• Crusader Kings III Available Now!

    The realm rejoices as Paradox Interactive announces the launch of Crusader Kings III, the latest entry in the publisher’s grand strategy role-playing game franchise. Advisors may now jockey for positions of influence and adversaries should save their schemes for another day, because on this day Crusader Kings III can be purchased on Steam, the Paradox Store, and other major online retailers.


    Real Strategy Requires Cunning

unmerged(51002)

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Nov 25, 2005
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This is almost a continuation of Achtung Kavallerie but it also sort of isn't, as I'm dropping the cav aspect and keeping the WW2 aspect, making this.

AAR wise, City on the Volga is my wife. But I'm seeing WW2 the muscial behind her back. AAR Wars is my mistress - I'll visit her occaisionally, and when I do it'll be mindblowing.

It's always about sex with me, isn't it?

Update along in 5 minutes, dudes.

TRACKLIST

1. Summer Campaign
2. I Wanna be a Dictator
3. Sweet Dictator
4. Communist Reject
5. T-34
6. Let's do the Blitzkrieg Again
7. The Wehrmacht Song
8. What a Wonderful War
9. Otto Skorzeny
10. We're Gonna Lose the War
11. France is the Word
12. Afrika Korps Soldier
13. Charge and Retreat
14.?

GIRLS IN SKIMPY OUTFITS

SS Girls
Blackshirt Girls
Red Army Girls
French Army Girls
Panzer Crewgirls
 
Last edited:

camo

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Yeah :)
 
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camo

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nothing :p
 

unmerged(51002)

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Nov 25, 2005
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1. Kremlin

Stalin is eating lunch with his ministers.

MINISTER: So, what did you do this September, comrade? (He is executed)

STALIN: I spent most of it in Poland. We won a war there.

BERIA: Hauled your armies all the way to Poland for some war?

STALIN: It was kind of... winnable.

BERIA: There ain't no such thing. (He dodges a bullet)

2. Reichstag building

Hitler returns from Poland to the cheers of his people, and makes his way into the war room. His ministers are all looking confused.

GOERING: What has happened? Why are the people so happy?

HEYDRICH: Did we win the war already, or something?

HITLER: Ah, you don't wanna hear the gory details.

GOERING: What, are you kidding me?

HITLER: All right, all right, I'll tell you!

The Reich band, The Electric Schutzshtaffel, appear out of nowhere. They start playing an upbeat tune. (Summer Lovin')

HITLER: Summer Campaign, had me a blast

STALIN: Summer campaign, happened so fast

HITLER: Invaded Poland, killed some guys

STALIN: Invaded Poland, Molotov was wise

HITLER + STALIN: Summer fight, losses were light,
but uh - oh those Panzer tanks!

NAZIS: Heila Heila Heila huh!

Tell me more, tell me more

BOHM: Did you use any tanks?

SOVIETS: Tell me more, tell me more,

Did the Germans say 'thanks'?

uh huh uh huh uh huh

uh huh uh huh uh huh

HITLER: We used stukas, bombed their positions

STALIN: We sent soldiers, stole their munitions

HITLER: Got Warsaw, took but a daaaaay

STALIN: Red Army fires, Poles go awaaay

NAZIS and SOVIETS: Summer Campaign, Hitler's insane,
but uh - oh those Panzer tanks!

Heila Heila Heila huh!

SOVIETS: Tell me more, tell me more

ZHUKOV: Did they put up a fight?

ROMMEL: Tell me more, tell me more

Panzers medium or light?

doo be doo do be doo do be doo be doo be dooo

HITLER: Gebirgsjagers
Secured Cracow-ow

STALIN: Their defences
Melted like snoooow-ow

HITLER: We killed planes, as they took offff

STALIN: We faced Generals, Smigdly and Goff

HITLER and STALIN: Summer War, invading more,
but oh- oh those Panzer taaaaanks

NAZIS and SOVIETS: Woh woh woh!

Tell me more, tell me more!

HESS: But you don't gotta lie

SOVIETS: Tell me more, tell me more!

YEREMENKO: Did their Head of State cry?

NAZIS and SOVIETS: Shoo do bop bop
Shoo do bop bop
Shoo do bop bop
Shoo do bop bop
Shoo do bop bop
Shoo do bop bop
Shoo do bop yeah!

STALIN: We used Armiyas, of twelve div-isions

HITLER: We drank champagne, til we had viii-isions

STALIN: They had less
Than a million men!

HITLER: If I could
I'd in-vade agaaaaain

HITLER and STALIN: Polands down, got Lebensraum
But uh - oh those Panzer taaaaanks

NAZIS and SOVIETS: Woh woh woh!

SOVIETS: Tell me more, tell me more!

KALININ: How many tanks did they send?

NAZIS: Tell me more, tell me more

HANS OSTER: Where'd our sup-ply lines end?

He is knocked out by Goering weilding a wooden eagle.

STALIN: It turned colder

That's where its eeeeends

HITLER: I told Stalin

That we were frieeeeends

STALIN: Then we signed, our Non-Aggro paaact

HITLER: Wonder when, the Brits will react...

HITLER and STALIN: Summer Krieg, my stukas will flieg,
but uh... those Paa-anzer

Taaa-aaaaaanks

ALL: Tell me more, tell me mooooooore..!


MARTIN BORMANN: Cool.
 
Last edited:

GeneralHannibal

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I like it, very cool.
 

camo

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Indeed.
 

Gul Brown

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Very creative and definently something different! Looking forward to some more :)
 

Lord E

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Yeah, cool to see the musical theme return. Very nice start also :rofl:
 

Sophianumg@mer

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This is material for "hears of iron 2: the musical" :D

Nice start, I'll be following this one.
 

Snake IV

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You have no problem with having many AARs at one time apparently. I'm struggeling with my two on low pace, and it's a pain.
 

unmerged(51002)

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Nov 25, 2005
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Thanks for the kind words, all :D

3. Reichstag, October the 2nd. Hitler is dreaming of his early days...

4. Beer Hall, Munich. Hundreds of people sit, drinking beer by the gallon.

(To the tune of I Wanna Be a Producer )

BAVARIANS:
Unhappy...unhappy… very unhappy
Unhappy...unhappy...
Very very very very very
Very very unhappy!

HITLER:
I spend my life a drinking
With be-er and such

BAVARIANS:
Unhappy

HITLER:
When can I apply Fascist thinking?
It figures, not much

BAVARIANS:
Unhappy

HITLER:
I have a secret desire
Hiding deep in my soul
It sets my heart afire
To see me in this role…

I wanna be a dictator
With a massive Nazi heer
I wanna be a dictator
Ban the drinking of our beer
I wanna be a dictator
Sport a black cap and brown shirt
I wanna be a dictator
And cause my enemies some hurt!

SS girls in short skirts appear out of nowhere.

I wanna be a dictator
And sleep until half-past two
I wanna be a dictator
And say, "Kill, maim, stab and… boo!"
I wanna be a dictator
Have a bodyguard and five-year-planners
I wanna be a dictator
And see my name on scarlet banners!

SS GIRLS:
He wants to be a dictator
The Polish he will smash
He wants to be a dictator
Ev'ry pocket stuffed with cash
He wants to be a dictator
Pinch our cheeks 'til we cry

SS GIRL #1:
Ouch!

SS GIRL #2:
Eek!

SS GIRL #3:

Ooh!

SS GIRL #4:
Oh!

SS GIRL #5:
Ahh!

SS GIRL #6:
Yes!

SS GIRLS:
He wants to be a dictator
With a dip-lo-mat-ic pouch!

HITLER:
I wanna be...

SS GIRLS:
He wants to be...

HITLER:
I wanna be...

SS GIRLS:
He wants to be...

HITLER:
I wanna be the greatest, grandest
And most fabulous dictator in the world

SS GIRLS:
He wants to be a dictator
He wants to dine with Herman and Eva

HITLER:
I just gotta be a dictator
A murderer and enslaver

SS GIRLS:
His name will be reviled for ever!

HITLER:
I wanna be a dictator
Show the world just what I've got
I'm gonna annex nations
THAT will enthrall 'em

SS GIRLS & HITLER:
Read my name in ev’ry newspaper column!

HITLER:
I wanna be a dictator

He is jerked back to the reality of the Beer Hall.

'Cause it's everything I'm not …

BAVARIANS:
Unhappy...unhappy...

HITLER & BAVARIANS:
Very very very very very
very very...

BAVARIANS:
...sad

HITLER:
I wanna be a Dictator…

Hold everything! What I am I doing here? Herr Ludendorff was right!
There is a lot more to me than plotting!
Stop the German political system…
I WANNA GET ON!

LEAD BAVARIAN:
Hitler, where do you think you're going?

HITLER:
Herr Marks, I've got news for you. I quit!

He hands over his Bavarian posessions.

Here's my stein... my lederhosen... and my big finish!
I'm gonna be a Dictator!

SS GIRLS:
He’s gonna be a dictator!

HITLER:
Look out Reichstag,
Cos here I come!!

SS GIRLS & ACCOUNTANTS:

Reichstag, here he comes!

3. Reichstag, morning

HITLER: Here I coooome..!

EVA BRAUN: Adolf, wake up and stop talking in your sleep!
 
Last edited:

Lord E

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He he well so that is how it really happened... :rofl:
 

unmerged(51002)

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6. Reichstag. It is raining.

ROMANIAN AMBASSADOR: Doesn't seem to be anyone in. Damn, how can we get home now, especially with our plane broken?

ROMANIAN: I don't know, sir.

The door creaks open.

FOOTMAN: Can I help you?

AMBASSADOR: Um, yes, can we talk to your Head of State?

FOOTMAN: Yyes...

They enter. Another door is flung open.

The new Reich Band, Grossman and the Gamblin' Gebirgsjagers, starts playing another upbeat tune.

Hitler himself strides in. He strokes his mustache.

HESS: You'll see, Rommel, he'll get 'em in the Axis.

HITLER:
(To the tune of Sweet Transvestite )

HITLER:
How d'you do-ah
See you've met my
faithful... SS Man
He's just a little brought down
because when you knocked
He thought you were Martin Bor-mann
Don't get strung up
by the way I rule,
Don't judge a Reich by its killer
I'm not much of a man
by the light of day,
But by night I'm one hell of a thriller-ha!

I'm just a sweet Dictator from Naaaaziiiii Germania
Uh huh!

So let me show you my Heer,
Maybe sound the all clear
You look like you're both pretty nasty
Or if you want something good, I could sink HMS Hood
Or I could make you a Naa-a-aziii

ROMANIAN AMBASSADOR:
I'm glad we caught you at home,
could we use your phone?
We're both in a bit of a hurry
We'll just say where we are,
then go back to Romaniaaa
We don't want to be any worry

HITLER:
So you got shot down by Kraut, well, how’d that work out?
Well babies, don't you curse the nacht
By the light of the night when it all seems alright
I'll get you a Tri-par-tite pa-a-act

He pulls out a piece of paper, already signed by Italy, Bulgaria and Hungary.

I'm just a sweet Dictator from Naaaaziiiii Germania
Uh huh!

So why don't you join my alliance? I won’t accept any dalliance,
I could show you my panzer armee
I've been making a tank, it’s bigger than a Swiss bank
Though Guderian thinks it’s barmy

I'm just a sweet Dictator from Naaaaziiiii Germania
Uh huh!

So… come up to the lair. And see if Japan’s there,
I see you shiver with antici... pation!
But maybe the Bolsheviks are… really the cause of it
So I'll remove the cause… and the Soviet nation!

The Romanians applaud.

AMBASSADOR: I shall tell our glorious leader of your crusade against the Soviet Union! We shall join your great alliance!

NARRATOR: One by one, the free nations of Europe fall to the Nazi jammin'...
 
Last edited: