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Will the real Khanate please stand up – A Chagatai AAR
egghopnewwz0.gif



Chapter 1: Reigns of Uways Khan and Shir Muhammad

This is a tale about eggs. Well more formally this is the tale about the Chagatai Khanate but nobody who had met them called them that. You see the Chagataites lost their way sometime after the fall of the Mongol Empire. Their identity was lost in confusion and all they had left of their heritage was the banner that was once used by their founder Chagatai Khan. It was a shield with a red border and a white egg-like shape in the centre. Nobody had any idea what it meant but it was deemed important, especially important that this central shape was an egg and not a circle. So over the years the egg was adopted as a national symbol as well as the national food and as even more time passed the Chagataites began eating so many eggs that they began to become a bit white and round themselves. Before you knew it all the Chagataites were eggs. Atleast that’s the story that gets taught in schools, Chagatai Khan could just have been a massive Chicken.

shieldchgfy1.png

The Chagatai shield
eggs2nr9.png

A typical Chagataite


Anyway on with the story. It was 1419...hmm not much happened in 1419, we’ll skip ahead. So like I was saying, it was 1420 and the Chagatai Khanate was led by their great Khan, Uways Khan, who like all Chagatai khans did not look like an egg. The Khans had repressed the urge become eggs and instead they all looked like, well Khan from Star Trek of course. Here’s a picture to demonstrate.

khan0iq7.jpg

Uways Khan


Now in 1420 the Mongol Empire was split up into several successor states. There was the Golden Horde, the Uzbeks, the Timurid Empire, Sibir, Mongolia, Khiva and the Chagatai Khanate. In 1420 Uways Khan decided that this was too many states and the number should be reduced down to one, the Chagatai Khanate. Unfortunately none of the other states agreed with this proposal so Uways Khan made it his goal to conquer all these pretender Khanates and reform the Mongol Empire.

screensave4zs9.jpg

The Chagatai Khanate and their neighbouring mongol successor states.


The first task for the Chagatai Khanate was to get its economy back on track. For decades the Chagatai Khanate was content with living in near anonymity and seclusion and this meant that its research had been compromised. Uways Khan decided that in order to end the Khanate’s isolation he would go forth and attack one of his neighbouring Khanates in order to gain some maps. He decided that the Timurids looked like they had some maps and so he declared war.

isolationme7.jpg

The Chagatai Khanate struggled through years of isolation.

Straight away he sent the Chagatai Horde, a solely cavalry unit, across the border. The horde was decked out in the strongest armour known to the Chagatai, foil, and were brightly coloured to scare the enemy as below.

armyle1.png

The dismounted Chagatai Horde, they only dismount for photos.

Continued below...
 
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Chapter 1 continued

Soon enough, just as the horde was approaching the Timurid capital, the enemy army arrived. The battle took place outside Herat and the Timurid king led his army against the eggs personally. The first phases of the battle were inconclusive (refer to battle map):
1: The egg generals order their men to put blindfolds on as a trust building exercise and then send them on a flank attack on the enemy’s left.
2: The generals miscalculate the distance to the enemy and the swoop falls short with the attack crossing infront of the enemy instead.
3: The generals hurriedly order the eggs across the river to prevent any quick counterattack; the eggs remove their blindfolds.
4a: The eggs head along the river in retreat seeking the high ground.
4b: Recognising a chance, the Timurids charge forward in an attempt to split the eggs from the generals. They race to beat the retreating eggs to the high ground across the river.
5: The eggs reach the high ground first and safely cross the river before the Timurids arrive.
6a: The eggs reunite with their generals and reform their formation on the high ground.
6b: The Timurid army, realising their chance was missed, reform on the high ground across the river.

battle1wa6.jpg

The opening phases of the Battle of Herat


After these preliminary attacks and dummies the eggs and the Timurids finally met each other and the eggs had a resounding victory. The entire enemy army was destroyed including the Timurid King. Casualties were minimal for the eggs although there were some losses and they were each given an honourable burial.

deadegg2tr5.png

The losses in the Battle of Herat


Nonetheless after the Battle of Herat the eggs had virtually control over the region and were able to plunder and siege as much as they liked. In February 1421 the Timurid capital of Herat was captured and the Chagatai Khanate had its precious maps and could see all its dragons.

mapud0.jpg

The Timurid maps


Unfortunately though, Uways Khan was no longer Khan to see them. The throne had been usurped by Shir Muhammad who called Uways Khan a bad egg and had proclaimed himself the new Khan. Now he too looked like Khan with the only notable difference being his tendency to green shirts.

khan1ls0.jpg

Shir Muhammad


The new maps were the main mission of the war but since the Timurids had been defeated so severely at Herat the eggs could now consider taking some land as well. The Chagatai Horde headed north and after the capture of Samarkand the Timurids were ready to talk. In March 1423 the Timurids accepted the Chagatai peace offer and were forced to give up Tashkand and Ferghana as well as the only two provinces outside the Khanate who were majoratively eggs, Khokand and Shighnan.

peace1fs0.jpg

The new borders after the peace


The new maps did wonders for the eggs research and soon enough the eggs learnt how to train tax collectors. Shir Muhammad spent the next few years investing in these new tax collectors to expand his economy but in 1425 he died suddenly, something about having a great fall off of a wall. Uways Khan returned to the throne but in his exile he had gone to Punjab and entered a royal marriage. As a term of this marriage he was forced to wear a Cashmere jacket (from Punjabi Kashmir) for the rest of his days so that now the Khan looked like this:

khan2hn0.jpg

Uways Khan during his second reign


Uways Khan continued where his predecessor left off training tax collectors and the economy slowly grew. He also began sending merchants to Samarkand and began trading with faraway lands and people which turned out quite profitable for the eggs.

egg1eu8.jpg

Chagatai merchants closing a deal with a walrus from Basra (they had eaten too much ivory and turned into walruses).


Other than that the rest of Uways Khan’s reign was peaceful until he died in 1428.
 
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Emperor_krk

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Fun to read. Will be following! :)

Btw., there seems to be a horde of Khanates, Kaganates and Horde AARs flooding us lately... ;)
 

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The Khanates are always fun to play. Good luck and may the EGG be with you!
 

unmerged(58610)

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Don't end up with egg on your face. What happens to Chageggs when they hatch? Walrus heads. Still, you're off to an eggciting start. Beware the wrath of khan and anyone who says you can't make omelettes without breaking a few eggs. They're up to no good.

Do you get any bonuses for science research, being eggheads?
 

The Swert

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Thanks for the support. I thought I would try something different. Need a bit more abstract comedy in EU2. :) I have no idea how far i'll get though. I'll probably run out of funny egg pictures quite quickly.

Emperor_krk: Yes lots of Khanates, The Duke's AAR still having a big influence. Although i have planned on playing as a horde for a while and after getting ExtraWATK (which i'm using) i thought i would play as Mongolia that proved too hard so i choose another of the forgotten hordes, the Chagatai.

Chief Ragusa: Hmm hatching. I hadn't thought about that. I'm sure they'll turn into something. ;) Not Walruses though, they're the Basrans. Nope, no research bonus. I'm playing this as standard as it gets: Normal/Normal and no reloads or cheats.
 
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The Swert

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Chapter II: Reigns of Satuq Khan and Young Esen Buqa

In 1428 Uways Khan died and a new Khan took the throne of the Chagatai Khanate. This was Satuq Khan who had entered into a royal marriage with Kara Koyunlu and according had had a head transplant with one of their black sheep. This meant that the new Khan looked like this:

khan3ep2.jpg

Satuq Khan

The new head significantly affected his ability to govern as he now had the thinking capacity of a sheep. This meant that the next few years were quiet in the Khanate. Slowly more tax collectors were adopted the tax collectors were painted a golden colour for ease of recognition.

taxro6.png

A group of Chagatai tax collectors

As tax collectors were placed in the new provinces of Tashkand and Ferghana the residents became nostalgic of their former owners. In 1432 Ferghana revolted and for the first time in 10 years the Egg Horde had something to do. The riot was quickly suppressed but a couple of months later Tashkand revolted also. The Egg Horde arrived in Tashkand amazed to see some of the Timurid people slaughtering Chagatai Eggs with no remorse. They even came up with games involving throwing eggs at each other’s faces.

eggedkg1.png

Murdering in revolt of Tashkand

The Egg Horde soon put a stop to all this violence and soon all was well in the Khanate. In 1433, the Chagatai Khanate’s relations with Punjab increased as Satuq Khan was able to form an alliance between the two nations. However that was about all Satuq Khan did and he died the next year and in all honesty the eggs were better for it. The next Khan to take the throne was Esen Buqa who had married a princess of the newly broken away Crimea. Crimea was a dangerous land, Crimea after all meant crime, and their main source of wealth was the piracy trade in the Black Sea that they controlled. Accordingly, when Ese Buqa married into the family he had to fit in and so he decided to wear an eyepatch and adopt a parrot to sit on his shoulder. Here’s what Esen Buqa looked like:

khan4ts5.jpg

Esen Buqa

Esen Buqa absorbed some of the piratical ways and for every bit Satuq Khan had been brainless, Esen Buqa was aggressive. He looked around him to see where he could expand and noted the pagans to his north east. Mongolia was a backwards land who for the last few centuries had been not much more than puppets of the Chinese. Consequently the rest of the world had created a name most appropriate for the Mongolian puppets, the Muppets. Esen Buqa planned his invasion of the Muppets but had to wait for winter to subside; eggs lose their runniness and speed in cold weather. The meantime China guaranteed the Eggs independence which seemed hardly necessary in Esen Buqa’s eyes but he would later be thankful for this odd action. Finally in April 1434 Esen saw that the Muppets had started fighting against themselves in Altan. He chose this as the perfect moment to declare war, however his friends the Punjabis refused to join him.

muppetrevoltaj4.jpg

The Muppet rebellion at Altan

The war started well, the Egg Horde was able to isolate each of the Muppets four smaller armies and in each case was able to annihilate them, the last of which was defending the capital fiercely. The Eggs advanced to the undiscovered and unprotected northern provinces whilst the southern cities were put under siege. The sieges were very slow and both Altan and Karakorum were on the verge of falling when the winter came through and froze thousands of eggs where they stood until they turned white. The sieges had to be abandoned as the Eggs retreated to the warmer deserts.

frozeneggssl6.png

A mass burial for the frozen eggs

After another year of sieging another winter came through in the end of 1435 but this time the Eggs were better prepared and the sieges were held throughout the cold. By mid 1436 Altan and Karakorum had been captured whilst a literal dozen northern provinces had been marched into unopposed. Esen Buqa could have began negotiations at this point but he wanted to really damage the Muppets and he especially wanted the rich province of Touva, he also wanted to use the opportunity to explore their eastern borders with China and this strange tribe they called the Manchu who Esen Buqa assumed were named as such because they liked to chew on men, a concept that was enough to make the Eggs fear them.

During these later years of the war Esen Buqa attempted to reinvigorate Chagatai diplomacy by finding a neighbour to enter an alliance with after Punjab’s betrayal. Tibet agreed to join the alliance and entered the war and before long their armies were supporting the Eggs in their siege on Dzasagtu. Dzasagtu finally fell in May 1438 and with that Esen Buqa was ready to talk with the Muppets. In September Touva, Altan and Dzasagtu became Chagatai provinces in the peace deal.

Continued below...
 
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Chapter II continued

Unfortunately for Esen Buqa, this action was seen poorly in the other Khanates and the Eggs were becoming known for their boiling hard nature. In November 1439 the Uzbeks took the outrageous step of declaring war on the eggs. Esen Buqa’s eye nearly burst through his patch as it popped out at the size of the alliance the Uzbeks had formed: The Uzbeks, the Timurids, the White Sheep,
Punjab and the Black Sheep. It was a good job that he had Tibet on his side he thought as a memo arrived from Tibet saying “Crikey...You’re on your own.”

screensave12rp9.png

The Eggs were up against it.

The Eggs Horde didn’t know where to go. The Timurids were storming into the west trying to win back what they had lost last time but the Eggs knew they would be overwhelmed there especially with the Uzbeks helping out. Furthermore the Western provinces were the ones with forts, it was in the south where the cashmere-wearing armies were marching towards that were vunerable. The Horde arrived in Khotan to face the Punjab army and were upbeat planning on knocking Punjab out of the war early so they only had to worry about one front. The Battle of Khotan however did not go to plan as the Punjabis used a nearby forest to neutralise the Eggs mounted advantage. See below:
1a: The Egg Horde moves north to round the lake
1b: The Cashmere Army heads for the woods to the north
2: The Eggs realise the Punjabis have moved and turn north heading for the woods
3: The Eggs met the Punjabis at the edge of the woods

battle21xg5.png

Battle of Khotan

The Battle was a major defeat for the Egg Horde. Thousands of Eggs were lost but more importantly the campaign to push the Punjabis out of the war early was shot and even worse the Punjabis kept their hold of Khotan.

deadeggpilekx4.png

Piling the dead after the Battle of Khotan.

Things were going to get worse before they got better though. In April 1440 Tibet declared war on the Eggs and Esen Buqa realised that his war taxes were not enough and took out a loan to fund his war defences. He was desperate to sign peace with the Timurid leaders before he lost his whole Khanate. The defences in the west were holding when the Egg Horde went on a campaign into the Uzbek Khanate. They were able to take two undefended provinces by to the time Ferghana fell to the Uzbeks. With a few victories against the Uzbeks Esen Buqa had been about to almost even up the war but had the Tibetans now storming down their mountains towards the Khanate’s backside. A peace was urgent and in September 1440 the Timurids accepted a peace and Ferghana was ceded to the Uzbeks whilst Tashkand was given back to the Timurids.

screensave13gg7.jpg

The Borders after the peace.

The Egg Horde headed across the Khanate to expel the Tibetans from Torgut. Despite being outnumbered, the Eggs got a lucky break as the Tibetans struggled outside of their alpine environment. The Tibetans you see had grown acclimatised to their surroundings over the last few centuries. So much so that they had evolved into what were effectively Snowmen. As soon as they stood on the Chagatai deserts the started melting.

meltsnowmanvz0.png

A Tibetan attempting to cross the desert

The war soon turned into a stalemate. The Tibetans were useless off of their mountain tops but as was discovered during the Muppet war, the Eggs are useless in snow. The Eggs were getting exhausted from this series of wars and had to find a way to end it. Esen Buqa was then reminded of China’s guarantee and decided to press them for an alliance proposal. They Chinese accepted and joined the war.

screensave14apq0.jpg

The Chinese join the war. Eggcellent!

This was no quick fix however; the Snowmen’s mountains were like a fortress. With snow 9 months of the year the Eggs wouldn’t even dare venture into the frozen hell. The Chinese tried and they had the manpower to succeed. Although living longer than a day in Tibet was one thing, winning a siege was another. The Chinese struggled for three and half years before finally managing to take Tokan. Immediately the Tibetan Snowmen wanted to negotiate and peace was made for $39. Esen Buqa could now relax knowing he was at peace and now allied with the most powerful nation in Asia.

tibetansli9.png

A fierce Tibetan in a snowy environment.
 

unmerged(9046)

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Of course it is only a matter of time before the quotes start from the old Batman TV series.....

Nice update.
 

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This is great XD
 

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Eggcellent indeed. Now use the Chinese to beat back the Timurids & co.
 

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Chapter II: Reign of Old Esen Buqa

It was 1445 and the Khan of the Chagatai Khanate, Esen Buqa, was no longer a young pirate. He was a battle hardened man and he coming off a recent defeat against the Timurids which saw him lose two provinces. Nonetheless the Khan and the Eggs were full of hope and promise as their diplomatic situation never looked better. They were allied with probably the most powerful nation of earth, China who was even guaranteeing the Eggs independence. In these years whilst Esen Buqa was trying to reorganise his country he was more than interested in what was going on around him. In 1447 what had been his great rival, Shah Rukh died and with his death the Timurid Empire collapsed. Not only was it a collapse politically but a collapse of total civilisation in the region. In just a couple of months the Timurid society has degenerated into a primitive stone-age society and before long their physical appearance began to adjust as well. Before long the Timurids starting looking like this:

timuridan4.png

Timurid devolution

Now for the Eggs the devolution of the Timurids was not very significant; they didn’t care who they fought. The significant thing was that the Empire itself divided. Just as evolution always creates different races it was the same with this devolution. From the Timurid Empire broke away Khorasan, Fars and shortly thereafter Baluchistan as well and each was their own unique race. Khorasan, to match their simplistic minds gained simplistic physical features, like cartoon characters. The people of Fars were much shorter than their ancestors and liked to sing; they referred to the Timurids as a wicked witch. The Baluchi on the other hand turned orange with green hair and were also rather short, they liked singing too.

munchkinoompaflintstonepv1.jpg

From left: The people of Fars, Baluchistan and Khorasan

The Timurids went to war with all these breakaways and by doing so their alliance which had defeated the Eggs collapsed, only the Uzbeks and Ak Koyunlu stayed by their side. This all played straight into the Eggs hands. The Timurids were weak so Esen Buqa prepared to declare war but first he wanted to wait until the three successor states had weakened the Timurid armies. In the meantime Esen Buqa built up a strong alliance with which to attack the Timurids; the Punjabis were convinced to rejoin and another new nation Sibir also joined. In 1450 Esen Buqa felt the timing was right to attack and war was declared.

screensave18pg8.png

The combatants

Just as the Egg Horde was heading into the Timurid lands bad news was received. The Muppets had returned and sent the Eggs a war declaration. The Chinese joined the war but Sibir and Punjab ignored the alliance. Esen Buqa instantly told the Egg Horde to turn around and head for Mongolia. There was more land to be won or lost in Mongolia and the allies would hold up the Timurids for a while. And that they did, the Chinese marched across the Khanate to fight the Timurids but somehow the Cavemen’s armies were strong and the Chinese lost almost every battle. Nonetheless their presence was enough to make a difference as Sibir took control of the northern Uzbek Khanate and Punjab captured Ferghana.

The Egg Horde arrived in Mongolia and easily defeated what the Muppets called armies but were probably better labelled a wild throng. Before long much of Mongolia was controlled by the Eggs. Only the southern provinces with forts took much effort. The Chinese took Setsen whilst the Eggs assaulted Karakorum. As Karakorum was under siege Esen Buqa thought about pushing for a total victory against the Muppets but it was then that they allied with the Cannibals of the Manchu. The Cannibals had massive armies which was made evident when they invaded and took control of Cochin from the Chinese. By this time though the Chinese were suffering from internal issues and had for the most part retreated to their homeland.

muppetsfn7.jpg

The Muppets’ attempt to form an army.

By early 1452 Esen Buqa realised that total victory with the Muppets would be too difficult with their new allies and once China made peace with Mongolia in March for the loss of Cochin the Cannibals were now heading towards Mongolia to aid the Muppets. This gave the Eggs the first view of the Manchu people and what the scouts reported back was as troubling as the rumors suggested.

manchund5.png

First sketch of the Manchu people taken by Egg scouts.

Esen Buqa had to end the war quickly before the huge Cannibal army got too close. In November 1452 the Muppets accepted a peace which saw the Egg gain Urga. This allowed the Egg Horde to cross to the other front which had experienced significant developments. Firstly Khorasan was annexed by the Cavemen which nearly doubled their territory overnight. Secondly, Sibir who had left their alliance with the Eggs had now allied with the Golden Horde who had now joined the war against the Cavemen and Uzbeks.

In 1453 the Eggs made their full-hearted push into Timurid territory. Unlike the Chinese the Egg Horde was able to stand up to the Caveman armies but even so it soon became obvious that the reunited Timurids, along with the 20,000 Uzbek Horde, were too strong for the Eggs to destroy outright. As The Golden Horde moved along the western Uzbek lands Esen Buqa decided to complete the encompassing of their enemies by pushing through to the former Khorasan lands, which were mostly ungarrisoned. Merw was captured in April 1454 and Khorasan in August. However by this stage Esen Buqa was short of cash and had been forced to implement new taxes. This led to revolts in the Khanate and with the Egg Horde effectively cut off on the far side of the Cavemen they were free to run wild.

angryeggqi7.jpg

The rebellion began in the newly captured Urga.

The Eggs were all over the enemy now, the Uzbeks were limited to the vicinity of their capital whilst the southern lands of the Cavemen were rebelling and the western lands captured. The only problem was the innumerable defeats by the Chinese and later the Golden Horde. China signed a peace with the Cavemen in 1455 which numerically improved the Eggs position in the war but the loss of the Chinese armies would be painful. Over the next year or so the Eggs combined with the Golden Horde attempting to take Samarkand and the city fell in December 1455 however Merw was lost. Victory was almost at hand but Esen Buqa pushed once too many when he decided that he wanted to recapture Tashkand which had been lost to the Timurids in the last war. The siege of Tashkand was slower than a snail and this allowed the Cavemen to retake Samarkand.

By this time the rebels back in the Khanate had reached the capital and action had to be taken before bad eggs started defecting. As parts of the Egg Horde retreated to deal with the rebels Sibir signed a peace with the Cavemen which saw much of the northern Uzbek lands handed back. The war then started to turn ugly. The Golden Horde had few men left and with only the cashmere-wearing Punjabis to help the Eggs the alliance was now outnumbered. In September 1457 Tashkand was lost once more and despite gains against the Uzbeks including Ferghana and Karagunda Esen Buqa knew that his advantage was disappearing. In 1458 he told the Egg Horde to make one more assault on Samarkand but when they were routed in August and then annhilated in Bukhara soon after Esen Buqa knew it was over and started pleading with the Cavemen for peace.

screensave21la0.jpg

The aftermath of the peace of 1458

The Eggs were still victorious in the war against the Cavemen but it was not the crushing blow they had anticipated. In the end Esen Buqa could only take Khorasan in the peace. Soon after the peace the Egg Horde arrived to suppress the rebels but the bad eggs were underestimated and the Khan’s army was defeated in Altan. This prompted Esen Buqa to take out a loan to fund a new army since he was now penniless, almost armyless and not in control of four egg provinces, including the capital.

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The Battle of Altan vs the rebel eggs

It would not be until 1460 that the rebels were made exinct by which time word had arrived that a tribe called the White Blobs, on the other side of the world, had been annexed. Esen Buqa was disinterested in this news and was returned to expanding Chagatai trade which had all but disappeared over the last decade. He continued to do this until his death in 1462. Esen Buqa, the pirate Khan, had been a great warrior but the Chagatai Khanate had failed to capitalise on his skills. The Khanate had payed the price, it was now looked upon with a tarnished reputation by neighbours and was suffering from over 20% inflation. The Eggs needed a great leader to turn things around and that is what they got.

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White Blobs baked into Bavarian cheesecake
 

The Swert

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Battlebunny: Yeh that Austria situation is interesting and its going to get more interesting in the next chapter. Kind of makes me wish i was in Europe.

I've been a bit sidetracked by a mod i'm working on, medieval history is so intriguing, but I hope to post the next chapter either tomorrow or Sunday. So don't nobody get their knickers in a knot :) (is that expression understood outside of Australia?)
 

Emperor_krk

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Looks tough. Many enemies, stupid and weak allies... Everyone hates that ;).

May I inquire on the medieval mod you've mentioned? Is it for EU2? PM me please, if you don't want to spam this thread with that topic ;).
 

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Chapter IV: Reign of Young Yunus Bey

In 1462, The Khan of the Eggs, Esen Buqa died and was replaced by Yunus Bey. Yunus Bey was married to member of the Ormuz royal family. Ormuz was a rich land ruled by Sheikhs. The people of Ormuz loved their Sheikhs so much for delivering their huge wealth that they wrote him a song called ‘Sheikh Sheikh Sheikh’ and thereafter Ormuz entered the disco age. When Yunus Bey married he had to take some of the Ormuz customs on, this meant that he had to grow an afro and wear big glasses.

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Yunus Bey

Yunus Bey’s reign started out peacefully enough which was good for the new Khan as it allowed him to listen to his music. He tried to start his own disco fever in his Khanate but ‘Khan Khan Khan’ just didn’t sound as good. In 1466 he took what he had learned from the rich Ormuz marketplace and set up his own centre of trade in Altan which quickly replaced the ailing Chinese Yumen market. The market proved unsuccessful, without the disco music nobody wanted to shop, but the trade tariffs and taxes still made Yunus Bey and the Eggs much profit.

Yunus Bey continued to bask listening to his music until 1469 when news arrived that once again the Cavemen were devolving. Their civilisation was in tatters, as primitive as it was, and their empire collapsed. Khorasan’s Flinstones regained independence and were joined by two new tribes, Kabul and Balkh. Both tribes’ appearances were much as their names suggested. The people from Balkh were towering layers of fat and muscle whilst the Kabul (pronounced ‘cable’) guys all looked like Jim Carey which clearly demonstrated the devolution they suffered under the Timurids.

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The people of Balkh and Kabul

Yunus Bey puts his music aside and prepared to go to war with the Timurids who were now weaker than ever. As he prepared he realised that the Cavemen, who had now devolved all the way into Monkeys were still allied with the Uzbeks and Sibir. With this in mind the Eggs decided to hold off on the Monkeys and to attack their weak, new, northern neighbour the Khazak Horde. The Eggs had imagined that with a name like ‘Horde’ they would present a decent level of strength but it turned out that they got that name from their tendency to compulsively hoard everything they put their eyes on. It what therefore no wonder they couldn’t form a capable army, all their weapons were at the bottom of a pile, and no wonder why they hadn’t formed any friends or allies; their stench could be smelt from Canniballand.

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Khazakstan

Before the Eggs could declare war on the Hoarders, the Chinese decided to invade Dai Viet and the Eggs joined the war. However this would have no impact on Yunus Bey’s plans as the Eggs didn’t even know where Dai Viet was so in 1470 the Eggs declared war on the Hoarders and marched towards their capital with ease. In typical egg-shattering fashion, the Eggs were soon declared war upon by the Uzbeks and Sibir and a real war was underway. The Monkeys had been too dumb to read the request from the Uzbeks to join the war so stayed silent whilst the Chinese and Punjabis came to the Eggs aid.

I think I will take a moment now to describe the Uzbeks. They live in the barren Steppes most unideal for human life. In fact their whole land was scarcely populated and yet it was a prime location for wild horses. The Uzbeks Khanate suffered from terribly poor manpower and excessive equine populations so their Khan ordered a bizarre cross-breeding program to boost manpower. After a few generations the Uzbeks population had risen but they had turned into half-man half-horse Centaurs.

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A typical Uzbek

The Uzbeks luckily for the Eggs had no access to the Chagatai Khanate which allowed the Eggs to continue their campaign in Kazakhstan without delay whilst the Punjabis and Chinese took care of Ferghana. Things soon got complicated though. In August 1471 the renewed Khorasan joined the Uzbeks alliance and wanted their homeland of Khorasan back from the Eggs. The Eggs had only 1000 men in Khorasan and no possibility for reinforcement. The Flintstones easily defeated the garrison in Khorasan who retreated and captured the unguarded province of Kirghiz. Yunus Bey then got out his cheque book and bribed the Flintstones into a peace deal before they could capture Khorasan. With Khorasan no longer a threat Yunus Bey relaxed again but no sooner had he put away his cheque book did Balkh join the Uzbek alliance in Feb 1472. This created an actual front for the bulky Balkhmen to take on the Chinese and Punjabis in Ferghana whilst the Eggs continued to clean up the Khazak Horde.

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The combatants before the Flintstones and Balkh joined the war

Finally in August 1472 the Khazaks conceded defeat and whilst Yunus Bey originally planned on taking many provinces from the Khazaks he didn’t want to create a border with the Uzbeks and their growing army, nor could he afford to damage his reputation further. The Khazaks were vassalised and with that the Egg Horde turned on the Uzbek mainland.

It was a dogged fight in the several years that followed. The Eggs were slowly able to use superior strategy to capture several provinces from the Centaurs and, whilst the Uzbek army was still large enough to counter the Egg Horde, it was the men from the north, Sibir, who intervened and defeated the Egg Horde when they marched down in 1475. By then, though, the Eggs had been declared war by the Mongols once more. This was becoming reminiscent of Esen Buqa’s failures but Yunus Bey took charge of this situation, and crucially the Muppets did not have the Manchurians support this time. He quickly sent a few men behind the Muppets’ lines, as was the usual strategy, and captured several of the unprotected provinces. In order to encourage Chinese support against the Muppets, Yunus Bey then made peace with Cambodia in the hope that they would redirect their forces to the north. It worked and by February 1476 the Muppets were willing to accept a white peace; it still wasn’t the time for a proper war against the Muppets.

Back on the western front the Siberians had all but destroyed the Egg Horde’s invasion plans of the Centaurs and the horde had fallen back to the Khazak border and could only watch as the Siberians recaptured Uzbek provinces. In November the Chinese signed a peace with the Uzbeks which might have seemed like a blow but it was truly a blessing in disguise. The Chinese had had control of Ferghana and now with them at peace the Egg Horde could now steam towards the province and lay siege; the Eggs desperately wanted their former province back. The next year and a bit was a bit of a race. Balkh laid siege on Khokand whilst the Eggs laid siege on Ferghana and the Punjabis on Balkh. Balkh captured Khokand first but it didn’t matter as Ferghana and Balkh fell soon after giving the Eggs the edge.

In 1478 Yunus Bey was ready to negotiate with the Uzbeks over whom it was clear he had the upper hand. The war was very successful for the Eggs but unfortunately they only held two provinces of the Centaurs, Ferghana and Turkmeni, which had avoided the Siberians reconquest efforts. Both provinces were taken in the peace deal that was signed in March 1478.

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The Eggy World after the peace

It had already been quite a success story for Yunus Bey, he had defeated the Uzbeks and vassalised the Khazaks but there was still that archrival to deal with, those Timurid Monkeys. Finally though the Monkeys’ alliance had been broken and their territory divided. Yunus Bey danced to his disco music most jubilantly.
 
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unmerged(58610)

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Does Duke of Wellington know the true picture of the Uzbeks;? Conjures a whole picture to the term beast of burden.

Yunis Bey Khan knows how to boogie.The Eggs are eggspanding. A bigger grade of Eggs is needed for the monstrous Bulkies.