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    Real Strategy Requires Cunning

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merrick

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Farquharson said:
Oh, isn't that nice? Zyggy the Pyggy has declared war on us…
Oh dear. This could go one of two ways, depending if young Yuriy comes to your aid or not.
Here's hoping Zyggy really is as stupid as he acts...
 

unmerged(59077)

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Hah. I loves this.

My ancestors were from the Siberian host but I still appreciate the humour.
 

Amob_m_s

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Stinks being surrounded by hostile majors, dunnit?

I was rescued from this fate in a Montenegro game when Zyggy the Pyggy's ancestor ravaged Hungary- split the nation in half, trapping the entire Hungarian army in the not-on-my-border half after the peace agreement. I just jumped in and took Croatia and Slavonia for myself (added to Ragusa and Dalmatia, which I had already taken.) This even gave me enough power to vassalize Bosnia Now I just have to let Bohemia finish beating the smirks off those annoying Habsburgs...

Good luck with the War of Pyggy Aggression. Hope the cossacks end up with a rather large stockpile of ham sandwiches when it's over. :rofl:
 

Farquharson

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JaxomCA: You're right, I had fond hopes of snatching some nice bits of Crimea in a showdown between Russia and the Turks. Well you never know, some stupid Crimeans might actually revolt, declare independence and then be at war with the Turks instead of allied to them - yum, yum! As for a new singer, alas I haven't found one yet. :(

Judas Maccabeus: Mmm, the smell of grilled bacon, I like it! :)

canonized: Survival very much depends on our friend Yuriy...

J.Passepartout: Hmm, but beating very big powerful cowards is quite a challenge...

merrick: Yup, as I said, we're kind of counting on Yuriy.

RGB: Welcome aboard! Siberians are really nice people, right? ;)

Cliffracer RIP: What, the Piggy eats Zaporozhie for breakfast? Me not wants that! :eek:

Amob_m_s: It sounds like you had a stroke of luck and made the most of it! Which is what playing tiny nations is all about, of course. I personally rarely play big nations - seems too easy! :p Now, about those ham sandwiches...
 

Farquharson

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September 2nd 1568

The Host was mustered and we rode forthwith on a glorious campaign of liberation to free the good Orthodox people of Poltava from the clutches of the evil Lithuanians. Clearly we'll need to practice our mustering a bit, because by the time we arrived in the vicinity of the city we found that a Russian army had already engaged the Lithuanians. A charge from the gallant Zaporozhian Host soon put the Catholic cowards to flight however, and within hours we had the city of Poltava under siege. Yours truly in command, needless to say - the Russians had only sent some junior commander along.


cossack-charge.jpg

The Host arrives in the nick of time

Yes, the Russians answered our call to arms all right. Well, as I said before when young Yuriy came so faithfully to the aid of poor Montenegro, he's a chap who can be trusted it seems. And a good thing too, I say - I mean I'm not saying the Host wouldn't have given Zyggy a run for his money, but I don't think even our brave boys would have been able to withstand the Pyggy onslaught.

Speaking of which, there's news from the Sich - the filthy Poles are at the gates we hear, but Hutsalo (I left him in command while I'm away on campaign) will not give up without a fight. And reports say the Russians are marching to relieve the garrison even as I write. Meanwhile here at Poltava the Lithuanians are already showing signs of cracking.

Poor old Rheticus, Lord High Admiral of the Zaporozhian Navy, was feeling a bit left out of things, so I ordered him to put to sea - well, river I suppose. So the fleet - now expanded to six rafts - has been busily sailing up and down the Dnieper with supplies while Rheticus stands at the helm with a loud hailer shouting anti-Polish propaganda to the local peasantry as he sails past.

Needless to say, the local peasantry have welcomed their liberators with open arms, or at least fairly blunt pitchforks and only slightly rotten tomatoes. It seemed a good idea to point out to them some of the manifold benefits they will experience once they come into the Zaporozhian fold. Not quite sure what those are in fact, but I'm sure Rheticus has thought of something or other…


January 8th 1569

Ha! Revenge is sweet! Poltava surrendered in October after only two months. Then we marched on up the Dnieper to Kiev, routed the worthless Lithuanians that tried to stand in our way and put that the city under siege. Meanwhile the Russians had driven the Poles out of Zaporozhia and were also pouring across the Lithuanian border to the north. Zyggy the Pyggy was obviously regretting his cowardly attempt to stomp on this small hated neighbour! Yes, he quickly decided to cut his losses and signed a peace treaty in which he agreed to cede the province of Poltava to Zaporozhie. The treaty does not however end hostilities with Poland - the fool clearly thinks he can still make some out of his ill-advised war.

So it's time for the Host to ride back to the Sich, which is once more being menaced by a rabble of Polish scumbags. I have great faith in Hutsalo, however. May the Force be with him, at least until we can get back and help him out!

yoda-sabre.jpg


May 12th 1570

Sixteen months on and Zyggy still refuses to end this accursed war. I don't know how many times we routed his feeble armies and sent them back to Pyggyland. But then the Great Fat Pyg arrived in person at the head of a huge army. We fought courageously, but in the end we were forced to retreat to Poltava. And now the Sich has fallen into his clutches. Well, I hope he is enjoying the comforts of our glorified pig-sty - hah!


August 29th 1570

I don't believe it! The Pyggy has at last seen sense and is offering us a White Peace! His old favourite of course… I am almost tempted to refuse and fight on, but I'm afraid our Russian comrades have not been quite so zealous about fighting the Poles as they were about fighting the Lithuanians. So I will sign the treaty and get the fat oaf out of my hair. Thus will end the first war of glorious Zaporozhian conquest!

Here is a picture of Zaporozhie now:

zaporozhie-1570.jpg

By liberating Poltava we have nearly doubled our lands and income and quadrupled our population. The Poltavans are already being taught how to be fearless Cossack warriors, and I'm sure we'll soon have a greatly expanded Host. Something tells me we haven't seen the last of Zyggy the Pyggy and his odious minions. But next time we'll give him even more of a thrashing than this time, just wait and see!
 
Last edited:

unmerged(59077)

Tzar of all the Soviets
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Exactly! That's how you treat the Lahi if you're Zaporozhian. And now there's four times as many of you.
 

binTravkin

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He got what he deserved fat dumbass! :D
 

canonized

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Congratulations on your doubling up ! XD The tongue in cheek narration is humorous as usual !
 

coz1

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Nice expansion, Farq. At least now you can be safe one of your huge neighbors won't annex you right away. Laugh quotient is as high as ever, of course. :D
 

unmerged(58610)

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Growing you are.

Turks the your friend not are. Invade you they will.

Fear not for the Force is with you: the Russians that is.
 

merrick

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Victory! Expansion! Yay the Horde! Bacon sandwiches all round, I hope, and don't forget to send some to Yuriy...
Speaking of bacon, are they any more glorious Orthodox provinces beyond Poltava to liberate, or is it all Catholic and Moslems and suchlike lesser life forms?
 

Farquharson

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RGB: Lahi? I take it that's a pejorative term for Poles, but I've never heard of it. However, the Cossacks are always on the lookout for novel insults! ;)

Lofman: Yes, I am very relieved to have a second province - I was thinking this could get rather uninteresting without a bit of expansion!

binTravkin: Yes, it was very nice to get to kick at the Pyggy's fat behind! :D

canonized: Thanks!

coz1: Yes, I do feel safer. Mind you, if the Russians abandoned me I still doubt I would survive long, the AI being as good as it seems to be at picking on small fry. "Tsar Wars", on the other hand, are an entirely different matter! :)

Chief Ragusa: Absolutely, but alas, Hutsalo's grammar never improve it will...

merrick: No special gifts to Yuriy seem to be necessary at the moment - relations are currently at +190 and rising! :cool: Good question about the Orthodox provinces - I did a complete survey and found eight provinces in Poland and Lithuania that are either accepted culture (Ruthenian or Byelorussian) or Orthodox or both (three of the latter: Ruthenia, Kiev and Mogilyar). Of course if we really get going carving up Pyggyland the Russians may get some of them, but I will try my best to prevent that of course!

Judas Maccabeus: Ahem, yes. But see comment below about 1.2.

J.Passepartout: Ach, the Host would have finished him off in an evening! :D

Well I have installed the new patch and the game seems to load and play OK, so the story will continue. It seems there are a lot of improvements, but my main worry is that "AI now weighs in military alliances when declaring war", which for my current situation may make it much less likely that Poland will repeat that DoW. On the other hand, I'm now sitting on a Lithuanian core so they have more reason to attack me. The ideal would be for Lithuania to DoW and Poland for some reason to dishonour - now that would be beautiful! :D
 

mlepkows

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Lahi? I take it that's a pejorative term for Poles, but I've never heard of it. However, the Cossacks are always on the lookout for novel insults!
I'm not entirely sure, but (being a Pole myself) I don't really think it's offensive. Some nations used to call Poland Lechistan at that time (for example Turks named Sobieski 'the Lion of Lechistan') and Lahi is probably just an eastern name for Poles. This could be rooted in a myth that the three Slavic naions, Poles, Czechs (is that the proper english name for inhabitants of Czech Republic?) and Russians are descendants of their respective 'founding fahers' - Lech, Czech and Rus. Poles, sons of Lech, could become Lahi or Lahy (note that in polish ch=h).

Maciek
 

unmerged(59077)

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"Lahi" - oh it's like "Russkies". It's not offensive to the native speakers, but the opposing side says it in a slightly pejorative way.

At least that's what Gogol would have me think.
 

Lord E

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Excellent work against the evil Piggy. You have won a province and then you tricked him to give you a white peace after he had captured your province, that is good work. Now it is time to build more and more forces so that you are ready to liberate more provinces from the ugly pig the next time he returns…
 

stnylan

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Great to see another AAR from you. And the first step towards that nice little Empire!