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    Real Strategy Requires Cunning

C'est Moi

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Introduction

Before war against Iraq was declared in Britain many people had been urging the government to break ties with "those damn Americans". They blamed them for the rise in obesity, the rise in gun and knife crime and anything else that could be considered remotely American was subject to defacing and vandalism. McDonalds almost shut down, much to the joy of roadkill everywhere.
Then the war in Iraq started.
This was the last straw for the already enraged British public, the government was even following the Americans into war. The government was not solely heald to blame, the Queen was also the subject of much criticism.
And so, on 22nd March 2003 the leadership of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland was overthrown and a peoples council was set up as a temporary measure until someone that embodied the TRUE spirit of Britishness was found to lead the country. They took less than 45 minutes to come to a decision. They had found their man.
And he was Stephen Fry.

Chapter Index
Introduction: Above you buffoon.
Chapter Eye: IT BEGINS!
Chapter Eye Eye: IT CONTINUES!
Chapter Eye Eye Eye: IT GETS A LITTLE TEDIOUS!
Chapter Eye Vee: Expect the unexpected. But not too much.
Chapter Vee: A brush with a spy
Chapter Vee Eye: Not a popular choice
Chapter Vee Eye Eye: Doctor, Doctor please gimme some news.....
Chapter Vee Eye Eye: Intermission
Chapter Eye Ecks: EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
Chapter Ecks: A cookie to the man who can read this without losing his breakfast and stomach lining.
Chapter Ecks Eye: Head of Intelligence, oh the irony.
Chapter Ecks Eye Eye: Both hilarious and fun
Chapter Ecks Eye Eye Eye: It's a good thing they have names that could be considered ethnic.
Chapter Ecks Eye Vee: A brush with danger.
Chapter Ecks Vee: Now for something completely different
Chapter Ecks Vee Eye: NO UR A GAY!



AUTHORS NOTE THING

You do not need to be British or indeed knowledgable about Britain to read this, you just need a working British stereotype and you're away!
The characters may be difficult to associate with if you're not sure who they are, but just read and hope that the way I've charcterised gives you an idea of what they're like.
But here's a run down:

Stephen Fry - A horrendously clever and very stereotypically British comedian known for starring in Blackadder. He also hosts QI which I strongly suggest you watch!
Hugh Laurie - The other half of comedy duo Fry + Laurie, he also starred in Blackadder. Some of you may know him as House from the American drama series. Despite this he IS British, and quintessentially so.
Boris Johnson - Mayor of London, well known for his bumbling and general "ummm"ing. He also is the only person I have ever heard say "Phooey!"
Sean Bean - Played the role of British Commander Sharpe in Sharpe, the drama series.
Sean Connery - The most famous James Bond, I do make him seem more stupid than he probably is and I apologise for that.
John Cleese - Star of Monty Python and Fawlty Towers. Quite possibly one of the funniest men ever. Played the frog chap in Shrek.
Paul Merton - A comedian who I rather love. He's in comedy panel show Have I Got News For You which you MUST watch sometime, it's very good.
Ian Hislop - Also in Have I Got News For You, also very funny. And short.
Jamie Oliver - A British chef. A rather annoying chap but he has his moments of shouting at parents who are making their children fat.
Basil Brush - A British children's TV character. He's a fox hand puppet famous for shouting "Boom Boom!" every time he made a terrible joke.
Marvin the Paranoid Android - A depressive robot from Douglas Adam's Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy which I suggest you read.
All other charcters are figments of my imagination or horrific blendings of references that you should be able to follow.

Right then. Here's my second attempt at an AAR, this time I'm using the Modern Day Scenario mod for Hearts of Iron.
It'll include quite a few screenshots, be comedic (although not necessarliy funny :D ) and will be to a lesser extent interactive.

First decision for you, viewing public. First two infact.
Firstly should Lord Fry be first elected King of Britain or first President?
And also if you would like to nominate people you think are embodiments of Britishness to sit on Lord Fry's cabinet filling the places such as Chief of Staff one can usually find in HOI2. Be aware I've already picked some people so whatever you say may have absolutely no effect on the outcome.

And now,
ON WITH THE SHOW!

Edit: It's proving harder than I thought to edit Mr Fry in. Anyone got any tips?
Helping the progress of the AAR may be rewarded by afternoon tea and a place somewhere in the thing.
 
Last edited:

Lord Strange

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Neither, Lord Fry would stick with the British monarchy and he would be PM. Hugh Laurie has to be foreign minister and Rowan Atikinson should be industry. John Cleese. Michael Palin, the rest of Monty python, any other Blackadder stars.
 

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NO!
'Tis an overthrowment of the monarchy too.
I just think it would make more sense and also I have an idea for Prime Minister so unless a lot of others would prefer the queen to stay with Lord Fry as Prime Minister then hes going to be Head of State.
Although I do like the idea of having Hugh Lawrie in the government.....
 

Inner Circle

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Lord Strange said:
Neither, Lord Fry would stick with the British monarchy and he would be PM. Hugh Laurie has to be foreign minister and Rowan Atikinson should be industry. John Cleese. Michael Palin, the rest of Monty python, any other Blackadder stars.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

I want to see that!

As a little addition: Sean Connery as Chief of the Army :rofl:
 

trekaddict

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Inner Circle said:
As a little addition: Sean Connery as Chief of the Army :rofl:


No! He should be head if intelligence!
 

C'est Moi

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Too......many.......options!

And I want to put Boris Johnson in here somewhere......

Thanks guys, you've given me a lot to add in, still keep them coming!
:D
 

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I don't suppose there's a government department charged with not mentioning the war?

Oh, that's definitely going to be a joke in the AAR now.
John Cleese as Foreign Minister then, should be interesting when deals with Germans come up.
 

Deus Eversor

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just... make it radical left ;]
let game decide
nevertheless i shall follow if leftist non monarchy will rule :]
 

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I have to follow this...
 

Raze

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Kurt_Steiner said:
I have to follow this...
Same Here.

*Subscribes*
 

El Pip

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Whatever happens after a start like that it has to be worth following. :)
 

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Chapter Eye: IT BEGINS!

Transcript of a top secret Government meeting held at 10:03 23rd March 2003.

His Britishness Lord Fry presides over the meeting and is first to speak:
Now then are we all sitting comfortably? (general murmurs of agreement) Right I've got enough tea and crumpets in here so that this meeting can go on until elevensies before we need restocking.
Now to business.

I have filled some of the posts in this government with people I know and trust and can attest to the general Britishness of. People, meet your foreign minister John Cleese.

(Cleese stands up and bows before sitting down and resuming drinking of a cup of Earl Grey)

Also, Head of Intelligence, Sean Connery.

(Connery says a polite thank you then sits down to drink his Earl Grey. Shaken, not stirred)

And, Chief of Staff, Boris Johnson.

(Johnson stammers a bit before managing a terribly British thank you. He drinks his Earl Grey much the way Cleese does)

And finally, Minister of Security, Hugh Laurie.

(Laurie says nothing but continues sipping. He moves to take a crumpet and is delighted to find it already buttered)


Unfortunately, I could not find the amount of people I would trust with these positions that I might need. Thus the positions of Armaments Minister, Chief of Army, Chief of Navy and Chief of Air Force need to be filled. Do you have any suggestions?

(Connery raises his hand and proceeds to speak after being nodded at by His Britishness)

Well, I was thinking perhaps for Armaments Minister we might be able to get Q on board.

(His Britishness looks at Connery before responding very politely)

No, dear. He is a fictional character you see, so would be pretty useless when it comes to make the decisions.

(Connery looks a little shaken by this. But not stirred)

(Cleese breaks the slightly awkward silence)

Ummm, Steven, (His Britishness glares at Cleese) I mean your Britishness, I might suggest that our Chief of Air Force have one of those rather delightful fighter pilot moustaches, it would certainly raise confidence in his ability.

(His Britishness nods at the wisdom of this statement)

(Johnson excuses himslef and goes to the lavatory)




Right, thats the first official update done and if you would like to suggest candidates for the posts not filled then it would be much appreciated.
Also sorry if that one was a bit weird, the ideas came into my head and I might not have got them down right.
And finally, do not expect posting to be as frequent as it has been today, I just had very little to do today and spent a great deal of time at or near a computer.
Thank you for reading, and keep the ideas coming!
 
Last edited:

Eams

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Terry Jones should be given a role in government. He is Welsh, which I do believe is a sort of British, ja?
Also: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
Also nr. 2: I recommend that Jimmy Carr should be immediately volunteered for a suicide mission. Preferably a completely pointless one.
 

Lord Strange

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Hmmm Air Force..... I know Frankie Boyle. Army Jeremy Clarkson (cannot spell it) as the IRish always make up our army, and the navy has to be Ian Hislop.
 

Tanesis

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As Sarmatia suggests I believe Alan Davies should be in there somewhere. Awesome idea really. And now for something quite interesting... :)

Tanesis,
 

C'est Moi

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Oh he'll be in their.

Just he's not really government material is he?

As opposed to John Cleese......
 

Murmurandus

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I think this will be my cup of tea... :D