Southeast Showdown (in theatres as soon as they start answering my phone calls)
Lackof Agoodname stormed into the palace with rage. He had just heard about his dishonourable dismissal and wanted an explanation. He was not going to be given the boot so easily.
Sadly, the guards thought he was just another Javan rebel and so they shot him on sight.
"No... why did it hav..." Lackof started.
"I hate when they start saying long dramatic speeches before they die!" one guard yelled.
"I know... It's so boring!" the other guard said, nodding in agreement.
So they stabbed Lackof before he could finish the speech.
"Why did you stab me? Are you not loyal to yo..." Lackof started on another speech.
"Grr... why can't they die quickly like all the other people! Main characters get on my nerves!" the first guard said with the second guard nodding in agreement.
"If you know I'm not a rebel then why are you still trying to kill me?" Lackof said, starting to be on his way towards death.
"Because you're ANNOYING ME" the guard yelled.
Soon Lackof's best friend, Fhund Agudnaem, stormed into the room and shot both the guards for their incompetance.
"Fhund? Is that you?" Lackof cried.
"Umm... no... It's your dear wife Brunghammie" Fhund said with a giggle.
"Oh... I never liked you, you were always so fat, and annoying. I only married you for the cake." Lackof said with a tear in his eye.
"WHAT?" Brunghammie yelled storming into the room with shock. The guards thought she was a rebel too and so they shot her. She actually died, unlike Lackof.
"It's OK Lackof, I'm here for you... you're going to make it through this" Fhund said crying.
"This isn't gay or anything is it?" Lackof asked with concern.
"Dont worry about a thing..." Fhund said.
crap... he isn't answering me directly... that must mean it is... I have to find a way out of this Lackof thought as he looked over to the side. There was a string, some candlewax, and his wife's corpse.
perfect
Lackof jumped up and did an awsome backflip while spinning 360 degrees and then used the candlewax to stick his wife's corpse to the string and began swinging her around like a weapon.
"What the... THAT'S why you weren't affected by the guards shooting you! They only shot you in the leg, and the bullet only scraped your skin! When they stabbed you they only slightly cut your arm!" Fhund said examining Lackof's wounds.
"This isn't a gay thing is it?" Lackof asked.
(With King Glenn)
"Why did you fire me!" Lackof yelled with rage as he stormed into King Glenn's throne room.
"Because it took you over two years to take a small two island country and stabilize it!" King Glenn yelled.
"What would you know!? You're only seven years old!" Lackof yelled with rage.
"He is?" The royal guard asked. "I never noticed..."
"Shouldn't there be someone to watch over him until he comes of age or something?" Lackof asked with fury.
"No... wait! Don't! I don't wanna stop being king! Being king is fun!" King Glenn whined.
"You're right... we'll put the advisor on it right away!" the royal guard said.
They didn't have an advisor.
"Crap..." the royal guard said.
"I could do it!" Lackof said.
"Nah... I don't trust you..." the royal guard said.
The royal guard was shot for his incompetance.
"I'll be the person in charge guy and my first act will be to make you the general over everything in our army and navy!" Fhund said.
"But I don't wanna let him be the general!" ex-King Glenn cried.
"SHUT UP!" the two friends yelled looking at the ex-king with rage. He gulped... down some soda and then continued to look at them with innocent and yet scheming eyes.
(With the Royal Dutch Navy)
"Alright men! We will soon be going into battle with the Vietnamese people! They have more soldiers than we do, mostly due to our unwillingness to spend any money on actual soldiers! They have the advantage of the land! We still have one major advantage though! We're from Europe, and therefore have some strange ability to fight better than ten of our native counterparts!" Lackof said trying to motivate his men. "So now, it is time. Prepare to prepare for the preparation to invade Annam! Which will prepare Southeast Asia for the Netherland's preparations!"
There were hearty cries and cheers from the men, mostly begging to go home. These crys were ignored.
"We declare war on you!" the diplomat stuck in a cage yelled while pointing in the general direction of Annam.
"That's a good little boy" Lackof said while patting the diplomat on the head.
"Could you at least show
some respect and not keep me in a cage all the time!?" the diplomat asked looking up at Lackof.
The diplomat was shot for his incompetance. Lackof soon realized what this meant and cried for hours at what he had done.
The Dutch soldiers charged the mainland with everything they had. They expected resistance. They obviously had never been colonizing before.
"Let's show these Europeans that Javan soldiers can fight too!" the Javan general yelled.
"Nah... we'd rather not..." one soldier said.
This soldier was speared for his incompetance.
"Come on men! If not for your empire, then for the fact that I'm making lots of money being your general!" the general yelled as the Javans stumbled forward, tripping and stumbling occationally.
"Hatien is ours men!" Lackof yelled, drinking some liquor in celebration.
"Can we go home now?" one soldier asked.
This soldier was shot for his incompetance.
"Of course not! We still have all of Southeast Asia to conquer!" Lackof yelled.
"Aww..." the army said with a groan.
"Alright! The Dutch soldiers will march north and capture the capital of Cambodia! The natives will go west and have fun doing whatever! Are we clear!?" Lackof yelled.
"Sir! Somewhat good enough! Sir!" the army chanted.
"Move out!" Lackof yelled as everyone started marching towards their destination.
So they did.
The first group to reach Cambodia's capitol was one divition with little over 8000 men. They were going against 10000 dug in Cambodians in the nations capitol. The head officer of the army marched to the front of his troops.
"Surrender to the supperior Dutch empire! We have you surrounded!" the officer screamed.
After a brief pause, while the Cambodians looked around, their general replied.
"No you don't!" the Cambodian yelled.
The Dutch soldiers looked to their general in confusion.
While this was going on the Cambodians moved and surrounded the Dutch. They had nowhere to run.
"This is your last warning! We have you surrounded and are not scared to use force!" the Dutch general yelled.
"Alright! I give up!" the Cambodian yelled as his men all came out of their extremely well placed hiding places and well fortified trenches to surrender to the enemy.
"NOT!" the Cambodian general yelled as his men then attacked. The Cambodian soldiers were caught off guard by this as they thought they were actually surrendering. Almost all of the Cambodians were slaughtered and the rest were forced to run.
"HAHAHA! WASN'T THAT FUNNY!?" the Cambodian general giggled as the Dutch general walked up to him.
"Surrender now! We have you surrounded!" the Dutch general shouted.
Just then Lackof and his army reached the battle, just in time to notice that all the Cambodians had run away.
"What happened here!?" Lackof screamed. "I wanted to fight some of them too!" Lackof cried. His life was so miserable.
"Hey! Remember that time the Bali people rebelled when the Netherlands had no chance to stop them and were crushed!" Jokokwo Mokokieto said, talking to a good friend of his.
"Yeah!" his friend answered.
"Well, let's try that again! Only this time, they will have a navy and soldiers within striking distance! And we'll do it with far less men!" Jokokwo said.
"You're so smart!" his friend answered.
"We're going to have to send the natives to stop the revolt!" Lackof said looking at his situation.
"It's alright sir! Natives suck at fighting everything BUT revolts!" said one soldier.
"Hey! You're right! You're actually competant! This is amazing!" Lackof said pointing at the soldier with amazement.
"It isn't nice to point sir..." the soldier said.
This soldier was shot for his incompetance.
"Come on men! Let's prove to the world that Java would make for a great hot drink!" the general yelled as his men cheered. They soon charged the beach of Johor as the rebels waited to meet them.
"Hey there! We're the rebels... yeah... wanna go eat lunch or something?" the rebels asked going to shake the Javan hands.
The Javans killed all the rebels.
"We just wanted to be friends..." one rebel cried.
"Then why were you rebelling?" the Javan general asked.
"We thought it would be a cool way to meet new friends!" the rebel said.
"What kind of crap is this?" The Javan general yelled.
"They have a point you know... you didn't have to be so mean..." one man from the UK said. "In fact... this makes my country hate you even more!"
"Your country already hates us with a passion, so screw you!" the Javan general yelled.
"Aww... that wasn't nice at all..." the man from the UK said shaking his head in sorrow.
Just then a Frenchman popped out of the shadows. "VIVA LA REVELUTIO... nah you know what just screw it... I ain't dying out here for some stupid
cause " he said and left. Sadly, the Javan training instinct kicked in when the Frenchman walked onto the scene and every enemy was completely and totally destroyed.
"Cambodia has been fully annexed sire!" a royal guard yelled while running into the room.
"Excelent..." ex-King Glenn said scheming to himself.
"Shut up you little snot! Excelent!" Fhund yelled. "I want today to be a national holiday!"
"It already is sire... it's April fools day... APRIL FOOLS!" the royal guard yelled while laughing. King Glenn started to laugh at the joke too. Fhund just sat there, rage building inside him.
"Sire? Is something wrong?" the royal guard asked.
This royal guard was shot for his incompetance.
7 times someone was shot for incompetance this update! And once someone was speared!
(Sorry for ignoring the Strait of Dover... but all our recourses are in SE Asia and we can't afford a two front war...)
I did this at 4 AM... expect mistakes... lots of them...
