- Logistics report!
- Heil meine Führer! We are making 47824 infanterie equipment per day...
- Enough of that! Every time I need some useful information you start with this... I'm trying to plan Barbarossa, I don't care how many you make per day.
- Very sorry meine Führer. But as you can see, we keep an exact count of every bullet, this is good, ja?
- Yes, very. Now let's try figure out something useful... So we're producing a lot of it, right?
- Ha ha a lot of it, this is very funny meine Führer, good joke. In fact we have so much we could arm every man, woman and child on the planet. We ran out of space to stockpile it all, but luckily people from occupied territories decided to help, they appear from time to time and carry it to the woods, for safekeeping. As you can see, they like us a lot.
- So we've kind of overproduced... How did this happen?
- Well, ha ha, this is actually quite a funny story. You remember 1936 when you ordered 10 infanterie divisions, ja? So it turned out we don't have enough equipment, so you added some factories... And 5 years later, here we are ha ha.
- Hilarious. Well at least we can make more infantry divisions.
- Ha ha meine Führer, you are so funny. That Chaplin doesn't even compare ha ha. Nein, we don't have enough support equipment.
- How is this possible?! Every time I asked, you said we were making surplus!
- Yes, but we were training divisions, and they get equipment at start of training, so it kind of gets lost when we calculate average. But it is visible in total amount, you just have to memorize the number when you last checked. And to make your life even easier, down this hallway every room has a nice graph so you don't have to remember. Look how many rooms just for you. And people inside are going to be so happy when you visit every single one of those rooms...
- Ok forget it.
- Or you could just calculate it, it's really simple. You multiply the amount of equipment by the number of divisions in training, then average it over training time. Piece of sachertorte.
- Well, wouldn't it be easier to just subtract that number from balance? And also, don't we have a department for statistics and calculations? I even remember their motto: DAS COMPUTERMASCHINE is to COMPUTE, FÜHRER is to FÜHR.
- Yes, Führer, you should of course be doing all the führing. But Heinz from volkstatistics said he doesn't know your plans, therefore both computing and führing should be done by you. He also said this is much better, because of Führer error correction protocol - whatever number Führer gets is the right number, ja? Heinz is also very funny, but not as funny as you.
- So they are completely useless?
- Nein, meine Führer. You see, Churchill also has to do this, and Heinz calculated you're 7,81% better at it due to german efficiency. We can't possibly loose with that advantage. And it's good for morale.
- Not mine that's for sure. So then - eine volk, eine führer, eine spreadsheet?
- Ha ha yes, meine Führer, excellent - we are like a sheet that spreads. We will cover all of Europe under our sheet. I can't wait to tell Heinz this one.
- Ok, so back to Barbarossa - can we sustain 100 days of average attrition due to fighting and maneuver?
- Well, for trucks you don't have to worry. We have a lot of them. A LOT. We even stopped building housing, people now live in trucks, that's how many we have. And Heinz calculated that if we start all of them at once, we would melt polar icecaps immediately. That would show those Brits - if that is not wunderwaffen I don't know what is. The only problem is there is not enough oil in the world for that, but we're working on it.
- So can we manage it or not?
- It is hard to give an exact answer. And we want to be exact - that's what logistics is all about. Heinz calculated and he thinks he'll have an exact number when we get to 20 kilometres from Moscow. This is good, ja? Or if we run out of equipment, whichever happens sooner.
(Führer commits suicide)
- Heil meine Führer! We are making 47824 infanterie equipment per day...
- Enough of that! Every time I need some useful information you start with this... I'm trying to plan Barbarossa, I don't care how many you make per day.
- Very sorry meine Führer. But as you can see, we keep an exact count of every bullet, this is good, ja?
- Yes, very. Now let's try figure out something useful... So we're producing a lot of it, right?
- Ha ha a lot of it, this is very funny meine Führer, good joke. In fact we have so much we could arm every man, woman and child on the planet. We ran out of space to stockpile it all, but luckily people from occupied territories decided to help, they appear from time to time and carry it to the woods, for safekeeping. As you can see, they like us a lot.
- So we've kind of overproduced... How did this happen?
- Well, ha ha, this is actually quite a funny story. You remember 1936 when you ordered 10 infanterie divisions, ja? So it turned out we don't have enough equipment, so you added some factories... And 5 years later, here we are ha ha.
- Hilarious. Well at least we can make more infantry divisions.
- Ha ha meine Führer, you are so funny. That Chaplin doesn't even compare ha ha. Nein, we don't have enough support equipment.
- How is this possible?! Every time I asked, you said we were making surplus!
- Yes, but we were training divisions, and they get equipment at start of training, so it kind of gets lost when we calculate average. But it is visible in total amount, you just have to memorize the number when you last checked. And to make your life even easier, down this hallway every room has a nice graph so you don't have to remember. Look how many rooms just for you. And people inside are going to be so happy when you visit every single one of those rooms...
- Ok forget it.
- Or you could just calculate it, it's really simple. You multiply the amount of equipment by the number of divisions in training, then average it over training time. Piece of sachertorte.
- Well, wouldn't it be easier to just subtract that number from balance? And also, don't we have a department for statistics and calculations? I even remember their motto: DAS COMPUTERMASCHINE is to COMPUTE, FÜHRER is to FÜHR.
- Yes, Führer, you should of course be doing all the führing. But Heinz from volkstatistics said he doesn't know your plans, therefore both computing and führing should be done by you. He also said this is much better, because of Führer error correction protocol - whatever number Führer gets is the right number, ja? Heinz is also very funny, but not as funny as you.
- So they are completely useless?
- Nein, meine Führer. You see, Churchill also has to do this, and Heinz calculated you're 7,81% better at it due to german efficiency. We can't possibly loose with that advantage. And it's good for morale.
- Not mine that's for sure. So then - eine volk, eine führer, eine spreadsheet?
- Ha ha yes, meine Führer, excellent - we are like a sheet that spreads. We will cover all of Europe under our sheet. I can't wait to tell Heinz this one.
- Ok, so back to Barbarossa - can we sustain 100 days of average attrition due to fighting and maneuver?
- Well, for trucks you don't have to worry. We have a lot of them. A LOT. We even stopped building housing, people now live in trucks, that's how many we have. And Heinz calculated that if we start all of them at once, we would melt polar icecaps immediately. That would show those Brits - if that is not wunderwaffen I don't know what is. The only problem is there is not enough oil in the world for that, but we're working on it.
- So can we manage it or not?
- It is hard to give an exact answer. And we want to be exact - that's what logistics is all about. Heinz calculated and he thinks he'll have an exact number when we get to 20 kilometres from Moscow. This is good, ja? Or if we run out of equipment, whichever happens sooner.
(Führer commits suicide)
- 15
- 7
- 2
- 1
