Nan: Hey Bob
Bob: Nan?
Nan:Watchya thinkin about
Bob:I think I just remembered how I won as Austria last time
Nan:…What?
Bob: It’s time for…
OPERATION PUMPERNICKEL
Bob decided to scale back the CRAP program, but nations begged for more CRAP. We said “you want CRAP?” And they said “We love CRAP” so we sent the producers of Fox News. Unfortunately, that was not enough, so more royal marriages were secured. It was decided that France must be dealt with eventually. Bob said that Austria was not strong enough to deal with France at the moment, but that with time and proper planning, we can be. For now, we must grow.
While Nan was lollygagging about, Denmark declared war, and as Unperor, we joined in. Bob took charge, while Nan ran about chasing squirrels. We won the war, of course, and took a few nice provinces. While Denmark was able to steal many of our allies away by offering them separate peace deals, we did the same taking Norway and Sweden out of the war. All was good.
A difficult decision had to be made. France offered us an alliance. Should we take it? Should we avoid it? The answer was not simple, and not known. Bob thought about it, and consulted with Nan, who said that he likes ham. Bob decided that an alliance might just be what we need to give us time to grow, before we jab the knife of Austrian revenge in their back. Alliances were sealed with France and Britain as well just to keep the French off balance.
Following this a man named Harold came. It turns out he was also a Herald, from Bavaria – he just wanted to let us know that Bavaria now owns Hungary thanks to inheritance. Bob was shocked. At first he thought that this could mean our eventual defeat, but after some thought, he came to the conclusion that it will be easier to deal with them as one chunk. Bob was pleased.
Bob then ordered the army to ready. Cavalry was assembled, in exact units of 1000, no more, no less. Bob said that this was because he liked round numbers. As the troops were being assembled, Milan decided to declare war. I mean, it’s not like your biggest and most threatening neighbor has just built thousands and thousands of troops that are just waiting for something to kill, and its not like attacking a target within the Unmpire will draw the attention of the Unperor, causing your allies to flee, and of course its not like the Unperor is, oh, say me, your neighbor who’s just built those thousands of troops. Needless to say the war was a breeze. Oh no, that was Nan’s flatulence. Meh, the war did not take all that long anyway. We smashed their defenses and forced them to hand over some of those juicy provinces of theirs. Bob was pleased.
Bob was just getting started. Nan, meanwhile, was just finishing, finishing dinner. Nan had three dinners a day, and five on the weekend. Following this he went back to running around the palace playing “hide and seek” with the imperial guards. He noted the guards were “easy to find” because they “just stood there” This lead Nan to win most games, losing only when Bob dragged him away to attend some kind of official state function. When Fox News (which had been returned following the failure of the CRAP program) asked Nan what he thought about Bob exercising the powers of the state without consulting with him, Nan responded that “Bob said king means I can have fun” and added “why, what did Bob tell you King meant?”
During the interview, Bob invaded Aquileia. Bavaria, it’s noble ally, tagged along. Bob said “BWAHAHAHAHAHA” to this, at which thunder and lightning appeared from nowhere, despite it being sunny out. Our armies made quick work of the enemy, but boy, is war messy.
During the war, we got two requests to fight in a war; One from France, asking us to help invade Alsace, and one from Alsace, asking us to defend them from France. Bob was tempted to take both offers, so that Austria would win no matter what, but decided to stay out of the war. Many said that Austria would not hold on to the post of Unperor. Bob just responded “that’s fine. We don’t need it anymore…”
The war with Bavaria and Aquileia ended with a victory for the forces of Austria. (Of course, notice how the good guy always wins
What did you think, we’d get vassalized!?) Bob decided that it was high time for a break, and whipped it out. His camera, that is, and took some pictures.