The Ship's Magician
- May 15, 2009
The sky growled angrily. A crack of thunder split the night. El Presidente looked up from his paperwork and stared thoughtfully out into the dark. The nights had been stormy and foul much more often now then usual. He grinned savagely. That was how he liked nights. The more stormy and dark and . . . evil the more they suited him. After, all he was the embodiment of all darkness on the mortal world.
Ruling the tiny island nation of Tropico had been enough for him for a good long time. He had actually been happy with that. he couldn't understand why now. He wanted more then this little island with all the serfs grubbing plants out of the land. He wanted rich lands with gold and iron and bauxite and oil and . . . he wanted the world! And he knew from who to take it from.
He looked back at his papers. Suddenly they didn't seem so important. He stood and walked through the door. Without opening it. El Presidente ignored the splinters and wooden fragments lying all across the hallway; one of his lackeys would clean them up shortly. It wasn't as thought they hadn't had practice at it. The enigmatic ruler of Tropico walked into his conference room (again without opening the door). There was his adviser, Penultimo, the man who had taught him to rule and never seemed to age. El Presidente didn't either, and neither did Juanito, the radio announcer on the island for many years. He never wondered why. Aging was for mere mortals.
"PENULTIMO!" El Presidente shouted at the top of his lungs.
"EL PRESIDENTE!" Penultimo shouted back.
"WHY ARE YOU SHOUTING, MAN?" El Presidente bellowed.
"BECAUSE YOU ARE!" Penultimo responded in a yell.
"EXCELLENT!" El Presidente responded in kind.
The Ruler of Tropico took a seat at the head of the giant conference table. Penultimo took a seat too. Juanito, who had recently taken up government service, also sat. El Presidente sighed.
"It's so stuffy in here." He said.
"I know." Said Juanito.
El Presidente did not respond with words. Instead, he punched a hole in the wall. Almost two feet in diameter, it served as a nice window. El Presidente stuck his head out.
"Ahhhhhh...." he sighed.
"El Presidente?" Penultimo began. "We need a leader of our army. And our Navy. Hell - we need a lot more people and I don't think Tropico can provide them. We just don't have the pool of experienced manpower."
El Presidente stared out the window. He slowly turned back towards Juanito and Penultimo.
"We have no more talented individuals on this island?" He asked them.
Juanito nodded. "No El Presidente - but the cloning technology is providing us with massive amounts of manpower."
"I assume they are all enrolled in the Army?" El Presidente asked.
"Of course, Presidente!" Juanito exclaimed. "What else do you do with clone armies?"
Penultimo looked up. "I think the slaughterhouse on 4th street will be going out of business since you said that."
El Presidente laughed. "No worry - let it fall. We have no more need to trade cheap meat products with the Yanquis and Aztecs and Brits. Impress all freighters in the harbor."
"Of course my Presidente!" Penultimo exclaimed. "But, eh . . . all by myself?"
El Presidente sighed. Minions. "No - get three or four of the Army men to help you. Hell - take the whole Army. but just impress the freighters. They shall prove useful in the conquests ahead."
"What do we do first, El Presidente?" asked Juanito.
"We should find men of quality to serve in my cabinet from among the Tropican population. However, since we will never find any -"
He hefted a large stack of books, comics, movies and video games at the former radio announcer.
"Build a ray gun or something and get some capable, evil people from in these!"
"Of course, El Presidente!"
18 minutes later . . . .
El Presidente stared out his newly-made window at the burning ruins of the laboratory next door.
I didn't mean for them to take me that seriously! He thought angrily.
The Tropican ruler turned. Penultimo and Juanito stood behind him with a collection of people.
"These are the candidate we have brought out of the . . . uh, things for you."
"Excellent! Let us begin their interviews immediately!"
El Presidente walked up to the first man.
"Who is this?"
This is a clone we made of that Hitler man, El Presidente . . . ."
"INSTALL HIM AS FOREIGN MINISTER!!"
"Euhm . . . okay . . . ."
El Presidente came up to the second man.
"Why is he covered in makeup?" The Tropican dictator asked.
"He's the Joker, sir. You know, from Batman . . . ."
"Mr. Joker, I think you'll make an excellent Minister of Security! You start immediately!"
Who of you has played the Tropico series of video games? Who of those has wanted to take El Presidente beyond his island prison?
If you answered yes, this AAR is for YOU!
Since the spirit of Tropico is fun, lightheartedness, that will be the point of this AAR. Expect comedy around every corner as I attempt to conquer the globe - on my own
VOTE EL PRESIDENTE - OR ELSE!
VIVA LA TROPICO!!