Why EU2 MP is the best video game ever made:
By Greg Christopher
Why does EU2 kick so much ass? Well, the answer is very simple and very complex. EU2 MP combined the very best aspects of every other game I have ever played. There are several attributes that EU2 has that NO OTHER GAME can come close to having. That is just the fucking truth; no getting around it. Sometimes I wonder whether it is that EU2 rocks or that other games are just so damn shitty. Hard to say. Usually I think this on a night UNLIKE tonight. Let me tell you about it.
I engineered a diplomatic masterpiece, annihilated an enemy invasion, and then made terrible mistakes that tore my ass a new hole. And it was one of the best sessions of my EU2 career. I particularly want to thank Count Drew, Elijah, JTU, and Temujin for their total kick-assness.
Austria: ME
Spain: Count Drew
France: Elijah
Brandenburg: JTU
OE: Temujin
First, I was allied to France and Brandenburg (who was my vassal). I was itching for a fight, really I wanted to fight the OE. I was planning a masterstroke to cripple the OE and get him out of my neighborhood for the next several decades. OE is huge and has massive income. Totally scary to my little Austria. But I had good leaders and decent manpower. So I was plotting and shit. Plotting for a good hour. Looking at the province support limits, checking my manpower, census taxes to estimate my cash flow, looking at my techs to make sure I was good there. All the normal pre-war stuff and I love it. I have never spent as much time PLOTTING EVIL as I do playing this game and being evil is what I love.
Then rolls up Spain with some PMs. He asks me sneaky questions. How do I feel about my allies? About France? Lets gang-surprise him! I was cool. Blood pressure goes up, planning begins anew. Now it is compressed. I am busting out new plans like crazy, talking with Spain. I tell Brandenburg to dishonor alliance call. Spain declares war on France, France calls, I dishonor and so does Brandenburg. I ally Brandenburg again, cancel my access with France, and move my armies to the front. One month in, declare war. Twin armies invade Northern France; Spain slams into Southern France. Total surprise. MASTERSTROKE DIPLOMACY! Ooooh, the adrenaline.
War tilts back and forth until I gain the upper hand. Then Ottomans declare war and invade. Luckily, I kept an army with my best leader in Vienna, just in case. Huge OE army marches into my country led by the Sultan himself. He assaults, takes a province, then I launch a counter attack. OUTNUMBERED 2 TO 1 I WIN! BAM! I chase him down into Hungary before pulling back. I draw up some reinforcements and convince France to peace me for a single province because I am going to pound the OE.
THEN IT STARTS RAINING OTTOMANS!! Oh they are everywhere. 90k land in Venice, 70k in Mantua, marching North. DEAR GOD! Battle everywhere. Flurry of combat, I emerge victorious. OE is in retreat. Tide turns again as more OE reinforcements arrive. Denmark begins funding me to help turn my manpower into soldiers. Adrenaline is fucking PUMPING!
AHHHHHHHHH!! FATAL ERROR! My leaders got all into one stack retaking Vienna, then chase the OE into Hungary, get out of supply, and LOSE! NOOOOOOOOO!!! AHHHH!!! PANIC!!! MORE ADRENALINE!!! I lose all my infantry, only cavalry now. Speed kills. I escape across the Dardanelles into Asia minor, fight and win against horrific odds with OE reinforcements, escape into Russia through Caucasus.
But OE gets access through Russia too, chases me. Russia cancels my access! I start to panic madly, retreating north towards Finland hoping to escape into Norway. Then it snows! AHH! Attrition and I only have 3k! Panic, turn around. OE corners me. Kills all my leaders! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Now I am getting murdered in Austria now. No leaders, armies fight like scared kittens, all is lost. BUT THEN!!! BRANDENBURG COMES TO MY RESCUE!!! Oh, what a guy. A true loyal guy. I now have hope. I fight on! Battle after battle, I am losing. Life is shitty. Finally I accept OE terms and lose 4 provinces. Oh, it is a sad day.
BUT THEN AGAIN, IT ISNT!!! I have learned something! REALLY REALLY REALLY WATCH YOUR LEADERS! God, that is important. And I forgot. After all these years, how could "I" make that mistake. Geez, so fucking stupid. Can I really be that dumb?
No, it is just that EU2 rocks the house like nothing else. What other game can you.....
1. Plot mad fiendish plots of evil destruction and mayhem?
2. Stand astride heroic leaders facing hordes of enemies?
3. Manage a complex economic system
4. Manage supply and reinforcement of your armies
5. Get totally destroyed and still be HAPPY?
6. Learn something new every game after YEARS of play? YEARS!!!
7. Have so much fun with such awesome people?
I love EU2 and I love my people. The community is the greatest thing about this game. I love you guys. I try to do everything in my power to make the community better.
ROCK ON!!
oh, and play my fucking mods you slackers!