5th Chapter, 2nd Season
Saving Private Hispania...
Ironically, the conquset of Almansa and Murcia did not took place as planned. Even if the biggest part of the army was busy with the siege of Murcia, the first city to surrender was Almansa (novmber, 5th, 1889). As the puzzled witness of this event, the inmortal Jordi Shaka, wrote in his "Crònica de lo rei Fonsi" (the chronicle of the king Fonsi)
Simultaneous and free translation: Jordi Shaka, who came to the world in Santaco, (aka Santa Coloma, a charming Catalan city) is almost speechless. Had Shaka know a word of Norman, he would have said something in that language, but, as WTF wasn't either quite used in those days nor in the last edition of Oxford dictionary those days, alàs, he resorted to a more common international expression.
The Moorish defenders of Murcia -the Murcimoors as Shaka called them in his writtings- resisted longer than their cousing from Almansa -the Almamoors- . Thus, it wasn't until December 1189 that the last heathen stronghold was conquered.
Meanwhile, the militar situation in the rest of Peninsula was as calm as if there was no war. The reason was that all the Christian kings were busy quarrelling again. The one to blame was Sancho VI of Navarra, who, bored because he had no border with the Moors, began to read too much, until he found his Visigothic roots. No one took him seriously... but Fernando II of León, who claimed that HE was the one to be the heir of the Visigothic kingdom, as his mother descended from the last Gothic king, Childerinc, son of Recesvint, son in his turn of Wittiz and brother of Erwig, who, in his turn, was the second brother-in-law of the cousin of third degree of the great grandfather of the mother of Roderick, the one who was defeated at Guadalete. Thus, it was that Childerinc the real last Visigothic king of Hispania.
However, there was a slight problem in this claim. The problem was Childerinc had an elder brother, who had, of course, a son who had a son who, alàs, gave birth to the branch of the family of the mother of the Castillian king VIII. Alfonso, thus, claimed that the was the real
Imperator totius Hispaniae. That is, no one was more totis than him. In short, both Fernando and Alfonso were more Gothic that Roderick. Even if you allow me this, even more than Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley.
Of course, this was quite interesting for Alfons, as the mother of Fernando of Leon and Alfonso of Castilla was the sister of Afons's father, that is, her auntie.
The dad and the mom of Alfons of Aragon
The king: -Steiner...
Steiner: -Yes, my liège?
The king: -If my auntie was of Visigothic blood... I am a Goth, too.
Lo Steiner: -Depending if you are more Visi than Gothic, m'lord...
The king: -Steiner...
Lo Steiner: -My lord... this is reall needed to say "I'm more Imperator than no one here"?
The king: -Ermm... ¿no?
Lo Steiner: -That's the point, my lord. Send your armies as far as Gibraltar and then point with your sword to the necks of your royal cousins. Then no one would doubt who is more Imperator and more totius and more Hispanae than you...
The king: -Imperator totis Hispanae... It sounds nice...
Lo Steiner: -Imperator or Hispanae?
The king: -Totis...
Lo Steiner: -You lucky bastard... er... you totis lucky Hispanae bastard, my liège...
Well, as it was in the mood of the time, Alfons claimed that he was the real claimant to the title of Imperator totis Hispanae, putting forward the Visigothic blood of his father, of his mother and the size of his armies.
I hate when a Pope cannot wait for me...
Thus they were boasting about their bloods when the Pope, bored of seeing that no Christain lord conquered Tunis for the True Faith, and paying attention to the advice of his spiritual adviser, Klovis, of the noble house of Cawdor, decided to freed Tunis from the deviation of filth and abomination of the weak Moslim rulers. Thus he said the old words ("If you want something done, do it yourself") and prayed aloud
Dear Lord, make me die or give me the grace of conquer this gang of sinners and render myself its master. Help me massacre this day, in the Name of the Lord.
The Christan armies, leaded by the Pope, sieged Tunis. Each morning they rised singing:
Mine eyes have seen the Glory of the Lord!
He will smite the filthy Heathen!
He will crush the deviant Horde!
He will be his shield and armour!
He will be his slaming sword!
As we go marching on!
Glory, glory the Poooooooooooopie!
Glory, glory the Poooooooooooopie!
Glory, glory the Poooooooooooopie!
Thus the Pope used to add in this moment "As I go purging on", at which point the Muslim defenders used to cover the sky with their arrows while shouting "Pruge you!". It is not clear if they did because they were at war of because they had a very keen musical sense and wre offended by the crusaders, but they did it, anway.
Anyway, the Pope didn't surrendred and called reinforcements from Rome. Thus he went, he conquered, he won. Klovis, more centered to the point, just said "the winner takes it all". The same very day that Tunis was conquered, the emir of Cordoba declared Holy war to Aragon and invaded Leon. Hardly a month later the Muslim armies had Salamanca under siege.
The southern front before the Muslim offensive
In that moment there came the Moor hosts that Alfons feared may break his sieges of Almansa and Murcia. Well, they were late, but they were, at least. So they were massacrated in the usual way, following the protocol and the rules. Traditions are there to be fulfilled, you know.
Thus, knowing that Salamanca was in danger and that the True Faith was in danger in Hispania, Alfons decided that it was time to fulfull his word. He would be the Imperator. And there can be only one. Thus he raised his armies and began his holy work.
