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jmhawk

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Ark_eh.jpg

CanadAAR

**********************
General Information:

Victoria 1.03b
DR's megamod
Plus some custom made events, most notably the first 3 that appear in this story and a few others along the way.
A whole lot of them purdy pictures.
***********************

Chapter 1. Freedumb :wacko:


The world of 1836.


*Yawn* ZzZzZzZzZz

Throughout the world great changes would happen, Africa the dark continent was largely untapped and unexplored,
the settlement of Australia by runaway convicts and interstellar aliens would continue, in far distant East Asia countries
would be horribly wrecked by unforseen forces. Japan in previous centuries able to invade neighbouring Korea would
find itself unable to do so as the years of self isolation caused all the boaters and shipwrights to die off. Bhutan a formerly
self sufficient country would begin a long series of grevious loans and declare itself bankrupt periodically for the next 85
years. In central asia, all of them , from Kokand to Persia to Afghanistan ect. would each piss off the Russians and tempt
their own fate. South America, many years after their successful wars of independence, the successors to San Martin
and Bolivar would wage constant war for each other. In North America, the Mexicans had their eyes set upon reclaiming
the stolen lands of Texas and the end of slavery in that area, the Americans themselves had a their own dreams of
manifest destiny and in their way stood the Mexicans. The European continent stood alone it's power, technology
and wealth, the Holy Alliance stood ready to crush the liberals should they appear in groups larger than 1 and older
than 2. The German and Italian people slowly would come to recognize a need for a single unified state.
The omnipresent Russian Ts'Cz'ar was ready to become grand ruler of all Slavs while the British, French, Spanish
and the Swedes all longingly gazed upon Africa as the next jewel of the crown.



:confused: ZzZzZzZzZzZzZz [Awake] :eek:o


1836.jpg




Somewhere on those red islands off the coast of Europe lay the center of the great empire known as the United Kingdom.
Within that center of power stood a man known as William Lamb. Sporting both a wig and mighty mace he defiantly whacked all opposition to agree with what he called
"The Grandest Plan".



cana.gif




Unwilling to shoulder the financial burden associated with the colonies of North America and with a nonsensical plan to make the empire rich,
the citizens of East Canada, West Canada, Nova Scotia, New Brunswick were amalgamated into a new idependent country called
"Canada". :D



Freedum.gif




With their newly given sovereignty, the mice demanded milk. Additionally, the regions of
British Columbia, Newfoundland, Prince Edward Island, Rupert's Land and Northwest Territories came under the rule of Canada.
The oregon question was left for the Canadians and Americans to deal with themselves as the United Kingdom gave up those lands to Canada.



why.gif
secede.jpg




In the course of one day, January 1st 1836, nationalist ferver swept through the lands and
all people be they Anglo, Franco, British, Cree, Metis, Aluetian, Swiss, joined in the nation wide celebration. ;)



ayb.gif
ayb2.jpg

But I did stay at a holiday in express last night



...and so it was deemed that this day, January 1st would come to be celebrated as Canada Day.
canadamap.jpg




The future looked promising, however to the south lie the giant menace of the United States :eek: ,
further West was the mighty empire of Russia :eek: , and there would remain unresolved money issue with the United Kingdom,
but for now and the next 20 years peace and prosperity would rule the country it was a joyous time indeed. :)



***********************
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coming up next, Chapter 2. 20 years of boredom .... :mad:
 
Looks like a promising start to this AAR; I like the events you've made, they're quite entertaining. I didn't know the Canadians of 1836 had Geico, DiTech, and Holiday Inn!
 
That darn Ditech! Good luck.
 
Ah, those pesky Canadians with their imperial views on everything.
 
Ark_eh.jpg

CanadAAR

**********************
Thanks for the comments everyone.
Forgot to mention the difficulty and aggresiveness, normal/normal.
These first 20 years were really really boring , but I promise it gets more interesting in chapter 4 :D
**********************

Chapter 2. 20 years of boredom
[Snore] ZzZzZzZzZz
The people of Canada had many unresolved problems to deal with, first of which was the defence of a 8,893 kilometer border shared with the Alaskan colonies of Russia, the disputed Oregon territories between the United States and Mexico, and the largest border stretching from the Atlantic Ocean to Lake Superior shared with the United States.
[Semi Awake] Bohring world of Niels Bohr...



A national reserve of 10 divisions was created, ready to be mobilized and deployed anywhere within 3 months.


image004.gif




A standing army was created by the goverment mandated volunteering of Cree, Metis, Inuit, Aluetian and Swiss Canadians. Railroads were laid in the states of Ontario, Quebec, Newfoundland, Maine, New Brunswick and Nova Scotia to help bolster the movement of these brave unwilling draftees.



rcmp.jpg

Good. Bad. I'm the guy with the stormtroopers.



Next came the great :rofl: flag debates.


Loyalists prefered the union jack design with an ugly shield somewhere in the bottom right.
flag_red_ensign.gif



Anti-Loyalists being the jerks they were wanted an American idea
flag.jpg




All things being equal, Governor General Archibald Acheson, having stumbled over a pile of frozen leaves in the dead of winter and braking his nose conjured up an idea no one liked
canadian_flag.jpg




Having the only vote that matters, the new Canadian Flag was officially designated to be the bloody maple leaf, forever as a symbol and testament to the dangers any invader would face lest they march upon the barren tundra of Canada.



landscape.jpg

I don't think we're in Kansas anymore



The boring cycle of railroading, factory building and barn raising would be periodically broken with messages of goodwill sent by British and American diplomats. The government of Canada realized a need to expand within it's own interior and to ward off the Russians from the North West, but alas the construction of trading posts required military academy officers to oversee these log cabins in the desolate arctic circle. Having neither officers to train nor the ammunition needed to round up the needed people, the construction would be delayed until ammunition would present itself upon the world market.

15 years would pass and the boring cycle would continue, with a desperate search for ammunition, the need to wall off the North West grew ever greater as the Russian colonies of Alaska were completed and Russia slowly began to encroach upon the rightful lands of Canada.



russians.jpg

Oh, no,no,no! Dead broad off the table!



Outraged Canadians everywhere demanded a quick cavalry charge across Alaska claiming all the colonies and securing the North-West before Russian boogeymen could cross the Bering Strait. However, being a Dominion of the empire, Canada was not allowed complete control over it's foreign policy. Desperate pleas were made to the British Government and Throne for immediate decisive action against Russia were largely ignored, Canada was encouraged not to wage war but negotiate for the return of it's own lands by itself. Seeing as how relations between the two nations was less than neutral, and diplomats were educated and slaughtered once every 2 years, the British proposal enflamed the public and began the steps towards true independence.

So it would pass that the peoples of Canada were fed up with being a mere dominion, as the Russian steamroller headed deeper and deeper inland the hatred directed at the invader was redirected towards the British overlords, aloof in their cares about the Canadian heartland. The standing army would balloon to a size of 6 divisions and a naval fleet of 4 transports was commisioned. Relations between the mother country and the dominion were low, but a quick deal of selling the disputed Oregon territories for the British posessions in the Caribbean and the Andaman Islands was seen as a good step.

The final straw broke during the year of 1855, all across Europe armies would march upon each other as the Russians tried to beat up the dead horse known as the Ottoman Empire. Canadians across the land rejoiced as the army of Canada marched toward Alaskan, everyone expected the United Kingdom to declare war upon Russia and to call upon the Canadian allies to help fight the war, which would in turn resolve the North West border once and for all.



opportunity.gif

Finally!



However, that was not meant to be, in the final outrage, the United Kingdom did not call upon Canada to help fight and did not even consider allowing them to take back it's rightful lands of the North-West, the Russians would unexplainably be left undisturbed in the colonization into the heartland. At that instant all the army was recalled from it's march and sent southward to Oregon and eastward to the ships. People unanimously infuriated with the British saw the Russian war as the final straw and the ultimate opportunity for absolute freedom.



Fireworks_3.jpg




Canada Day, January 1st 1856.
The 20th year of celebration since the creation of the dominion a new proclamation was read on the steps of parliament, infront of the eternal flame in Ottawa, a declaration of independence was read than staked into the Govenor General Edmund Walker Head, then both were tossed into the flame as the gathered crowd cheered and fired beavers and 16 pound artillery into the cold winter air.



independence.gif

Victoly!!! A winner is you!!!



***********************
dancing_spiderman.gif

coming up next, Chapter 3. A Spoonful of Ninjitsu to Help the Death go Down :p
 
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This a fun AAR. :D Don't pick on the Canadians too much, though. I like them. And I like the dancing Spiderman at the bottom of the page.
 
Ark_eh.jpg

CanadAAR

**********************
Big update :cool:
An interesting short series of wars follows
**********************

Chapter 3. A Spoonful of Ninjitsu to Help the Death go Down

With the Canadian declaration of burning freshly on the funeral pyre of freedom, the call to arms was sounded throughout the land.


al2.jpg

I want yooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu to join the army



After empty promises of food, shelter, human rights and an end to cannibalism were made, eager blood of many thousands of Bengalis from the Andaman islands immediately enlisted, ready and willing to die for their fellow citizens, thousands of kilometers away, across 2 oceans, then maybe a train ride.


At the outset of the war, the Oregon territories once again returned under Canadian stewardship. The Martians were pleased by this turn of events.



oregon.gif




Approximately 20 divisions of Bengali men, women and children were loaded into the transports of the great Canadian bagel and traveled to the British colonies of Africa. One by one they were offloaded onto the shores of Ghana, Nigeria, Cameroon and Namibia, and the transports would sail back to Andaman and fill the cargohold with more people, wash rinse repeat. Once all the divisions were dropped off on the African continent, Canadian leadership followed the example of Cortez and Prince Arthas by marooning the Bengalis on the beaches. Knowing that they only way home now depended on the successful defeat of every British missionary on the continent, the Bengalis began the long marches off the shores and into the Heart of Darkness.

The United Kingdom, being immensly occupied with keeping their picnic baskets waited 2 years before offering peace to the Canadians. Canada gained much from the treaty, as the colonies captured during the war would remain in Canadian hands, plus the ultimate goal of freedom was reached as the United Kingdom revoked the dominion status of Canada

In celebration the provinces of Botswana


botswana.jpg

oranje you glad I didn't say banana



and South Nigeria
nigeria.jpg

peanut butter jelly time


were formed.


Victorious Bengalis were loaded back into the ships and hauled back to the Canadian homeland, dozens gathered to welcome and congratulate for a job well done



bengali.jpg

this calls for a bud light



Immediately, the Bengalis were sent off to the North West, and the original Russian menace would be taken care of.



freedom.gif




As all Russian troops were sent off to fight their European war, Alaska was of no concern to the Caesar, a quick peace was written on the hide of a seal



tyrannis.gif




Now that the hearland was saved, ammunition factories were constructed and the colonization of Canada would be completed. Many years of peace would follow, the so called "Crimean War" would end with unchanged borders. Canadian colonies were expanded into the African heartland, and the United Kingdom inexplicably kept sending diplomats bearing gifts and soon the relations between the two countries was back in good standing.


By 1866, Prussia overplayed it's hand in continental affairs and everyone on the face of the Earth had a very good chuckle, however the Maygars, Germans, Poles, Croats, Serbs, North Italians and Frenchmen had an even bigger laugh. :rofl:



1866.jpg




march2opt.jpg

onward christians soldiers marching off to war



During this time, the Emperor of Japan 日本 was person named Mutsuhito 睦仁. Canadian strategists sensed an opportunity to exploit the ineffective Tokugawa shogunate 徳川幕府. By peaceful methods, they believed that Mutsuhito 睦仁 could be convinced to be a puppet ruler of Nippon in exchange for the elimination of the Tokugawa shogunate 徳川幕府. Through assassination Tokugawa Iemochi 徳川 家茂 the current shogun was eliminated and the Meiji Emperor 明治天皇 installed himself into power, however now that Nihon was under his total control, the previous cloak and dagger arrangement was cancelled.



Meiji.jpg

his holiness, Pai Meiji



The Canadian propogandists made up a story concerning a shooting and killing of a pig and once more the nation was up in arms demanding a scrofa war.


mush.jpg

onward christian soldiers marching off to war



...and so in A.D. 1866 war was beginning.



banzi.gif

place bets now!



Fortunately for all the Bengali calvalrymen, there was a plan better than marooning this time. By concentrating on the main island of Honshū 本州 and sending extra forces to capture the relatively undefended islands of Kyūshū 九州, Shikoku 四国 and Hokkaidō 北海道, the war would be over quickly



japon.jpg




Kyūshū 九州, Shikoku 四国 and Hokkaidō 北海道 remained undefended for the course of the war and were immediately overrun, on the main island of Honshū 本州 , the Emperor, his guards, and a ragtag band of villagers numbering 365000 were surrounded in the province or Urawa. Sensing opportunity for a decisive battle, General McLee charged his 20000 men, tired and thinned by attrition, straight at the well fed and heavily armed Japanese Army 馬鹿.



urawa.jpg
urawa2.jpg




During the battle Mutsuhito 睦仁 resided in his castle, McLee realized to win, he had to send someone to kill the Emperor 明治天皇, after that the main resistance to Canadian forces would end and the battle would be won.



hirohito.jpg

the guards who were sallied forth are eliminated



Soon the defences were breached



hirohito2.jpg

the gates are broken! the castle is ours! huzzah!



hirohito3.jpg




With Hirohito dead and the princess residing safely away in another castle, just as in the battle of Gaugamela, it was an absolute slaughter once news of the Emperor's untimely end reached the Japanese, it was a great Canadian Victoly.



victoly.jpg




pwned.jpg

I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay...



With great power came greater ambition and shortly after annexation of Japan, all Canadian military might would soon be directed towards Korea.


corea.jpg

I wonder why it's a yellow sea



The eyes of Canada looked intently at that penninsula with dreams of greater glory.



images.jpg

Here's looking at you kid



***********************
sisyphus.gif



coming up next, Chapter 4. Austria Triumphant :confused:
 
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Do I hear the words powerplay? ringing in my ears?
I think there will be no holding back after you schtomp Korea.
Mind you, you should be pretty flush with cash after having eated Japan whole...
Any plans on hurting you large southern neighbour?
Perhaps if they are occupied with a little nastiness in the deep south?

Heretic
 
The claws of Soviet Canuckistan are extending deep into asia! Who can save us from the vile lumberjack horde?

CAPTAIN AMERICA, THAT'S WHO!


...ahem. Good luck, brave neighbor to the north!
 
Heretic said:
Do I hear the words powerplay? ringing in my ears?
I think there will be no holding back after you schtomp Korea.
Mind you, you should be pretty flush with cash after having eated Japan whole...
Any plans on hurting you large southern neighbour?
Perhaps if they are occupied with a little nastiness in the deep south?

Heretic
Big plans, very big plans indeed ;)
Unfortunately the CSA was already crushed way before I was ready to attack southwards, I think they had only 1 division the entire civil war.

PriestOfDiscord said:
The claws of Soviet Canuckistan are extending deep into asia! Who can save us from the vile lumberjack horde?

CAPTAIN AMERICA, THAT'S WHO!


...ahem. Good luck, brave neighbor to the north!
Soviet? I think not, I've been beating down inuit reactionaries quite a bit.
 
Ark_eh.jpg

CanadAAR

**********************
I agree, this is good :p.
There ain't much aboot Canada here. It's aboot uneventful wars against uncivilized countries, there's a big one in Europe, but not much to talk aboot or laugh at. There'll be a big war against the Americans, next chapter.
**********************

Chapter 4. Austria Triumphant

Once upon a time...



outc1.jpg

A stroll through the countryside



Meanwhile, Canadians were free to expand into the Asian mainland without interference from the Chinese.

Korea was an interesting place, filled with people unlike anything the Canadians have ever encountered before. Seeing as their demonlike appearance conjured up great fears among the populace, it was easy for the people to eagerly wage war against them.



k-fee.jpg

So Wach Warst Du Noch Nie!



Spraying the defenders with holy acid, the victorious Bengali and newly formed Japanese calvalry divisions rampaged through the countryside and beheaded all those who stood in their way.



coreannex.gif




Problems began to manifest within the arctic circle as over 1000 inuit suddenly became reactionary and began an armed revolt. A few psychotic members of the media blamed extraterrestrial brainfeeders for the suddenly change to violence for the generally mundane pasive seal eaters.



babyeater.jpg




As it turned out, the it was only Earth based brain devourers for the disturbance.



MantisShrimp.jpg

Kill it! Kill it! AHHHHH!



Blame was shifted to Sokoto for unleashing this brain eating menace upon the world, humanity was outraged :mad: . Revenge was served on a hot plate.



sokoto.jpg

They'll thank me when they're older


Thus Canada would remain quiet for the next few years as the world focused on sudden changes to the centers of power on the continent of Europe.

[Snore]Boring old Europe.....zZzZzZzZz

Russia once the main powerhouse of Europe found itself in the midst of nationwide revolts. Being unable to appease the public with offers of cake, it's soldiers were forced to march around the country and force feed the peasants to complacency.



happy.jpg

We love the Tsar Day is celebrated



This left room for the rise of two nations, Austria, who now was completely unopposed to it's eastern front, and France, who's new Emperor wasn't as short.

Due to Prussia overplaying it's hand a few years earlier and having to fight both France, Austria and the South German states, the eventual outcome of the war was clear.



inevitable.jpg

winnar.jpg

Fan beats man



Prussia still had to fight its seperate war with France as the Austrians marched home.



inevitable2.jpg

Once more, a Napoleon conquers Prussia



The Austrian government, now overrun by brain leeches, followed the orders of the Hive mind and declared war against their weak Serbian neighbour.



serb.jpg

serb2.jpg




The Serbs fought bravely against loansharks and repomen to keep their precious -228 industry, but the mighty armies of Austria easily trampled them.



serb3.jpg




The French would shortly finish the war with Prussia, signalling the end of Prussian influence in European affairs.



hahaha.gif

good one Bismarck



France found the time to kick their Sardinian neighbour too.



france2.jpg

france3.jpg




With every nation between the two great powers defeated, the Emperors of France and Austria would test their nations might versus each other in a glorious titanic rock'em sock'em boxing match.



rockem.jpg

Napoleon III Left, Franz Joseph Right


Napoleon III would be humiliated as his head was dislodged from his neck by a series of powerfull uppercuts, shamed by his fellow Emperor, war was declared as retribution.



france4.gif




Owing to larger army size, and the convienient deployment of troops in the new French territories of former West Prussia, the armies of France began with deep incursions into the South German states.



france6.gif

france7.gif

Unadulterated Madness!


However, once Austrian forces were redeployed to the battle, France lost headway and now found itself on the defensive, quick thinking and incompetent Polish decision makers enabled Krakow to jump aboard the now sinking French ship.



krakow2.gif

krakow3.gif

Krakow pets the flaming dog



As was expected, they were trampled upon like so many alpha male lions in a wildebeest stampede, or like a small child getting pushed over by a giant mascot.



owned1.jpg




Canadians far and wide laughed and celebrated international darwinism at work. :rofl:



krakow.gif




Austrian power was evident and as French forces were annihilated and the breakthrough into the fatherland had begun.



45805HNPM.jpg

Deus Vult



france.gif

12 Hit Super Art Finish


Austria, now the undisputed heavyweight champion of continental Europe began consolidating it's gains and would remain quiet for the next few years.

The U.K. on the other hand expanded it's worldwide influence. Annexing large parts of Peru with even landing a single soldier into the area.



uk.gif




ZzZzZzZzZz [Wake] It's over :)

Trouble was brewing in North America, the USA began to become impatient in it's request to settle the disputed territories, it's dyslexic mentally defficient negotiators sent didn't help aleviate the problem.



USA.gif

I SAID I WANTED FRENCH FRIES!



Canadian troops were issued recall orders from their current garrisons in Africa



6718.jpg

Jumanji!



and Asia.



6038_w.jpg

Torpedoes Away!



War was brewing and it's stench would spread across the land in the ultimate struggle for North American dominance. Canadian strategists had their own plans and dreams, and this would be a great gamble to win it all.



1cantexmex.jpg

Oh give me land lots of land under starry skies above...




***********************
title-communist_ninja.gif


coming up next, Chapter 5. The War of Northern Agression (Pt.1)
 
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