The Book of Deeds or
Nobody ever expects the Sp...
An Intermezzo, actually
Well, kindof...
or... Blame the video star for this mad update...
To celebrate 10,000 views. Thank you all, chaps.
"So?" - A voice could be heard in the dark room.
The lady just turned his head slightly, leaving the dark rain of her hair to slip slowly over her shoulders and back.
-Oh, it's you... -she answered, showing a bit of boredom.
-"Oh, it's you", she says -Steiner said-. Here comes your Master, after getting you out of some nasty place and into the most magnificient court of Europe and you just say "Oh, it's you". Amazing.
-Hey Peti -the Brunette said, smiling happily to the dog. Peti just forgot about the pizza to run to the lady, to enjoy the touch of her hands.
"Damned traitor" -Steiner thought. Just the idea of doing like Peti, that is, to lay on his back with that charming lady over him made him wondered about getting rid of his usual coldness but... there was work to do.
-Give me your impressions of my fellows here.
She looked at him in a quite strange way, with the lips turned into an enigmatic smile while the eyes remain unmoved.
-The first man I've noticed is Judas Maccabeus. A quite interesting fellow, if I may say. Quite attractive but with some fixation about killing you.
The so called Maccabeus, Judas. But not the one related with a Tree.
-It comes from ... well, it's a long story, you could say.
-I see. In fact, he considers his Holy duty to make the world rid of you. Not bad for a half-Scottish, he'll do it for free.
Steienr wasn't quite in the mood for jokes, but Peti let go big grin -full of pizza, by the way- and added some music of his own.
Some minutes later, after opening all the available windows and a severe lecture about modals to the furriest dog ever born, Steiner turned to his aid-de-camp and asked.
-What about Cardinal Petrus? Does he think that I'm as unworthy as he maintains?
His Humble and Holy Holyness. Because he's a Holy Good Fellow, because he's a Holy Good Felkow...
-Not at all. He considers you worth of all his efforts about killing you. Again, it's a kind of Holy Quest. However, I cannot understand his fixation about ladies.
-Against ladies, you mean... As far as I know it's something that comes from behind...
-Is he gay?
Steiner paused a few seconds -enough not to laugh- and explained himself. In short, Steiner thought that Petrus' unpassion about ladies was caused in some moment of his infancy.
-Freud again, master?
-No.
-No?
-No, this time it's Sid Vicious' theory.
She hurried to go after the next member of the band:
Enewald, the man with no underwear. You know why? Because the pants haven't been built yet that'll take the job on!!!! Woof, woof, woof!
-The man called Enewald. It's quite odd.
-No, he isn't odd. He's from Finland, that's why... Ok, ok, stop looking at me like that I'll stop making silly jokes.
The lady, wondering about what to do about Kurty's jokes. Would poison do the job?
-You can't help. As Peti is fated to fart, you fated to... to whatever.... In short, he's too in a quest. As far as I've gathered, he's searching for his underwear.
-I know. He's going to be unable to find it.
-Why?
-Because I gave it to Peti to play.
Both Peti and the lady kept their breaths for a second, and then thought about something different.
-He's quite interested on swords, by the way.
-I hope he manages to be the difference between a sword and a chair, though...
-Why?
-Because if he doesn't, he's going to have trouble to sit.
-For God's sake! -the lady and the dog shouted at the same time.
-Then we have the next fellow: Comagoosie, a psycopathic poet... he kills his victims by reading them his poems, the bastard...
Georgie Porgie , pudding and pie;
Kissed the girls and made them cry...
-What a sob... -Peti said, clearly impressed.
-I agree with Peti. Even Robin Williams isn't so viciously sadic, so utterly remorseless, so damnable...
-The actor or the singer? -the lady asked, trully amused.
-Both. Next fellow?
-The one called Murmurandus. It has vanished after having an accident with a razor while shaving... the report doesn't said which part of his body.
Clearly, he nedeed a shave.
-D'oh! -Steiner and Peti said at the same time.
-He was quite fond of swords, too... Next one is the charming fellow called Canonized.
Canonized, in a quite gay (no pun intended) mood (1)
-Do you like him?
-I do, indeed. He has something that makes him better than you, Master.
-What? -Steiner said, while his head, in the dark, flushed with anger.
-He has not your passion for bad jokes, thank God.
-Gotcha.
-Thank you... finally, there is that odd being... AlexanderPrimus, I think it's his name.
-He's not odd, he's from...
-From Finland, like Enewald?
Steiner wondered about whether that was a joke or not. Then he decided to ignore it and finished the sentence:
-From another AAR, so to say...
She mused about this point and was going to say something when a sudden noise broke the spell. Both turned around and saw an odd being, wrapped with strips of white linen and whispering.
-I'm bbbbbbbbbbbbback... I'm the mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmur..... I'm the mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmur.... I'm the mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmurmy!!!!
The Murmy! And it's back!
Steiner was shocked.
The Lady was shocked.
Peti was eating a pizza.
-I'm the mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmurmy, yes and I'm back to take revenge on those who gave me the damned razor, mwahahahahahahaha!!!!! I'm going to do with you something worse than dying in the most vicious way!!!!
-He's going to take us to see Pedro Almodovar's film, I bet -the lady whispered.
-Hey, odd and strange fellow, thou, the Murmy, that comes from the other side of... of... of wherever the Murmies come... I'm awfully sorry to dissapoint thee, but, about the razor... sorry, but it wasn't me -Steiner said.
The Murmy stopped his crawling towards Steiner and, after a second of thought answered:
-Oh, sorry then. Excuse the interruption and have a good night.
Then the Murmy vanished.
-Who do you think gave the razor to this poor soul?
Then Steiner removed his big cap and the shadows lifted from his face. She allowed a gasp of horror and asked:
-What has happened to your face? You're horrible!
-Do you know what happens when you don't look properly to a seemingly distant abyss?
-Erm... no?
-That you, unless you know to fly, you need a new body. Never happened to thee, my lady?
-No... -the lady answered before paying attention to Steiner's look-. What the frock are you looking at!?!
-A part of thy body, my lady.
-Which one? -she asked, quite worried by Steiner's sudden interest.
-The one above thy belly and under thy chin...
-You dirty....
I can't take my eyes of you, as the song saith...
Really...
Outside, a black adder was searching for his little minions.
(1) In the beginning of this, Canonized was going to have another pic -Peter O'Toole playing pope Paul III in The Tudors, but he would have looked older than Petrus, and would make no sense.