Your best/worst CK 2 quotes!

[Tryvenyal]

Hilarious!! More! More!!

"I hate murdering my friends.. but my heir is not of my dynasty and my vassals hate me... "

 

[Slime99]

"How to get the Pope declare war on Israel?"
"How to tell If your son is part of the Hashashins, and should I use him to kill My uncle?"

 

[Zarok47]

"An eternity in the oublette is the humane option"
"Allies are more dangerous than enemies"
"A king does not have friends, he has subjects and corpses"
"Daughters are best for concubines, use your sisters for wives"
"The best time for a jihad is definitely in the middle of the black plague (true story)"

 

[bus]

Not the forum but todays stream was a goldmine. "Oh I got a lover, and she has syphilis, this is going to be great!!"

Monster twitch vod link (We'll be editing and putting on youtube in the coming days)

 

[Zarok47]

Not the forum but todays stream was a goldmine. "Oh I got a lover, and she has syphilis, this is going to be great!!"

Monster twitch vod link (We'll be editing and putting on youtube in the coming days)

That reminds me of the time I married the lover of my wife to someone with great pox, which ended up infecting him and then my cheating wife, who was promptly thrown in the oublette.

Hard to put that into a simple quote tho.

 

[Warlord_Vlad]

"Which daughter should i marry?"
"Should i execute my foreign vassals and genocide their culture?"
"Is inbreeding that bad?"

 

[WJS]

"I thought all was lost when my son turned celibate but then I remembered I'm banging his wife."

Reminds me of the time I took a lover, but needed to hide her at court, so I married her off to my imbecile son. We kept having kids, he thought they were his, and bam, a free extra source of legitimate dynasty members!

 

[Ilanin]

Not the forum but todays stream was a goldmine. "Oh I got a lover, and she has syphilis, this is going to be great!!"

Well, if we're bringing up things said in streams, there's always "I think I've been able to make a contribution here, having eaten the Pope's husband. That doesn't happen in every game..."

 

[Metanetwork]

"Somebody cut off my genius 12 year old grandson's dick off and sent him to the Chinese."

 

[nogluten]

"I'm emperor of the Aztecs, and Romans. Now what?"
"What do you mean I can't change the Aztec empire to primogeniture?"
"I sacrificed my father's immortal concubine to Thor."
"My immortal concubine who taught me immortality plotted my death."
"I'm a Nestorian empress, why not just revoke some temples from my vassals and smash the patriarchy?"
"My wife has lovers pox and my lover has syphilis, but I got cancer from them." - When I played last summer (and possibly still now) they (not cancer) were two different traits, despite being the same illness, one brought by the Aztecs, the other there the whole time.

 

[Metanetwork]

"My wife has lovers pox and my lover has syphilis, but I got cancer from them." - When I played last summer (and possibly still now) they (not cancer) were two different traits, despite being the same illness, one brought by the Aztecs, the other there the whole time.

Lover's Pox is strongly implied to be herpes, actually.

 

[nogluten]

Lover's Pox is strongly implied to be herpes, actually.

I didn't realize that, I was just going off of the descriptions which puts lover's pox as syphilis. That would make more sense though.

 

[Metanetwork]

I didn't realize that, I was just going off of the descriptions which puts lover's pox as syphilis. That would make more sense though.

The text for Lover's Pox does not call the disease by name. It just says "This character periodically suffers from embarrassing and unsightly blisters". While both herpes and syphilis can cause ulcers, the notification event for Lover's Pox explicitely mentions a "painful itch". The itching is a typical feature of herpes, but is unusual for syphilis. Furthermore, Lover's Pox is permanent in the game (there is no known cure for herpes) whereas Great Pox has a small chance of being cured.

Also, before 2.6, Lover's Pox was not yet a character trait. It was a character modifier and was referred as minor_disease_herpes in the code.

Relevant screenshots:

Spoiler

Pre-2.6 version of Lover's Pox. While it was changed to a trait in 2.6, the text and penalties remained the same.

Great Pox trait, which mentions Syphilis.

 

[Urzhail64]

"By Christ's holy prepuce!"

Popular phrase in Ravenna. And oft said by husbands who are trying for a male heir instead of yet *another* daughter.

 

[PedroLuiz]

"Should I try to convert the Pope to Islam"
"Is it okay to murder a dynasty because they killed my Genious heir?"
"Being a tyrant and murdering every single vassal is the only way to ensure the future"

 

[WJS]

"Now that my uncle has grown up, I hope he kills me and inherits everything."

 

[alxeu]

From a thread that I recently posted:

"...so I rebel, and with my Chinese wife's honor guard, and some mercenary aid from the Cat Kingdom in southern India, I held off my liege lord."

"Shortly after that, he discovered his 2nd daughter was a bear! "

 

[DeathLawlie]

"-Hey looks I named my daughter after you !
- Oh that's funny, and how did she end?
- Well, I married her to this mad king of Alania..."

 

[Tarkilth]

"Can I marry my horse doctor?"
"Hah, awesome my regent just tried to assassinate me and failed 5 times in a row and it drove him mad!"
"Woman, if you bear me another son now I swear I will murder you."

 

[ScienceNerd]

"Uncle, KILL ME ALREADY! I'M INBRED AND IT SUCKS!!

"Wait... Why are the Idrisids (Ibadi dynasty in Mauritania in 867) Germanic?"

"Because the caliphate had to collapse SOMETIME"