• Crusader Kings III Available Now!

    The realm rejoices as Paradox Interactive announces the launch of Crusader Kings III, the latest entry in the publisher’s grand strategy role-playing game franchise. Advisors may now jockey for positions of influence and adversaries should save their schemes for another day, because on this day Crusader Kings III can be purchased on Steam, the Paradox Store, and other major online retailers.


    Real Strategy Requires Cunning

joebthegreat

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due to computer problems this AAR is on hold... :(
 

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:(
 

joebthegreat

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alright... I can't stand the silence... I thought at least more than one of you would tell me you were sad that this was over!!! :mad:

YOU ALL DISSAPOINT ME!!!

Plot Twist: It was all a dream... King Glenn really was sleeping that whole time and the Netherlands are back in their war with Belgium...

Why: Let's just say I have to do this... my computer is mean and the save game is gone...

So... after all those pages... we're going to actually start the AAR!!!
 

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Copy and paste it all! :rofl:
 

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joebthegreat said:
alright... I can't stand the silence... I thought at least more than one of you would tell me you were sad that this was over!!! :mad:

YOU ALL DISSAPOINT ME!!!

Plot Twist: It was all a dream... King Glenn really was sleeping that whole time and the Netherlands are back in their war with Belgium...

Why: Let's just say I have to do this... my computer is mean and the save game is gone...

So... after all those pages... we're going to actually start the AAR!!!
PLEASE START NOW! I need IT :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
 

joebthegreat

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Aufsheen Horzhewitz woke up one morning to a bright an sunny day.

"Ahh... I think I'll go out for a walk..." Aufsheen said with a marry voice and skipped outside.

The wonderful province of Liege... sunshine and flowers were everywhere as happy bunnies and unicorns frolicked through the happy trees and bright green grass. Aufsheen Horzhewitz was a typical happy Dutchman. As a typical Dutchman his name was annoyingly hard to spell, but it was always fun to say. He was out gathering flowers for his girlfriend. Soon the sky blackened as evil Belgian forces marched through. The happy flowers shriveled and the bunnies and unicorns were forced to flee to France. Somewhere no sane mind would ever want to go. Aufsheen, however, boldly stood his ground against the marching Belgian army.

"Wait a second... I had a dream about this just last night... I die... aw crap" Aufsheen said and started to cry. The Belgians were about to feel sorry for the guy, but decided they would rather have more slaves to trade to the French Mime Factories. They carried him away as he screamed in horror.

(done during school... you guys are responisble if I get bad grades!)
 

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Vicky cost me my grades back '04, dont worry about it Joeb, i survived and love my happy life working in a coal mine 2mile underground 18hours a day
 

joebthegreat

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Thanks you two for reading and replying! :D

Happy is me...

I don't really know why I'm so happy... but I am...

______________________________________________________________

"Tell the men to attack!" King Glenn yelled.

"What happened to your dad?" the royal advisor asked.

"He died." King Glenn said.

"Are you sure you want to attack? It would be wise to leave the Belgians alone until we can properly defeat them." the royal advisor said.

King Glenn had the royal advisor executed.

"That was fun..." King Glenn said doing a Michael Jackson dance.

"What the hell are you doing?" A mysterious person asked walking into the room.

"Oh! Erm... well... I'm not doing anything! I'll make you the new royal advisor if you don't tell anyone about this!

"Umm sure... you should ignore Belgium" this new mysterious advisor said.

"Screw that!" King Glenn said and had this new mysterious advisor executed.

"Oh well" the mysterious advisor said as his head was cut off by the royal guard.

"Boo!" all the Belgians said and declaired war on the Netherlands.

"Shut up! You're supposed to be part of the Netherlands! How dare you be so mean!" King Glenn yelled.

"The soldiers are awaiting orders!" the head general, Lackof Agoodname, said walking into the room.

"Didn't I already give the order to charge?" King Glenn asked.

"The soldiers are spread across our country... you are just sitting on your throne... there's no way your order could have reached them yet..." Lackof said.

"EXECUTE!" King Glenn yelled as his Royal Guards executed Lackof.

"How dare you!" Fund yelled running into the room. He was shot.

"I'll be your new general!" Khan Gengis said running into the room.

"What's with all these people I don't even know about!?" King Glenn asked.

"Well you just became the King only three minutes ago, so I'm pretty sure you don't know about us all yet..." Khan said.

"Well, I had a dream about you, so sure. You can be the General and all that fun stuff." King Glenn said. "But you have to promise to never try to become King thus giving me the title of ex-King Glenn... I'm sick of that stuff"

"How can you be sick of being Ex-King Glenn if you've only been King Glenn for four minutes now?" Khan asked.

...

Khan was executed.

"Alright! You!" King Glenn yelled pointing at the Royal Guard on his right. "Go tell everyone to charge!"

So the Royal Guard went out and in one day managed to tell everyone in all the Netherlands to charge.

"'K" everyone said.



"Charge!" the Captain of the FFS Ewww yelled as his men stared at him.

"Why did you name this ship the FFS Ewww?" one sailor asked.

"I smell mutiny!" the Captain screamed as he was sniffing a mutiny-scented candle.

"That was lame" the sailor said.

"Whatever... Charge!" the Captain yelled.

"No! I had a dream that I charge and fall off the ship and die!" the sailor said.

"So did I... I was hoping you'd do it..." the Captain said.

"Well... we're in the Strait of Dover"

"Isn't that the enemy?" one sailor asked.

"Not unless it kills one of us first..." the Captain said.

"The Strait of Dover is holding WMDs! We must strike it preemtively before it hurts us!" King Glenn yelled so loudly that the fleet heard it.

"But sire! WMDs don't exist yet! It's only 1836!" a royal guard said.

"That isn't the point!" King Glenn yelled.

"But..." the guard started.

"EXECUTE!" King Glenn screamed as the guard was carried away.

With this, the royal fleet launched all it's cannons into the Strait of Dover, in the chaos every ship was damaged.

"THAT'LL SHOW THOSE DOVERIANS!" the Captain yelled to what was left of his crew, they then sailed away.



The battles raged on, I was doing pretty good when the whole event thing came and I continued the war. Prussia and Austria joined me, but the British joined Belgium. Even though Amsterdam fell to the Brits, me and Prussia held almost all of Belgium. Sadly, the British were going crazy in my land, and I was forced to give the Belgians ARRlon and Leige.





"I HATE THE BRITISH!" King Glenn yelled in anger.

"We hate you too!" Queen Victoria yelled.

"Is Queen Victoria even in power yet?" King Glenn asked.

"I am now!" Queen Victoria yelled as she stabbed her dad suddenly.

"You can't defeat me! I'm from the Netherlands!" King Glenn yelled.

"RACIST!!!" The whole of Vietnam yelled at King Glenn.

"That place scares me, I vow to never invade the Vietnamese area..." King Glenn said, remembering his dream.

"Our army is more than three times as large as the Belgian army! And they have no allies!" the new royal advisor, Grannyshtumpshkins, yelled as he ran into the room.

"It's time to mobilize our forces!" King Glenn yelled.

"But we can't afford that!" Grannyshtumpshkins yelled.

"Oh... sell Luximburg to the Prussians then.

"Our diplomat forgot how to sell things!" Grannyshtumpshkins yelled.

"You're useless! EXECUTE!" King Glenn shouted as Grannyshtumpshkins was dragged away.



Alright... don't hurt me... I'm sorry it took so long to update...
 

Lord Boreal

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Now we have a Lackof advisers ^_^

Is The Strait of Dover still an evil monster!!!!!!111oneeleven
 

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Ooh, a reset!

And this is yet another AAR that has updated but once during my time away! :wacko:
 

unmerged(37096)

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Joeb,

I missed the fact that you were back posting, good to see you in operation again although I must admit I'm a little confused who to root for since everyone from before is already dead.

Keep up the good work. Just to confuse yourself, I think you ought to invade Austria.
 

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Throw pies at them *nods convincingly*
 

joebthegreat

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grr... I'm in a really fun game in Belgium right now... I completely wiped out the Netherlands ( :D ) and then beat France in a war to get war indemnities... I have a badboy of around 50... and am struggling just to say alive against vast German armies... it's like everything is different except for the whole France being an enemy thing...

France just likes to be an enemy I swear...

anyway, I've made 60,000 DURING the war with Germany thanks to French war indemnities... it's really fun...

But yeah... that's what I've been doing behind the scenes...

nothing related to the Netherlands at all...

stupid Joeb... :mad:
 

joebthegreat

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Too easy

"Am I still the king?" Glenn asked.

"Nope" the royal guard replied.

"Why not?" Glenn asked.

"'Cause your mom wants to be the king now" the royal guard replied.

"I'm the king!" Glenn's mom, Ripplestumpskins, yelled.

"How's that possible?" Glenn asked.

"Well, you see..." the royal guard began whispering things in Glenn's ear. His eyes went wide with horror as he screamed.

"I'm sorry Glenn" the royal guard said and began to walk away dramatically.

Glenn stabbed the royal guard for scarring his mind for life.

"Anyway, let's kill the Belgians!" the new King of the Netherlands shouted to a cheering audiance.

-----------------------------------------------------

"State your name and purpose" the royal guard said as he pointed to the man in the cloak.

"I'm the Belgian diplomat, and I have an offer the Belgians can't refuse" the strange man said in a hoarse voice.

"Come on in!" the royal guard said with a grin, opening the gate.

"Oh trust me, I will" the strange man said, waiting there.

"Alright then, come on in!" the guard said.

"Hold on, I'll come in when I'm ready" the strange man said, just sitting there.

"I suggest you hurry!" the guard said, his grin faltering.

"Oh trust me, I will" the strange man said.

"Fine, screw this!" the guard yelled and slammed the gate shut.

"I was going to come in and offer to the Netherlands that Belgium become part of their great empire, but fine, that works too" the Belgian diplomat said, turning and preparing to leave.

"Wait!" the guard said and opened the gate. "You can come in! I'm sorry!"

"I don't know if I want to come in now, I mean, you were kinda rude" the strange man said.

"Please?" the guard asked with pleading eyes.

"Fine" the strange man said and walked in.

(with King Ripplestumpskins and Glenn)

"Sire! A strange man from Belgium wants to see you!" a royal guard yelled.

"Let him in! Don't be rude!" King Ripplestumpskins yelled.

"I offer you all of belgium. We wish to be annexed" the strange Belgian said.

"That's impossible! You can't annex a civilized country unless they only have three provinces!" Glenn yelled.

"Don't be so rude!" King Ripplestumpskins said, hitting Glenn over the head with a frying pan. This knocked him out cold.

"He's right. I'm not here to offer anything. I'm here to kill you!" the strange belgian said, pulling out a gun.

"Well I hardly think it's time for that! Let's sit down to a cup of tea and discuss this!" King Ripplestumpskins said. "Guards! Bring us a table and some tea!"

The guards walked in, ignored the man with the gun pointed at King Ripplestumpskins, and gave them a table and some tea. They then got two chairs and left. King Ripplestumpskins and the strange Belgian sat down.

"Now, how do you propose this "killing me" as you call it?" King Ripplestumpskins asked.

"I plan on shooting you in the face and running away" the strange man said.

"That won't ever work. You don't shoot a royal person in the face, you shoot them in the heart. If you shoot them in the face then they can't look fashonable at their funeral!" King Ripplestumpskins said.

"Right, well, fine, I'll shoot you in the heart!" the strange man said.

"Also, you shouldn't just plan on running. You'd get caught and hanged. You should try something more elaborate! Why don't you try going out the window?" King Ripplestumpskins asked.

"FINE! Just shut up and let me kill you!" the strange Belgian shouted and shot King Ripplestumpskins in the heart. He started running when King Ripplestumpskins stopped him.

"You have to let me get out my dramatic death speech first, here it goes. I always loved you. Please don't ever let the good times die within your heart" King Ripplestumpskins said, and then died.

The Belgian guy jumped out the window, sadly, he was on the fourth floor of a mansion. The Belgian guy splatted into the ground with a sickening crunch noise.

Glenn then woke up to see his dead mother lying on the ground.

"Yay! I can be King again!" Glenn shouted.

"Nope, because I married her about a year ago!" King Frost, the King of the Belgians, said.

"Well, if you're the King of the Belgians then why are we at war with Belgium?" Glenn asked.

"We were having a fight over the finances, and decided to settle it with a war." King Frost said.

"Well now what's going to happen?" Glenn asked.

"I'll just watch the generals of both armies duke it out and see who wins. It should be fun!" King Frost shouted.

"Whatever, as long as I get to be King before I die..." Glenn said, walking out of the room sadly.



"The Netherlands are going to win!" Glenn shouted with joy.

"Yay!" King Frost said, seeing this as a chance to unify the lowlands.





"I want this, this, this, and this, plus this, and these!" King Frost shouted while pointing to a map of the Netherlands and Belgium. He was yelling at King Frost of Belgium, trying to get him to give in.

"Well screw that! Belgium will not give in to such tyranny! You can only have this, this, and these!" King Frost shotued back.

"The Netherlands has crushed you! We have the right to whatever we want! You should be happy we asked for so little! Now give us this, this, and this, plus this, and these, and this too!" King Frost yelled.

"You added something!" King Frost yelled.

"Well we deserve an added something!" King Frost yelled.

"You know what, fine! Screw it! You can have this, this, this, this, this, this, this, and this! But Belgium will keep control of it's factories!" King Frost yelled.

"Fine!" King Frost yelled.

"FINE!" King Frost yelled.

"FINE!" King Frost yelled.

King Frost came out of the conferance room with a smile on his face.

"What is the diplomatic situation?" the diplomat from the Netharlands asked.

"We got them right where we want them!" King Frost yelled.

"Yay!" the Dutch diplomat yelled.





And that is the new map and if you'd look on the last picture that's how much war indemnities we get... not all that much, but at least it's something!

(sorry for lack of updates...)
 
Aug 11, 2005
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Hurray! It's back!
I think your Kings negolation skills need some improvement... Why couldn't he get it ALL (exept the capital, ofcourse)!?
 

joebthegreat

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I am pretty disappointed... I should have at least gotten the other two southern provs... but that stupid 100% warscore limit can be really annoying at times. You'd think they'd be willing to listen to you when there isn't even a country there anymore.

Oh well...

besides, the King doesn't want to lose his Belgian holdings to those vile Dutch. He will fight back the oppression that is the Netherlands! Onward! Down with the color Orange!
 

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It's back and as good as ever! :cool: