Ye Olde bAAR: Closed

[unmerged(12495)]

Newbreed struts into the bar and sees his SolAARium post.
"How the hell did you get here? Never mind, just buy a pint for your pa."

 

[Eochaid]

Carrrying two huge suitcases, the bAARtender bursts into the bAAR. After dropping his stuff in the backroom, he picks up his apron and ties it while going back to the counter. MrT is sitting there, drinking too much... as usual

"- Why are you smiling like an idiot Eochaid? asked the librAARian

- Well I'm happy! I had a wonderful christmas with my family, the best New Year ever with my friends, and I got to travel! Plus I turned 21 three days ago!

- Well happy birthday!

- And a happy New Year to you all!

- Great. SO does it mean that now we'll get a proper service around here?

- Sure, sure. I'm back after the break. The only thing that makes me feel bad is not catching up with Gaijin's "Broken Spears"... my personal 2002 favorite!"

 

[Valdemar]

Valdemar slowly walks into the bar, stomps his feet and kangs his heavy overcoat on the rack by the door.

"Ahh, nothing like a brisk walk in the snow."

Norg looks up from his latest Norwegian immigration figures,

"Snow, in København?"

"Yep, and storm warning too, 15 cm, and winds up to 15m/s this evening, very unusual, but nice for a change. Now where is everybody? Is it still the hollidays?"

"I don't know," Norg shruhs in a decidedly nonNorwegian, almost galic way (must be all that international fraternizing )

"I haven't seen an update on any of my favorite AARs in a long time, Director has been gone for days, LD hasn't update since before christmas, you haven't updated since before HoI"

"it will come, It will come."

"Perhaps, but is been so long that I had to start one myself and I had to be pretty bored to do that "

"Yeah, I saw it."

"You're in a real talkative mood to day? Oh and btw the WoWs are open again, give it a try"

 

[Director]

Director looks up from his Bacardi 8 and coke.

"Hi Valdemar! Yeah, I love snow..."

The other two wait patiently for the inevitable punchline, but Director's mind wanders.

"The Varangian Guard's a nice way to start off an AAR, I have to hand it to you. Scandinavians in Byzantium! Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction."

"And congrats on your 'promotion' to head of WoW, by the way. Although, with the slow traffic around here these days, you may want to space that out some. Once every two weeks, or even one writer every two weeks. Not much is being posted right now."

"Heck, I haven't touched HistoryPark in a while and it's still on page one; who would have thought that was possible."

"But if you want a truly fine AAR to read, hop over to the HoI forum and check out Norgesvenn's new one. Can't read his sig from here, but the link's down there somewhere."

As the bAARtender blushes and wipes at a glass, DIrector signals for a refill. "I've been playing everything from SimCity to Civ3, and when I restarted my Napoleonic game, guess what? I nearly got my head handed to me. I think I woke up the AI."

He brushes away a tear. "They're all dying. Massena, Augereau, even Villeneuve. Here's to absent friends!"

The others raise their glasses is salute. "Absent friends!"

 

[Valdemar]

Valdemar put his hands around his irish coffee,

"Been out shoveling snow for the second time today, d... it's cold."

The other two just nodded, Norg looked a litte overbearing, what does a dane know about snow.

"I've read his HoI AAR, it's great, for an AAR where nothing has happened yet it is surprisingly thrilling "

"Oh, and Director, don't worry, I've already got the next few ones lined up. So far i think we can handle a couple every week, we still got a few new ones once in a while, otherwise I'll just have to rotate a few old ones Some of them could need a wakeup call anyhow "

 

[Norgesvenn]

Having strangely enough not only survived but even enjoyed Christmas and New Year's, Norg was back behind the bAAR, cleaning the glasses that never get clean.

"You know, Valdemar, your new AAR is a great piece. I really like it. As for snow, I know everything about that. So does the main characters of my HoI AAR"

Norg refilled Director's drink, and helped himself to some hot cocoa.

"No drink?"

"Not when I'm working. New Year's resolution. 'Stay sober at work'"

"Good one"

"Indeed"

 

[Peter Ebbesen]

Just in time for Orthodox Christmas (since I didn't make the Dec. 24 deadline), I present to you The Conclusion to It Came From the Mountains

Well, only part a/b, part b/b will have to wait a day or three.

And, who knows, seems like somebody, unlike me, has plenty of time, in Once Upon a Time..... The very slow AAR

For an interesting study into the sociodynamics of a group of interconnected humans* as they battle through the turns and twists of an epic 8 player MP game, take a look at the Mega Grand Campaign 4 AAR. Now with even more house rules! If you are an AAR writer and can play MP semi-regularly or as a last-minute stand-in near evening GMT at times, contact Mowers. While the players are excellent, few of them care to post in the AAR. Sign up and improve the breed!

...Phew. That was the public service announcement, Olaf. Now stop chewing that! How many times must I tell you that you mustn't eat their shoes? It is unhygienic, is what it is! Spit it out, do you hear me? That's better, good bear.

Impressive size. Don't tell me you ate goofy. What will I tell the kiddies.


* allegedly

 

[J. Passepartout]

"Whoa, there's more? Yay!. If there isn't more, yay anyway. What't that? NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT GOOFY!!!!!!!!!



























I'll bring your bear back to life, don't worry."

 

[unmerged(5112)]

Zalman walks into the unfamiliar bar for the first time. He senses a friendly atmosphere (and an unusually strong scent of beer) in the room and decides to go get a pint. After he downs a couple more he remembers why he came here and bangs his fist on the table for attention.

Hello everybody,

I seem to have a problem with my AAR's. They never seem to get off the ground. I don't know what the problem is. I'm usually very into the AAR and then I just run out of things to do. I set up goals for myself that last no more than a decade and when it's completed, I can't think of what the next goal should be.

I would appreciate it if someone could make a suggestion as to a good diplomatic country to play. Also, a goal for that country would also be very appreciated. I really want to write an AAR like the masters (Mr.T, Lord Durham, Peter Ebbesen and countless others) or at least do an AAR that lasts for more than 100 years.

All I want is a country and a goal and, if you give me that, then I will try to write an AAR about it.

Thanks Everybody, and God help me

 

[unmerged(8134)]

Bourgeoisie stumbles and falls flat-faced onto the unclean, red-wood floor. He comes to himself, stands again, and adjusts his attire. Then, before he's taken two-full-steps, he falls flat-faced to the ground again, lifting another veil of dust that, in his confusion, went straight into his strong nostrils. He gets up once more, now red-faced, with tear in his left eye, turns, and with a raised-head, walks defiantly out of the bAAR - but immediately stumbles outside, from which sound of a man falling is heard.

 

[Director]

Director deftly picks up his drink as a strange man falls through his space to the floor.

"Hello Zalman!" he says, ignoring the Bourgeoisie (always a favorite occupation of royalty).

"I'm not sure exactly what you're asking. Are you having trouble plotting out a story or actually writing it? You seem to be saying that you only plan a decade or so ahead in your games - which is another sort of issue altogether."

"There are several countries that begin the grand campaign game with excellent diplomatic tools. Austria and the Papal States come immediately to mind, though I've never played very far with either."

"Why don't we move this discussion over to the SolAARium? That's the room that's set aside for this sort of discussion."

"See you there! I've just noticed that Rocky Horror's posted another episode in his werewolf saga, so I have reading to do!"

 

[Storey]

Storey sat his glass of Opus One down and stared at Zalman before offering.

"It’s very difficult to give an idea on what to set as your goal because I don’t know your likes and dislikes. For example I don’t like playing for World Conquest because I find the game play boring and I’m not very good at it. But maybe you would like to try it? Then again you can get real crazy and take a country whose goal is to control every COT in the world. It’s close to world conquest but not quite so bad. I like to take on smaller goals that allow me to concentrate on only a few years of game play. For example my next AAR which I hope to start tomorrow will be simply about the trails and tribulations of getting a certain group of countries into an alliance. I know that sounds as exciting as watching paint peel but I think I’ve dressed it up and made it more interesting that one might think. An AAR is as much about how you write about what happen as to what you write about. Good luck in whatever you decide to try.

Joe

 

[Arilou]

Lorraine's three first monarchs at least have incredible diplomatic skills.

 

[unmerged(6777)]

T couldn't help overhearing the conversation by the BAAR's bAAR and, blushing slightly at the kind compliment, wandered over to offer a couple words of advice.

"What Director suggests is a very good idea. Come and join the gathering in the SolAARium as I think you'll find many of the issues you're having about your writing are being discussed...and of course you're always welcome to pull a chair up by the fireplace and start off a new topic yourself."

T took a long pull of his Smithwicks and dug a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket. Deftly withdrawing one, he dug in his pocket for his Zippo and with a *click* and a deep inhalation, lit it.

"I think one thing you'll notice with some of the people's works you mentioned is that they actually try to cover much shorter periods of time, using the actual EU2 game play as a backdrop or setting for their narratives rather than as the sole driving force in their stories. They spend at least as much time working on character development and exploring situations as they do in describing what's going on. If you'll permit me an analogy, think of it a little bit like a movie. You have a basic plot line that provides an underlying coherence to the story, then you've got the characters and their dialogue which engages your attention, and somewhere in there you've also got some cinematography that is setting each scene in the mood and flavour that you want to prevade the movie. Writing a successful AAR is much the same thing, except you're using words for your visualisations instead of film."

The pint was almost empty and the glazed expressions of those who'd been listening told T it was time to beat a retreat to Norgesvenn for a refill and then rejoin the current discussion about serialisaton in the SolAARium.

"Look forward to seeing you around lots more," he said as he pushed upon the dark stained oak door. With a wave of his hand, he entered the smaller room, settled down in his favourite chair, put his feet up on the ottoman (because everyone knows that if you don't keep the Ottomans down you're in for a world of hurt) and then resumed listening to some rather interesting points that LD was making.

 

[unmerged(8134)]

Listening to the man's interesting words, Bourgeoisie, who had been sitting in a circle formed around the speaker (he had come back silently and stealthily and found an empty seat when Mr.T begun talking), now followed him with his eyes until he vanished into an inner room of the bAAR. He then turned to the others with a big grin, and said "There goes a man who knows how to write an AAR!" After a pause, he leaned back and added in a patronizing tone, "To write or not to write, that is the question.... Follow in his words and you can do no wrong!" Looking around, he saw that nobody was interested in what he was saying. He stopped talking abruptly, blushed alittle and fell silent.

 

[unmerged(6777)]

Bourgeoisie was surprised to suddenly see a ghost hovering near his elbow.

"Greetings, young man," said the spirit. "I notice that you've had some difficulty remaining vertical recently - if the dust on your trousers is any indication. At any rate," continued l'Eminence Grise, "I think that MrT would probably tell you that he's someone who's learned - and is still learning in fact - to write an AAR. It takes a great deal of trial and error and no small amount of practice. Just take the plunge, apply yourself to getting the most out of every effort you make, learn from your mistakes and your successes alike, and keep writing. Eventually you'll get there."

Giving the surprised subject of his advice a nod and a wink, the misty appartition vannished, no doubt returning to the gastronomic delights of Bavaria where he was currently enjoying teasing the Grand Master of te Gluttonic Knights.

 

[unmerged(8134)]

The apparition, who had spun into a curl the size of a fist, suddenly imploded softly and made a quiet pop that left transparencies like tiny ice cystals falling.

Bourgeoisie by now was thoroughly unnerved. Though at first he saw the ghost take shape nearby he was slow to catch on, but when he finally did he turned as white as a sheet of paper and couldn't take his eyes off it.

He tried to say something to the others, who still sat there talking amongst each other, but only his lips moved and nothing came out. Fright took him and he felt crazy with excitement and fear.

"...to write an AAR. It takes a great deal of trial and error and no small amount of practice. Just take..." the apparition went on saying this much to him, but at this point he was almost deaf and blind. He had decided, unconsciously, that he was going to be taken away, that this little fairy was sent by some being in the role of a messenger, to bring him along and fly away, as it were, and to where was he to be taken? He couldn't guess and didn't care to think. He sat stupidly looking on as the little spirit chirped away. Finally, when it finished and left, did Bourgeoisie shake himself out of his stupor and suddenly turn with a violent gesture to the crowd next to him.

"What ghost? H'm...seeing thing, huh. An apparition came to you, you say? It said what? Calm down, what about AARs? Oh, is that right? And what did you say? What do you mean it left by air vapor? And how did it come? But how big was it, did it have wings, did it speak English, did it touch you, did it grant you any wishes?" this and other such talk went on as people gradually took their chairs and formed a new circle around the distraught Bourgeoisie.

 

[Lord Durham]

LD stepped through the SolAARium door and back into the bAAR. He found the place strangely subdued, though not as vacant as the newly opened OfficAARs Mess. He quickly searched the room, saw several new faces - caught a quick glimpse of that damned ghost bothering Bourgeoisie - saw heagarty struggling mightily to remain in character - then stepped onto the vacant stage.

"Attention! This is just a reminder to everyone with new AARs to head on over to Monthly LibrAARy Updates for January 2003 and add it to the list. Remember, the LibrAARy is a valuable resource for everyone. This was a Public Service Announcement. Now, where's my beer..."

 

[Norgesvenn]

Norg, having scoffed work for a few weeks, strolled in. He let his finger run over the bar of the bAAR. Dust. In Norwegian, the word "dust" means "jerk". The dust in this case was... dust. Eochaid was swearing loudly in French down in the cellar, where all the barrels were stored.

"Nice to smell the old smoke...", Norg said, barely audible.

He put his papers on the bar, and got the Very Huge Duster (tm) and started cleaning.

On the greenboard he wrote "Plz read Storey's story w00t". Language school apparently had done little for our already alphabetically challenged bAARtender.

 

[unmerged(9046)]

Sirens ring out and a creaky old ambulence pulls up before the bAAR. A stretcher is lowered and the attendents bring in Stroph. The poor man is weak and haggard looking.

"The bAAR, just bring me into the bAAR and then get the hell away from me!"

Sorry all. Let's try again with the Return of Stroph, take 2!