Pink India - A Cochin Meiou AAR

[DDRJake]

It's been a while since my 16th century Ryukyu World Conquest So I've decided to fire up an AAR for once. I'll be playing the latest version of Meiou with all the hotfixes available at time of posting alongside the April 20th DW5.2 beta as the manliest of the Indian nations: Cochin

Goals are not set in stone yet. There will be no vast conquests, just the securing of India for the Hindus who are under threat from the mean old Muslims of the North. Westernisation is prohibited. The difficulty is set to Very hard, historical lucky nations and the spread of sea/land at 100 years.

Let's get right to it. Here is Cochin.

See it? Right there?

There we go; the Cornwall of India. Manliest country this side of the Bosphorus and outright badass of the Subcontinent. This fine nation will lead the people of India to greatness.

Meiou has a trait system for rulers, so even crappy rulers can have fantastic traits and that 9/8/8 can be a lazy hopeless arse. As it stands, my 8/7/6 ruler begins with a +50% tax bonus. Not that much help with my one province but it's certainly a boon.

The Hindus of the south are under looming threat of the merciless Muslim mass of Delhi to the north. I fire off an aliance offer to Vijayanagar up north for some protection. You would think that would be Cochin's prime concern as a poor Hindu power but...

It is time to unsheathe the sword of forgiveness and thrust the spears of mercy. Vijay and myself are caught at war with both Madurai and Bahmani with Mysore thrown in for good measure. Vijay can field a good 14k troops but so can Madurai, and Bahmani even more than that. Mysore is swiftly annexed while Vijay loses one province to Bahmani for peace. Now we focus on Madurai. With my free trade sliders and Merchant Adventures idea, I've sent my merchants off with what little gold I have to get some income to raise mercenary armies far above my support limit of one. It seems the cost for troops cannot become more inflated than 300% extra. That's handy. I leave the fighting to Vijay as Very Hard mode, coupled with Madurai having Military Drill means I have a 1.25 morale handicap against them on the field. With Vijay doing the heavy lifting though, things start to look good.

Between them Vijay and Bahmani sack Madurai for their treasury and peace out leaving me at war alone. Since I cannot raise anywhere near an army to hold my own against them, I'm a little concerned, however much to my surprise, Vijay is happy for a round 2.

This pattern goes on for years. Since I remain warleader and Vijay keeps rejoining and peacing out, I can keep Madurai at bay while (very) slowly taking land in my own name. In Meiou, almost all provinces have a level 2 fort at game start, so a 1k stack is highly unlikely to take a place any time soon. Vijay gets a conquest mission on my 2PM neighbour and calls me in. I take full advantage of being closer.

This means Vijay's mission is now to conquer me. They're a good mate though and cancel it within a few years. 7 inflation later I finally have Madurai firmly under heel.

Oh piss.

 

[DDRJake]

Update tonight after work. I've done the dirty, just need to type it out.

I'm open to ideas. I fear I may have shot myself in the foot with Ryukyu as I'd be hard pressed to repeat anything that mad. Still, this is my first AAR, if all goes well and I still feel inspired there can be more to come.

 

[DDRJake]

Peace was needed in order to swing a little bit of mercenary muscle to help Vijay up north. Almost all of my troops are Mercs. If you've only played fairly easy countries or safe strats then you've likely never even touched the "hire mercs" button. They are twice as expensive both in recruitment and upkeep but sometimes you've got plenty of money but just zero manpower.

But still my troops are garbage. Absolutely garbage. I have a slight land tech advantage but just look how badly we get pummelled, even with half decent die rolls.

But sometimes you just have to roll with the punches. Eventually Vijay is able to lay the beat down while I take on the roll which includes less heavy lifting. I keep Bahmani's troops under heel. Keep in mind that to safely defeat these newly produced troops I need to outnumber them roughly 3:1 and have good morale. Yes, that's to beat freshly recruited troops. Nobody said Very Hard was going to be easy. Quite the opposite in fact. Madurai help me laugh away the pain

Bahmani is beaten to a White peace as Vijay pulled out and was no longer willing to break truce just to cave in some Muslim heads. What followed was 20 years of relative peace and order. Towards the end I seize the opportunity to fabricate claims on Mudarai, but they were guarenteed by Vijay. I looked everywhere for a way to pull Vijay into another war so they would avoid fighting me. I want to keep them by my side for the whole game if possible; they can get missionaries while I cannot, so they will be my key to converting lands. It's also nice to have an ally. It adds to the unpredictability. I mean, how many of you, when you reach a certain size, just ditch all non-vassal/PU alliances? A fair number I'm betting. I finally find a poor unprotected throne in the shattered remains of Majapahit. A good enough reason and only ~100 ducats for the CB. This lets me pull Vijay into a war so I can PU Madurai safely. Do I abuse game mechanics for my own end? Oh heavens yes! It's the Cochin way!

Meanwhile Bengal are getting stronger and proving to be a demi-threat to Hindu life. They snag a province off of Mudarai before I PU them and annex the entire Ceylon island.

I hadn't actually expected to PU that little ex-Majapahitan country but seeing such a manly colour in the region made me want to foster it. They had 3 cores held by other Indonesian meanies so I let the little pink bro occupy them. One defected, the other two broke out in rebelion and ceded peacefully. Embarassingly, my troops were still getting stomped by those freshly made guys. One of these days that's going to really hurt me.

Ah yes, defection timers. In Meiou, much like in history, provinces can cede during the course of a war if conditions are met. Same religion, culture or cores as an occupier can mean that occupied provinces cede to another country if no attempt is made to retake them within about a year. It costs the new owner 1 infamy if they then accept the province and the war goes on as normal. It's a nice little touch and it swings both ways. It certainly helps when you hold a few territories than you have blocked off from a far more powerful rival who refuses to give you them in a peace deal.

I snigger a little and make plans to thrash some land from Bengal. my Hindu friends South of China: Champa, are not fairing too well. Hinduism is nearly wiped out down there. Before dealing with the Bengaleese I need to give the Bahmani's a beating they will never forget nor recover from. And by me I mean Vijay.

Vijay love war

Bahmani never recover. All this land will go to Vijay and thankfully they get missionaries (I do not, my sliders are Secular and Innovative to help with Tech and Trade). That cultural differences popup is fairly self explanitory. PUs are a cheap way to expand and you can fire them off to everyone without much to worry about. in Meiou, you will get popups like this hurting relations big-time with them fairly frequently. It fires much more for countries outside your culture and possibly for far away countries. I'm not a fan of mass PUing and vassalation. It's cheap and womanly. I don't plan on having any further PUs and don't want more than around 3 vassals.

After all the times I've murdered their WE and stability, I'm not surprised that Vijay call me in like this. I take it on the chin just like they did. Since I'm very decentalised I'm able to regain stability fairly quickly (Oh sliders are a lot more interesting in Meiou, as are national ideas) and the WE isn't too bad. Anything for my beloved Vijay who I want to grow big and strong. They'll need big jaws to dig into the Delhi Sandwich above. After polishing off that Hindu snack, the religious screen starts looking a bit more favourable for the Hindus.

It's time for Bengal though. I need to liberate the Ceylon island and get that province back for my PU junior. I declare with no CB and set out to sink their navy. Like a real war, there are many, many naval skirmishes. Some I lose, some I win. Top priority is to sink their bloody fleet so rebels can run wild.

Cont...

 

[DDRJake]

Beseiging a province is hard work, especially 4k troops on a level 2 fort. A little bit of gold in the right hands speeds this along nicely while I keep thrashing their navy (and getting thrashed myself. I was losing and a month later recapturing my own pink ships! I'm very glad that I never have to fight an actual battle because there troops would have killed me unless I had about a 4:1 advantage with plenty of cav. I make moves on half of Ceylon Island and get a not-too-shabby heir during the war. Does high diplo rating aid inheritance odds? I don't know. I'll just have to cross my fingers and toes: I get cores on all od Madurai's lands on inheritance.

I decided here and now that I either wanted to own all of the Ceylon islands for my pink Indian glory or have them as a 4-province vassal. Jaffna's beautiful burgundy colour appeals to me and since they were caused by nationalist rebels, they have cores on the whole island. And sometimes the god of chance just smiles down on you.

I take it, release Jaffna as a 2PM vassal then Good Government Policies for AND I gain a core!

Why are cores so lucky? Well in the real world, owning something for 50 years does not make it uncontestidly yours. Look at Gibraltar or the Falklands or Ireland. In Meiou, once nationalism dies away you have to gain cores through an event. The event has a MTTH of 250 years but with many, many, MANY modifiers that inevitably bring that number down. If the culture is your province and religion then the MTTH is already cut down to about 54 years. Add to that high stability, DotF, Prestige, HRE/Shogun bonuses and cores (can!) fire very quickly. Colonies have no nationalism and a further 50% bonus to coring so that's great news for colonial powers. For a full list of coring modifiers as well as a tasty look at the Meiou game, take a gander over here

I'm such a sell out. Anyway, that's us up to the current situation. After I eradicate Islam from India I'll need some more goals to keep me going. Final goal might well be total HRE occupation and disbandment. I want a juicy endgame screenshot similar to my Cherokee one.

Oh yeaaaah, those were the days.

 

[DDRJake]

It's a shame you didn't make an AAR on that one!

That Cherokee screenshot looks insane. Dfnitely something I could never accomplish with my meagre gameplay skills. Things look realy bright for Cochin though so yeah, maybe we get to see pink British Isles etc...

Thanks. I did the entire Cherokee game in 11 hours one evening. I kept all the screenshots and could easilly post them up someday. As for Pink British Isles, it's an idea to consider. as I say, I'm open to goal suggestions although disbandoning the HRE and eradicating Islam from India are my two main goals.

 

[DDRJake]

So after a fair bit of mulling it over, My end goals have been decided.

1. Disband the HRE. What is the HRE? We Indians have no idea, but we will find it and destroy it. Whatever it is...
2. Remove all muslims from the Indian region and ensure that only Hindus exist here. Strength through unity!
3. Bring all the manliest nations in the world back to their Former glory. Cochin, Cornwall, Anhalt, Holstein, Mazovia, Sunda, Corfu and whoever else shows themself as bearing the emblem of Manliness shall become part of the permanant pink alliance each owning a respectable chunk of land.

Farfetched? Not at all. No power on God's Pink earth can stop this movement. What's more, these nations shall spread the Hindu faith in their respective regions!

Now back to the uphill climb. And it's just getting that bit steeper. Cham Pa, the last bastion of Hinduism has been utterly wiped out by Att...Ayut....Athay.....some green bastards who have also locked out a whole bunch of my merchants from their rich CoTs and putting a strain on my economy.

Yeah, those so-and-sos​

A revenge killing is ordered and any of these unfortunate south-east Asians who decided landing on the Raj's lands quickly found themselves put to sword. It was a messy fight. Cochin has not yet taught its people which end of the blade to hold or how to project the arrows using the bow. The job is done none the less. Bengal, seeing that the already laughably weak Cochin troops are away on shore leave put their bigger and better navy than ever before to good use and after giving them a good battering and stealing many ships, keep the Cochin navy docked.

A stalemate is fought to and while white peace is put on the tables by the Hindu-exterminators, the old and cunning king decides this is the perfect excuse to end the guarantee of Yuan which has lead to countless wars with Ming which, while costing no Indian lives, has hampered trade in the area, something vital to the otherwise gutted Cochin economy. This was sadly the king's final act as head of state and ruler of the Hindus. His death marked the end of a legacy. High hopes were held for the new king who sealed the integration of both the close bretheren of Madurai and the distant puppet state of Sunda. Shame he turned out to be such a dick.

next to decietful and hopeless spender, this is the absolute worst trait. Damn you!​

Heaven only knows what Ceylon was thinking. They were obviously too impatiant to wait on becoming part of the glorious empire and chose to speed things up a bit

Twice the size, twice the forcelimit and with a pair of reasonably strong vassals and Vijay by my side. It won't be too long before Delhi starts getting the fright and throwing down everything they have at us. The time will come to strike, but for now, I'll need to feed my first new member of the Pink Alliance.

Those are some nice Hindu lands for them. They are rich and well defended though. To war!

 

[DDRJake]

India in Indonesia

There's nothing quite like fighting a superior foe. Surabaya declared a war upon my vassal Sunda with the I Am A Dick CB. They bring in their little pals Mataram and the isolationist nation of Makassar to spice things up a bit while Sunda brings in myself, Jaffna and Vijay. Vijay and Jaffna barely have a cog between them and my navy is a little low on moral so I switch out Patron of the Arts for Superior Seamanship again and prepare for battle. In terms of naval power we are fairly evenly matched but on land they overpower us by far. The Couchin army remains at home while troops are recruited to make an army 14,000 strong. The navy sets sail to clear a path and scout the area.

Surabaya is taking no prisoners so the hastilly recruited and ill equiped Cochin army is brought in to relieve some of the seiges. The spread out nature of the navies around the Indonesian island makes coordinating land assault difficult but a beach head is prepared with stunning results with Goda Koykial leading the army and Rama Koykial instructing the navy with assistance from Vijay's own somewhat able Markandeya Chatterji. Some things are best kept in the family

A surprising display of competence from the Pink warriors​

Encouraged by the naval abilities of Cochin, Vijay sets sail with their modest navy and lands on the island of Madura and also lands troops on Makussar's land, easing some of the war effort but not quite dealing with the war elephant in the room: Surabaya's massive army. While on paper the Pink Alliance has far more troops, 28,000 of them are Vijay's army which he is unable to ship across in any meaningful numbers.

Sunda's national focus province of Ceribon falls but the swift navy of Cochin ensures the occupation is lifted before the turn of the month. After a series of small skirmishes inside Sunda's borders, the situation looks less then ideal.

Yes we have more sticks, but their sticks come to a point​

Makassar eventually submits and the Nobels of Bone take control of the country. Bone's foreign policy, while not as manly as needed to be a member of the Pink Alliance, is much prefered by the Raj of Cochin. Money is also demanded in the deal which is added to the savings put together in order to pay the looming 1000 ducat loan provided (assumidly) by the trusting nobels of Vijay. Although another foe is put down, it is clear that once finished with taking the Sundan capital, Surabaya will begin a counterattack. Cochin's men are swiftly shown the sharp(er) end of their sticks, lectured once more in how to string their bows and sent to a do or die battle.

"Why the hell are we even here? I want to go home"​

"How did we win?" "Tactics"​

A pretty stunning victory and with that the mapping of borders is assured. The provinces belonging to Surabaya and Mataram were swiftly beseiged and peace was laid down on the table with no room for the loser to appeal. The infamy gain was softened by the understanding that this was a defensive war, but Cochin's merchants will be finding it difficult to trade for a short while. All gained territories are sold to Sunda for 20 ducats in total.

We win, now activate money!​

It's been a whole chapter and not even a passing glance at India. Well I'm pretty feared to look because Vijay insists on stirring trouble.

It's not like they have reconquest on half your lands.

 

[DDRJake]

It could be that Vijay is going to have to learn a thing or two about foreign relations.

 

[DDRJake]

Assimilation​

Welp, Vijay has stood by my side all along, the least I can do is repay the favour, although this will be a war of survival. Odds of winning are somewhere between zero and nothing. Of course, part of being a man is knowing when to give and when to take. By which I mean I will give Delhi a beating and will be taking all their land. I set about fighting any smaller stacks I see and set up a full blockade. If this were on an easier setting I'd feel confident in myself, but on Very Hard mode, the AI loses a staggering 0.40 War Exhaustion per month. Add their natural Ruler's admin stat to that and you have War Exhaustion that simply doesn't budge for them untill you occupy over half of their lands. Still, I must bring out everything I have to save us from being consumed.

There goes the neighbourhood​

My manpower simply melts away. My teck advantage and slider movements towards quality are beginning to show as I fight tit-for-tat against Delhi's endless troops, but in the end they have troops and I just do not. What is more, they have cores on most of this land and do not suffer much attrition as a result. Vijay has the same bonuses as Delhi get for being on Very Hard but with a mere fraction of the troops and inability to fight as one, they crumble. A valorous display of unity is shown to the Delhi troops, but it is nowhere near enough.

This is it! The deciding battle and we're winning...oh wait, here come more Muslims. We're boned.​

Vijay is soon overrun. Amazingly, Delhi settle for only one province. Perhaps the Chagatai were acting up again.

I was hoping for a prosperous relationship with Vijay, however their attitude towards Delhi, while respectable, lack the charisma and forethought that a true manly nation requires. Not to mention that disgusting colour. It appears that we must become one under the manliest of Rajas. We all know what happens when you wash your Whites with your Pinks. Jaffna, who have failed to convert any of their provinces at all, are also integrated. Not for their failures, but for their increadible fighting prowess they deserve to be given the seal of Manliness.

At last, a good looking manly phallus of a name on the map, prodding into the Muslim belly of India Supreme.​

Soon to come: Reclaiming every single Hindu province from Delhi.

 

[DDRJake]

Well, that's one way to get things done! How many of your provinces are cores now?

All culture group provinces which were also a core of Vijay's. The province SE of Mysore sticks out like a sore thumb there.

This manliness. It.. appeals to me...

That was a rather genius stroke right there, getting Vijayanagar. Well done!

I'm glad you can get behind the manly movement of the Permanent Pink Alliance. We're just getting warmed up.

An excellent move to say the least! Go most manly of all nations!

Many thanks

That move on Vijayanagar was... cold, well executed but cold

Congrats

There is no room for empathy when there is still the Muslim menace in Greater India.

Didn't see that one coming! I guess the locomotive to greatness has just gained a lot of traction.

There are no brakes on this rape train. It will not be by womanly Sunni hands that the structure of Greater India is rebuilt. It shall be Bigger, Pinker, Manlier and more Hindu than ever before.

That was something totality different than I expected!!!
Was this something preplaned or spur of moment?

Absolutely spur of the moment. It was always my intention to keep them as a powerful ally due to their stronger troops but their poor ideas on how to deal with Delhi were their undoing. If anything, it was a mercy killing. They no longer have to suffer their own pale, womanly country's disposition and can now be citizens of Mighty Manly Cochin. After integrating them I set about restoring relations with Delhi: mutual military access for starters.

Didn't seem to help all that much. Oh well, to arms! No Hindu dies this day!

 

[DDRJake]

For Hindu​

In the war room:

Okay, things aren't looking to good. Delhi have manpower coming out of their ears and enough troops to boot. Their economy is unshakable and although I have invested heavily in quality troops and military NIs, they still fight toe-to-toe with me. I amass as many mercs as I can alongside regular troops draining my manpower pool in a heartbeat. When I can, I fight and destroy armies smaller than my own. It's only a matter of time...

Our superior land tech now makes the world of difference. Battles are still fought carerfully, but as we now lost half the number of troops we did before while our manpower slowly grows, we are able to start plunging into Delhi lands. We are unable to put them down for good...for a little while. Our pink phallus becomes more large and pulsating in time while their ghastly green loins quiver and shrivel up. Not to mention a woman tax is levied on those Hindus who sided with the enemy

Hindu land is reclaimed in the Cochin Religious Liberation war against Delhi. With our new military tactics we are able to put the squeeze on Delhi as they are crushed from within by rebels, breakaway nations and our manly musk. We also send the strongest Cochin men to flex in front of Delhi's fortifications. The display of manliness leaves them to distraught that the level 3 fort falls in record time. As a result of the controled capital, all Delhi troops face a -0.5 morale penalty as well as widespread revolt risk and stability cost problems.

Ahahahahaha!

It's not going to win any pretty border awards, but Cochin has triumphed over Delhi well and truely. Delhi will further fracture as Cochin enters a time of peace and prosperity. Trade buildings are built across the board to funnel more wealth into our Centre of Trade where the majority of our income still comes from. Once borders are flattened out and the navy is brought up to speed, it will be time to set sail to the odd lands of the West where they know nothing of good curry, multi-armed gods and the merits of real manliness.

 

[DDRJake]

Good progress but for some reason I can barely make out what's happening inthe screenshots - they either seem too blurred or the text is too small

Right Click -> View Image
It's the best way to preserve the 1920*1080 goodness.

 

[DDRJake]

Dealing with the Domestics​

The following 40 years were comparatively quiet for Cochin. Trade was refined, borders were smoothed out and widespread provincial improvements were implamented with the high priority of pressing more men into the army and increasing the revenue from our wealthy producs of caramine, indigo and peppers. As part of the Indian region, 3 outlying islands were needing manned up so Quest for the New World was adopted as doctrine and colonists were scouted out from the nation to be sent to there lands.

While free trading was the backbone of the Cochin war machine, strict control of one's own trade was also bennificial. Having more merchants trading in the world reduces their overall competitiveness however establishing a perfect, uncontested monopoly does not reduce this further while increasing income from that certain centre by up to 300%. Vijay's centre of trade houses traders from all across the Cochin lands and with state backing, merchants are sent to insure none others profit. High efficiency and national doctrine assists this, but the merchants of Bacan are increadibly tough. Those Taoists know how to break a deal. In time, we will have to break them.

"Yeah, we're the best. Just ignore Ming. Seriously, don't make eye contact"​

The Raja is too sexy for his own good. Majapahit is truely the woman of Idonesia but their lands can be brokered off to Sunda at a later date. This union draws me into a short war with Korea which is swiftly resolved as Majapahit and vassals have been slugging it out with them for 3 years prior. The isle of Jeju is rewarded to Majaphit for submitting to the Raja. Meanwhile, the auld enemy does me a favour.

There go our trade worries. Who knew Becan could be bad for you?​

As nationalism of northern Greater India dies away, manpower reserves increase and more land is gobbled off of Delhi in opportunistic wars. Tuluva the Terrible takes the throne to ensure no Muslim survives his silky tongue. He also decrees that the untamed lands to the west must be mapped out and the Japanese sized up as they grow more centralised.

A near unified Japan? Pinch me I'm dreaming!​

As Europe is unveiling herself to me Everyone decides now is the time to strike down the Cochin empire.

Not ming though, thank heavens.​

Peace with all the nations aside from Korea is a fairly simple ordeal due to my superior navy but fighting Korea on the seas was a hairy prospect. I am barely able to pick their fleet appart as they have apparently built up and I land to retake Jeju for Majapahit. I then make a daring raid on the mainland. Those koreans can sure fight. They are deserving of being integrated more tightly into the Pink Alliance.

The taken land is handed over to Sunda for safe keeping but regiments are left behind to assist with rebels and prepare for a Korean counter attack. It is with Greater India relatively secured and the isles firmly under foot that the first European Edict is issued: Gotland shall be liberated from the English menace. A cunning loan is sent to the Free City of Koln while the might Cochin fleet sails over past Africa. The loan is naturally defaulted by Koln and war is waged. England as their guarantor is brought in. Manly troops instantly arrive on Gotland and the fleet prepares to tackle the English Armada.

 

[DDRJake]

Impressive. \o/

I must confess i nver paid attention to the effects of controlling an enemy capital o

RR + 5
Stability cost + 20%
Moraleof armies - 0.25
Manpower -25%
Maximum War Exhaustion +4

Pretty nasty but to be expected if the capital of a country is occupied. Not many nations have turned fortunes historically after that.

Impressive indeed . And just in time too, since Europeans will be coming any decade now.

What are the stats of your army anyway, in terms of shock, fire, morale, discipline, etc.?

Thanks. Stats coming in the next update if I remember. We are highly disciplined due to the quality slider but that absolutely hammers your manpower.

That's pretty amazing. But i expected nothing less of the most manly of nations! Awesome progress, India will soon fall, followed those nasty European type persons!

Oh you have no idea. Huge things are planned.

Very nice, very manly!

For a second I thought you somehow got multiple peace deals from the same war, so I was all kinds of confused.
Luckily, I managed to revert most of my brain damage for a few precious seconds in order to notice the change of dates in the images.

Keep it up!

War dynamitism helps along in these kinds of wars massively but yes, this was over the course of 3 or 4 wars.

Borders do have a way of sorting themselves out as you takeover everything.

I am a fiend for clean borders. Trouble is...Ming holds some "Indian" lands. We'll have to cross that bridge at some point. Plus infamy kills my merchants so I need to be careful.

This AAR.. so.. manly! Hurrah for the Pink alliance!

Oh the League of Manly is set to get a few more members.

Impressive. Only a strong western tech nation could stop you now, I think.

Indian muskets aren't that bad, but the Euros are still more powerful. Very Hard mode helps them along even more.

Fantastic! Why didn't I see this thread earlier?

Glad to have you with us.

I'm also interested in the tech and how you hold up to the west. They have had some good years of high speed teching to get a little in front of you; if none of the majors have collasped things could be slightly challenging. (unless you try your mass galley blockades again)

France in particular is massive with England-style enclaves everywhere. Since I will not be taking any land in Europe personally, blockades are not an option, plus, eh, England *shivers*

I've got huge huge things planned for this AAR, so stay tuned. I promise it'll be something exceptional.

 

[DDRJake]

Just a tiny teensy littlebit too ambitious perhaps?

Never!

Pink England​

I don't stand a chance against that death fleet, but since I was chilling out in Sweden already I'm able to get the jump on Gotland. It swiftly falls to Cochin and bloody battles are fought cementing its new ownership. England are not ready to accept this can call in bigger friends, as well as enveloping Cochin's fleet with their naval bosom.

England's homeland is utterly undefended but a naval invasion is out of the question. Poland, as leader of this war, must be shown the business end of our Indian muskets. A large army is assembed and told to put on the walkin' boots, keeping their ass-kicking boots in the backpacks for later. It's a long march for Egypt to Warsaw.

Oh I'm not even joking.

Let me make it quite clear that Poland is not a manly country. Their dirty country colour only serves to oppress the true manliness of the Mazovian people whome they cruely persecute out of shame of their own shrivelled johnsons. They shall be released from their womanly cell in time, but the liberation boots are equiped to free the Gotlanders.

Glancing back at Asia, it seems that Ming have absolutely no intention of slowing down on Westward expansion at all. I mean jesus bloody christ, whoever that is, they are taking no prisoners. Also, an event pops up. I've no idea what it does. I chose the first option for giggles but nothing came of it. there was no conversion.

A few years of Rest and recuperation later, Cochin Mighty is ready to free the one manly nation who has a-historically done well for itself the most out of all of Raja's many reincarnations. Cornwall must be freed to bring their manly pastries to the wider world. What is more, they shall be free to practice whatever religion they like 'cause we're chill like that. This is one war that England will not suvive.

"oh, I can't wage war for 5 years" "Oh we have a royal marriage" "oh the relation are too good, I don't want the stability/WE hit". These are all complaints of the highest calibre of womanhood. Stability, War Exhausion, infamy!? These confinds mean nothing to the manliest of men. England are put down faster than you can say "Royal Navy"

Note my sponsered Nationalists in Cornish lands. It is all coming together. I take five provinces and allow Cornwall to revolt. This is absolutely central to the plan and will save me decades in war and infamy.

The moment Cornwall revolt I storm in, occupy them and vassalise them. Now Cornwall are fighting a revolution war and revolutionary AI is "all or nothing" unless the AI is under serious pressure. I force my peace deal on Cornwall before they start thinking they are in a rut and need to peace with England. So now Cornwall is my un-allied vassal still in their own war with England. I throw war subsidies at them as fast as I can, sell them the land I took and assist with any rebel bashing.

When my truce runs out Cornwall is able to call me back into the war so I ally with them the day before the turn of the month my truce ends and declare my own war on England. This means I can lay the smack down on England in my own war while Cornwall keeps their own war going on. In these wars I make sure that England loses all overseas territory to myself or rebels. Why would I go into so much trouble? Well I simply love watching England get ravaged.

Oh yeah, and revolution wars allow for total annexation of the other side for 0BB

The Pink Alliance just gained a very powerful new ally in one single war. With most of India under Cochin rule and converted to Hinduism, I think it's time we took care of this faux empire of Europoor.

the troops are assembled...

 

[DDRJake]

Very impressive!

Many thanks

What is this madness, I don't even...

The standard of what will be considered madness will be completely reshaped within 2 weeks.

I must disagree.Poland is MUCH more manly than womanly Mazovia.

That dirty bastardised colour has no place in the league of manly. Mazovians though, they know how to look dapper. The Poles have the nerve to make Warsaw their capital though so this may take a few wars.

And to think- it only took 180 years :ninja: ! Superb work so far, and I look forward to the dismantling of the Empire!

Oh, and I like the Cochinball cartoons. Keep it up .

Thanks, I'll try to squeeze a few more out to break the chain of screenshots.

This is brilliant. What if cornwall forms england? (can they?)
I suppose the only way around that would be the anglo french union. Or just repeat the whole process again. Or disable the decision...Or maybe I just don't know enough about the game.

Since Cornwall have Cornish culture, they are unable to form England. They can form I think either the UK or the Celtic Empire but not while I keep them under union. I dare not let them break away and spoil that pink. Cornwall has always had a soft spot in my heart. To my amazement, they showed some fairly brilliant AI. They built a fleet and took both the Isle of Mann and the Faroe Island and even beat down what was left of the broken English fleet to annex them outright. What is more, they built 21k mercenaries with the war subsidies I gave them, then when the war was over they disbanded them and recruited regular soldiers. They played better than many human players to be honest.

I must say i am a lurker and i like this

Cheers. Lurkers are encouraged to make comments. After all, a man needs to know his audience.

I figured my first AAR comment should be on the manliest AAR of all. I find it amazing what a skilled player can do with an OPM. I hope we see Mazovia added to the Pink Alliance soon.

I'm touched. I'll try not to disappoint.

When the empire gets disbanded, most of my aims will be fulfilled. A few parts of India still need polished off, a few more manly states need released and fed, then things will really start to get crazy.

 

[DDRJake]

If you want a preview of the next update, just picture in your head one hundred thousand indians sweeping the german region from East to West, meeting 200,000 French in Mainz

 

[DDRJake]

Frogs' legs tandoori​

Well it's time. My canceled loan CBs get me elbow deep in the war that will decide the fate of the HRE. As a reminder for the uninitiated, the HRE can be disbanded if every elector is either vassalised or have their capital occupied by you. The emperor himself must also have his capital occupied. Prussia, Bohemia, Brandenburg, Gorz, Austria, Mainz and Phalzgrafschaft Bei Rhein, all carrying the scent of perfume and faux leather handbags, must be put in their respective places if manliness is ever to take root in the Germanic region of Europe through the hairy-chested Anhalt and Mazovia. The troops march south from their deployment in Mecklenburg. Pay close attention to the manpower.

Not off to the best of starts. Although I do not have to fight them all at once, I am horribly outnumbered with no real opportunity to bring in more regiments. I take great care to establish supply areas within Bohemia as quickly as possible; the less attrition I take the more men I can afford to lose in actual battle. A few provinces are instantly assaulted then forces are split up to slowly take the rest of the lands. The forts are around level 3 and take some time to fall. Most provinces can supply around 20,000 of my troops, made better due to highly skilled generals. How Franconia was deemed more powerful than Bohemia, Austria and Sweden to remain warleader I will never know. Womanly logic is an oxymoron unto itself.

And by christ my new king is bollocks.

France and the ruler of Wurzburg have a lady's feud and do not allow each other military access. This gives me a little breathing space to secure my occupation zones but this is a mountain I will have to climb sooner or later; the French are blocking me from Mainz's and Phalzgrafschaft Bei Rhein's capital provinces. I call Cornwall into the battle in the hopes than they can put a little added pressure on France by taking their Brittish lands. Between France and Sweden, my action is regretted. The English rise up in the Cornish lands and put the squeeze on.

I allow some time for my manpower to regenerate. Decades of building up my infrastructure back home were utterly worth it. Meiou really digs into your manpower if you go naval/quality/free subjects and the province improvements become invaluable. I get Sweden out of the war although Cornwall are far from thankful. I now only need 2 more capitals to secure the destruction of the HRE, and no number of eager-to-die Frenchman are going to stop me.

The most satisfying button in Europa​

But what now? France will not accept peace and I am not willing to bow to any woman. The fight is far from over. the theater is set in Rheinhessen and where the battle for Europe was won, the battle of pride now takes place.

Gah, the bloody French. If you thought France was powerful in vanilla, this'll curl your toes. They have, what, over 3 times as many provinces, probably more, and just have a never ending amount of manpower and troops. Mix in the Very Hard difficuly setting, their land focus and Latin tech and I am just getting creamed. I have a few tricks up my own sleeve though. In battle your troops fight at a maximum width of 30 regiments. I make sure to defend and combine troops as much as I can to ensure that my lines are unbroken and that my back row is full of cannons which can attack from the back and help defend the troops to the front. France's relative lack of cannons alongside my high discipline puts me at a tactical advantage. Sadly my dwindling manpower and the fact that I never got a bloody month of moral and manpower regen between the main battles and shocking dice rolls meant that I got thrashed. Not without taking down a hearty number of Frenchmen though. Meat's back on the manu, boys!

Eventually I run for my life make a tactical retreat through Northern France and, avoiding the French Death Fleet, I ferry what's left of my men over to Cornwall to help them out. It's high time they got a hand with...Jesus, is that Castille?

I gained what I set out to do, but the victory taste is like celery and roses where I wanted Steak and WD40. France can enjoy being in one piece...for now.

Anhalt was taken during the war and will swiftly be liberated and fed. The few other manly nations remaining shall also be allowed to grow and then, I promise you: Europa, no, Grand Strategy will never be the same again.


Please remember to vote in the

AARland Choice AwAARds 2012

for your favourite recently updated AARs!

shamelessly ripped off from diegoami who ripped off Prawnstar​

 

[DDRJake]

Fabulous.
Are there any pink Chinese nations?

Yuan is Pink, but they suffer from the same lack of genitals as Poland.

That's impressive ! you gained a new pink vassal-ally for only 16 infamy!

16 for taking English lands, 2 for declaring on England for no CB, 2 for declaring on Cornwall, 4 for vassalising Cornwall. Still much faster and more infamy efficient than doing England Piece by Piece. Satisfying too.

I'm pretty sure I've seen Yuan as pink, but the mod probably made it hard, if not impossible, to play as them (I know that in Death and Taxes their nation is in chaos with rebels everywhere and all of the other Chinese nations are dogpiling them).

Yuan are terrible in Meiou. They are slightly improved in the most recent patch but in all my Meiou games I've only seem them survive and thrive once.

I can't wait for the next update. The hope for crazy things was the reason I started following this AAR, but crazier things, now that's just gravy.
And now I finally understand why dogpiles lead to revolutions whose war drags on and on until a forced white peace, because the other nation is almost fully occupied but by 4 different nations. I'd been idly wondering which of the 2 nations was the one that refused to peace out in those cases.

Crazy is what I do. Also revolution wars are usually a whole big pain in the arse but if you understand them and make them bend to your will, they are the most powerful types of wars in the game. It's all part of being a man.

 

[DDRJake]

Oh no! The world as we knew it has revealed its true colours. Byzantium, the reminants of the thousand year empire has re-risen. Rome died millennia ago but like a true woman, BYZ insists on her way and always having the last word in. Rome died before and she shall die again.

special rules for cool attractive people

Cores are gained instantly, no nationalism. who wants to fight rebels when there are Romans to kill?
Rome now owns all of the inhabited world with full cores, no revolt risk and has horde government. They can field an army of around 3 million with bottomless manpower and income. The only manly survivors are Gotland, Anhalt, Cochin, Cornwall, Sunda, Otomis (American native country in Mexico) and Mali. Gotland is AI controlled and got Sweden, all others are players.
All players get to choose their 7 national ideas and sliders, start with full manpower tech level and type on par with ex-France, ~15k ducats and a 5 year truce.
The game is still on Very Hard mode. BYZ is full quality, up-to-date with tech and knows nothing of revolt risk.

The lineup:

Cochin: DDRJake
Sunda: Lukas Kalishanka
Cornwall: Luckyshot
Mali: Cameron
Otomis: Tandy

BEGIN!