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lordreaven448

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Worst WritAAR, Episode 4: The Ottomans New Hope
Opening Crawl
"It is a dark time in Europe, the EVIL Galatic Pope has taken over Most of Europe. Leading the sinister Armies of the Pope is the feared CARDINAL VADER, who has swept away almost all opposistion in Iberia. But the brave few rebels lead by the OTTOMANS and the MAMLUKES have won their first victory against the Popes sinister weapon, the CRUSADE STAR. Though a striking blow to the PAPAL STATES, the Pope sends a secret delgation to the Timurids, with hopes of crushing the rebelian once and for all.............................."​

So here we all are again. We shall watch the brave Ottoman rebels free Europe from the Evil Popes hands and Liberate the people of the Holy Roman Empire. We begin our Journey in the small region known as Anatolia. Where the young Sulatn Bayezid I Osmanli "Skywalker" was preparing to lead a strike force against the tribal Timuid Raiders, who when frightend will flee, but will come back with greaters numbers.

Ottoman Starting Sliders


I will move the Slider towards Centralization after the war with the Timurid Raiders.

We started with a mission to Vassalize Dulkadir to secure more rebels, but turned it down in hoping to get a mission to take down nefarious crime lord Byzantium the Hutt.

As Skywalkers Army begins moving to Erserum, little would he know he would he would be the driving force to free Europe from the Pope, and the Holy Roman Empire.

Chapters
Chapter 1:The Worlds Desire
Chapter 2: KHAAAAAN!!!!!!!!
Chapter 3:
Chapter 5:
Chapter 6:
Chapter 7:
Chapter 8:
Chapter 9:
Chapter 10:

I plan to make each chapter a few years and what not. Just so we get to 1600 at least before chapter 10. This AAR will not end untill 1821. So be ready for the long haul.

First Chapter will be posted today or tomorrow.:D
 
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BootOnFace

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hilarious. Destroy the eeevvviiillll Empire and free the people of Europe from the shackles of Christianity!

You forgot to make a joke about Constantinople being a hive of scum and villainy.
 

lordreaven448

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Chapter 1: The worlds desire

Chapter 1: The worlds Desire

As I load the game I get this niffty message


Well, it seems Skywalker plans to free the people of Constantinople from Byzantium the Hutt. As the young hero moves through Anatolia he recieves word that the Timurid Raiders have declared war on the Alliance. Normaly this dosn't happen from the Timurids, it's as if some........paradox meddled with them. Like their behavour was changed somehow..........or maybe an Imperial delegation did it.

Anyway, The first things first........
*starts singing* So take me back to Constatinople, No you can't go back to Constantinople, long time gone Constantinople. Why did constantinople get the works? It's nobodys business but the Turks*stops singing*:D

The war progress swiftly against Byzantium the Hutt, his legions of female slave dancers are unable to seduce most of Skywalkers forces. The Epic seige of Constantinople ended when Byzantium the Hutt fell in to the pitt of Carcoon, causing his female slave dancers to surrender and his loyal Mercenaries to drop their arms (Literally, their arms fell off!).
But Victory was long away, as the deep, dark mines of Morea still needed to be free. Even when the vile Jawallachians joined the war, the alliance defeated them (Thanks Bosnia Solo, and Lando Serbia :D) and following the Annex of Jawallachia all we had to do was wait untill our troops took Balian's Tomb in Morea.


So After defeating Byzantium teh hutt, a brutal war was fought with the Timurids raiders in which they their vassal Dulkerdur was annexed by the alliance. The Timurids only asked we conceade defeat, nothing else. So the Skywalker agreed, even though in reality they won the war.
But As with all things, the Golden Raiders swept through Moldovia and started attacking the Alliance, with the Alliance holding back the horde ever so valiently. Skywalker however felt it nessicary to annex Karman as having the alliance splintered would be demoralizing. The war is swift and easy.


Battle of Jawallachia (Yes, I will change the name in game)


Now it seems Skywalker ordered an Interesting mission, following the annexation of Karman, Skywalker decided that ALL of the Alliance should be united under 1 rule. So he set up plans to Invade the Mamlukes. But the Hordes are to be dealt with first.

But it seems the Golden Horde are determind and have started to over run skywalkers armies. Even worse, w ehave recieved word Aragon has declared war on us! We shall show Aragon there is only one Return: Not of the King, but of the Jedi. When aksed what a Jedi was later Skywalker said to the man "You don't need to know what a Jedi is." while waving his hand.


After Skywalker was forced to give up his treasury to the Argonese, The Horde offered Skywalker a peace deal involving the release of Lando Serbia and Bosnian Solo as Vassals, immediantly following, rebels that sprung up during the war formed Morea (In Epirus and Larissa) and Started to attack Ottoamn Citys, and even made Lando Serbia betray us! This will result if both of their annexations!

Man, that was a tough fight. We'll see more in Chapter 2 I think (Man, I still can't belive if have a conquest Causus Beli on ALL egyption regions!).
 

lordreaven448

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That was crazy... in a good way.
Yeah, you should see my pregame test. The Golden horde isin't doing nearly as half as good as it did in that game. It Over ran ALL of the Balkans, and Greece, It over ran Hungary, Poland, Lithuania. I don't know about the Russian regions but the Horde was bordered with the HRE. It was fun being stuck in between the hordes. And if this goes as I think it will, we will be seeing a slow decline of my Power in Europe may happen. Rigth now its up to Hungary to stop them.
 

jjja494

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Oh no... How are you going to get annexed this time?
 

unmerged(218414)

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You have conquest on all of Egypt? How did that happen?

Also, good to see a new one from you, brother. I'll be following.
 

lordreaven448

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You have conquest on all of Egypt? How did that happen?

Also, good to see a new one from you, brother. I'll be following.
The mission "Annex Egypt" gives a lot of conquest Causus Beli's it seems. I wonder If I'll get cores for it.
 

sprites

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Man, that was a tough fight. We'll see more in Chapter 2 I think (Man, I still can't belive if have a conquest Causus Beli on ALL egyption regions!).
Bordering two hordes , you will have a hard time using it ^^
 

BootOnFace

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Paying off hordes with concede defeat is child's play. The AI is just too stubborn to do it. He can expand into Egypt when he has truces with GH and TIM.
 

Ygor

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Wow, I've missed this for almost a whole week!
But from now on, I'm in :D
 

TomZGen

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You only had Aragon attacking you? I am busy in an Ottoman game atm and got crusaded upon by whole Eastern Europe. Some crazy armies walking through my land... Had at one point a total of 150 000 enemy soldiers arrayed against me (luckily only but a fraction of that on my land) with my paltry 36 000.

Hope you will get such nasty things soon, makes for some good writing I think :p
 

Thandros

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awesome that's the word for your new AAR the star wars parodies are great would you mind If I continued to provide regular completely unrelated background story at all
 

lordreaven448

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Go ahead Thandros, have at it, But If anything I write ends up contradicting it, we will assume both events happend at the same time. I will update tomorrow btw.

EDIT: oh, btw Thandros, be free to parady anything aswell. Though I have to admitt, I'm probebly not teh first to make fun of Morea.
 
Last edited:

Thandros

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with lordreaven448's approval I will begin a highly irregular series of largely pointless background stories. We'll begin in the Pope's vaults under Rome

EGP(evil Galactic pope): Cardinal Vader come over here.
CV(Cardinal Vader):what is thy bidding thy master
EGP: firstly I'm introducing you to Xizor leader of Venice and our Ally
Xizor: It's a pleaser to meet you Vader
CV: Hmmm
EGP: Now Vader I want you to go north and Check on Emperor Tarkin and see how his plans to attack the Rebels are going we need to drive them back quickly. Then go Meet King Thrawn in Iberia Sector and check on his progress on defeating the last of the Resistance groups in the area. Then move to Aragon to see what is going on there he could have smashed those rebels but didn't. Find out why.

later in Aragon

Kendal Ozzel: ahh Cardinal Vader good to see you
CV: No time for formalities king what is going on here you had a great chance to crush the rebellion but did nothing
KO: you see their were ummm logistical issues.
CV: you have failed me for the last time Kendal Ozzel. (pulls out sword and stabs him) Admiral Piett
Frimus Piett: Yes My lord
CV: Prepare operations to destroy the Rebellion King Piett. I've got business in Bohemia