Nice update Peter, any chance we can have a map of Europe to admire your handywork?
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The borders move too quickly for the Mapmakers to keep up. It's a terrible strain on their wrists 
Good work, Peter and Prufrock451! I enjoyed this AAR very much. Yeah, i would like to see the map, and see how large teh Empire is. I wonder how Vennok and Zeebok react to this latest develpment
LOL, I like how you use the forum members into your AAR. Hey, Carolus Rex, how do you like being possessed?
LOL, I like how you use the forum members into your AAR. Hey, Carolus Rex, how do you like being possessed?
This update was awesome....especially these lines:
That last one actually got me to LOL...and...warranted a few concerned "I think he finally cracked" glances from my high stress coworkers.
....especially these lines:That last one actually got me to LOL...and...warranted a few concerned "I think he finally cracked" glances from my high stress coworkers.
Nice work Peter. Not bad writing for a guy who is in bad health all the time. I hope that the laughter generated by your work helps your health. It has certainly degenerated my mental health, thats for sure...
I can help you, Secret Master for I am Psychology major unless, taht is, if I go insane too because of Peter.
What good is a psychologist if he is cracked up? He is called master psychologist
So, I can help you there
I was not knowing you were ill, sorry to hear it...
Awfully funny installment, as ever...
Cat
This is an extremely funny AAR!
Just read the 15 pages straight (excellent) during work hours (not so good...)
Many thanks, Prufrock and PE, for this lively story!
Just read the 15 pages straight (excellent) during work hours (not so good...)
Many thanks, Prufrock and PE, for this lively story!
*hsss*GENERAL MACCABEUS, YOU ARE DOING QUITE WELL.*ahhh*
It comes with trying to conquer my own homeland. Once I helped retake Judea... well, I wasn't about to leave you guys in the cold, was I? Oh, by the way, I'm feeling a bit sleepy this morning, so if you don't mind, I think I'll be using the Dark Coffee Maker...
*UNTRANSLATABLE*
*UNTRANSLATABLE*
UNFORTUNATELY, CAPTAIN MACCABEUS, IT IS THE DARK FOOD PROCESSOR. YOU CAN EXPECT YOUR COMMAND AT THE NEXT ASSAULT SOON.
Boy, all this killing of people will really hurt manpower.
*shhh*DO YOU QUESTION MY ACTIONS, LIEUTENANT MACCABEUS?*hsss*
No, no. I wouldn't even think of it. [aside]Yeep.[/aside]
________________________________
I just can't wait for the next update. I have to make up my own little situations just to keep sane until then! Hope you don't mind.
It comes with trying to conquer my own homeland. Once I helped retake Judea... well, I wasn't about to leave you guys in the cold, was I? Oh, by the way, I'm feeling a bit sleepy this morning, so if you don't mind, I think I'll be using the Dark Coffee Maker...
*UNTRANSLATABLE*
*UNTRANSLATABLE*
UNFORTUNATELY, CAPTAIN MACCABEUS, IT IS THE DARK FOOD PROCESSOR. YOU CAN EXPECT YOUR COMMAND AT THE NEXT ASSAULT SOON.
Boy, all this killing of people will really hurt manpower.
*shhh*DO YOU QUESTION MY ACTIONS, LIEUTENANT MACCABEUS?*hsss*
No, no. I wouldn't even think of it. [aside]Yeep.[/aside]
________________________________
I just can't wait for the next update. I have to make up my own little situations just to keep sane until then! Hope you don't mind.
WAAR of the Worlds
On Austria's eastern border on the Siberian plain, 5 January 1618
"Well, by Jove. This has certainly gotten out of control rather quickly, eh?" Suker Khan nodded from atop his horse.
John Miffling-Hodgkins lowered his telescope. "I'm sorry, my Khan. Were you saying something about Sibir's destiny?" Suker cleared his throat.
"Oh... I was just saying that under the circumstances, it might be best if we reaffirmed your position and kept you on as Lord Regent of the Council of Nobles, Sahib."
"Oh. Lovely. Glad to." Miffling-Hodgkins blinked and peered through the telescope again. "I say! That wall's made out of human pinkies!"
"It's one of Austria's main exports. They tried to interest me in a dam manufactured from wisdom teeth the other week."
"Now I know they built a dental bridge across the Baltic, but I didn't know they were building dental dams."
"Apparently they built a huge one on some island in the Aegean."
On Austria's eastern border on the Siberian plain, 5 January 1618
"Well, by Jove. This has certainly gotten out of control rather quickly, eh?" Suker Khan nodded from atop his horse.
John Miffling-Hodgkins lowered his telescope. "I'm sorry, my Khan. Were you saying something about Sibir's destiny?" Suker cleared his throat.
"Oh... I was just saying that under the circumstances, it might be best if we reaffirmed your position and kept you on as Lord Regent of the Council of Nobles, Sahib."
"Oh. Lovely. Glad to." Miffling-Hodgkins blinked and peered through the telescope again. "I say! That wall's made out of human pinkies!"
"It's one of Austria's main exports. They tried to interest me in a dam manufactured from wisdom teeth the other week."
"Now I know they built a dental bridge across the Baltic, but I didn't know they were building dental dams."
"Apparently they built a huge one on some island in the Aegean."
So, I wonder who that metusalah that was burned as a witch was? Maybe I'll have time to research into the matter ..
Delightfully twisted post, but I also seem to remember Johnny being slaughtered by the Demon Spawn/Zorthons. Is it at all possible for you to give us an update from the Zorthon side of things? They must be going nuts over there.
"GAAAAAAAAAAH!" Suker Khan, ruler of Sibir, by default one of Islam's greatest princes, shot bolt upright in his bed, scaring his fifth wife, who also unhappily was his edgiest wife. She smacked him soundly with her pillow.
"I'm sorry, husband. You startled me." Suker rubbed his jaw.
"It's alright. I had a most horrifying dream. I dreamt that an immortal Englishman with a huge Adam's apple was ruler of Sibir, and that I was but a puppet in his hands." His wife rubbed his shoulders.
"It's that wall of human fingers the Austrians put up on the border, isn't it? It's surely driven me to nightmare." Suker nodded.
"I also dreamed that far in the future, a great Christian kingdom would arise in the west, beyond even al-Andalus. I dreamt that its ruler was a drunken ignorant fool, who held the power to destroy the entire world but could barely speak his own language." He blinked. "Also, I dreamt that Obder Khan had a huge terrifying smile and roared "BOO-REE! BOO-REE!" all the time.
"But Obder Khan never smiled. And surely not even the Christians could be so fool as to let a man like the one you describe rule a kingdom." Suker nodded.
"I know. Just a dream. Just a silly, terrifying dream..."
"I'm sorry, husband. You startled me." Suker rubbed his jaw.
"It's alright. I had a most horrifying dream. I dreamt that an immortal Englishman with a huge Adam's apple was ruler of Sibir, and that I was but a puppet in his hands." His wife rubbed his shoulders.
"It's that wall of human fingers the Austrians put up on the border, isn't it? It's surely driven me to nightmare." Suker nodded.
"I also dreamed that far in the future, a great Christian kingdom would arise in the west, beyond even al-Andalus. I dreamt that its ruler was a drunken ignorant fool, who held the power to destroy the entire world but could barely speak his own language." He blinked. "Also, I dreamt that Obder Khan had a huge terrifying smile and roared "BOO-REE! BOO-REE!" all the time.
"But Obder Khan never smiled. And surely not even the Christians could be so fool as to let a man like the one you describe rule a kingdom." Suker nodded.
"I know. Just a dream. Just a silly, terrifying dream..."
WAAR of the Worlds
Vienna, January 1626
MY EMPEROR, I BRING YOU MOMENTOUS NEWS.
Indeed, Lord of Bones. A most pleasing occurrence. You have, perhaps, seen the folly of conflict and decided to attend one of my crisis management workshops?
*UNTRANSLATABLE*
Speak up! We have no secrets from each other, right? We're all on the same team, here, sweeping away the superstitions of yesterday and dragging the Empire, kicking and screaming, into the seventeenth century.
YES, MY EMPEROR. HOWEVER, CURRENTLY I BRING NEWS FROM THE FRONT.
Oh well. Get it over with already.
*aaah* FOLLOWING THE VICTORIES OF WALLENSTEIN AND PAPPENHEIM, BRITTANY HAS LOST MAINE, AND BREMEN AND MECKLENBURG HAVE BEEN ANNEXED. SWEDEN IS REDUCED TO SVEALAND FOLLOWING THE CONQUEST OF BERGSLAGEN, AND *shhh*
Boooring. Do I really have to listen to this?
YES, MY EMPEROR: THINK OF IT AS AN EXCERCISE IN TEAM-BUILDING ON A GLOBAL SCALE. HOW DO YOU MAKE THE FRENCH, GERMANS, POLES, ITALIANS, RUSSIANS, SCANDINAVIANS, TURKS, ARABS, AND MANY, MANY MORE PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT FAITHS AND ETHNICITIES WORK TOGETHER TOWARDS A COMMON GOAL, AS A LEAN, MEAN TEAM?
My goodness! That is a very good point, indeed. I'll have to write a memo ASAP. Pray, continue.
IN THE SOUTH-EAST, THE HEDJAZ WAS ANNEXED, AND OMAN LOST BASRAH, JORDAN, HADRAMUT, DOFHAR, AND MASIRAH, GAINING US VALUABLE KNOWLEDGE ABOUT DESERT LIVING CONDITIONS. ALSO OBSERVED WAS A QUAINT REBELLION OF VERY UNHAPPY PEASANTS.
How unhappy, Lord of Bones?
ON A SCALE 1-10 I'D EVALUATE THEM AT MINUS THREE, MY EMPEROR.
I see. It might be of value to perform an investigation into peasant maths. They do seem rather skewed.
PROBABLY A RESULT OF DIZZINESS, MY EMPEROR.
How so?
THE EFFECT OF CONSTANTLY ROTATING THE CROPS, MY EMPEROR.
Very good point, Lord of Bones. I can see that you are getting into the spirit of things. And how about those nasty demons, have they been handled in a stern way?
MOST STERN, MY EMPEROR. LEON, ARAGON, ORLEANAIS, LUXEMBOURG, AND KÖLN HAVE ALL JOINED THE BRIGHT EMPIRE, AS SHOWN ON THIS MAP.
Map of the Bright Empire, 1626
--------------------------
OOCc: A very brief update, I'm afraid, but the masses were clamoring for maps.
(Congratulations, Wyvern and Zhai, you are now the masses - hopefully not unwashed.)
More coming up in the near future (well, this weekend, when I've had time to read my hitlist to select my next victims and decide on some appropriate fates).
Vienna, January 1626
MY EMPEROR, I BRING YOU MOMENTOUS NEWS.
Indeed, Lord of Bones. A most pleasing occurrence. You have, perhaps, seen the folly of conflict and decided to attend one of my crisis management workshops?
*UNTRANSLATABLE*
Speak up! We have no secrets from each other, right? We're all on the same team, here, sweeping away the superstitions of yesterday and dragging the Empire, kicking and screaming, into the seventeenth century.
YES, MY EMPEROR. HOWEVER, CURRENTLY I BRING NEWS FROM THE FRONT.
Oh well. Get it over with already.
*aaah* FOLLOWING THE VICTORIES OF WALLENSTEIN AND PAPPENHEIM, BRITTANY HAS LOST MAINE, AND BREMEN AND MECKLENBURG HAVE BEEN ANNEXED. SWEDEN IS REDUCED TO SVEALAND FOLLOWING THE CONQUEST OF BERGSLAGEN, AND *shhh*
Boooring. Do I really have to listen to this?
YES, MY EMPEROR: THINK OF IT AS AN EXCERCISE IN TEAM-BUILDING ON A GLOBAL SCALE. HOW DO YOU MAKE THE FRENCH, GERMANS, POLES, ITALIANS, RUSSIANS, SCANDINAVIANS, TURKS, ARABS, AND MANY, MANY MORE PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT FAITHS AND ETHNICITIES WORK TOGETHER TOWARDS A COMMON GOAL, AS A LEAN, MEAN TEAM?
My goodness! That is a very good point, indeed. I'll have to write a memo ASAP. Pray, continue.
IN THE SOUTH-EAST, THE HEDJAZ WAS ANNEXED, AND OMAN LOST BASRAH, JORDAN, HADRAMUT, DOFHAR, AND MASIRAH, GAINING US VALUABLE KNOWLEDGE ABOUT DESERT LIVING CONDITIONS. ALSO OBSERVED WAS A QUAINT REBELLION OF VERY UNHAPPY PEASANTS.
How unhappy, Lord of Bones?
ON A SCALE 1-10 I'D EVALUATE THEM AT MINUS THREE, MY EMPEROR.
I see. It might be of value to perform an investigation into peasant maths. They do seem rather skewed.
PROBABLY A RESULT OF DIZZINESS, MY EMPEROR.
How so?
THE EFFECT OF CONSTANTLY ROTATING THE CROPS, MY EMPEROR.
Very good point, Lord of Bones. I can see that you are getting into the spirit of things. And how about those nasty demons, have they been handled in a stern way?
MOST STERN, MY EMPEROR. LEON, ARAGON, ORLEANAIS, LUXEMBOURG, AND KÖLN HAVE ALL JOINED THE BRIGHT EMPIRE, AS SHOWN ON THIS MAP.
Map of the Bright Empire, 1626
--------------------------
OOCc: A very brief update, I'm afraid, but the masses were clamoring for maps.
(Congratulations, Wyvern and Zhai, you are now the masses - hopefully not unwashed.)
More coming up in the near future (well, this weekend, when I've had time to read my hitlist to select my next victims and decide on some appropriate fates).
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Ah, more Prufrock and Ebbesen madness, wonderful wonderful *rubs hands together and starts reading from the start*
V
V
Boah! A wonderful white map! And the team building spirit sounds just like something that would be demanded from Dilbert...
A wonderful white map! And the team building spirit sounds just like something that would be demanded from Dilbert...
Nice map
How about an update of how the CoTs look? (I loved the wierd overpowered ones when the demons/Zorthons overran europe, so I wonder how it has changed now that some of the CoTs are returned to christian hands?)
How about an update of how the CoTs look? (I loved the wierd overpowered ones when the demons/Zorthons overran europe, so I wonder how it has changed now that some of the CoTs are returned to christian hands?)
