A Noob's Never Ending Random DW AAR

VERSION: March 9, 2011 Beta Patch for DW. 5.1 CNVZ

I won't bother you with the actual random.org screenshots so I will just show you the results:





YES!! I got Very Easy!! This random stuff is great for my confidence.





I wish it was later in the game's time frame since I could possibly end up as a late game england or spain.



Ahhh crap! At least when I struggle and die here it won't make me look so bad.... right???
Benin isn't so bad. There are quite a few places that I can expand into. My neighbors aren't particularly powerful and I am on the coast so beware of the ferocious Beninian Naval Fleet... of the future!


One thing that I have learned early on from reading so many AARs here is that westerinization is a must. It is the basically the most important goal of any non-westernized nation.







I must get straight to work on making Benin strong! The economy isn't great... well its awful actually. My glorious tribal kingdo... province is making less than 1 ducat a month. I put everything into stability since its so cheap and I change my government from Tribal Despotism to Tribal Democracy. I will need the troop bonus.


My first mission is to build an army greater than that of Oyo's. Wow even I can do that! They only have 1 unit and so do I so I just need to create one more and get 5 army tradition for it. I will begin right away by recruiting several units in fact.






I decided to make my first slider move towards centralisation. I figure I could always use the extra cash. Unfortunately I should have waited until my 2nd unit was created before doing so as now a local pretender has risen up.

Appinya I Kuetey, you're ruining my very first AAR.





That doesn't matter since after just 5 days Hausa starts a colonial war against me.... this may actually be the shortest game I have ever played lol... For once its not because I suck either!





You are the most worthless soldiers that I have ever seen in my entire life! It took 1000 of you guys to kill just four of thiers!?





After this the Hausan troops arrive and do battle with the pretender's army. Despite the fact that it was so close we still lost. The pretender took out more than 1000 of Hausa's 2000 strong force but fled the battlefield and dissolved into the country.


http://img861.imageshack.us/img861/3755/0009peacedealoffer.png[\IMG]


Our diplomats rush over to the Beninian treasury and begin dumping everything out. Nickels, dimes, rocks. Unfortunately our treasury only lets us withdraw in units of 25. They refuse to let us give them 49 ducats, just 25..... it was rejected. So all of our wordly treasures aren't enough for you Hausa?! Greedy imperialist pigs! I hope the Portugese annex your country and then sell your provinces off to the Papal States for nothing! BAH!!!


[IMG]http://img220.imageshack.us/img220/3981/0010lossfirsttime.png


So there you go. My first time ever doing an AAR. You know you did a bad job when the "drunken" and "cautious" leaders of yore are actually better than you. They certainly accomplished more than I did.



Things that I learned:
-> Need to resize images correctly for the next ones...
Small countries should try to be better prepared for the revolt that I encountered. Having just that 1 extra unit would have made a difference.
Since I had a 32 year old heir I should have just made my Chief the leader of the army. At this low level any bonus is a HUGE bonus.
Looking back on things I probably should have tried to form some kind of friendly relationship with Hausa before unpausing the game. It wouldn't have stopped war but might have delayed it perhaps.

I have even more respect for those who take crap kingdoms and make them into global superpowers now.
If anything, this one served to get readers used to the format of my random games.

I will quickly begin another one.

Ahh many adoring fans have come to shower me with their warm golden affections! splendid! truly splendid!

@Iwanow:
"I think you made one mistake - started from changing to centralization."
You're right. I will have to keep that in mind for my current one.

Chapter 1: King Karl Albrecht I von Wittelsbach of Bavaria - A Great Kingdom Finally

Since the last chapter in my noobletian saga was a waste of everyone's time I have quickly begun another one here for you all to laugh at me.

Here is the starting data:





Not bad! Bavaria isn't some dinky animist OPM at least!





I start off with a great mission that gives me a free core on the completely un-allied and un-protected Ansbach. I however have France as an Ally!





I immediately begin creating more cavalry and infantry for my impending invasion of Ansbach.
I will be keeping maintenance at the lowest possible point and funding stability from +1 to +3. I am also minting just enough to stay inflation free.







My first slider move is towards free subjects since I'd like to have the cheaper tech and I am immediately punished for this lol. One thing that I only learned recently after playing this game for years is that it is best to focus on just one single tech at a time. I used to foolishly believe that having all budget sliders equal was the best move. Now I find that I can churn out a tech a year if I really want to.


I am a feudal monarchy currently and I would love to see that change dramatically over the next few years so I can pick and choose my leaders and not have to fear for the regency council crap. Again, this is only something that I learned was in my best interests in the last few months.





With powerful France as an ally I feel like nothing can stop me! I understand the risks of having Austro-Hungary next door so I begin by sending a diplomat to France to secure a royal marriage: Success!

Suddenly I am being deluged with a flurry of alliance requests from tiny european nations. Pssshaw! I am above these political gnats! I am in bed with the FRENCH!!! I need for nothing but their unshakable friendship!





The Venitians request me to join their "trade league". To this day I have no good understanding of what this even means. I know that it means "we don't compete with other league members" but isn't that a bad thing? When should a nation choose to join a trade league and when should one choose to not join/leave one?

I declined it because I know that I can join it later if people say its good or not. Its not like these leagues are exclusive really. The only problem that I know if is leaving it later, it gives them a CB against you and I have been in the position where a trade league master DoW on me because I left them. Stupid Hanseatic bs.





I take one look at the disputed succession screen and realize that I should be marrying into some of these just in case. I have the diplomats for it so why not? I've seen Bar inherit France before. They all succeed except for Wuzburg, I'll just annex them later to show them the error of their ways...


Stability just hit +2 and my recruits are all ready to move on Ansbach. So I move military maint. back up to the max and wait for the morale to boost up completely. We will strike on November 1, 1728. That shall be the day that my glorious nation of Bavaria will remember as the day we took back what was rightfully OURS!





Noooo! Why did they have to ally up with so many people!? Both Brunswick and Paltinate... Guaranteed by those Wurzburgians who rejected my offer for free sex earlier. More importantly is that Great Britain is the defender of the protestant faith... UGH. I didn't want to have to call in my big friend France but I have no choice now. I didn't want to risk losing them as an ally over such a small affair but if the english have a chance to become involved I don't want to risk losing the game in just a few weeks again.







Good News: I won the battle with minimal casualties while Ansbach lost everything.
Greatest News: France has joined me in my battle to take back what my country deserves! They are about as strong or even stronger than the rest of those countries combined. Just need to hope that the AI is really keen here.
Bad News: Everyone who said they would pitch in to help Ansbach did just that
Horrifying News: That includes Great Britain and Hannover which was a bonus. Gulp!



I immediately raise the WAR TAXES. My people know this is a just and honorable war so they won't mind cutting back on things like cable, cell phones, entertainment, rent, food. Its only a 50% hike in taxes.





See, the front is quite small actually and only pal and wurz can hit me. I just need to get this seige over and done with and take on wurz.
I just hit +3 stab so I can put everything into production, trying to get more cash here.
Minting is still set at 0% inflation, but just...





It only just dawned on me now that I am basically 100% safe hahahahaha! Rebels and the French allies have locked the enemy out completely! I'm gonna win! I'm gonna win! I'm gonna win! I'm gonna win!





The annual tax just rolled in so I order 3 units of artillery to help with my most grand (but just!) conquests.





Some bad news to report.... see... I like to play this game on the fastest speed because I am impatient. I didn't notice that three more countries joined in: Prussia, Denmark and Baden. My side's lead has diminished greatly. We must work quickly, in the name of the king!





Baden & Paltinate are both begging at my stinky feet for a white peace, ha! The cheek! The nerve! They knew what they did was wrong! Entering into a war against ME!!! .... and france too...
I will NEVER give them peace so long as I live! HAHAHAHAHA!





Well... when I said no peace what I really meant was no peace for FREE... so long as I live... I hope France doesn't mind seeing as they did all the work lol.
Both accepted! They obviously f33red my elite troops!

I never thought that I'd get this far in the game, thats the truth. I would never have chosen Bavaria at this time frame in a million years. I've been playing for what? a year? And I already have 2 vassal kingdoms, one of which is an HRE elector





With the seige over I annex my Ansbach back into the bavarian kingdom. Wurzburg was dealt with in like 2 weeks by France. I would vassalize them as well if I had a spare diplomat





My new mission is similar to the last one. I need to take Pfalz from my vassal. I will just have to bide my time and diplo-annex them slowly. Patience is not my strong suit however and leaving them as an elector may be in my best interests.





As the French bring terror and bloodshed to my germanic brethren I finally get the diplomat needed to vassalize and loot the treasury of Wurzburg. I bet they wish they went to prom with me now. This'll show'em! This'll show'em all!







As my manpower, wealth, prestige and infamy all soar so do the ranks in my unstoppable force!
I wil raise this army to 20k and then start on another stack.

I have decided that as the chief in charge of this most noble war to delegate the rest of the action to French troops who are desperately in need of experience. I will focus on building my own nation while safely at war. Lowering military maintenance, what is the worst that could happen now right?



More begging from my dying enemies. They soon we feel the wrath of my French Army!
I start building stuff like a Constable in recently re-acquired Ansbach and a Counting House in Franken. I got my mind on my money and my money in my troops.





Wowzors... See I forgot that I was a voter in the HRE lol... now I need just 1 more vote to become the emperor! Think about it, the austrians will have to do as I say! Mwwwahahahaha! Power is coming to ME!





Hot diggity! Now I'll have more money to spend on building up my soon-to-be vast empire! My money is now going towards government since its nearly finished anyways.

Chapter 2: Delegation Sucks






Wow I suck at this game. I stopped paying attention to the war and look at what happens... I will have to take control of things again! Thankfully I was raising that new and mightier army! It is done now and I just need to raise military maint to rebuild morale then wait for the rebels in Hesse to take over the provinces and swoop in. Maybe even help france out a bit.

Some more countries have joined against me and France, damn you cascading alliances!

Sweet, I just got Gov Tech 41. New Idea! I choose Smith. Economics for the +20% production boost. I will need tons of cash in the coming weeks in my very serious battles with the Prussians. All money towards Land tech and a military victory against the Prussian aggressors!





Do you ever get the feeling that scientists haven't come up with anything "new" in a while?





While Prussia's doom stack sticks idly in a rebel held province France has moved in and basically laid seiged to all of Hannover and all of Western Prussia. French FTW!
My new plan is to maneauver both of my armies (20k & 12k) near the Prussian forces which have around 43k including allies. When they are done being cooked by attrition they will either move on to tackle the rebel army (or france) and I will strike them then. The combined forces should knock out what is probably the single strongest stack on the european mainland right now. Now I feel worthy of owning that subscription to Armchair General Magazine!


Looking back at my National Ideas (another area that I forgot to look at lol!!!) I will have to change out a few later as well as my government type. Obviously getting out of this epic war is the first step but much will have to be done in the national ideas and government later.


I shamefully begin sending out my Merchants for the first time... Hopefully they will actually bring in money for me since I am at 0.00 trade income still. I am also putting my money towards trade 41. I don't think I will invest in Naval at all yet...



UGH!!! I Foolishly bought 2 more artillery units! I nearly went broke! With 1 day left before going broke I cancelled one of the arty units and that will tide me over until the end of the money. I've lost nearly 30 ducats in that one move alone! It is the fault of the Prussians!!! THEY WILL PAY IN BLOOD & WHATEVER DUCATS THEY CAN OFFER ME AFTER THE FRENCH NUKE THEM ALL!

I just cancelled the other one as I wasn't making enough money to last... its all gone.. I must now hold out until after the New Year to be back to producing units again





The Prussians finally finished that rebel province and moved on to the next one which had a rebel army they could not fully wipe out. My troops are rushing in to get them while they are still sweating.







Well that probably shouldn't surprise me. I didn't have enough troops but tried for it anyways. I don't know what the P and T mean at the top but they are bad for me. It says there are only Hannoverian and Hessian troops but most were Prussian actually. Oh what have I done...

I will stop playing for a bit now. These last 3 years of the game have really felt like ages. I will have to complete this campaign at another time. (Tomorrow )

My last moves are to send out a missionary to Ansbach (forgot that it was Protestant). As much as I would love to go Protestant, Austria is the boss of the empire right now so Catholacism it remains for me.
While I am not broke I will have to raise up an Army slowly again. It is to my own great fortune that my vassals are protecting me now. I vassalized them during the way so they are not at war with my enemies yet. This means the Prussians & Etc will have to either travel through several other nations to get to me (which they have not yet done) or eventually give up after they beat up France enough and other wars kick off. I have no intention of giving them anything and I will hold out.

I have reached Trade Tech 41, little good it has done for me since I only have 1 merchant in Venezia. All money towards Production for more money to fuel the war... My plan now is to slowly max out my force limits and (being more careful this time) take back the war score by winning lots of battles.

Logoff date: June 2, 1731




Summary of what I learned:
I may need to mint some money to pay for troops, I'm ashamed of myself...
I REALLY should not have assumed that my bavarian forces were enough to take on their whole armies. I wasn't close to their numbers even but thought they were weakened by attrition and battle.
I have had 3 battles, 2 were losses. I need to stay ever more cautious now.
I am too easily distracted and getting fixated on just one area of my nation at a time. I constantly forget basic things. I have to improve in this area badly.

France has basically lost everything you saw in the screenshot above where I declared my enemies were screwed. We are still at 1% War Score and France's forces seem to have not changed at all in pure number terms.

If I can get another army of 32 units (my force limit) then I may be able to at least hold out and defend myself from having to give up anything. I hope that someone will eventually DoW on Prussia and they will white peace with me. Maybe I am just being a hopeful noob, but I really don't like giving away anything.



Toodles.

@Eber:
"ProxyCell, in your second to last post, you had 24 images. You may only have 20 images per post. Please keep it to the limit."

I sincerely apologize for that. I truly looked around for the AAR rules but couldn't find them. I knew there was a limit but was unsure as to how many there were. I will keep it to 20 max per post now.

@Avindian:
"I just bet those Prussians already had Prussian Military Reforms (+50% discipline --- OUCH!). I will follow this one -- you are either very courageous or very stupid"

See, I didn't know what those Prussian Military Reforms are:
http://www.paradoxian.org/eu3wiki/Enact_Prussian_Military_Reforms

Now that I do I will have to treat them very differently indeed.

I would like to think that it is a mix of both courage and stupidity! The ratio of the two is still up for debate.

@Panopticon:
"Why on earth did you do that suicide attack? Was that rebel province crucial for you somehow? They were almost twice your size, they were defending, had a much better general and they were prussians. Suicide. Did you have a reason for the attack that isn't shown in the text or on the map?

...

And P is prestige and T is tradition. "

See, I billed this as a Noob's AAR and thats exactly what you're getting here! Thanks for the info & tips everyone! Keep them coming as I keep updating this crazy AAR.
I truthfully believed that they were weakened by attrition (they had what? like 43k in one prov?) and they just finished a battle with some rebels. I simply wanted to defeat them so me and France would have an easier time. I truthfully thought that it would have been a fairly close battle. I was way off. I may make an update on this later tonight.