
Georing: Um… Is it too late for ‘us’ to surrender too?
Oh dear...
Not the Swedish Bikini Team!
Wonder if one of the moderators will make you take that picture down...
Not the Swedish Bikini Team!
Wonder if one of the moderators will make you take that picture down...
"Bet you're gay!"
"No I'm not."
Monty Pyton and the Holy Grail...good stuff.
And the mods, take down that pretty picture? Prudes.
"No I'm not."
Monty Pyton and the Holy Grail...good stuff.
And the mods, take down that pretty picture? Prudes.
as a mod, i dont see anything wrong with the above image. but i better leave that issue to the appropriate moderators.
Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-Ha-
This is the funyest AAR yet , keep up the good work.
Work in Space Balls, or not
This is the funyest AAR yet , keep up the good work.
Work in Space Balls, or not
Can i be put on the front lines to surrender to SBT too?
Can't wait for my interrogation!
Can't wait for my interrogation!
more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more more
Hm yes, Sweden can be a dangerous place... Did you lose some divisions in Sweden, or is it purely fictional?
those divisons all ended up in kiruna....
var e brudarna?
transelation:
were are the babes?
var e brudarna?
transelation:
were are the babes?
FORCE CONCENTRATION DOCTRINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!
I actually did run into some trouble in Sweden. Everything was going fine and my armies of the Third Reich happily rampaging through the country till i reached the mountan provences in northern Sweden.
I didn't have any Mountain divisions with my invasion force, but since i outnumbered the Swedes by almost 3 to 1 i charged in with 3 infantry divisions and 6 Mechanized.
First mistake: Mech suck in mountains. I knew this already but i was pushing it since i didn't want to have to transport my Mountain divisions all the way from Gebralter.
Second Mistake: Those mountain provinces have 20 infrastructure! It took them forever to get there, and they weren't properly rested to begin with so their org was far from max. I didn't notice till during the battle and i saw that my units org were below 20! Needless to say the broke and ran and my mech divisions, retreating and out of gas disappeared off the cliff tops.
Damn you, Swedes!!!
But i fogive you since you do have quite a lovely bikini team.