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    Real Strategy Requires Cunning

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We are our Worst Enemy – A Yugoslavian AAR​



HOI2: Mod34
Normal/Normal (First real Mod34 game)
No cheats
No ally control
No modifying files

After my first AAR went up into flames, I’ve wanted to write a new one. However I never really thought of who to play as. I was going to play France, but it didn’t seem right at the time (plus I never really play France). So after thinking for a while, it finally hit me. Yugoslavia. Why not do an AAR on one of the most unstable countries ever made.

Like my last AAR, I'm aiming for something humorous. Hopefully I'll be able to recreate that in this AAR. Unlike my previous one where everyone was insane or stupid, pretty much everyone here hates the other one in their own way, as well as being insane or stupid. Will Alexander I be able to do anything when everyone pretty much hates his guts? Only time will tell...
 

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Alexander I: And I’m telling you that as King of Yugoslavia that I’m–

Stojadinovic: Screw you! You’re not king of anything! Stop lying!

Alexander: Of course I am! Why else am I here!

Stojadinovic: Because the Allies said so! If we had our way we’d–

Alexander: Cram it Bosniak! Let’s just get on with the meeting!

Stojadinovic: Fine, but I’m not listening.

Alexander: Ugghh. Okay, lets start off with you Boguljub. What’re you making?

Jevtic: You for nothing not made! Army Free Slovenia is making for!

Alexander: Fine, but if you don’t do your job, I’m going to do something horrible to Slovenia.

Jevtic: Worst do you should!

Alexander: Fine. Enjoy your Polka music you jerk.

PolkaBob2.jpg

The most evil music ever

Jevtic: Polka? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Aexander: Give up?

Jevtic: Never!

Alexander: Very well. How about Diet Chocolate Cherry Dr. Pepper?

diet-cherry-chocolate-dr-pepper.jpg

I'm surprised they make it too

Jevtic: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! Surrender do we!

Alexander: Good. Now start developing Army tech for YUGOSLAVIA.

Jevtic: Fine.

ScreenSave2-7.jpg

Only two techs? Jerks

Alexander: I’m ignoring you Milan.

Stojadinovic: Fine!

Alexander: Pavle old buddy, what’s going on with the spies.

Karadjordjevic: SLTTC. NFFE.

ScreenSave4-6.jpg

Spies are not your friend

Alexander: When I get the money, I’ll get to it.

Karadjordjevic: G.

Alexander: Borivoje, I’m assuming that you can’t do your job as well right?

Josimovic: …

Alexander: Borivoje? Can you hear me?

Josimovic: …

Stojadinovic: He’s mute you stupid Serb!

Alexander: Bori, could you just write down what you want to say?

Josimovic: *Will you stop talking to me if I say yes?*

Alexander: Okay. Now Petar, how’s the military going?

Kosic: Monkey shoots craps on Florida.

Alexander: Uhhh… what?

Kosic: Glue.

Alexander: Okaaaay. I’m just going to ignore you.

Kosic: Tango!

Alexander: Aleksander, wait? Why do have my name?!

Cincar-Markovic: Me your clone. I be the worst nobody of Yugoslavia.

Bizarro.jpg

Artist rendition of Aleksander Cincar-Markovic

Alexander: Great. Just great. Could you just tell me how strong our army is.

Cincar-Markovic: Army strong.

Alexander: That’s good. We don’t have to strengthen our army.

Cincar-Markovic: No. Army not weak. Army strong.

Alexander: Stop saying that the army is strong I already know that.

Stojadinovic: He’s saying the opposite of what is true. Stupid Serb.

Alexander: Then that means… CRAP START BUILDING TROOPS!! Anyway, you Kosovian. What’s our navy like?

Ilic: Hlknd odhslq. IYfjneief fkdsdlkfh. Qwiejf ty.

Alexander: I’m gonna assume that it means our navy sucks. Just friggin great. Dusan, please tell me that the air force doesn’t suck.

Simovic: Aeri—bad- need—ild –raft!

Alexander: Please don’t do that. You remind me of William Shatner, only worse off.

Simovic: --ck --u.

Alexander: I’m just going to end this meeting here before the riots start.
 

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Colonel Bran: Yeah that's gonna be fun. Oh, you also forgot Greece too.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alexander: You’re kidding! You actually think that as Prime Minister you can order me around?

Stojadinovic: Hey! If England can do it, so can I!

Alexander: One problem with your theory… ENGLAND’S A CONSTITUTIONAL MONARCHY! WE’RE ABSOLUTE!

Stojadinovic: Doesn’t matter. We still have a constitution!

Alexander: Which I ignore! I pretty much have all the power in this country!

Stojadinovic: Then we should impeach you! Who’s in favor of—

*Paper airplane flies up to them*

Josimovic: * Would both of you twits shut up. You’re giving me a migraine.*

Stojadinovic: So what mute? What’s the worst you can do?

Josimovic: …

*Five minutes later*

Stojadinovic: I can’t feel my legs! You %*&*% I hope that you get eaten alive by Gypsies!

Josimovic: *You’re just mad that I beat you at Twister. Get used to me being better than you.*

Inflatable_Twister_Game.jpg

The game of champions

Stojadinovic: Well I know something you can’t do. *starts singing*

Josimovic: *No, I may not be able to sing, but at least I can read.*

Stojadinovic: That’s it! I’m gonna—

Kosic: Algebra eats the planet Mars!

Alexander: Finally. Now that that’s over, let’s start the meeting. Jevtic, are you still making stuff for Yugoslavia?

Jevtic: Infantry making Yugoslavian I am. Machine gun and fighter making I am. Soda Devil use not!

ScreenSave5-5.jpg

I've done better

Alexander: Glad to hear that. Okay Stoj, as much as I hate everything about you you Bosnian %^(*(&^, This country needs to know about the outside world.

Stojadinovic: I wouldn’t tell you anything even if you paid me.

Alexander: If you don’t then I’m afraid I’m going to have to force you to watch reality TV.

Stojadinovic: AHHH! Fine! Basically all you need to know is that a lot of countries want our land!

ScreenSave7-5.jpg

Hungary, wanting a random province for no reason

ScreenSave8-3.jpg

They'll probably puss out and fight against us

ScreenSave9-5.jpg

They demand something they haven't had for 1500 years. Retards.

ScreenSave10-3.jpg

Why do you want something? Go after Turkey

ScreenSave11-2.jpg

You're kidding

ScreenSave12-4.jpg

You may have actual reasons, but the answer's no.

Alexander: There. That wasn’t so hard was it?

Stojadinovic: ^&*( you!

Alexander: But I’m too far away. Pavle, could you give any good news on the espionage business?

Karadjordjevic: OSWPIH. NMSBCSB.

ScreenSave6-3.jpg

I really hate being poor

Alexander: Sorry, but we’re almost as poor as Kosovo at the moment.

Ilic: JHIGB YIGUYTF!

Alexander: Sorry, don’t speak whatever you’re speaking. Bori, I’m quite sure you didn’t do anything, am I right?

Josimovic: *Your power of deduction never ceases to amaze me. Of course I didn’t do anything!*

Alexander: Well, no need to be snippy. I’m going to skip Kosic…

Kosic: Jamaican frogs tie with Monaco!

Alexander: … and continue with the retarded version of me.

Cincar-Markovic: I’m smartest man in Yugoslavia!

Alexander: Ughhh, just tell me if our army’s getting better.

Cincar-Markovic: Lost one division. Get weaker.

Alexander: That’s good, I guess. Seeing that we essentially have no navy, plus I really don’t want to talk to Ilic…

Ilic: TFD UYGKJG YRYUIT!

Alexander: Let’s go on to Simovic.

Simovic: -- prog—mad-. Ne—craft – defense. Repeat—defense!

Alexander: I still can’t understand you! Speak clearly!

Simovic: --clea—as—ossible!

Alexander: Well screw you if you can’t speak clearly.

*Explosion rocks building*

Alexander: Great, the Bosnians are trying to revolt again, and they have artillery. Meeting adjourned!
 

unmerged(115311)

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A really funny AAR, I'll be following this... :rofl:
 

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Storm501: I'll try to keep it up.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Alexander: Seriously Stoj, you have to stop attempting to assassinate me!

Stojadinovic: Oh, because I’m Bosnian means I did it! It could be anyone in this room! Why couldn’t it be Josimovic?

Josimovic: *Because if it was me, Alexander wouldn’t be here.*

Stojadinovic: Okay, maybe not him, but what about Pavle?

Karadjordjevic: W? HMBF.

Stojadinovic: So? You have claims to the throne!

Karadjordjevic: IDRWIATM. IWUHC.

Stojadinovic: Sureeee... Okay How about Jevtic? He wants a free Slovenia!

Jevtic: Soda Devil Slovenia drink will Alexander should die revoking without order! Want do not!

Stojadinovic: Simovic?

Simovic: I---ever fin—assinati—ttempt.

Alexander: Just stop lying Stoj. You took the credit while the trap activated… WHEN I WAS HERE!!!

trap.jpg

It didn't help that it was a trap card

Stojadinovic: You’ll never catch me!

*Uses a smoke bomb but still sits there*

Josimovic: *You’re supposed to run away when you activate the bomb.*

Stojadinovic: You can’t kill me! There’s no one able to take my place!

Alexander: True… but that doesn’t stop me from forcing you to watch The Real World.

Stojadinovic: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

cast.jpg

I actually sympathize with Stoj on this

*Straps him to chair with the real world on*

Alexander: Just ignore his screams of agony. Let’s start this meeting. Jevtic, how goes YUGOSLAVIAN production?

Jevtic: Making nothing price thanks to. Making infantry new are we. Planes better there are. Soda Devil rid of get?

ScreenSave14-2.jpg

I love new Infs

Alexander: Keep it up and I will. Do it without threat and I might give some freedoms to Slovenia.

Jevtic: YYYAAAAAYYYY!

Alexander: Since I’m torturing Stojadinovic, I’ll read his reports/Assassination plans. Okay, pitfalls, snares, clowns, gypsies, and nothing about foreign stuff. Ugghhh… Pavle, I found some money for your spies.

Karadjordjevic: G!

ScreenSave13-3.jpg

Not when you're as poor as Ethiopia.

Alexander: Bori, since Stoj is useless and you have a better attitude about me, plus I’m not really funding your job, how would you like to be interim Prime Minister?

Stojadinovic: Screw you! That mute punk isn’t taking my job!

Alexander: That’s it! I’m adding the Disney Channel line-up to your torture and making you take Josimovic’s job

Josimovic: *Have fun being a homeless bum.*

Stojadinovic: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

disney.jpg

Wow, this plus the Real World...

Alexander: Shut up and watch your bad TV series. Kosic, please try to make some sense.

Kosic: Rabbi- I, I’ll try- posting lyrics of-no! Things have re-remained s-stapler! Stable! No- freaky- changes!

Alexander: Well, it’s a start. Plus I don’t have to talk to the freak brigade anymore seeing that you can talk about it now.

Cincar-Markovic: I fine to that!

Ilic: Yoitgui Ighjv!

Simovic: Sc—u!

Alexander: Well, I’m surprised a riot hasn’t occurred yet; maybe I can finally end these meetings on a good note.

*Bullets just miss Alexander*

Alexander: Or a squad of assassins could try and off me. Meeting adjourned!
 

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JUst to point out. In old kingdom government, especially before Cvetkovic-Macek agreement, there were no non-Serb ministers in the government.

And you do realise that Minister of Security and King are the same person?
 

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4th Dimension: However, there are Serbian Minorities in Bosnia, Kosovo, and Slovenia. So perhaps they're just Regionalists who are just looking for power. Plus you're overthinking in an AAR where the author relies on stupid photos to make things funny.

By the way, the Minister of Security and the King aren't the same person. This is occuring before Alexander I is assassinated and Pavle takes the throne (Mod34 dontcha know?).
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Alexander: It’s a good thing I took those self defense classes. I would accuse Stoj of doing this…

Stojadinovic: Hey, for once this wasn’t me! Uhh… what I meant to say was…

Alexander: Stow it. It was Albania who funded them. Good thing I managed to prove them that Albania is poor as hell.

TehHobo.jpg

The richest man in Albania

Josimovic: *You could declare war…*

Alexander: Nahhh, I’m not in the mood for all the major powers to come and beat the stuffing out of us.

Josimovic: *Coward.*

Alexander: Hey, I take offense to that.

Stojadinovic: For once I agree with the mute. You’re just a coward!

Alexander: Two words: Hannah Montana.

Stojadinovic: *Starts sobbing uncontrollably.*

Alexander: Ever since that torture session, things have gotten better. Well, enough foreplay let’s get on with this. Jevtic, you’re up.

Jevtic: Better things making we are! Tanks designing are we!

Simovic: --help—uilding—isipli—octrine.

ScreenSave15-2.jpg

I'm probably going to get myself dead because of my choices

Alexander: Great. I’m having someone who can’t even speak correctly bark out orders. I’m boned.

Simovic: Go—of—liff.

Alexander: Seriously, take some classes. Anyway, aside from the inevitable failure of the armed forces, let’s get on with it. Pavle, how’s the spy killing?

Karadjordjevic: OAFSATM. NMMBDW.

Alexander: You need more money? You’re almost as bad as Kosovo.

ScreenSave16-2.jpg

Why couldn't I play a rich country like Albania, or Ethiopia?

Ilic: Huiy nge!

Alexander: Either speak a language I understand or stay silent. Josimovic, could you take Stoj’s job? He’s still crying.

Stojadinovic: NO! NOT ZACK EFFRON! ANYTHING BUT HIM!

HighSchoolMusical_Jewel.jpg

Now you know my pain Stojie, now you know...

Josimovic: *Much like my other jobs, nothing is happening.*

Alexander: Maybe I should declare war on Albania to spice things up... Since you already stated your other job I’m moving one to Kosic.

Kosic: Cactus hillbilly— I meant to say—John Jacob Jingleheimershmidt! I mean that—pancake—nothing happened!

Alexander: Well, seeing as I’m still unable to understand you that well, I’m going to have to talk to my clone self.

Cincar-Markovic: We get weaker weapons!

ScreenSave17-2.jpg

I'm doing well... I think

Alexander: Why do I have to have a moron as my head of the army? Ughhh… now you Mr. gibbering doofus.

Ilic: Huiy nge!

Alexander: Oh yeah, well huiy nge to you too! Just talk.

Ilic: Jiewh jdvhrn uyfde.

Alexander: Whatever. Finally, Simovic, hows it flying?

Simovic: Int—proving. ---etter fl---capabi--ties.

Alexander: Why do I have to deal with this? First an assassination attempt, then this! What next?!

*Shouting can be heard*

y164317380171204.jpg

Serbians protesting the use of McDonalds as a form of torture

Alexander: Is it a riot? No, too peaceful. A protest? Wow, finally some good news. Meeting adjourned! I’m going to disperse some protesters. Get the tear gas!
 

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They demand something they haven't had for 1500 years. Retards.

The only reason the Italians want your coast is that they didn't get it at Verselaies. You have got my subscription but may I ask what in the world is going on?
 

unmerged(112641)

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Interesing.
Flag planted. Subsciption posted. Pressing "post" button...
 

Raze

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Small

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:rofl: Hannah Montana Tourcher The worst kind :D
 

unmerged(115311)

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This is the funniest AAR I've seen! :rofl: :rofl:
 

4th Dimension

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Suggestion if possible. Every time you conquer a country, you add a their minister to your cabinet.
 

Keisok

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Teep: I know Italy wanted the Dalmatian coast in Versailles. I was making fun of the fact that they haven't owned it since the Romans (or Venice in the 1400's if you want details).

The AAR just takes place in a meeting room, where I screw with historical figures' personalities in order to get some cheap laughs.

LordSlowpoke: May I continue this interest oh slow one.

Raze: I had a feeling it was.

Small: It's up there. Not as bad as Naked Brothers (Dear god), but still...

Storm501: I aim to please

D'Artagnan59: Nope, the High School Musical series and Beverley Hills Chihuahua are the worst form of torture.

4th Dimension: Hmmm... not a bad idea. I might do it with a couple of ministers, but not a lot of them.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Stojadinovic: Hey, where’s that moron of a king? He should be here by now.

Josimovic: *You haven’t heard yet?*

Stojadinovic: Hear what? What are you going on about mute?

Josimovic: *He’s dead. Killed by Macedonians.*

Stojadinovic: WHAT?!?! THE ONLY ONE WHO’S SUPPOSED TO KILL HIM IS ME!

Karadjordjevic: IAS. TMMK. IDWTRLT.

Stojadinovic: WHY?! WHY’D YOU HAVE TO DIE?! I HAD SO MANY PLANS OF MY OWN!

Josimovic: *Miss him?*

Stojadinovic: HELL NO! IT’S JUST I WANTED TO BE THE ONE WHO OFFED HIM!

Josimovic: *Someone doth protest too much.*

Stojadinovic: CRAM IT! I KNOW WHO FUNDED IT! ALBANIA!

Karadjordjevic: YSTFTTAPAH.

Stojadinovic: No, it was Albania! I’m telling them that we’re at war now!

ScreenSave23-1.jpg

For you Alexander!

ScreenSave24.jpg

Chaerg!

ScreenSave25.jpg

I did pretty well against a country with no army

ScreenSave26.jpg

You have been defeated Charlie Chaplin!

Karadjordjevic: SWTH?

Josimovic: *Nahh. Let him work out his anger. Besides, free land.*

Karadjordjevic: GP. LST. JHP?

Jevtic: Making stuff we are! Forget what are they I do.

ScreenSave27.jpg

Yeah, I'm screwed

Pavle: G. JSSIPA, YDHJ.

Josimovic: *The communists in China ran from the Nationalists, Catalonia vied for independence and lost. Hungary killed Alexander. The usual.*

ScreenSave18-1.jpg

Chiang Smash!

ScreenSave20-1.jpg

Catalonia is so going to win! If it had an army...

Pavle: AYOJ?

Josimovic: *Nothing, as per usual.*

Pavle: WIPASIY. KYU. PTTNAC.

Kosic: Clowns will destroy Utah! –Sorry I—Finland! Conspiracy th--Nothing happened!

Pavle: W? OACYJN.

Cincar-Markovic: We get weaker. Must get weaker!

Pavle:: INKWAHTTY. ICYPUSTS?

Ilic: Uwuic gre svena!

Pavle: S. IUS.

Ilic: Geuna!

Pavle: F. HFEM.

Ronald.jpg

Da da da da daaa! I'm Hatin' it

Ilic: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Pavle: SYU.

Simovic: We--new inter---. Nee—bett—force.

Pavle: WTI. WSIKA, TFOAIS. LG.
 

unmerged(115311)

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You have been defeated Charlie Chaplin!
Lol, that Head of Government kinda looks like Chaplin... I've never noticed that before. :D
 

Enewald

Enewald Enewald Enewald
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Lol, this aar is just too hilarious! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: