Chapter 1, Part IV
In which the Bohemians protect Erz
September 1427. In the library.
Barry: Good news Bruce! After spending even more time with the scribes here, I've taught them the importance of a bit culture. Austria now has the know-how to be able to build Fine Arts Academies.
Bruce: Thats good news Barry. I'll give the architects a yell, and we'll start tomorrow?
Barry: Errr ... Not quite.
Bruce: Next month? ... After Christmas then? ... When?
Barry: As soon as we can raise 800 ducats ...
Bruce: So it'll be sometime next century then?
Barry: Could be, yep.
Bruce: And this is good news, how?
Barry: Yeah, well ... it shows that things are on the improve. We have also learnt the skills to build trading posts.
Bruce: So we'll start one of them tomorrow then?
Barry: Errr ... No.
Bruce: Cost 800 ducats a piece too, do they?
Barry: Nah, they are cheap, its just that they can only be set up in uncivilised areas.
Bruce: Have you seen what flows down the streets here in the mornings Barry? I'd say we could find a spot around here.
Barry: It wouldn't work. Just trust me on that will ya?
Bruce: Sounds like that was money well spent all round then ...
OOC: Infrastucture -> 2, Trade -> 2.
...
April 1429. Albert's throneroom.
Albert: Ludwig, Wolfgang, you have now been in my service a little over ten years, and what do we have to show for it? Nothing!
Barry: Well we have had ten years of sound fiscal management and unprecendented economic growth.
Albert: What do I care about these things?
Bruce: Well, we have been fulfilling the missions you have set for us. Steiermark is still part of Austria.
Albert: Yes, it is. You have met my requirements, but only because I had such low expectations. I have decided it is time to set you a real challenge.
Bruce: How about we conquer Ostmarch?
Albert: Ostmarch is already in our realm. You do not fool me so easily. How about you conquer Franche Comte instead?
Bruce: Steiermark?
Albert: Baden! We owe those ungrateful heathens for rejecting out vassalisation!
Bruce: Tirol then?
Albert: This is not a market, and I am not a peasant selling beets for you to haggle with me so. Your mission is to capture Schwyz. Succeed or face my wrath.
Albert storms out.
Barry: Damn! I was really hoping for a keep Steiermark. Do you reckon we can fight the Swiss?
Bruce: Oh yeah, we can fight them all right. Whether we win or not will be another question.
Bruce pauses for a moment on the threshold of the room.
Barry: Come on, what are you waiting for?
Bruce: *looking disappointed* I was hoping that narrator dude was going to pop up and say how easily we succeeded in our mission. Then I could relax a bit.
...
August 18, 1430
The throne room, Albert is on his throne when a messenger rushes in.
Messenger: My liege, I bring grave tidings from Bavaria. *hands Albert a scroll and departs as Bruce and Barry enter the room*
Albert: Ahhh ... the very men I need to see. It seems our allies Bavaria have declared war on Bohemia. We must support our allies in this enterprise!
Bruce: But we don't have enough men to invade Bohemia AND conquer Schwyz.
Barry: And wars are very expensive ...
Albert: We can always raise war taxes.
Barry: War taxes?
Albert: Yes, yes, when we are at war, we tax the peasants more vigorously. They don't like it much, but they usually pay up.
Barry: *eyes lighting up* Then lets invade Bavaria!
Albert: You mean Bohemia, surely?
Barry: Whatever! Lets just get on with it! I have some taxing to do.
Bruce: Oh all right ... We should be just about be able to beat the Bohemians. They are already in a war against Hungary after all.
Albert: I will send envoys to Bohemia, Poland and Lithuania at once!
Bruce: Waaait a minute! What have Poland and Lithuania got to do with it?
Albert: They are allies of the evil Bohemians.
Bruce: And each of them is twice our size! I have a baaad feeling about this.
The narrator steps out from behind a pillar.
Narrator: On that day war came to Austria. With their allies Savoy and Bavaria, the Austrians faced Bohemia, Poland and Lithuania, in what became known as First Hussite War. Barry immediately raised the war taxes, while Bruce oversaw the invasion of Bohemia.
In November 1430 the Austrians won a battle in the province of Bohemia and besieged its capital, Prag.
Bruce: Well thats a relief!
Narrator: Shhhh! You'll disturb them. *points to a pait of weasels mating behind Albert's throne.* Its extremely unusual to see this so late in the summer. Really fascinating stuff.
Now, where was I? In the rest of Bohemia, the province of Moravia was already held by the Croats, but was under siege by 20,000 Poles and Bohemians, while Austria's allies, the Bavarians besieged Sudeten.
In January of 1431, the Bohemians made peace with Croatia and Moravia reverted to Bohemian control. The Bohemian army, freed from the siege of Moravia acted decisively and moved to the mountainous province of Erz, rather than forcing a showdown with the Austrians or Bavarians.
In July 1431 the Bavarians captured Sudeten and moved across Bohemia to besiege Moravia. Once again, the Bohemians acted decisively, and continued to defend Erz.
...
January 26, 1432
Scene: The war room. This is familiar to previous veiwers as being the library, but with more maps on the walls.
Messenger: *panting slightly* My lords, I have travelled from Bohemia to bring you news!
Barry: A Bohemian spy?! Here? Hide the maps Bruce!
Bruce: Take a look at his shirt Barry. He's one of ours.
Barry: *suspicious* I don't remember seeing him pay his tax last year ...
Bruce: He's only 14 Barry, thats why we made him a messenger, not a soldier.
Barry: *making a note* We'll see about that ...
Bruce: What news from Bohemia?
Messenger: My lord, General Haylov send word that on January 26 Austrian forces breached the walls of Prag, and the Bohemian capital fell into our hands. The general is leading the troops on to Silesia.
Bruce: Excellent news! What about the Bohemian army? Did our army crush it.
Messenger: My lord, it seems they are continuing to defend the province of Erz.
Albert enters
Albert: I have just heard the news of our grand victory in Bohemia. You two have done well. So well, that I will promote you both to the rank of Viscount.
Bruce: *bows* Thank you, my lord.
Barry: Will that include a pay rise?
Albert: *thinks a moment* Yess ... I will double your pay.
Barry: *smiling* So that makes it a ducat each, each year?
Albert: Quite so *hands Barry and Bruce a coin each* I believe that puts you into the category of "filthy rich" for tax purposes.
Barry: *beaming now* Thats right. You have been reading my memoranda!
Albert: It is nothing ... But perhaps you can just remind me, what is the taxation rate for the filthy rich.
Barry: Well its an excellent scheme. In order to simplify the tax system, we devised five categories of tax payers, and make sure that each tax payer in a given category pays the same amount of tax.
Albert: Ah yes, it is very efficient. And for the filthy rich, I believe it is a ducat a year, isn't it? Since we are raising war taxes, and all. *taking the coins back* You know, there are times when I think I enjoy taxation almost as much as you do, Ludwig. *approaches the messenger* You, boy! How much do you earn each month?
Messenger: *nervously* One pfenning per month, sire.
Albert: That makes him "incredibly impoverished" doesn't it Wolfgang?
Barry: Quite so, my lord.
Albert: Good, good ... *knees the boy in the groin, and then makes his way out* Stop your whimpering boy. Just be grateful you're not female. The tax system is particularly tough on them ...
Barry: *handing the messenger a piece of paper* And here is your receipt.
Bruce: Good one, Barry! Now instead of a half a ducat a year, I get nothing.
Barry: Just be grateful you're not incredibly impoverished, like him. *pointing to the messenger rolling in pain on the floor*
Bruce: Shut up Barry! *kicks the messenger on his way out*
Barry: Oh dear ... *reaches for a differently coloured piece of paper* This is a tax exemption for next year, make sure you present it to the tax collector.
The narrator appears as Barry leaves the room.
Narrator: Bohemia's stubborn defense of Erz continued throughout the early months of 1432, while Austria besieged Silesia and Bavaria besieged Moravia. Finally, on April 3, 1432, The Austrians and Bavarians saw that the would not be able to break the Bohemian's spirit, even if they could capture all of their provinces (except Erz), and so, after the Bohemians handed over the 141 ducats they had in their treasury, a truce was signed and the armies returned home.