Or to weighed down by the amount of chocolate they consumed. Something along those lines.
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Or to weighed down by the amount of chocolate they consumed. Something along those lines.
Beer, Chocolate, Waffles and a Road
A History of the Benelux
by Brother Jacobs
One Equals Three
A History of the Benelux
by Brother Jacobs
One Equals Three
‘I need a hero to save me from this boredom,’ my brain said to itself. ‘How can history be so boring? HOW? Oh that’s right. Sadly in this great kingdom that is the Benelux, the press censors the news. One has to wonder [at least I do] is when the news is slow, does that mean the most awful of news is occurring? Or perhaps, because the news is slow, is nothing really happening of interest? Who knows my brothers and sisters, but all I information I can get a hold of will be shared below with the most knowledge.
Once upon a time, in the year of 1841, the most boring year in Beneluxian history to date; Tibet was annexed by the British Empire on May 15th. A bit of irony occurred on November 15th, when the Imperial Kingdom of the Swiss declared bankruptcy. I bet the King of Sardinia-Piedmont really feels quite embarrassed, first knowing he lost to a nation that is not known for their hostility, secondly for losing a country that could not sustain its economics! [So much for the Swiss Army Knife….Who wants a Beneluxian Army Knife, all the essentials included: Knife and Fork for waffles.]
The British Empire swallows up Tibet.
One day later, it was announced that a Great Power, the sickly bastard of Europe, was going to regain its land from the usurper kingdom of Egypt. No great power sought to intervene in the livelihood of the pathetic kingdom of Egypt; a stronger Ottoman Empire would be beneficial to this kingdom, somehow, someway. I often scratch my head, pondering how the Ottoman Empire is beneficial to this great kingdom. But the King assures us, the sick man’s disease is not contagious.
Oh the land of the free, the home of the brave, why do you speak of Manifest Destiny and your right to bar us Europeans from your hemisphere? But here you are, proving to be the hypocrites that you are! You INTREVENE IN OUR DOMAIN! You seek to protect a kingdom against a kingdom, where is your belief in democracy and freedom? Are you seeking to ensure tranquility and secure the blessings of liberty for all? Or are you simply securing the blessings that being an empire? Who cares if you intervened for the protection of the Egyptians against the Ottomans, you intervened in our affairs! America….the land of the tyrants and the home of the hypocrites!
Beer, Chocolate, Waffles and a Road
A History of the Benelux
by Brother Jacobs
Madness Runs Free
A History of the Benelux
by Brother Jacobs
Madness Runs Free
The might of the great nation of the Benelux, as of January 1st, 1842.
“Madness! This is Madness!” I yell with all the capacity of my lungs one late fall day in the in the late parts of 1842. “Utter madness I say my brothers and sisters!” A good fellow came up to me and politely asked me what madness I was talking about. “Why young and good fellow [whose intelligence is not quite on par with mine], why do we arm the border with an ally that is the Frog and not the Black Knight? Only in the Benelux does madness reign supreme!” The young and good fellow gave me a queer look before opening his mouth and uttering the most horrifying statements I have ever heard. “I believe you must be lost my good sir, the mental asylum located in the next town.”
This madness is gripping this great nation of the Benelux, the printing presses of the European lifestyle and history are kaput as the despicable Black Knights would say. Who cares about the military inventions of the Benelux? “Our muzzles are loaded!” a group of soldiers from the nearby forts once yelled when streaking through town in their pristine uniforms. “Your what are loaded?” I asked in anticipation of a knowledgeable reply that was never received.
Often the best way to obtain information my brothers and sisters is to go directly to the source. I visited the local military commander, if I recall correctly, his name is Johan. Quite an odd name all say for a person of the Benelux, but I do not judge unequally friends and foes. “I wish to seek to the commander Johan,” I said with great tone at the gates of the local fort which overlooked a part of our border with our allies the Frogs. The soldier looked at me at first with a smile of stupidity. “Did you not receive the proclamation from the town crier there sir?” he asked. “No? What did it say?” The soldier frowned. “Commander Johan has gone on vacation since the completion of the forts.” I nodded. Vacation at this time of year? The work of the Benelux is too important for vacation I say! “Do you know when the commander will return to continue work on the forts?” I could sense the soldier wished to dispose of me. “The commander will return between now and the end of time with no guarantee before the end of time, now be gone citizen!”
A disappointment to say the least! Quickly though I forgot my despair as more important news reached this great town within this even greater nation. A disease we had recently become to somewhat understand has broken out. A case of typhoid fever! “Typhoid has broken out!” I proclaim in the town square with great concern. The mayor walked up to me and quickly reassured me all was right. “Oh Brother Jacobs, the typhoid fever is far off, away in one of our colonies where we do not care about the natives.” I quickly nodded. “Very well then lord mayor,” I said.
Typhoid fever breaks out in the Ivory Coast. Oh well, it is only a colony!
There! Johan again, or actually not, because he isnt there, but he got a mention 
Japan in the Sphere, thats interresting also, most times i saw the USA grabbing it.
Thank you for the update
Japan in the Sphere, thats interresting also, most times i saw the USA grabbing it.
Thank you for the update
Typhoid in a colony, only some locals died but no humans were lost, eh?
Of course. As long as the Beneluxian descandents are okay, everything is OKAY!
Beer, Chocolate, Waffles and a Road
A History of the Benelux
by Brother Jacobs
Impressive
A History of the Benelux
by Brother Jacobs
Impressive
After the last drubbing with the lord mayor, I stayed away from the town for quite a few months – I had ventured south to the land of the Luxemburg; the southern most tip of continental Benelux. Was this trip hilarious you ask? No. Did this trip serve any real purpose? No. Then why take the trip you might ask, because the meaning of the trip was to make to ask what the whole reason of the trip was about! Fools! Upon my return, I noticed nobody had cared to visit my place, not even a mouse – such a shame. Though during my reclusive get away, I returned to learn about the glorious Pope of the Papal States [makes sense, doesn’t it?] signing an alliance with the Benelux. Perhaps we should take this new found allegiance half-hearted, as half of us are Catholic and half of us are Protestant.
One late spring day in May, the lord mayor called for a few good men to answer the call of civilization. “What call of civilization do our boys go off and fight in the name of Lord Mayor?” I asked while passing by the town square one day. “Why Brother Jacobs, this is no business for the elderly,” he quickly stated and motioned for me on my way. I nodded. “Only the young shall die in the military affairs it is then? Great boys who stand here today, mark my words. I use to serve in the uniform you are asked to serve. The waffles and fruit galore may be plentiful while in service, but the syrup is always dry.” I quickly departed the scene, otherwise I was afraid my infinite knowledge would turn the boys into dastardly liberal scum. It would later cross my desk, that a pathetic nation of Bali, far away in the East Indies had threatened a group of diplomats!
Word would reach this great nation – in late November that a great battle had been fought in Bali. The enemies army had been defeated and dispensed by the mighty bullet that was fired from muzzled rifles [a great invention if I ever am to say]. All that was left to due was the occupation of the provinces of Bali; which would be completed by June of 1844 – more than a full year after the beginning of our little war. I expected glorious celebrations within the town square and quickly rushed out to be greeted. But what is this? NO CELEBRATIONS? NO TOWN PICNIC? WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS! I saw a well dressed man approaching me, most likely attempting to calm my shock from the lack of celebration. “My dear friend,” he said when he approached me. “Why are you filled with rage?” I was appalled. “Have you heard the great news? The people of Bali shall be guided by civilization! And who are you?” I asked, completely forgetting my impressive set of manners. “I am the Mayor.” I nodded. “How has the Lord Mayor not heard of such great news?” I responded.
The only battle during the war with Bali.
The Beneluxian East Indies, with the annexation of Bali.
“Ah my friend, you must have not been privileged to vote. The Lord Mayor has been voted out of office. I am the new mayor of this town.” I was intrigued, I had recently heard of an election that was on-going and paid no heed, and it was well known around this nation that the conservative and reactionary groups would combine and win the election [why vote when you already know the outcome I say]. “Interesting,” I said with a bit of shock. “Are you a liberal then?” The Mayor did not need answer this question. His glowing smirk and lack of a monocle clearly gave away his true beliefs. THE BENELUX IS NOT GREAT! THIS NATION IS FALLING APART TO THE LIBERALS! *Begins looking through the history books for great conservative figures.*
The Mayor is clearly a madman! And when Brother Jacobs is the only sane guy in the room, that means - huh, what does that mean? :rofl: Also, I kept on thinking of Laibach as I caught up on everything, especially in One equals 3. Supra-enjoyable!
Laibach is on my playlist quite often, I really enjoy their songs about the different countries and is quite inspiring actually if you understand their meanings. In some of the other updates; like 30 Kilometers to Hostility, it was based off "Kings and Queens" and "This Is War" by 30 Seconds to Mars.
Thanks for the comments!
Beer, Chocolate, Waffles and a Road
A History of the Benelux
by Brother Jacobs
Most Impressive
A History of the Benelux
by Brother Jacobs
Most Impressive
So you think you can compete against the mighty Benelux? Well, you are about to be impressed by the most advanced nation in the world! Witness you fools who labor relentlessly in the fields hoping to achieve just enough to live another day, the mighty and freedom of the people of the Benelux! Here ye, here ye, the saw that is mechanical has been invented and shall be passed throughout the land that we inhabit! Tremble you will, tremble you must! TREMBLE I SAY!
If you are not quite fearful enough from the massive flexing muscles of the nation of the Benelux, then you surely have not witnessed enough speed on the highway of the future – the future of the Benelux! But never fear my friends, the dastardly foes and cowardly bastards of the this great nation shall bear witness to the remarkable expansion of our floating vessels; great beasts that drive across the ocean with great wind. It has come to my attention, that great king that he is [or at least proclaims to be] has ordered the construction of twelve man o war and eighteen frigates for a second grand fleet! Fear you will, fear you must! FEAR I SAY!
The feats of this great nation shall continue without relent, and those Frogs, Black Knights, Red Coats, Bears and Old Eagles will quickly realize their mistakes of treating this great nation without the respect it so deserves. It is my mission [at least for now] to remind all people [either of great intellect or poor judgment] of the wonders of this nation. So let us continue into 1845, since our feats of the previous year have already been accomplished. “Boy, bring me the events of 1845! I must write!” I say one day, perhaps in 1846, while I sit here writing by the fire. “But Brother Jacobs, nothing of importance occurred during that year,” my boy pathetically says. “Non-sense! Bring me the papers you will! Bring me the papers you must! BRING ME THE PAPERS!”
I look over the papers with great interest, and by the lords almighty word, my boy is wrong! One great event occurred during the whole year of 1845. Our most grand forts along the French and borders with Hanover have been completed. Glory to our forts; which reinforce the might of the Benelux. Glory to the Benelux; which stands protected by forts, soldiers and great vessels of war! Oh and what is this…Mexico and the United States of America returned to the status quo from their war? Laugh we will! Laugh we must! LAUGH I SAY!
Beer, Chocolate, Waffles and a Road
A History of the Benelux
by Brother Jacobs
[Ho]lla[n]d [Solo]
A History of the Benelux
by Brother Jacobs
[Ho]lla[n]d [Solo]
Election results for the Upper House, 1846.
“Outrage! OUTRAGE! OUTRAGE!” I scream throughout the town square, as the election results are announced for the upper house of the parliament of the great kingdom. The liberal scum of a mayor walked to me, dressed in his fine coat and hat of simplicity. Oh I miss the days when the Lord Mayor would stroll by with his elegant coat, magnificent hat and monocle. Liberals…. “Greetings there Brother Jacobs,” says the Mayor with a smile that to me was more of a smirk. “Why do you hate this great nation?” I blatantly asked the mayor, and before he could respond I continued. “You ask how it goes in the Benelux, when this nation is great. You do not imply it! Why is this? Your trust lies too much with the Frog!” The Mayor’s face showed utter shock. The truth often hits home with great force. Before any retaliation could be uttered, I fled the scene in great fashion.
Look at what the liberal scum have done! Treason! What am I speaking of you may ask my brothers and sisters? Well, if you would sit down and slurp up the syrup, I’ll tell you. On February 13th, 1846, the Frog urged on the Piedmont Slave to leap into action against the Empire of Cheese; Switzerland. And what does our great liberal government do? We have proven the Frogs are weak! Why do we not pounce by canceling our military alliance with the Frogs and then marching down the road to Paris! Let us be the actors, not the acted! But no, my brothers and sisters, the liberal government fears the war! They are cowards and will defend the morals of this nation! War is how nations are forged and maintained, and is war is how are enemies are contained.
Repent! Repent they are! Within a few months, the liberal government began waking up from their chocolate induced dreams of utopia. On April 6th, the government announced the dissolution of our great nation’s military agreement with France. Unbeknownst to the Frog, the government secretly began funding the Swiss’s war against the Frog and Piedmont Slave. This great nation, that we find ourselves in my brothers and sisters, is flying solo in its quest for dominance. Sure you say, we have the Portuguese, but when was the last time they were of importance? As I would like to say my brothers and sisters, this great nation’s best course [at this current time] is Holland Solo. We shall be a falcon that carries on for at least a millennium! Glory to the Benelux! Glory to Belgium! Glory to Luxemburg! Glory to Holland!
Do i sense a Star Wars reference in the Force of this AAR?
Great stuff here, thanks for the update
Great stuff here, thanks for the update
Do i sense a Star Wars reference in the Force of this AAR?
Great stuff here, thanks for the update
The force is strong within you! I was watching Chris Metzen's "Geek Is" YouTube video from the 2010 BlizzCon, and being a Geek does include Star Wars. I just had to work with it for an update!
Beer, Chocolate, Waffles and a Road
A History of the Benelux
by Brother Jacobs
Javan the Hut
A History of the Benelux
by Brother Jacobs
Javan the Hut
Have I recently told you about the glory of the Benelux? Oh I have you say? Well, then you won’t mind about the reminder about the greatness that is this nation that is truly great. Oh you say I use great too much? Oh fine! I will go into more detail just for you, because I like you [though everybody seems to be a critic now and days].
This nation that is the most glorious of all nations spreads its might and wisdom across the seas from the Atlantic to the Pacific, from the heart of Europe to the jungles of South America, the coasts of Africa and the spices of the East Indies! They may say the sun never sets on the British Empire; but neither does it set on the Beneluxian Empire! Our might as an empire triumphs and nations prefer us over the discriminate Red Coat, to settle terms for peace. Praise the Benelux for solving the issues of the Frog the Piedmont Slave against the Cheese. If the Imperial Swiss are reading my publicans high in the Alps, please send us some of the finest cheese that your nation makes. Perhaps it will go good with the waffles we serve or the galore of fruit we get from our colonies in the East Indies.
Oh so now you say my detail is over your head? Pathetic! Pathetic! PATHETIC YOU ARE! Very well then, since I care for my reader [only because you wisely buy my publications, which give me income so I can live better than you] I shall lighten up on my superior intelligence. I say since you cannot read or write quite well, to the fields you shall go! To the fields where our superior might and intelligence just made the job you shall be doing harder but less labor intensive! How you may ask good reader, here is how. We have invented great inventions of great quality that allows us to vastly produce more materials that we need. What are the name of these inventions you may ask? YOU CAN’T HANDLE THESE NAMES! [Because they aren’t of Beneluxian Origin]!
Two great inventions discovered during the year of 1847.
Where shall we send you people? Where! Oh that’s right, we have a lot of colonies to send off our fair and great people. To Java you must go! To Java you will go! To Java you go I say! Don’t forget to bring along your saw and loom though, as those is what you will be using toiling away on the endless plantations of greatness. Oh wait! We don’t treat our citizens that way [unless you are of unaccepted or liberal faith]. To Java you must go! To Java you will go! To Java you go I say to rule over the natives of the land who willingly and with great pride serve this glorious nation.
[Brother Jacobs collapses; the reader sees a bunch of chocolate wrappers around the desk.]
chocklate madness :rofl:
oh and btw:
Thanks for the update
The effects of chocolate are serious! That lady in the picture, her eyes are kind of suggestive.
It seems like the Java is the flowing through our dear Brother's veins, coffee through his head, and fruit syrup through his heart. Or something.
And agreed that Laibach is actually rather inspiratonal. They walk the fine line between parody, folk, and metal. Also, their Bach cover album was incredible.
And agreed that Laibach is actually rather inspiratonal. They walk the fine line between parody, folk, and metal. Also, their Bach cover album was incredible.
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