As ever, a very enjoyable last two updates 
Congratulations on your awAARd, by the way.
Congratulations on your awAARd, by the way.
Waltzing Matilda: A Tuscan AAR
- Thread starter Torngasuk
- Start date
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Conone the Toscanian XD
Also, kudos to your name randomisation. Beatrice V & VI FTW!
Also, kudos to your name randomisation. Beatrice V & VI FTW!
Ah, yes I believe I met a certain Crovan with the same tendencies... Though I think it was a he rather than a she. History repeats itself appearently.
We are Conone, son of Abelardo (Duke of Spoleto), son of Hugues (“the Great”), son of Dalmas (“the Great”), son of Geoffroy.
We inherited this title and these lands from Our cousin, Bruno, in place his son and lawful heir, who is afflicted with a most terrible plague of the mind. We pray for his soul.
Our wife is Richwara von Julichgau, a daughter of the Austrian Babenbergs. She has been blessed with a formidable intellect and wields it in the service of the Lord, as We do.
Unconventionally, Our only daughter is also Our sole heir. Normally, this would simply not be done, but her mastery of the art of statecraft unquestionably exceeds that of any man. On this matter, even Our vassals concur.
Deus vult!
It is Our sacred duty to zealously prosecute the foes of Christendom wherever they exist, and so We shall lend Our assistance to the most holy Bishop of Rome in his crusade against the infidels of Andalusia.
Deus vult!
It is Our most humble and fervent desire that this holy union not end in the abrupt and suspicious death of the man.
Deus vult.
Their walls shall crumble and turn to dust and their shields rend like paper before the might of Our holy legions.
Deus vult!
It appears that Our intervention in this crusade has ignited the sparks of Faith within Our fellow divinely-appointed rulers.
Vigleik I af Orkneyjar, King of Norway. We praise his diligence.
Castimir II Trpimirovic, King of Croatia. We praise his charity.
Glum I Ylving, King of Denmark. We praise his zealousness, charity, patience, and kindness.
Bleddyn III Mathrafal, Duke of Gwynedd. We praise his mother's patience.
Jeno I Orosur, Duke of Temes. We praise his zealousness, charity, and kindness.
Artgal I Ua Cheinnselaig, Duke of Meath. We praise his kindness and pray for his excommunication to be lifted.
Roger I de Barcelona, Duke of Barcelona. We praise his zealousness and patience.
Deus vult.
Praise the Lord!
King Glum is indeed a brave and true Christian king. It is Our hope that this victory brings him some small happiness.
Deus vult.
A serious accusation, indeed.
Nevertheless, we cannot imprison Our nephew, regardless of what faults his character may possess, without evidence of actual adultery.
Provide Us with evidence of his sin, and justice will be done.
Deus vult.
Perfidious woman!
Alas, this black widow is the mother of Our siblings, and so it would be unseemly to immolate her in the fires of Our most righteous and holy wrath.
Instead, We must beg that she put aside her avarice and pray for forgiveness.
Deus vult.
It is good that you understand the severity of your transgressions.
Do not allow such treachery to be brought before Us again.
Deus vult.
Our liege has fallen into sin!
He spends day and night indulging himself in hedonistic pursuits, whilst at the same time stripping his vassals of their noble birthrights as he pleases.
It is Our duty to teach him the limits of the power that has been invested in him by the Lord, and to return him to the proper path.
Deus vult!
We are joined in Our righteous quest by these valorous warriors of truth and justice.
Agathe I von Rheinfelden, Duchess of Swabia. We find nothing praiseworthy in her.
Udo I Wigeriche, King of Lotharingia. We praise his temperance, charity, and kindness.
Agathe I Billung, Duchess of Brunswick, Saxony, and Tyrol. We find nothing praiseworthy in her.
Simon I Udonen, Duke of Brandenburg. We praise his diligence.
Ruprecht I Salian, Duke of Provence. We praise his temperance and humility.
Deus vult.
Thank the Lord!
Though shalt not blaspheme within Our hearing!
Deus vult!
It is good that others understand the importance of Our holy work.
Deus vult.
Another one bites the dust.
Deus vult.
Well, he didn't last long. As King, that is.
Now for the reign of the first female since Mathilda... I predict more stolen chalices, and Beatrices galore.hmy:
Now for the reign of the first female since Mathilda... I predict more stolen chalices, and Beatrices galore.
hmy:
I am disturbed by the lack of regicide by martial bed in this update. Also great update, though a bit silly and uneventful. (Shut up, my AARs are of pure intelligence.)
Seems like Elena did more than just whisper in his ear...maybe shoved a knife in his throat at the same time???
July 17, 1162.
Queen Micaela I di Canossa, daughter and only child of King Conone I of Jerusalem and Queen Richwara. I believe you're already well-acquainted with both of them.
Some may also recall her husband's lineage, as Bonifacio Contarini is the son of Prince Zsolt Salamonfi Árpád of Hungary and Beatrice Contarini, the only daughter of Doge Domenico Contarini of Venice and the Duchess Matilda of Tuscany herself. Whether or not that counts as incest, I'll leave to you to decide.
Her only daughter, Ippolita di Canossa, is married to Geteye Zagwe, son of same, son of same, son of King Yemrehana II Krestos Zagwe, who was called “the Just.” If the names didn't clue you in: they're Ethiopian.
She's currently involved in a certain disagreement with a certain Holy Roman Emperor, but we'll get back to that later.
By now, you may have noticed the conspicuous absence of any sons or siblings for our new queen.
As it turns out, the Kingdom of Jerusalem is suffering from something of an overpopulation problem that has also negatively impacted the birth rate.
We'll have to do something about that.
A bit of culling, perhaps. Pruning the dynastic tree.
In any event, the nearest qualified male suitable to be her heir is her uncle, Abelardo (son of same).
He is, incidentally, also half her age. It's complicated.
November 24, 1162.
It's unthinkable to have a Queen walking around without protection these days.
December 2, 1162.
Thus, all who oppose her.
February 24, 1163.
No threat to her chalices can be permitted to exist.
July 12, 1163.
As I was saying, Micaela inherited a disagreement with her liege over his somewhat draconian approach to vassal management.
Needless to say, she succeeded.
Now she only lives under moderate tyranny.
November 11, 1163.
Just because she decorates her lawn with the heads of her enemies on pikes, doesn't mean that she can't be loving, too.
Good thing he's inclined toward celibacy, though.
I'd hate to see what she'd do if a bastard popped up.
March 9, 1167.
The ability to more efficiently strangle your enemies in their sleep is always worth obtaining.
That must've been some tea.
Sure. Can't promise anything about whoever I heard it from, though.
Maybe I should practice these “tricks” on them.
Kill two birds with one stone, so to speak.
September 27, 1167.
I feel a bit like a dragon nesting on top of its hoard.
Shiny, shiny pretties...
November 2, 1167.
Do I get a real cloak and dagger as a graduation present?
September 16, 1168.
We're going to have to engage in a bit of time travel for a moment. Hang on while I fetch a police box.
You see, the Holy Roman Empire has been attempting to conquer Provence for the last four years.
Provence, which fell to the Muslims in 1157. To the Amirids of Mallorca, to be exact. Don't ask me how.
Now, the Amirids called in a few friends when the saints came marching in.
The Almoravids, the Riyahdids, the Dhunnunids, the Tahirids, and the Hammadids.
All of which leave the North African coast delightfully exposed.
December 19, 1169.
Commanding the 10,000-man Tunisian expedition is the venerable 68-year old Bonaventura di Canossa (son of same).
Ottone di Canossa (son of same), Duke of Ascalon, serves as his second-in-command and leads the left flank.
Dahnay Zagwe (not son of same), the Catholic Ethiopian Duke of Sicily, has the honor of leading the right flank.
Fortunately for us, the heirs to the Tamirid and Riyahdid Emirates were taken prisoner during the siege.
Unfortunately for them, the heirs to the Tamirid and Riyahdid Emirates were taken prisoner during the siege.
January 31, 1171.
With the successful conquest of Provence, Kaiser Markward turns his attention east, to the independent Kingdom of Bohemia.
If I were them, I'd catch the first boat out of there tomorrow morning.
If they weren't landlocked, of course.
Can we get a look at the Direct Vassals map so we can see all the territory you have control of? :happy:
For some reason, Jerusalem uses the same color scheme as the Holy Roman Empire, which is why there haven't been more map pictures.
January 1, 1173.
What a way to break in the New Year, eh?
Been a while since we've had to go husband-hunting, hasn't it?
How nostalgic.
Mergers & Acquisitions has obtained Leopold Welf as the latest addition to our inventory. He's of German make, some wear and tear around the edges, but still in good shape overall.
There are two children from previous marriages, but neither is of any particular dynastic significance.
The Welfs were, most notably, the last dynasty to hold the Kingdom of Burgundy, but the title has been extinct for 141 years.
All things considered, not a bad deal.
January 21, 1174.
The newly-obtained Duchy of Tunis is granted to Basso di Canossa, father, brother, and son of Oberto di Canossa.
Oberto (father), now deceased, being the same Oberto as the firstborn son and designated heir of the equally-deceased Duke Buoso of Tuscany.
For the curious, Oberto (son) is married to Kelile Zagwe, granddaughter of King Kedus I Harbe 'the Great' of Abyssinia.
Oberto (brother) is irrelevant.
Probably.
March 29, 1174.
Bonaventura di Canossa (1101 – 1174).
Marshal of the Kingdom of Jerusalem since its inception (1126).
Only son of Bonaventura di Canossa and Reginlind Salian.
Conqueror of Ascalon, Jaffa, and Darum.
Married once, to Frederikke Glumsdatter Ylving (d. 1163), granddaughter of King Knud III of Denmark.
One daughter, Maddalena di Canossa, widow of Duke Moric I of Transylvania.
Uncle to Duke Charles II Capet of Valois, chancellor and claimant to the French throne.
Requiescat in pace.
May 24, 1175.
Husbands can be replaced.
Books can't.
May 13, 1177.
Guess he didn't take sleeping on the couch very well.
Meet Peter Wettin, another Germanic model and the latest addition to Micaela's growing collection of husbands.
Maybe she should consider having them stuffed and mounted.
Though it would be difficult to tell just by looking at him, he is, technically, the true and rightful Count of Lausitz.
His father, Amadeus Wettin, was made Bishop of Lebus and forced to renounce his inheritance, which then passed to Peter's aunt, Hedwig.
Hedwig married Duke Leopold von Babenberg of Austria, and her title then passed to her third son, Folkmar von Babenberg, upon her death.
We might just have to do something about that.
March 22, 1179.
That's how it always starts. A few coins here and there, now and then.
Then a few more.
Then chalices.
Did he, now?
I'm watching you, Manfred.
I'm watching you.
June 18, 1179.
Fasten your seat belts and hold on to your hats.
This is going to be a wild ride.
