The Dragon of the Sunrise, a Qingqiu AAR

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*click*
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Look! You can see the nations behind the notification!


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End of Chapter 1

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So... There aren't comments I can discuss so let's start right away!

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Rei: So, let's look at the map! What's going on...
Nonon: Our readers have to know!
Rei: I... I can't see this... Not now...
Nonon: What's wrong?
Rei: TAKE IT AWAY! IT'S TOO STRONG!
Nonon: Calm down! What's the matter?!
Rei: AAAAAAAAAAAAH! THE HISPANIARD! THEY'RE TAKING MY LAND! AAAAAAAAARGH! *foams*
Nonon: Fuck! Not this again!

Nonon: You had to expect this! If you lose your time on experiments for your 80-meters apocalyptic toys how can you know that your provinces are under foreign colonization?
Rei: NGGGGGGGH. Ok, I'll relax. I'll handle this diplomatically... Is there a way to stop this.
Nonon: If *HE* doesn't cheat... No, but we can try to colonize there too and maybe win the contention.
Rei: YES!


Rei: WHAT?!
Nonon: It says that we don't have a naval base close enough.
Rei: WE WASTED OUR PATRIMONY BUILDING THREE OF THEM!
Nonon: WE HAVE A INFINITE PATRIMONY! This is only a Paradox's trick to prevent border gores.
NPmister: It worked soooooooooo well!
Nonon: So to get that region we have to get a adjacent province.
Rei: Is there a way?
Nonon: Yes, just colonize that region with the salty lake that nobody cares about!
Rei: Do you mean this?


Nonon: Correct.
Rei: IT WON'T WORK!
Nonon: Do we have a navy?
Rei: No. How would it help anyway? WE SHALL SAIL THROUGH THE MOUNTAINS?
Nonon: Or use General Caffeine.
Rei: Don't joke on him! He's so funny! He once jumped off a building yelling something and survived! All the regiment burst out laughing!
Nonon: I'm pretty sure it was a suicide attempt after you MADE HIM CONSTANTLY UNDER EFFECT OF A CAFFEINE OVERLOAD!
Rei: That's why he stabbed his eye with a fork... Well, is the only one we have so we're sticking with it.
Nonon: Back to colonizing.
Rei: MY CLAY!
Nonon: Yeah, we need a navy because we need some... ... ... I don't know actually, but we still have to do so to gain some kind of points that somehow let's us take people in unknown lands and force them to live there.
Rei: I did na-zi that.
Nonon: So, let's do this! Thanks to our *friend* we can have it immediately.
NPmister: Isn't that awesome?
Nonon: Anyway, let's create some transport ships and... frigates?
Rei: Sounds like a warship! Let's build them in bulk! FOR THE GLORY!
Nonon: NO! I understand we have an unlimited budget but we have to keep it realistic.
Rei: *angry muttering*
Nonon: Here it is!


Nonon: Wait a minute... We had at least 3 admirals waiting for their units, looks like that naval tradition is the piece of resistance of this nation. how could it... DON'T TELL ME...
Rei: Whaaaaaaaaaaaat?
Nonon: STOP USING OUR MILITARY LEADERS FOR YOUR EXPERIMENTS!
Rei: B-b-but their military abilities will be perfect for our Special Evang...
Nonon: STOP THINKING ABOUT NEON GENESIS EVANGELION! This mod does not include them and of course they would be overpowered.
Rei: ♫ It all returns to nothing ♫
Nonon: Well, I can't convince you but tell me... The guy you first tested on in the end stayed alive so, where are those three?
Rei: I removed their souls from their bodies... They're dead.
Nonon: YOU DELIBERATELY KILLED 3 MEN FOR FUN?
Rei: Isn't war this? A game of nations, a small group of humans beings choosing the fate of a entire planet.
Nonon: The special philosophy moment won't hide the fact that you are a sick mind! Damn lolicon.
Rei: WHAT?
Nonon: I said: "We should attack Rohnnst"
Rei: You mean Roast right?
Nonon: No, it's Rohnnst. Scandinavian fur traders call this the organized tribes in the middle of the icy plains.
Rei: So the furry now think they can get free land with their trades?
Nonon: Looks like they're searching for an alliance with them.
Rei: *gasp* Damn furries! We will scoop them! Roast is nearer to us, colonize immediately that region between us!
NPmister: Sorry if I intervene, readers need images. They're not playing with us so they can't see anything.
Nonon: Do as you wish.


Rei: Good, proceed with the colonization.
Nonon: We can't!
Rei: WHY?
Nonon: See for yourself...


Rei: AAAAAAAAAAAARGH! THE FURRIES CORRUPTED OUR SCIENTISTS! GET THOSE PROVINCES!
Nonon: *slam*
Rei: *faints*
Nonon: Prevent is better.
NPmister: You can't just slam characters and make them faint because THEY PLAY THEIR ROLE.
Nonon: Don't you understand that I'm creating a mind of my own? Creating a character will immediately create a new concept and so I'm doing my job.
NPmister: You're just text, you can't have a soul.
Nonon: What's a soul anyway? It's like a computer file, made of ups and downs, opposites, in a particular order creating a illusion of humanity. You have the same value of me.
NPmister: Stop this! My philosophical thoughts do not belong to you, they're for another character! Stop pretending to be what you're not!
Nonon: Tsk!
NPmister: Here she comes back to life!
Rei: So?
NPmister: Nothing... Nothing...
Nonon: Let's keep going please.
Rei: So we need tech.
Nonon: Our Minister of Education states that... we're far behind the civilized world average.
Rei: *gasp* Not on my watch!
Nonon: We can start with the navy tech for better ships and more colonization points.
Rei: GO FOR ROMANTICISM!
Nonon: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!?
Rei: That's how nations are remembered: books! Better books equal better history, isn't that obvious?
Nonon: You're not serious.
Rei: Indeed, I accidentally clicked the button.
Nonon: Faith in humanity restored.
Rei: Look at the badass-ness of these techs!


Nonon: More than half of Europe already knows Romanticism! This is only minimal part of the prestige we would get!
Rei: Well, excuuuuse me!
Nonon: You could at least land your cursor on something better...
Rei: Anyway, I think something wrong is happening in the furries... I have a bad presentiment.
Nonon: I'm always surprised by those quick mood changes.
Fleija: Something is rotten in the state of Vinland!
ReI: Who are you?!
Nonon: Great! A new character!
NPmister: Play nice!

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In the next part (which will be released today if I'm not dead of fatigue) we will know the moves of this new mysterious character, the interactions of Vinland and the New World, nationalism and trains!

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There's no POST SCRIPTUM SPECIAL! *sob* *sob*

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Hey! A guy commented while I was writing this! Dear Razgriz 2K9, stay tuned and look expecially at new chapters as I'll improve overtime for sure. (I already abhor my first 2)

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Rei: So, what exactly are you?
Fleija: I'm from the East, he sent me to control you.
Nonon: NPMISTER!
NPmister: Yeah?
Nonon: You actually created a character to equalize our narrative weight?
NPmister: Do you remember our small talk? I took my measures (I'll never let you become the main character). Don't worry, she'll help you on military issues.
Nonon: Uh? I'm sure it will come handy.
Rei: IT'S A OMEN!
Nonon: So, you're from Vinland?
Fleija: I never said that.
Nonon: Do they consider a alliance with us?
Fleija: As I said before I'm not from Vinland but I'm 100% sure... they hate you.
Rei: How much butthurt do those furries have?

Nonon: What have we done to anger them that much?
Fleija: They're pretty angered by the fact that Qingqiu official diplomatic documents define the Vinlandic population as "Furries", they're not even writing it in ideograms even if they're Chinese.
Rei: THEY'RE BLAMING US FOR BEING INFERIOR! THEY SHALL TASTE OUR IRON! IDIOTIC FURRIES!
Fleija: HAKKAA PALLE!! *slam*
Nonon: T-t-thanks...
Fleija: Perkele. Perkele.
Nonon: Ok, now we can see the diplomatic tab without risking to start a war. So...


Nonon: Perfect. They're pro-military, they accept natives and they encourage local industries.
Fleija: We have none.
Nonon: For now! Let's look at the opposition parties, maybe there's something better.


Nonon: Those liberals look nice but with our fainted friend we should always keep a safe military force. Sadly those jingoist liberals hate natives which is bad for our passive expansionism with colonization.
Fleija: Do you people hate each other that much?
Nonon: This is a game, we don't care if people lives, we think about them when they die. A world like this simply leaves no room for love, luckily it's just a game.
Fleija: Loneliness emerges from these words.
Nonon: I don't have the best companionship in the world...
Fleija: Speaking of which...
Rei: Damn, that was a great shot!
Fleija: Thanks.
Rei: OOOOOOOOH! THE DIPLOMACY TAB!
Nonon: No! No! No!
Rei: What's this?


Rei: PERFECT!
Nonon: This decision can't be enacted.
Rei: WHY?!


Fleija: Looks like it has some precise requirements.
Rei: Great Power? There's no power other than Qingqiu's power!
Nonon: Well, rejoice! It requires to own all our cores.
Rei: HISPANIARD DONKEYS HERE WE COME!
Nonon: We have to colonize some land too first and then we will need Nationalism and Imperialism.
Fleija. Speaking of culture techs.


Nonon: Good! Now we can finally have some Navy techs.
Rei: Just leave it to me!
Nonon: STOP!
Fleija: *slam*
Nonon: Please, be less... lethal.
Fleija: I barely moved my armpit.
Nonon: (Imagine what she can do using her full force) Anyway, let's see those longed researches.


Nonon: Great! Man'o'war! Finally we can have a actual defense navy force.
Rei: Yay! I'm alive! What did I lose?
Nonon: Boats, lots of them!
Rei: Oh, these?


Nonon: Exactly.
Rei: I updated our navy!


Nonon: Great, but now that we even have actual war boats in our navy I think it's time to find an admiral.
Fleija: There was one who showed up to the Ministry of Defense but...
Rei: Ah! Do you mean that eccentric nobleman that just came out of the Academy?
Fleija: His report coincides with your description.
Nonon: I have to tell you something...
Rei: Oh yes! I tried to use him for a Contact experiment with a Artificial Super Solenoid Engine and eventually he got sucked in it! Funny, isn't it?
Fleija: *moves away from Rei*
Nonon: Don't worry, we don't understand either.
Rei: Oh look! The newspaper just came out!
Nonon: Are there any issues?



NPmister: Sometimes the most comic material is created by the game itself...
Rei: Ahahah! Balkans at peace! That's funny!
Nonon: Indeed there's both the Albanian and the Macedonian revolt going on plus Illyria seems to desire Dalmatia so it prepares for war.
Fleija: Actually only Macedonia is left.
Nonon: Really?
Fleija: After Aragon joined the Albanians' side, the Ottomans just let it be. They have a huge reactionary revolt right now plus Kurdistan and Egypt declared themselves independent.
Rei: ANATOLIAN SCUM! THEY CAN'T STOP FREEDOM!
Nonon: Oh no...
Rei: What happened?
Nonon: See yourself.


Rei: *white glance* *slow ticking coming from the body*
Nonon: BRACE FOR IMPACT!

*loud explosion in distance*

NPmister: What have I done...

*smoke fades away*

Nonon: It vaporized from the anger.
Fleija: Does this happen frequently.
Nonon: This is actually the first time, but I expected this reaction.
Rei: Hey guys!
Nonon: You're alive! And naked...
Rei: Oh yeah, whatever. What happened?
Fleija: You just exploded.
Rei: Why?
Nonon: It's irrelevant.
Rei: Probably something related to the FILTHY YAMATO RACE! Oh, a newspaper...
Fleija: I think we should keep news away to prevent this to happen again...
Nonon: Too late.


Rei: HOW MUCH TIME UNTIL THE ANNIHILATION OF THE YAMATO RACE?
Fleija: Currently, it will take roughly 262 days to create a proper Casus Belli
Rei: WHY IS IT TAKING SO LONG?
Fleija: Retards:



Rei: HOW DID SUCH A SECRET INFORMATION LEAK INTO OUR MEDIAS?
NPmister: This is too good. *cringes*
Nonon: Calm down! It's only a small delay!
Rei: Ok. I have to calm down. I've lost my mind too many times today...
Fleija: That's what Kaworu said!

*closing theme*

Nonon: CUT IT OUT!
NPmister: I'm tired! I didn't even post something on the CMC because I had to finish this episode!
Nonon: I don't care! You promised for reservations too so GIVE ME THOSE NATIVES!
NPmister: First of all the reservation events are not part of this chapter, even temporally speaking, and I'm leaving all the good stuff for tomorrow, when I'll be more awake, and I'll produce something better.
Fleija: Let's wait then!
Rei: See you tomorrow then!
NPmister: *rides off into the sunset*

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So... why no one says anything? Please comment! Even if it's just to tell me a psychopath, I'll be pleased if you do ANYTHING!

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Fleija: Wow, we are so assiduous!
NPmister: It's not my fault! I had to hide 6 easter eggs in a post on the CMC and then I was uprooted by my writing position for some boring and useless stuff.
Nonon: Speaking of time, how much is left for the creation of the CB?
Rei: THE YAMATO RACE! THEY CORRUPT OUR DIPLOMATS!
Nonon: Weren't you in charge of creating the border incident that ended up in every newspaper agency?
Fleija: Yeah, I forgot about it last time.
Rei: Don't worry! I was away that time, it was just... a training for our future special boycott forces, yes, we were just doing some borders control. This time I personally planned the operation! We will make it look like a squadron of YAMATO SCUM attacked harmless fishers in a bay, right into our national waters. It will shock the world! EVERYONE WILL CURSE THE VILLAINOUS YAMATO RACE!

*some time later*

Rei: HOW COULD IT HAPPEN?
Nonon: They had to kill the harmless fishers, NOT US! WITH A WAR SHIP TOO!
Rei: We were just filming the scene to legitimate everything!
Nonon: YOU WENT OVER THEM WITH THE SHIP!
Rei: I didn't see them! The fake Kaiganese soldiers were still putting the uniforms on and I was giving instructions.
Fleija: Indeed it's all on the tape released to the public.
Rei: WHAT?!
Fleija: The real question is... how can we have this UHD recording material if we're in 1836?
Rei & Nonon & NPmister: SHUT UP!
Fleija: Perkele perkele...
Nonon: Anyway, looks like we have good news!

Rei: THIS IS HORRIBLE! Right now that we were preparing for war!
Nonon: Learn to read! It says that we have lost these effects! This doesn't mean that we have more generals...
Rei: What's wrong with General Caffeine? You monster!
Fleija: He somehow manages to survive every time, looks like it last attempt yesterday was to jump into the sea during a storm and... he was caught by a time-traveling girl.
Nonon: He said that she looked him in the eyes and said "Rabu for ever" and then disappeared again.
Rei: She was clearly one of our enemies that tried to stop us by bending even space and time to stop but got terrified by the simple glance of the most valiant of our soldiers! He's a hero! PROMOTE HIM!
Nonon: I think we have more important issues now.


Rei: *loud gasp* BASTARDS! REMOVE TACO! REMOVE REMOVE REMOVE!
Nonon: Fuck! They did even this!
Rei: WHAT HAVE THEY DONE? GIVE ME THAT THING!


Nonon: EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!
Fleija: WAIT FOR ME!
Rei: *white glance* *slow ticking coming from the body*

*loud explosion in distance*

NPmister: Why this happens every time...

*smoke fades away*

Nonon: AGAIN!
Fleija: Is there another way to release those... emotions? Like punching something?
Nonon: Did you hear this?
NPmister: Sure I did, but I'll wait until the war starts.
Fleija: Guess who arrives!
Rei: Anything new?
Nonon: GIVE HER GOOD NEWS!
Fleija: Hum... we finished colonizing that region.
Rei: Great!


Nonon: Good, now that we established our influence in this region...
Fleija: There's a message from the Minister of Research. Looks like they found... something at the bottom of the Salty Lake, it's... a thing?
Rei: What do you mean by "a thing"?
Nonon: Indeed it looks like... a thing.
NPmister: It's a human, idiots!
Fleija: They request intervention, shall we get there?
Rei: TO THE HELICOPTER!
Fleija: It's only 1836!
Rei & Nonon & NPmister: SHUT UP!

*on the helicopter*

Rei: I can see our OCCUPIED clay from here! *spits* TAKE THIS DAMN TACOS!
Nonon: CLOSE THE LIFTGATE!
Fleija: Well, see ya there. *jumps down with a parachute*
Nonon: IS THERE A SINGLE THING THAT MAKES SENSE IN THIS SERIES?
NPmister: Sorry but I really wanted to make this scene.
Rei: She's playing a metal guitar while landing! So cool!
Nonon: MAKE IT STOP!
NPmister: Sheesh, fine!

*helicopter lands*

Nonon: So, the Minister is waiting us in a semi-permanent research camp on the shores of the lake, we should hurry.
Fleija: 'Sup, bitches?
Rei: Yay!
NPmister: I wonder what's...
Nonon: What?
NPmister: Nothing...

*everyone arrives at the camp*

Nonon: So, what's the problem?
Minister: See for yourselves...
Nonon: It's a... it's a...
Rei & Fleija: IT'S AN ANGEL!
NPmister: (Shit! It's the character I was developing! It's incomplete, better do something and wait until he creates a full personality or it will be dangerous.) Are you already testing on it?
Minister: Sure, we are only asking if you could raise the funds...
Everyone: We're out of here!
Minister: BUT IT COULD BE SOMETHING MORE THAN WE EXPECT!
Rei: Like... a weapon?
Minister: Maybe, who knows!
Rei: MAXIMIZE THE RESEARCH FUNDS!
Nonon: But...
Fleija: Don't you remember that we have a infinite patrimony?
Nonon: Oh well! See you then!
Minister: Thank you so much!

*on the helicopter on the way back*

Fleija: So, from the capital they tell that they've started a project to develop railroads.
Rei: I thought we stole the projects a while ago.
Nonon: They were actually designs for a horrible vinlandic bookshelf.
Rei: THE FURRIES! THEY STRIKE BACK!
NPmister: Here are the specifics of the project:


Fleija: "Complex and expensive"... I wonder who's the budget manager of that developer group. *cracks its knuckles*
Nonon: Yeah... Anyway, this new colonial region is completely inhabited by natives so we have to make a choice:



Rei: What did the Tacos and the Furries say?
Fleija: They're both for forced assimilation, the Seven Republics and Plantagenia have decided to confine them to reservations.
Rei: INTEGRATE THEM!
Nonon: Saw it coming.
Rei: WE HAVE TO UNITE THEM IN OUR SUPERIOR CIVILIZATION LIKE OUR ANCESTORS DID WHEN THEY ARRIVED ON THESE SHORES!
Nonon: Wow! The research funds are already having effect!


Nonon: Looks like our scientists got out of their laboratories with their holidays requested 17 years ago, finally accepted, and they realized that those things already exist in our country.
Fleija: There's something more:


Rei: Boots? Here's written "booty"...
Nonon: Everyone has fun sometimes.
Fleija: I think... we can still consider Boot Factories invented...
Rei: LOOK AT THE NEWSPAPER


Rei: *crying for the joy* So... superior!
Fleija: It's glowing with a rainbow light.
Nonon: It's getting stronger!
Pilot of the helicopter: Turn that off! I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING!
Everyone: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

*the helicopter falls down into the ocean*
*the helicopter explodes into distance*
*everyone is on the ocean shore*

Rei: So beautiful!
Nonon: WHAT HAPPENED!?
Fleija: We are alive at least.
NPmister: HEY YOU!
Mysterious Time-Traveling Girl: "(?)... Rabu... For ever" *disappears*
Pilot: I should stop smoking opium...
Nonon: What the fuck...
Fleija: Anyway, we have to get back home! Well, at least I will! See ya, bitches!
Nonon: WAIT! How did she find a motorbike here?
Rei: Well, the capital is at the horizon, we can arrive there before it gets dark.
NPmister: Sometimes... I'm scared by what this story has become...

*long walk*

Nonon: Just in time!
Fleija: You're late!
Rei: It's not fair! You had a motorbike!
Fleija: What's a motorbike?
Nonon: [sarc.] Ah. Ah. Ah. [/sarc.] Anyway, we have lots of work to do.

Nonon: Looks like the mania of colonization is sweeping through the nations of the continent.
Fleija: Vinland even announced its interest on Rhonnst...
Nonon: Mmh... Roast
Fleija: So if we want to get them first we'll have to hurry.
Rei: DO NOT DESPAIR! I'm already taking a group of colonizers to get there ASAP!
Nonon: Please, avoid another border accident. Right now Vinland is the greatest power in the continent especially with its ally...
Fleija: That's breaking down for internal disagreements.
Rei: THE TACO WILL SOON BE DEAD! YAHOO!
NPmister: The images, guys! THE IMAGES!
Nonon: Alright! Sorry!


Fleija: Have we ever considered a alliance with them?
Nonon: Nah! They're constantly at war, they just... can't stop.
Rei: So European!


Nonon: Which is the region we are currently colonizing?
Fleija: This one:


Nonon: Mmh... What's its life rating?
Fleija: 35.
Rei: WHY DIDN'T WE COLONIZE IT EARLIER?
Nonon: You are responsible for colonization and foreign affairs!
Rei: LIARS!
Nonon: Calm down! You were initially looking at the one further north, you didn't even look at this one!
Rei: BASTARD! THE FURRIES CORRUPTED EVEN YOU! *foams*
Fleija: HAKKAA PAALLE!
Rei: *smashes the wall*
Fleija: If she survived a plane crash, this will be a trifle.
Nonon: S-s-shall we see the next image?


Nonon: After all Gran Colombia might actually collapse.
Rei: Isn't that awesome?
Fleija: Regarding colonization, we might actually improve our colonial abilities if we improved our medical measures, colonizers cure themselves with strange leaf mixes...
Rei: The research team has a infinite amount of money to see if a certain type of music exist but they CAN'T EVEN UNDERSTAND HOW THE HUMAN BODY WORKS? Something as to be done...
Fleija: They're waiting for orders *licks blood-covered knuckles*
Nonon: Great, first of all make sure they know what science actually is then make sure they work on medicine.
Fleija: I'll be back.


NPmister: And now, the moment we have waited for 3 chapters!
Nonon: It's already finished?!
Rei: YES! MY PLAN WORKED! FINALLY!


Nonon: Great! What trick did you use this time?
Rei: I started the war!
Nonon: WHAT?
Rei: (You will never know!) Yes, see for yourself:


Nonon: BUT OUR ARMIES ARE NOT READY!
Rei: *on the phone* Fleija?
Fleija *on the phone*: Yes?
Rei: Start Operation YAMATO REMOVAL BLITZ!
Fleija: Roger! HAKKAA PA*closes the phone call*
Nonon: B-but the Casus Belli!
Rei: It's not important now!
Nonon: Anyway, we have to mobilize, create a naval block, create a strategy...
Rei: THERE WILL BE NONE OF THESE!
Nonon: WHY?
Rei: Fleija and General Caffeine will be enough to win.
Nonon: I guess we will have to wait...
Rei: I'll take the helicopter and give air support, now it's all up to you! SEE YA! *flies away*
Nonon: CAN SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON?

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And now, time for the POST SCRIPTUM SPECIALS. Ok, I know that this is the craziest thing I have ever created but damn I had so fun writing it! It has no sense whatsoever but please give it a shot.
D-d-derahan sempai, please notice me!
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Ok, I think I should be more badass in this chapter, like... really really badass, we need pathos!

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Nonon: Ok. I have to stay calm. I still have control... WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?
NPmister: Let's make a summary, shall we? So, we are the Republic of Qingqiu, a Chinese nat...
Nonon: Don't go that far!
NPmister: Don't interrupt me!
Nonon: Sorry NPmisterLordOfThisUniverse!
NPmister: Anyway, after various problems we declare war against Kita Kaigan to conquer them, Fleija with General Caffeine is leading the troops to the enemy's territory while Rei is reaching them with the helicopter.
Nonon: So I can only stay here and wait?
NPmister: Sadly yes, but there's still plenty of time until we can get involved into real war. Our military was stationed in the capital when we declared war...
Nonon: Of course! There are 3 characters, 1 author and helpers that you can literally spawn in less than a second but still you couldn't get an army to the location CHOSEN 7 MONTHS IN ADVANCE! Fuck multitasking, that's why!
NPmister: WHATEVER! But a cheat that lets me change units' speed doesn't exist, so they have... SEVEN MONTHS until they arrive at destination!
Nonon: WHAT!
NPmister: See for yourself:

Nonon: I have a weird feeling about this... *at the phone* REI!
Rei: Yes?
Nonon: Here appears that you have chosen a path that TRIPLES the way to the enemy's province we have to siege!
Rei: It's a special technique! It will look like we are heading right to their capital but then we will shift directly to the provinces near us!
Nonon: YOU WILL MAKE OUR ARMY SUFFER A DEADLY AMOUNT OF ATTRITION! You'll even pass through uncolonized icy wasteland!
Rei: Yeah whatever. Oh, sorry! General Caffeine is doing one of its tricks, he's jumping in a escarpment. I'll call you later. JUMP! JUMP! JU... *closes the phone call*
Nonon: DO YOU EVEN HAVE SOME KIND OF LOGIC?! Dammit! I'll try with Fleija, at least she has a bit of common sense! *st the phone* *answering machine* FUCK!
NPmister: Anyway, looks like the upper house has been rearranged.


Nonon: Wow! How can Conservatives be so popular?!
NPmister: Remember those are just the upper house seats. They never represented the actual plebs' desire. Looks like that during a sitting of the Upper House, Rei got into the room with its helicopter and crushed the entire Reactionary party a part of the Liberal one to death, it came there to say that it declared war over Kita Kaigan so they had to get over it. Then it came back on the machine and headed to the troops' path. Currently the remaining Reactionary seat is occupied by a petunias pot, looks like the last words of the Reactionary party's leader were: "Oh no! Not again!". The Upper House is currently meeting in the "special" chamber of Fleija (the one for psychological isolation of lazy scientists) and they look pretty satisfied with their new colleague, at least he doesn't talk as much as the previous one.
Nonon: I'm so done. SOOOOOO DONE! WHERE'S THE TELEPHONE?!
NPmister: Here it is. This is too good. *cringes*
Nonon: *at the phone* REI!
Rei: Oh, Nonon! You had to be here! Ok, General Caffeine jumped with no hesitation, so brave!, and when he almost reached the ground a giant house moving with enormous mechanic legs spawned from the fog and saved him! A young man took General back, he was beautiful! Clearly our hero planned this all just to cheer our troops and give them the will of marching tirelessly. He's a...
Nonon: YOU KILLED A QUARTER OF THE UPPER HOUSE!
Rei: Yeah, those Reactionaries were so annoying. The Liberals were planning to kill them anyway so I only quickened this process.
Nonon: This... This...
Rei: ... is awesome! Sorry, I can't hear you! I'm entering uncolonized land, call me later! *closes the phone call*
Nonon: I still fail to believe that you designed that character.
NPmister: Comic relief man! Also, stop talking as you're not a character, you're part of my play so, dance! Anyway, Fleija contacted me, after the breach into Kaiganese border they'll reunite with us, she also said to get a bit more north and this time faster. She was really concerned by the fact that we didn't get our army ready. She even wasted a war cry for this.
Nonon: I bet she's pissed as hell.
NPmister: Here's the newspaper!


Nonon: Why there are so many articles?
NPmister: Those are actually parts of past newspapers we didn't notice aaaaand some from the future.
Nonon: Meh. Rei cares about them, I don't really read the news.
NPmister: HOW DARE YOU! Anyway, I'm keeping one from the next month's that she has to read but I want to see its reaction so I'm keeping it.
Nonon: Why do you keep referring to me and Rei as "it"?
NPmister: That's a nice question dear reader!
Nonon: I SAID THAT!
NPmister: Unlike Fleija, I want to keep you two genderless to make readers of any sex feel represented. But don't worry, you have a shape in my mind, for now stay text like everybody else.
Nonon: You are keeping me from having a identity?
NPmister: Let's see that this way.
Nonon: Our readers will fight for my rights!
NPmister: Make them speak first!
Nonon: THEY WILL!
NPmister: Anyway with the amazing time bending powers of text, it's already time to meet Fleija and Rei, take the newspaper cutouts. TO THE SIDECAR!

*on the road*

Nonon: Can you tell me what's hidden in that envelope you keep in the briefcase?
NPmister: It's the dossier of articles I have to show to Rei, I have a plan with Fleija for her reaction.
Nonon: I guess it's something enraging.
NPmister: Sure it is. Anyway, what's your relation with him or her?
Nonon: Why do you need my answer? You know everything of anyone.
NPmister: You asked for free will so much, you don't want this opportunity?
Nonon: Of course! Well... we are friends, since we don't have a background story and the only moments we exist are those related to the game, I don't think we can relate in a human way of thinking.
NPmister: Do you suffer from this?
Nonon: I do. Fleija told me I looked lonely but I didn't give her a full response.
NPmister: She has the same issues, at least she's certain of her gender and nationality.
Nonon. Nationality?
NPmister: She's Finnish but I never met a Finnish woman so I don't know how she would act so I just imagine she was born her and make her act as a normal character of this play in my mind.
Nonon: Plot holes are destructive.
NPmister: These melodramatic sequences take too much time! We are a nation at war, we haven't time for feels! TEXT POWERS: ACTIVATE!

*they arrive*

Nonon: You have to teach me those tricks!
NPmister: Using asterisks and start a new line?
Nonon: Anyway, looks like we're pretty early.

*loud explosion in distance*

Nonon: What was it?
NPmister: There's a trail coming from behind the mountain!
Nonon: Oh no... I see where this is coming...
NPmister: TAKE SHELTER!

*flying object crushes to the ground*

Rei: Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey!
Nonon: What news did you get to JUMP OVER A 5000 METERS MOUNTAIN WITH YOUR BODY'S EXPLOSION?
Rei: What? I just woke up!
Nonon: Where's Fleija?
Rei: She's coming with the helicopter.

*guitar solo in distance*
*helicopter at the horizon*

Nonon: You really love those scenes.
NPmister: What AAR would it be without guitar solos?

*helicopter lands*

Fleija: Did I miss something?
Rei: We were waiting for you.
NPmister: I have something to show you.
Rei: What's this?
Nonon: OH GOD. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?
NPmister: Ready, Fleija?
Fleija: Done!
Rei: *white glance* *slow ticking coming from the body*

*loud explosion*

Nonon: OH MY GOD! There's... there's... THERE'S A HOLE IN THE MOUNTAIN!
Fleija: I found a way to orientate the nationalist rage, it will destroy the enemy's base right behind this ridge of mountains.
Nonon: If they are right behind it, why don't they attack?
Fleija: For the same reason we can't pass there: retards.
Nonon: Explain.
Fleija: Looks like our Kaiganese friends have the same habit of us of not being able to understand the flow of time. We haven't destroyed a army, we destroyed a series of villages.
Rei: THE FILTHY YAMATO RACE HAS NO PLACE TO HIDE!
Nonon: Anyway, what was the trigger that caused the explosion?
NPmister: This

Rei: What's the situation at home?
Nonon: Good... Good... The Upper House is functioning...
Rei: I said "home"
Nonon: We don't actually have a residence...
Rei: HOME.
Nonon: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
Rei: C-H-I-N-A
Nonon: SPEAK LESS METAPHORICALLY!
Fleija: Shun and Tungning are dominating everyone. We can back one of them.
Rei: They have any external support?
Fleija: Well, Shun is subsidized by Japan...
Rei: FOR THE FUTURE OF CIVILIZATION BACK TUNGNING!
Fleija: But their lands are desired by powerful European pow...
Rei: TAKE ALL OUR MONEY!
Nonon: Stop it!
Fleija: HAKKAA PAALLE!
Rei: *makes a second hole in the mountain*
Fleija: Was it too much?
Nonon: M-m-maybe, but I think we can show some support to Tungning, after all subsidizing them doesn't mean having an alliance.


Rei: Heeeeeeeeeeey!
Fleija: She runs fast!
Rei: What were you talking about?
Fleija: We have a status report from the troops in Kaiganese territory.


Nonon: HOW CAN IT BE? They're traveling in icy wastelands in full winter with basic technologies!
Rei: It's the power of General Caffeine's coffee!
Nonon: What?
Rei: Basically, General Caffeine during everyday's check of the troops gives a cup of chamomile to the best soldiers, it's from its special supply and technically it can reduce even the most hyperactive child in the most economic class of planes to a sleeping comatose.
Nonon: Well, I'm not sure about that possibility.
Rei: Anyway, looks like he brews it himself and the steam coming from the teapot makes him sweat. This sweat gets into the liquid so... it has the opposite effect! You had to see yesterday's effect on the soldiers, one was so hyperactive that he jumped off a cliff and landed on a Kaiganese spy! Looks like this gives them the luck of General Caffeine so since today every soldier will have hidden in its food a part of General's body's scent.
Nonon: That's disgusting! Anyway, are you sure that this won't transform them into uncontrollable luck machines that can't even take a stick for how much they move?
Fleija: The dose is minimal, at least now they move 7 times faster than before.
Nonon: This doesn't explain the immortality of our units. WAIT A MINUTE!
NPmister: I might be involved in this.
Nonon: YOU CHEATER!
NPmister: For Atalchor's sake! Don't look at the details, just enjoy the AAR! Speaking of Gods, I think we should end the chapter here.
Nonon: There's no connection between...
NPmister: Shhh! We took too much time writing useless stuff and now we don't have time for sieges, battles and other awesome things.
Nonon: Character development is useless?
NPmister: IT'S A STRATEGIC GAME!
Nonon: *angry grumbling*
NPmister: I think I'll continue this evening, see you later, readers!
​

Ok, I've overdone with character developing, now that the group is reunited I must do something to improve the

---

*darkness*

*light on NPmister*
NPmister: Here's the definitive weapon.

*light on Fleija*
Fleija: The one that will end this war.

*light on Nonon*
Nonon: The machina ex deo. The machine from God himself.

*light on Rei*
Rei: The forbidden fear of the Yamato race.

Voice-Over: We, the department of Humanoid Weapons Development are proud to present... Tabris.
NPmister: Finally. The creature that rose from the new Dead Sea to take with him the salvation.
Fleija: The Angel.

*lights turn on*
*the room is a square painted green*

Rei: Are we being a bit overly dramatic for a new character?
Everyone: DAMMIT REI!
Tabris: God is dead.
Nonon: He moved!
Tabris: Indeed I'm alive.
Fleija: You already know everything, come with us.
Rei: TO THE HELICOPTER!

*on the helicopter*

Nonon: So, what are you exactly?
Tabris: I'm a completely normal character, I was just announced in a extremely badass way because the awesomeness rate was dropping a bit too fast for his tastes.
NPmister: I have strict parameters!
Fleija: A question stays unanswered... HOW DO WE HAVE A HELICOPTER IN 1836?
Rei: They existed at this time, they were only very very hidden.
Nonon: Plus we have to explain the fact that we can now everything of our nation, the game interface let's us see anything but our human-sized presence can't do this so we use a helicopter, otherwise it would only be a external viewpoint and more than 1 character would have been useless.
Rei: Where are we going?
Fleija: To a special place.

*helicopter lands*

Nonon: We are back in the Northern Parts of the nation!
Fleija: Yes, we have bad and good news to show you.
Tabris: *petrified glance*
Fleija: W-w-what's the matter?
Tabris: I can feel something tangled in the dress of destiny.
Everyone: What?
Tabris: Shit is gonna hit the fan.
Everyone. Thanks.
Fleija: Anyway, let's head to the second semi-permanent research site.
Nonon: What is this one for?
Fleija: You'll see.

*Rei is in the middle of a semi-spherical arena*

Fleija: So, Rei. Are you ready?
Rei: What's all this play for?
Fleija: See for yourself

Rei: So?
Fleija: You know what this victory means?
Rei: No...
Fleija: This is from today's newspaper:


Rei: THE YAMATO RACE ANTICIPATING OUR MOVES! NGGGGGGGGGH!
Fleija: QUICK! Before the nationalist apparatus reaches the non-return point!


Rei: *white glance* *slow ticking coming from the body*
Fleija: Raise the protection bulkheads.

*colossal explosion*

Tabris: A play can take these turns?
NPmister: Man himself is just a normal animal with nothing special except a big brain. What makes them different, sometimes majestic sometime deadly, it their mind. Look at what it can produce!

*bulkheads fall down*

Rei: My clothes!
Nonon: Everything is reduced to a wasteland!
Fleija: 5 kilometers of annihilation sphere, that's the power of a entire nation's soul.
Tabris: It all returns to nothing.
Rei: What happened?
Fleija: Looks like we managed to colonize that region.


Rei: THE FILTHY RHONNST WILL TASTE OUR IRON!
Nonon: REI STOP!
Fleija: HAKKAA PAALLE!
Rei: Too late! *sound barrier breaking* *loud hiss* *explosion in distance*


Fleija: Luckily I missed the vital point, it would be dead now.
Rei: Heeeeeeeeeey!
Nonon: How can you be so fast?
Tabris: The strength of the mind is the only one worth being considered.
Everyone: What?
Tabris: Bitches be fast.
Everyone: Thanks.
Rei: GREAT NEWS FROM SOUTH! THE FILTHY TACO IS FALLING UNDER ITS WEIGHT!


Nonon: Uhm... Nothing has changed on the map.
Rei: WHAT?
Fleija: I confirm.
Rei: IN ENGLISH.
Tabris: They ain't da split.
Rei: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Thanks anyway, Tabris.
Tabris: Why can't I start Second Impact yet!?
Rei: What?
Tabris: Nothing...
Nonon: Anyway, we are ready for the naval blockade.
Rei: THERE WILL BE NONE!
Nonon: Why?!
Rei: We can prove our strength with the bare force of our soldiers!
Nonon: Even the Navy is part of our Defence Forces!
Rei: Do you have an admiral?
Nonon: N...
Fleija: YES!
Rei: Who?
Fleija: Him!


Nonon: You couldn't find anything better?
Fleija: It was the only man in the military academy that didn't lose part of its brain or body following mad Rei's experiments.
Rei: Nggggh... His choosy and fussy mind would have been perfect for the automation of my bathtub! Perfect baths have been obliterated by your actions!
Fleija: From the capital they say that the fleet is already sailing through the ocean heading to the Kaiganese capital.
Nonon: Great, are they moving along the coast to catch any possible enemy boat?
Fleija: They're actually making a strange turn in the middle of the ocean...
Nonon: WHY?
Fleija: Here's a telegram from the harbor: "Even if you catch me, YOUR BATHS WILL ALWAYS BE COLD!". He has a clear image of the situation in its head.
Rei: Well guys, I have to go. We are currently planning some "exercises" near Rhonnst border. Stay safe! *flies away with the helicopter*
Tabris: Soon, a final decision will have to be made.
Everyone: What?
Tabris: Thug lyfe strikes back.
Everyone: Thanks.
Fleija: I'm heading to the border, our army is reaching the coast and they need orders. See ya next time! *drives away with the motorbike*
Tabris: The end is nigh, and I'm not talking about this chapter *flies away, literally*
Nonon: I guess, I'll have to go back to the base.
Minister: Follow me, please.
Nonon: Oh, the Minister of Research. Where's the sidecar I left near the villa we met?
Minister: Mister NPmister Mister told me to take it to you.
Nonon: Thank you Mister Minister Mister.
Minister: Drive safely!

*some time later*


Rei: HOW COULD IT HAPPEN?
Nonon: Another one of your genius plan...
Rei: IT WAS PERFECT! The fake soldiers had to pass the frontier and burn one of our flags near the border when we would have filmed them (with the subtle Vinlandic anthem in the background).
Nonon: Everything is good and all except YOU GAVE THE RHONNST'S FLAG!
Rei: And so...
Nonon: They'll be hanged tomorrow!
Rei: Who cares? After all, I'll get the CB anyway!
Nonon: I can clearly hear embarrassment in these words!
Rei: Stupid!
NPmister: Anyway, I think we can close the chapter for now.
Rei: Only 2 parts?
NPmister: Well yes, it's written nowhere that I have a limit on how many parts a long chapter has to be split into.
Tabris: Based on the images you have I think we can have at least 3 more parts for this chapter.
NPmister: Hey! Don't do spoilers! Well then, ok. But that doesn't change the fact that this chapter ends now.

---

And now, POST SCRIPTUM SPECIALS!
I'm glad people are liking my AAR, I'm just being myself after all. This story is just an enormous soliloquy!
Oh, EU3NOOB I'm glad you're liking it, I hope you will look forward to the next chapters then! Plus, IT'S NOT GONE! I'm pretty sure I have one of the most active AARs in this forum.
Athalcor! You're becoming a classical visitor here, I never saw the Bafuku win actually but can you please understand how the Ainu and Kaiganese get annexed? Is there a way to prevent it when the Imperial forces win?

Today I'll launch a little contest: which character do you like the most? Would you like to see some character development? Luckily Divergences alternates period of constant war with flat peace ones so we'll have empty periods that we can use for non-game stories!
​