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I love this AAR
*puts a note*
right...next time i might find where i left within the hour
*puts a note*
right...next time i might find where i left within the hour
Indeed, time to renew fond acquaitances from times past, and loot those lands once visited ...
Ah, good to see an update, I was getting some withdrawal symptoms. 
Tell me about Pavlo I, Hetman of Zaporozhie, did he die from an untimely reflex?
Long term plans have a tendency to generate short term actions. It doesn't really matter if they are achievable, they are easy to change on a short term notice. Go kick some Polish butts!
Tell me about Pavlo I, Hetman of Zaporozhie, did he die from an untimely reflex?
Long term plans have a tendency to generate short term actions. It doesn't really matter if they are achievable, they are easy to change on a short term notice.
Go kick some Polish butts!
An update without fighting? What's going on? All I can say is I'm glad to are about to correct that.
What would life be without some good old Cossack optimism.
Probably a lot safer, but where's the fun in that?
Probably a lot safer, but where's the fun in that?
War with Piggy and Ziggy! It's a good way to spend all the mountains ofd cash those merchants have built up in thirteen years of peace. Do you have your sights set on gaining any particular province? Or is this just a good old fashioned Cossack raid to plunder anything valuable such as wine, women and weapons?
RGB: Yes, everyone in Zaporozhia is pretty excited too! Something happening at last.
crazypeltast52: Forget Poland? Well that would be kind of hard to do. There's the smell wafting over the border for one thing...
Repr: Welcome aboard!
J.Passepartout: Yes, well merchants do net you a bit of extra cash, but nothing compared to wholesale sacking of rich enemy cities...
stnylan: You're right, I'm sure there'll be a touch of nostalgia to this war as the boys return to some much-loved haunts.
JaxomCA: How did you guess? Pavlo I did indeed succumb to an untimely reflex and salivated to death. It's a dog's life, really...
Duke of Wellington: An update without fighting is shameful, I know. I'll try not to let it happen again.o
merrick: Cossack optimism? Hey, we just have a realistic outlook on life. Cossacks are invincible and everyone else sucks...
Chief Ragusa: Funny you should mention it, I do have my sights on a particular goal. Details coming right up...
crazypeltast52: Forget Poland? Well that would be kind of hard to do. There's the smell wafting over the border for one thing...
Repr: Welcome aboard!
J.Passepartout: Yes, well merchants do net you a bit of extra cash, but nothing compared to wholesale sacking of rich enemy cities...
stnylan: You're right, I'm sure there'll be a touch of nostalgia to this war as the boys return to some much-loved haunts.
JaxomCA: How did you guess? Pavlo I did indeed succumb to an untimely reflex and salivated to death. It's a dog's life, really...
Duke of Wellington: An update without fighting is shameful, I know. I'll try not to let it happen again.
o merrick: Cossack optimism? Hey, we just have a realistic outlook on life. Cossacks are invincible and everyone else sucks...
Chief Ragusa: Funny you should mention it, I do have my sights on a particular goal. Details coming right up...
27th August 1590, The Sich
There was of course the matter of our reputation to consider, or so I thought. I raised this with Bogdan last week.
"We don't actually have a casus belli for this war, Sire," I says to him.
"Oh. Well General, what do you suggest?" says Bogdan.
"Well, we could have the boys in the Secret Service try and forge a claim that would give us one, Sire."
"Secret Service? I didn't know we had one of them…"
"That's because they're secret, Sire."
"Oh. I see… Well I suppose we could get them onto it, but do we really need to do that?"
"I suppose not. It just keeps everyone a bit happier…"
"Happier? Good grief we're Cossacks aren't we? If we start setting that kind of precedent we'll never hear the end of it. If you ask me, Hairybutt just being alive gives me an automatic right to declare war on him."
"Very good, Sire."
So, no casus belli I guess.
Plenty else to do as well - I have been recruiting and training two more regiments of fearless Cossack riders. Every rookie soldier does an hour of kinjal dancing on a tightrope above the piranha pool every day - after six weeks of that these guys are seriously fearless I can tell you. That is, the ones who haven't been eaten or become long-term inmates of the Zaporozhian State Mental Institution…
Oh, and speaking of the mentally insufficient, we had a spot of bother with the Crim Tatars recently. These morons have to be on some kind of medication or something. I mean, everyone knows all our forces are marching north to be ready for war with Pyggyland, so what do these flea-brained bozos do? They organize a revolt before the troops have left Crimea. Slaughtered to a man, needless to say, but it's delayed the war by several months I fear.
31st December 1590, Poltava
Well, here we are at the year's end and we are still not at war. I did of course say I would quit if this happened, but in the circumstances I am staying on. The fact is that a declaration of war is only days away. Bogdan has decided to declare war on Lithuania rather than Pyggyland, and I think he's right. The Tsar is more likely to favour a war against Lithuania for a start, and also, even in the unlikely event that Hairybutt dishonours their alliance, we will still be able to get our greedy hands on the prize - the beautiful city of Kiev!
Confidential report compiled by the Zaporozhian Secret Service
Yes, this of course is what it's all about. The Polish province of Podolia would be nice as well, but it's much poorer and full of Catholics. Kiev, however, is an entirely different story. One-time capital of Kievan Rus, it is still one of the richest cities in the east, so we are told. Which is why yours truly, with the bulk of the army, are now stationed close to the Lithuanian border ready for invasion. General Holovatsky, recently promoted and an able fellow, will lead the southern offensive into Podolia.
February 24th 1591, outside Kiev
Bogdan declared war on 5th January, Tsar Pyotr joined in (phew! not that we were worried or anything, cough, cough…), as did Hairybutt and the Bavarians who also seem to have wormed their way into the Catholic Cronies Club. We rode straight away up the Dnieper towards Kiev and discovered a sad-looking regiment of Lithuanian peasantry standing in our way. Alas, full twenty-one of our brave lads managed to get themselves killed in the general melee, but aside from that all went fairly well.
We are now at the gates of Kiev, which will not long resist the onslaught of our mighty armies. The Poles meanwhile are reported to be marching on Poltava, where we have left 2000 foot soldiers. As soon as Podolia is left undefended, Holovatsky has orders to move in.
And now, let me just get back to browsing through "Which Luxury Yacht?" in anticipation of the imminent sack of Kiev…
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Damn right, invincible is the word.
What's with your enemies sending men by the neat 1000s to the inevitable slaughter?
What's with your enemies sending men by the neat 1000s to the inevitable slaughter?
Infantry! Cossacks having foot soldiers can only mean the inmates of the ZSMI get one final chance to redeem themselves.
Kiev would be a fine addition to the Cossack Sich. Make an excellent capital , too!
You will have to arrange a group booking, for the discount, on an extended vacation to Bavaria and see what souvenirs you can bring home. I hear that they have a really crazy beer festival once a year.
Kiev would be a fine addition to the Cossack Sich. Make an excellent capital , too!
You will have to arrange a group booking, for the discount, on an extended vacation to Bavaria and see what souvenirs you can bring home. I hear that they have a really crazy beer festival once a year.
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Kiev! I say to heck with merchants, raid the city and you can sit on that wealth for centuries!
Ooh, Kiev looks very nice. Ripe for the picking. I don't think Lithuania or Piggyland will prove to be a problem.
Excellent update, good to see a new war begin. I can understand that your war boys were getting restless, but now we are back fighting and soon we shall grab Kiev. It sure looks like nice city with a lot of money, money that can later be used to build even larger armies that can be used to kick Hairybutt around one more time…
and now with that port in the crimea you have enough space for a decent marina and a decent sail in your new yacht!
