START SCENE
Cut to VIVE L'EMPEREUR AAR HQ interior. The EMPEROR NAPOLEON is sitting in a chair stroking a cat watching as a hooded and handcuffed ANTONINE is brought before him by GUARD 1 and GUARD 2.
EMPEROR NAPOLEON: You 'ave failed me for ze last time! You assured me zees would be a popular AAR! Zat it would improve my public image!
The hood is removed from ANTONINE's head
ANTONINE: nervously I know your imperial dreadness but readers are saying we look like the villains after nuking the Germans - we don’t look like the underdogs anymore!
EMPEROR: Zees is tres unacceptable. What kind of rosbif pansies are your readers zat zey object to a leetle nuking of le Boche anyway?
ANTONINE: Mostly degenerate My Little Pony fans I expect sire, they're from the internet you know. And I never pretended we were the good guys - I just made it clear that the Germans were worse. It's not my fault they turned against us.
EMPEROR: Enough excuses! I demand le answers! ‘ow will you fix zees?
ANTONINE: sweating Erm, I think that maybe we could win back public sympathy if we were to be a bit more... fluffy.
EMPEROR: Fluffy?
ANTONINE: Yes - like distributing kittens to orphans and being democratic!
EMPEROR NAPOLEON nods to GUARD 1
EMPEROR: Pierre.
GUARD 1 hits ANTONINE over the head with a truncheon
ANTONINE: OWWW!
EMPEROR: You deesgust me! You and your stupid "fluffy". Your father was a 'amster and your father smelt of elderberries! And eef you do not come up with a good idea I will taunt you again!
ANTONINE: NO! Oh god no! Anything but that!
EMPEROR: Zen think!
ANTONINE: Okay, okay, I have an idea. How about we just say sod it?
EMPEROR: "Sod it"?
ANTONINE: Exactly! I mean, if the readers think we're the bad guys then why not go all out on being the bad guys?
EMPEROR: ...go on.
ANTONINE: I'm talking about massacring everyone who opposes us! Nuking a kitten sanctuary!
EMPEROR: pondering Hmm, I think I like zee sound of zees...
ANTONINE: shouting confidently I can picture it now! Stormtroopers! War walkers! A death star! You zapping your enemies with lightning!
The EMPEROR stands up
EMPEROR: Well done Antonine, you 'ave finally 'ad a good idea...
ANTONINE breathes a sigh of relief and is visibly relieved
EMPEROR: 'owever, zees means your services will no longer be required. Guards, take zees rosbif away!
ANTONINE: As the guards drag him away No! No! Please! I've been loyal! Please don't do this! Have mercyyyyyy!
ANTONINE is dragged away and for the remainder of the scene we hear screams coming off screen
EMPEROR: Turning to a man dressed in black armour standing behind his chair Now, Darth Gaulle, how long until ze Death StAAR is fully operational?
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That was exceptionally funny!