• Crusader Kings III Available Now!

    The realm rejoices as Paradox Interactive announces the launch of Crusader Kings III, the latest entry in the publisher’s grand strategy role-playing game franchise. Advisors may now jockey for positions of influence and adversaries should save their schemes for another day, because on this day Crusader Kings III can be purchased on Steam, the Paradox Store, and other major online retailers.


    Real Strategy Requires Cunning

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"We Shall Overcome"

By Nameless



This is my first AAR, so I ask for all the constructive criticism I can get. Constructive criticism is giving me tips on how to improve my AAR. This is NOT constructive criticism:

"Dude, you SUXX!"

If you participate in non-constructive criticism, I will place you on the list of those who will be re-educated when I take over the world. Thanks.

This AAR is from the Italian point of view. It is very loosely based on Dilbert, and....something else that shall become apparent soon. The main characters are members of the Italian cabinet. It is meant to be comic....if its not, tell me. :)

Nameless
 

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Update I: "Alberto Pariani"



January 1st, 1936:

This was not turning out to be a good day for Marshall Alberto Pariani, the chief of the Italian Army. As he walked through the cold, crisp air of the first day of 1936, a vast sense of meaninglessness and discontentment threatened to drive him insane. Perhaps this is what happened to Mussolini, he thought.

The…..situation regarding the Italian dictator was getting worse and worse, but nothing could prepare Pariani for what he was about to see.

He walked past the two guards guarding the door to the dictator’s chamber. He opened the door and walked in. Mussolini was dressed in a bed sheet. He wore sandals and a weird crown of fig-like leaves around his head. Pariani groaned silently, then said,

“Sir…..”

“That’s ‘Your Imperial Majesty’ to you!” Mussolini roared. “You will address the Great Caesar with proper honor and respect! He who will single-handedly return Italy to its proper place of greatness, and re-create the Roman Empire will not be referred to as a mere FIELD MARSHALL!”

“Uh….well, Your Imperial Majesty, here’s the report you requested about,” Pariani glanced down to read the title of the 103-page report, “about the military, political, and economic situation of Tanna Tuva. I spent a couple of weeks on it…”

“Excellent,” Caesar, uh…Mussolini, growled. “It is best to have full information about potential enemies BEFORE you fight them. But I’m sure you didn’t know that, Pariani,” Mussolini sighed, “They just don’t make generals like they used to. Back when I was conquering Iberia and Gaul….”

Pariani hurriedly left the room. Mussolini was actually beginning to believe that he was a reincarnation of Caesar. It was very sad. “It’s very sad,” one of the guards said sympathetically. Pariani jumped… “How did I penetrate your deepest thoughts?” asked the guard, who spent the next ten minutes explaining how he had, through his powers of observation and deduction, figured that Pariani was pondering the sad state of the Italian dictator.

Pariani was astounded. But it all sounded vaguely familiar…like something he read from his childhood. But, unfortunately, he had to get back to work; some sort of staff report about the oil reserves in….what was the name of that place? Armenia? No….Kazakhstan! That was it….

Pariani walked back to the Vast Super-Center for Military Stuff (VSCMS). The unofficial and therefore most widely used name for the VSCMS was the “Heptagon.” It was roughly in the shape of a heptagon, and covered an enormous amount of space. Pariani had a suspicion that it was mostly wasted, and that Heptagon’s primary purpose was to impress the militaries of other countries…but oh well.

The Field Marshall took the elevator up to the sixth floor and stepped out, nearly running into the portly frame of the Chief of Staff, Francesco Grazioli.
 

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Annex Ethiopia! :D
 

Freddan

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Nameless said:
Update I: "Alberto Pariani"



January 1st, 1936:

This was not turning out to be a good day for Marshall Alberto Pariani, the chief of the Italian Army. As he walked through the cold, crisp air of the first day of 1936, a vast sense of meaninglessness and discontentment threatened to drive him insane. Perhaps this is what happened to Mussolini, he thought.

The…..situation regarding the Italian dictator was getting worse and worse, but nothing could prepare Pariani for what he was about to see.

He walked past the two guards guarding the door to the dictator’s chamber. He opened the door and walked in. Mussolini was dressed in a bed sheet. He wore sandals and a weird crown of fig-like leaves around his head. Pariani groaned silently, then said,

“Sir…..”

“That’s ‘Your Imperial Majesty’ to you!” Mussolini roared. “You will address the Great Caesar with proper honor and respect! He who will single-handedly return Italy to its proper place of greatness, and re-create the Roman Empire will not be referred to as a mere FIELD MARSHALL!”

“Uh….well, Your Imperial Majesty, here’s the report you requested about,” Pariani glanced down to read the title of the 103-page report, “about the military, political, and economic situation of Tanna Tuva. I spent a couple of weeks on it…”

“Excellent,” Caesar, uh…Mussolini, growled. “It is best to have full information about potential enemies BEFORE you fight them. But I’m sure you didn’t know that, Pariani,” Mussolini sighed, “They just don’t make generals like they used to. Back when I was conquering Iberia and Gaul….”

Pariani hurriedly left the room. Mussolini was actually beginning to believe that he was a reincarnation of Caesar. It was very sad. “It’s very sad,” one of the guards said sympathetically. Pariani jumped… “How did I penetrate your deepest thoughts?” asked the guard, who spent the next ten minutes explaining how he had, through his powers of observation and deduction, figured that Pariani was pondering the sad state of the Italian dictator.

Pariani was astounded. But it all sounded vaguely familiar…like something he read from his childhood. But, unfortunately, he had to get back to work; some sort of staff report about the oil reserves in….what was the name of that place? Armenia? No….Kazakhstan! That was it….

Pariani walked back to the Vast Super-Center for Military Stuff (VSCMS). The unofficial and therefore most widely used name for the VSCMS was the “Heptagon.” It was roughly in the shape of a heptagon, and covered an enormous amount of space. Pariani had a suspicion that it was mostly wasted, and that Heptagon’s primary purpose was to impress the militaries of other countries…but oh well.

The Field Marshall took the elevator up to the sixth floor and stepped out, nearly running into the portly frame of the Chief of Staff, Francesco Grazioli.


Dude you Suxxor! :rolleyes:


Nicely written but you are still an enemy to us!
 

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Freddan said:
Dude you Suxxor! :rolleyes:


Nicely written but you are still an enemy to us!


Oh yeah, I forgot to mention:

I know that a vast and gigantic war is engulfing the whole of AAR-Land. But this particular thread shall be a neutral zone, where erst-while enemies can congregate and NOT continue the war. Thanks,

Nameless
 

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Nameless said:
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention:

I know that a vast and gigantic war is engulfing the whole of AAR-Land. But this particular thread shall be a neutral zone, where erst-while enemies can congregate and NOT continue the war. Thanks,

Nameless

I'll follow that rule as I don't wan't to become banned so, here's my apologize!.

Nicely written anyway.
 

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Freddan said:
I'll follow that rule as I don't wan't to become banned so, here's my apologize!.

Nicely written anyway.


You don't have to apologize, it's all right.

My next update will come in a couple of days because....well....I'm kinda lazy.

Nameless
 

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Hey! I thought that we agreed that the competition between this AAR and mine would be a legitimate battleground! :mad:

Of course, it would make sense to limit everyone to one reply per update. No need to get spammy.
 

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The following statement is released as an attempt at informative and constructive criticism, and is not to be construed as bashing, goading, belittling or Dude-your-AAR-suxx-ing in any shape, form or intent. Thank you.

Dude, no pics?
 

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anonymous4401 said:
Hey! I thought that we agreed that the competition between this AAR and mine would be a legitimate battleground! :mad:

Of course, it would make sense to limit everyone to one reply per update. No need to get spammy.

Alright, I declare this AAR to be a legitimate battleground, under the following circumstances:

You can reply up to two times per every post I make. One reply is about the war, and the other reply can say anything you want as long as its not of the "Dude, you suxx" variety.

Nameless
 
Last edited:

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We need pics/screenshots. :eek:o
 

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Earth's Savior said:
We need pics/screenshots. :eek:o

First of all, congrats on your promotion to full General!

Secondly, I'm trying to get an account at Image Shack, but their website is down or something. Sorry, I'm going to try to get screenies as soon as possible.

Nameless
 

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Nameless said:
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention:

I know that a vast and gigantic war is engulfing the whole of AAR-Land. But this particular thread shall be a neutral zone, where erst-while enemies can congregate and NOT continue the war. Thanks,

Nameless

Theres a war in AAR-land? If its true, then what is it over and about?
 

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Nameless said:
First of all, congrats on your promotion to full General!

Secondly, I'm trying to get an account at Image Shack, but their website is down or something. Sorry, I'm going to try to get screenies as soon as possible.

Nameless
Wow! I didn't notice that. :eek:

You can try PhotoBucket, but thier maximum size is very small.
 

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Ok, here is the first offical screenshot for "We Shall Overcome." What? Yes, I know it's no good, but you're reading this for the story, not the screenies.

my.php
[/URL][/IMG]

The Italian Cabinet as of January 1st, 1936
 

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Update II: The Greatest Joke Ever Told….


Grazioli was a jolly man, always laughing and making stupid jokes and wearing a new and exotic head-piece and chewing on a never-lit cigar. One day, Pariani had asked him:

“Why do you never light up your cigar?”
“Are you insane?!” the Chief of Staff boomed, “Smoking is bad for you! In fact, my grandfather’s uncle’s best friend……”

Pariani cut him off: “Then why….”

“Because all great the Field Marshalls in Italian history chewed on cigars! Don’t you believe in tradition…?”

As Grazioli droned on and on, Pariani tried to think of one great Field Marshall in Italian history; he finally gave up the hopeless endeavor.

But back to the current situation: Grazioli was wearing a head-piece that was even tackier than usual, which could only mean one thing: something was up.

“Today is a glorious day for Italy!” the portly Field Marshall grinned. "Our.....little, insignificant, and totally unimportant setback in 1898 will be washed away by Operation NotYetNamed!"

"What kind of operation name is that?!" Pariani blurted.

"Well, not much of one," Grazioli admitted. "But, that's the first order of business during the Cabinet meeting that takes place in about twenty minutes."

What! Pariani had forgot about that. He did not want to commit the second-most unpardonable sin commitable by a member of the Italian cabinet.

"By the way," Grazioli continued, "I heard a real hum-dinger of a joke at the Officer's Club. It goes like this:

As a guy was walking into McDonalds, he saw one of his friends drive by. They waved at each other. His friend turned around and passed again, and again they waved. This happened a third time. Then, two more of the guy's friends drove by and waved. The guy was rather puzzled as he entered McDonalds and took a seat. Then all three of his friends entered the resteraunt and sat next to him. They talked about a lot of things, but then the guy finally brought up what happened. What was going on, he asked. They said........"

Just then, some random guy ran down the halls screaming, "We've been barely influenced by Bulgaria!" again and again. He tripped over the janitor, fell flat on the floor, got back up, and ran smack into Grazioli. His head-piece came off revealing, as Pariani had often suspected, a bald head.

Grazioli was incensed. He picked up the hat, grumbled a little, and walked out the door.

"Wait!" Pariani yelled. "What did they say! Finish the joke, man!"

"Joke!" Grazioli bellowed. "You should not be joking on duty, young man! Get back to work!"

Pariani fled back to his office, screaming his head off.


Nameless
 

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:rofl: Grazioli..

*cough* I mean, this AAR suxs! :mad: