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jpinard

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Well recently I saw a female Courtier with a lot of money. She inherited it from her father who was a kick-ass Commander. She never married, then had a child before I got the chance to uhhh appropriate her funds for the good of the kingdom. Now I am killing her innocent daughter, and then I will be killing her. I feel terrible even writing this, but that gold will build 3 major castle upgrades...
 
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Well recently I saw a female Courtier with a lot of money. She inherited it from her father who was a kick-ass Commander. She never married, then had a child before I got the chance to uhhh appropriate her funds for the good of the kingdom. Now I am killing her innocent daughter, and then I will be killing her. I feel terrible even writing this, but that gold will build 3 major castle upgrades...
If that's the worst you did... then how the heck do you even play this game? :eek:
 

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Not so much villainous as brilliant realpolitik in action, out-gambitting one of my dukes to remove a persistent thorn in my side. In order to deal with a bloated Duchy of Dál Riata left over from my wars to create Ireland and weaken Pictland (by now held as a secondary title of the Ard Rí na hÉireann [High King of Ireland]), I used the duke's plot to kill some random nobody in one of his earls' courts as cause for imprisonment. I was at about 40% success percentage, and failed, causing the factionalist moron enthroned in Goblaraidh to go into open revolt... exactly what I wanted.

Irish and Wessexian troops swept into an oversize duchy combining Breifne, Airer Godel, Dail Cluiadh, Athfhotla, and Goblaraidh, and trounced the rebels in two decisive battles before capturing the rebel capital, emptied of its levies due to the war, and the duke was forced to surrender despite a belated request for white peace. In short order the former duke was reduced to a mere earl of two widely separated counties and dropped down an oubliette (he died there less than a year later and his prepubescent heir became a ward of the king), and Airer Godel and Dail Cluaidh, held by a single earl, became direct vassals of the Ard Rí na hÉireann. The only thing left is to find some specious excuse to revoke one of his heir's counties.

Oh, and remember that Earl of Cataibh I life-ruined earlier for trying to cuckold me? I checked the oubliette and he was somehow still alive, albeit having been reduced to a gibbering lunatic. Satisfied that he was too loopy to be a threat anymore, I released him and he ended up reduced to being the Steward of County Laigin, a subset of the Prince-Archbishopric of Laigin.

There's only one rule in Ireland: Don't fuck with King Rian.
 

Urzhail64

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I married my son to a princess, had an affair with my new daughter-in-law, had a bastard daughter with her, imprisoned and executed my son, married my daughter-in-law and had an affair with my bastard daughter.

So far this one takes the prize in "Most screwed up family ever" category.
 

Urzhail64

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Well recently I saw a female Courtier with a lot of money. She inherited it from her father who was a kick-ass Commander. She never married, then had a child before I got the chance to uhhh appropriate her funds for the good of the kingdom. Now I am killing her innocent daughter, and then I will be killing her. I feel terrible even writing this, but that gold will build 3 major castle upgrades...

That's pretty low on the depravity scale in CK2, actually.....I'd even go as far as call it as an act of selfless pragmatism...she's not using the money. Might well as kill her and put her money to good use. I mean you're advancing the cause of the realm.

Then again maybe it's just wishful rationalizing by a murderer. XD

I think it's rather appropriate that the Paradox banner above this thread is promoting their new game "Tyranny" I don't think I have to imagine where they got the idea for that game in the first place.
 
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I suspected my wife was committing adultery. When I confronted her, she laughed and admitted she was having sex with my uncle.

She didn't find it funny when she was immediately sent to the chopping block.

Oh, she was also pregnant.

Was.

I then challenged my uncle to a duel. He had the audacity to beg for mercy after his ass-kicking.

"Sure, after you unscrew my wife." *stab stab stab*

I got terrible maluses all around for my bloodthirsty, merciless rampage, but it was totally worth it.
 
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Not so much villainous as brilliant realpolitik in action, out-gambitting one of my dukes to remove a persistent thorn in my side. In order to deal with a bloated Duchy of Dál Riata left over from my wars to create Ireland and weaken Pictland (by now held as a secondary title of the Ard Rí na hÉireann [High King of Ireland]), I used the duke's plot to kill some random nobody in one of his earls' courts as cause for imprisonment. I was at about 40% success percentage, and failed, causing the factionalist moron enthroned in Goblaraidh to go into open revolt... exactly what I wanted.

Irish and Wessexian troops swept into an oversize duchy combining Breifne, Airer Godel, Dail Cluiadh, Athfhotla, and Goblaraidh, and trounced the rebels in two decisive battles before capturing the rebel capital, emptied of its levies due to the war, and the duke was forced to surrender despite a belated request for white peace. In short order the former duke was reduced to a mere earl of two widely separated counties and dropped down an oubliette (he died there less than a year later and his prepubescent heir became a ward of the king), and Airer Godel and Dail Cluaidh, held by a single earl, became direct vassals of the Ard Rí na hÉireann. The only thing left is to find some specious excuse to revoke one of his heir's counties.

Oh, and remember that Earl of Cataibh I life-ruined earlier for trying to cuckold me? I checked the oubliette and he was somehow still alive, albeit having been reduced to a gibbering lunatic. Satisfied that he was too loopy to be a threat anymore, I released him and he ended up reduced to being the Steward of County Laigin, a subset of the Prince-Archbishopric of Laigin.

There's only one rule in Ireland: Don't fuck with King Rian.

you know you coulda just used a car bomb. they work just as well:eek::p
 
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AjayAlcos

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Urzhail64

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This might be high on the tiers of "the worst thing you've done in CK2" but I'll let you judge for yourself.

Using CK2 Plus' select dynasty, I made a Karling who was a sister to Charlemagne. Then I proceeded to seduce him, his own nephew (the future Pepin II), the duke of Poitou (left him two Louping heirs). He has a son by a previous wife so he's slated for um...elimination. Then proceeded to marry a Karling kinsman.

In total 9 children were produced..some of them illegitimate. And all but two of them are Karlings. Then I married my Karling daughters matrinlineally thus ensuring there shall be more Karlings born.
A Karling descendant is in line to take over the Duchy of Burgundy and the duchy of Holland - provided I arrange the right "accidents" to take out the others ahead in line of them.

I'll go hang my head in shame. No, really. XD
 

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This might be high on the tiers of "the worst thing you've done in CK2" but I'll let you judge for yourself.

Using CK2 Plus' select dynasty, I made a Karling who was a sister to Charlemagne. Then I proceeded to seduce him, his own nephew (the future Pepin II), the duke of Poitou (left him two Louping heirs). He has a son by a previous wife so he's slated for um...elimination. Then proceeded to marry a Karling kinsman.

In total 9 children were produced..some of them illegitimate. And all but two of them are Karlings. Then I married my Karling daughters matrinlineally thus ensuring there shall be more Karlings born.
A Karling descendant is in line to take over the Duchy of Burgundy and the duchy of Holland - provided I arrange the right "accidents" to take out the others ahead in line of them.

I'll go hang my head in shame. No, really. XD
You. Are. A. Bloody. Monster.
9KCIeJih.jpg
 
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There are really two things

1. Back in the days before SoA and India, I massacred anyone who traced their family line to Muhammad in hopes that the Caliph title would not be inherited by anybody.

2. In a more recent game on patch 2.3.6 starting as the Count of Broerec in the Charlemagne start, I constantly helped Vikings loot and pillage my own Anglo-Saxon vassals in an effort to keep them weak and docile. Sure, I probably set them back 200+ years of development but that doesn't matter so long as they continue to serve me. They didn't pay me taxes anyways.
 
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Mike Louis

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  • Stellaris: Synthetic Dawn
  • Stellaris: Humanoids Species Pack
  • Stellaris: Apocalypse
  • Stellaris: Distant Stars
  • Stellaris: Megacorp
  • Stellaris: Ancient Relics
  • Stellaris: Lithoids
  • Stellaris: Federations
  • Stellaris: Necroids
  • Stellaris: Nemesis
Back in the day (pre Charlemagne), playing with my personal mod my character's wife had the Gain a Title ambition and decided to ask her husband for some land. Being a good husband, the Emperor caved in and gave a county to his wife. Some time later while on campaign, the Empress committed adultery with one of her subordinate soldiers and got herself pregnant (She was the best army commander in my realm, allowing my Emperor to remain at the palace. Good administrators are hard to come by, you know. :rolleyes:) Naturally the Emperor was furious, but couldn't do anything at the time because of the possible risk of a retaliatory military coup by his wife. Ten years later while I was holy warring the Byzantines (they were in the middle of a civil war over the imperial succession, and like a vulture...I mean good neighbor I decided to intervene.) The Abbasids declared a jihad to regain Mesopotamia from me. With Hannah my only daughter and heir already commanding my northern armies against the Byzantines (possibly incurring the wrath of the RNG), I had the Empress command the main army against the Abbasids. Before the Empress left for the Mesopotamian front (aka the Eastern Front), I gave sealed orders to the Captain of the all-female Scythian Distaff Guard (my empire's version of the Praetorian Guard). Once Captain Zenobia (who my character was banging on the side) arrived in Babylon (culturally renamed d_baghdad), she read the sealed orders from the Emperor which commanded her to hold the Distaff Guard back during the main battles, exposing the Empress to the enemy. When the Empress was killed in battle against the Abbasids, the Emperor received word of her death via a messager from Captain Zenobia. Outwardly the Emperor was pious, observing the required 40 days of mourning before marrying Captain Zenobia. He even granted the late Empress' former lands to Rachel, her bastard daughter. The Creator however wasn't pleased and punished the Emperor via a blood feud between his daughter and successor Hannah and her half sister Rachel, the Countess of Madaba. As a further punishment the Emperor's female descendants were to suffer violent deaths via either in battle or murder.
 
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