Your best/worst CK 2 quotes!

[ScienceNerd]

"Huh. So the Norse Germanic kingdom of Africa is now a one-province minor in Sardinia, borders a ridiculously powerful empire, and is independent. Who'da thunk it?"

"So, that king of Germany died, and now it if ruled by a Bulgarian..."

 

[Es57]

A few interesting thread titles :

"I have literally ****ed my daughter to death"

"Help - I broke up with my sister !"

"I have inbred son with my sister even though I am adopted"

 

[ScienceNerd]

"My grandfather was a bastard. So if I marry a granddaughter of my grandfather's brother, it isn't incest...?"

 

[Prominences]

"Why is this nine year-old Jewish kid the King of Italy? Why is his half-brother a Mongol? Why is he my rival?"

 

[AlexArgos]

"I'm not dying fast enough and my heir is accumulating bad traits/rivals; should I just commit suicide or just appoint a cup bearer?"

"Why do I have no active plots right now? I'm pretty sure I meant to murder someone!"

"Ooh, that stunning 3 y.o. will make a fine wife for my son someday!"
15 hears and 1 death of son later: "Why is this woman in my interesting characters list?!"

"If my son has the same mother as my half-brother, does it mean he is also my half brother?"

 

[Will Steel]

"I just found out that none of my 8 children are really mine..."

https://forum.paradoxplaza.com/foru...of-my-8-male-children-are-really-mine.835558/

 

[FleetingRain]

"I think my wife is a lesbian, I should have seduced my genius sister instead"

 

[machupingu]

"Damn I should have executed my brother"


I distincly remember him revolting twice against my byzantine empire, each time with a pack of scotish adventurers.

 

[Tavior]

"I just found out that my wife is an adulteress and hate me enough to try to kill me. How do I get rid of her before she do me in cause divorce is too slow?!"
"How do I get my sons/daughters to become a sinner so I can 'introduce' them to the cult?"
"My wife just confessed to me that she had an affair with the Pope!"
"I just raid Rome and convert Rome to Viking *or any other culture that allow raiding*. So now all catholic have to sacrifice and pay extra tribute. If you know what I meant right?"
"You know that our new liege is a Muslim King of *insert nominal catholic realm* and we have to kill/stop him from taking the realm out of our hand right?"
"Come here my spymaster. I have a task for you. Go somewhere they will capture you and castrate/blind you. So I can replace you sooner!" <--- How I usually try to get rid of low stat vassal.
"How do I support/promote an immoral cardinal so he can become the Pope?"
"I am going to intimate my liege king into owning me a favor. So I can force him into an untenable situation and take advantage of the chao!"
"You know what? I will 'pretend' to be all virtue and flatter my Pope so I can 'borrow' some ducats for a holy war against *insert heresy catholic realm*."


A few actually happened to me. But a few are inspired by CK 2 strange screenshot thread that I shameless borrowed from.

 

[IXISparky]

I'm sending my intellectually challenged son to be castrated in China

 

[zecronas]

''I have been an orphan for a long time...
My father got assassinated by his ex, my mother.
So one day, around the age of 5, I was playing.
There I saw my dear and beloved mother on the balcony.
I gave her a gentle push.''

 

[Xinkc]

Just because this is ck2. Was Persia the name of you daughter?

Unfortunately no. It was from the end of a 700 campaign starting as Gotland. Basically, after I conquered Scandinavia, my vassals spent the following centuries conquering much of the world. By the end of the campaign my shock at their conquests wore out so having 5 vassals or vassals of vassals conquer Persia in 2 decades wasn't exciting.

 

[StarSword]

"My liege! Your courtier Glitterhoof was tragically killed during the tournament!"

 

[jdavis86]

It is not exactly on topic, but anytime I have a bad day, I droop my head and think to myself "life has lost its luster to this character" .

 

[frolix42]

 

[HenkieDePost]

"My 41 year old Homosexual Badshah Smiths IV Muhallabid has no heir yet. A crazy old woman offers to make a love potion, what could go wrong?"

*Proceeds to sleep with literally everyone in his empire in one night*

*-200 cuckold penalty with every vassal and courtiers even with most rulers from nearby states, massive rebellions and destruction follow.*

*nine months later 48 children are born, I individually named them all.*

Long live Smiths IV the Unholy, son of Badshah Nibbits II. Some say he outplayed Ghengis Khan in a single night.

 

[WomboCombo]

"Okay, the first thing you want to do is join the Satanists and grow your dick back."

 

[Elden]

Top of the forum when I just logged in: Is marrying a lunatic dangerous?

 

[Tryvenyal]

Increadable!

I have shown this thread to some friends who are not playing CK2. Some of them got interested and asking alot about the game and might be recruited, some are still laughing 5 days later!

My two playing friends have created a forum account!

 

[Chiron]

I use my 17 yr old daughter to entrap and execute rich old men, repeatedly.

I usedmy daughter to entrap 6 old men, collecting over 6K. She is just 17 and she's been a widow 5 times.

This is some Borgia level work.