• Crusader Kings III Available Now!

    The realm rejoices as Paradox Interactive announces the launch of Crusader Kings III, the latest entry in the publisher’s grand strategy role-playing game franchise. Advisors may now jockey for positions of influence and adversaries should save their schemes for another day, because on this day Crusader Kings III can be purchased on Steam, the Paradox Store, and other major online retailers.


    Real Strategy Requires Cunning

This thread is more than 5 months old.

It is very likely that it does not need any further discussion and thus bumping it serves no purpose. If you feel it is necessary to make a new reply, you can still do so though.

joebthegreat

Practitioner of "Calm Rage"
6 Badges
May 13, 2006
486
2
  • Diplomacy
  • Europa Universalis III
  • Victoria 2
  • Victoria 2: Heart of Darkness
  • 500k Club
  • Mount & Blade: Warband
there were plenty of deaths because of their incompetance...

it's just that the leadership isn't shooting it's men for incompetance as much...

the British are doing that now. And we'd rather not sell out with the Brits.

Because the Dutch are always with the latest of fasion. And right now it's fasionable to keep getting an annoying ammount of rebels. ;)
 

unmerged(17581)

AARlander
Jun 12, 2003
8.591
8
Visit site
The 'racist' running joke is really great! :rofl:
 

unmerged(57402)

Freelance Emperor
May 26, 2006
820
0
joeb, I'm going to excuse myself for not having read and commented before on the grounds that for three of the past four weeks I've been halfway across the planet, but I really should have spotted this in the last week!

It's great! I glanced at it briefly because it was at the top of the list, noticed it was extremely good and have just read through the whole thing- classic man! 'Racist' generals, sulking soldiers, lack of diplomats (I hate that too), and you have an alliance with Austria! What more could one ask for?

Keep it up!

DerKaiser
 

coz1

GunslingAAR
29 Badges
May 16, 2002
13.640
212
hearthehurd.typepad.com
  • Victoria: Revolutions
  • Crusader Kings III
  • Imperator: Rome
  • Imperator: Rome Deluxe Edition
  • Crusader Kings II: Holy Fury
  • Crusader Kings II: Jade Dragon
  • PDXCon 2017 Awards Winner
  • Crusader Kings II: Monks and Mystics
  • Crusader Kings II: Reapers Due
  • Crusader Kings II: Conclave
  • Europa Universalis: Rome Collectors Edition
  • Europa Universalis III: Collection
  • 500k Club
  • 200k Club
  • Europa Universalis: Rome
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • For The Glory
  • Europa Universalis IV
  • Europa Universalis III
  • Deus Vult
  • Crusader Kings II: Sword of Islam
  • Crusader Kings II: Sunset Invasion
  • Crusader Kings II: Sons of Abraham
  • Crusader Kings II: The Republic
  • Crusader Kings II: Rajas of India
  • Crusader Kings II: The Old Gods
  • Crusader Kings II: Legacy of Rome
  • Crusader Kings II: Charlemagne
joebthegreat - please check your private messages as I've sent you a PM.
 

unmerged(27576)

Lt. General
Apr 5, 2004
1.333
0
pwned by demi moderator...

anyways quiet entertaining, very funny story, game seems to be takin long time tho.
 

unmerged(37096)

Lt. General
Dec 21, 2004
1.528
0
Joeb,

Great update as always, keep it coming. Soon, no one will be left except ex-ex-King Glenn
 

unmerged(37096)

Lt. General
Dec 21, 2004
1.528
0
Of course if Glenn lost his Kingship one more time, then he would be rated triple x, then this AAR could realy live up to it's name...
 

KuzuX

degirlsawelshy fan
Dec 31, 2005
993
2
I WANT UPDATE!!!
I WANT UPDATE!!!
I WANT UPDATE!!!
and
I WANT MORE UPDATE!!!
I WANT MORE UPDATE!!!
I WANT MORE UPDATE!!!
and
WONDERFUL UPDATE!!!
WONDERFUL UPDATE!!!
WONDERFUL UPDATE!!!
 

joebthegreat

Practitioner of "Calm Rage"
6 Badges
May 13, 2006
486
2
  • Diplomacy
  • Europa Universalis III
  • Victoria 2
  • Victoria 2: Heart of Darkness
  • 500k Club
  • Mount & Blade: Warband
I did tons of experimenting as Belgium and the Ottomans and Sweeden and this that and the other thing...

I have learned enough to know that the Netherlands is screwd...

oh well... :D

Thanks for reading everyone! Thanks for saying stuff and thanks to coz1 for saving me from certain doom!

The game is taking a long time... once I get rid of these spare 10 screenshots I took then I can get on with destroying Belgium! MWAHAHAHAHA!!! ;)
 

joebthegreat

Practitioner of "Calm Rage"
6 Badges
May 13, 2006
486
2
  • Diplomacy
  • Europa Universalis III
  • Victoria 2
  • Victoria 2: Heart of Darkness
  • 500k Club
  • Mount & Blade: Warband
With all the rebelions going on in his empire, and the lack of a good economy or industry. Along with the general incompetance of his army. Ex-ex-King Glenn was sent to an elementary school in Sweeden to learn how to be a king. He was forced to make someone a leader in his absence, so he chose Khan Gengis, his leading general.

"Now maybe we can get something done in this country... you Mongolians are ruthless, but at least you get the job done!" one general said.

"You're a racist!" one Vietnamese man who happened to be in the room at this time screamed and ran off to tell all his friends.

"Great... more rebels..." Khan said and started crying.

(With the rebelious people)

"Alright men! They haven't captured the place, so they haven't dug in! We have more men! They're cavalry and we're infantry! They're rebels and we're a trained army!" The general screamed listing all the reasons why they should win.

"Stop that!" one soldier cried.

"Stop what? Why!?" the general screamed.

"You're putting pressure on me! I do terrible when people put pressure on me!" the soldier cried.

This soldier was shot for his incompetance.

"Grow a set you pansies!" the general yelled as his men started whispering around the camp telling everybody about how the general was a meanie.

(days later)

"CHARGE!" the general screamed to his men.

"Nuh uh!" the men all replied.

"What is it now?" the general sighed.

"You're a big meanie and we dont want to die for you!" the soldiers all said sticking their tounges out at him.

With this the general lost it and started shooting like crazy at his own men. It took 25 men and a horse to subdue the general. He was later shot for his incompetance.

screensave10pw5.jpg


"We're scared!" the soldiers all cried as they huddled together behind a rock.

"Yeah... We lost our leadership and don't know what to do!" some other soldiers cried huddled behind a tree.

This was the general situation of the battle in Cambodia. Despite the fact that they had the manpower to win, those men were all scared and half of them refused to even shoot at the Vietnamese in an attempt to not look racist.

(South of the battle)

"Sir! The soldiers up North are all pathetic! We need to save them!" one soldier said marching into the general's office.

"Why did you march into my office!? Why did you not just run instead!?" the general asked in anger.

"Well... I... um..." the soldier mumbled.

"How much time could you have saved if you would have just ran in instead!?" the general screamed.

"Maybe a couple of seconds or so... not much really..." the soldier said.

"You would waste seconds of time in a situation as dire as this!? You are useless!" the general screamed and shot the soldier for his incompetance. The general then walked out to his men.

"Today! We march on Cambodja!" the general yelled as his men all cheered. They then realized what their general had said and started to cry.

screensave11qr2.jpg


"We're really scared!" the soldiers yelled.

screensave12yi7.jpg


"We've arrived men!" the southern general yelled.

The soldiers were celebrating until they noticed that there were enemies in Cambodja. They all cried.

screensave13iz7.jpg


(Somewhere in Gooty)

"Who named this place?" asked Shtubenshtickersharfenshtorg Bootyboy, a laborer.

"Who named you? Yo mama?" another laborer laughed.

"Actually, my mom DID name me!" Grabber yelled.

"Oh..." the laborer said as they continued to work on their coaling station in silence.

screensave14za0.jpg


"Khan! There aren't any more rebels in Vietnam!" a royal guard yelled running into Khan's throne room as he was admiring it.

"Good..." Khan said as he turned to see who said this. "Oh my God! Why do you look so fruity!? What are you wearing!?"

"I'm a royal guard sir, they make us wear this" the royal guard said.

"Well I don't like it! Guards! Take this man away!" Khan yelled as regular guards ran to take the royal guard away.

"Get your hands off me! I'm a royal guard! I'm above you!" the royal guard yelled as the guards began to swarm him.

"They're trying to replace us men! Charge!!!" the leader of the royal guards yelled as he and his men all ran forward with their swords at the regular guards. They were shot by the guards' guns.

"Why do you only have swords?" Khan asked the leader of the royal guards as he lay on the ground in pain.

"They thought it would look cooler" the leader of the royal guards said.

"What's your name?" Khan asked.

"Howitzer Cannon" the leader said.

"'K" Khan said and shot Howitzer for his incompetance.

screensave15yt3.jpg


"Rebels..." a soldier said bored walking into the general's office.

"You know what to do..." the general said as he packed his things and got ready to march.

The soldier didn't know what to do, and so he just went to the pool and went swimming.

Minutes later the general walked out of his office prepared to march, none of his men were ready to march though.

"Why are you not ready to march?" the general asked.

"You never told us!" the soldiers replied.

"Where's the soldier that told me about the rebelion!?" the general asked. This soldier shyly walked forward.

"I need to make an example of you, but new laws have been put in place and so I can't shoot you anymore, so you get this instead!" the general yelled and slapped the soldier on the wrist. All the other soldiers screamed in horror.

"I'm calling the ACLU about this crime!" one soldier shouted.

"You can't! We live in the Netherlands! There is no ACLU here!" the general laughed with a typical villains laugh. Thunder struck in the background, killing a few natives.

"Racist!" the other natives yelled pointing at the sky.

screensave16ds7.jpg


"Khan! The Javans are rebelling!" a guard yelled running in to the throne room.

"Why!? What did we ever do there!?" Khan asked.

"That's just it! They're sick of our lack of ability to do anything to improve their current situation!" the guard yelled.

"Fine... kill the rebels..." Khan said.

"Which ones, the Belgians, Vietnamese, or Javans?" the guard asked.

This guard was shot for his incompetance.

screensave17gv3.jpg


:D

29 people shot for their incompetance this time...

Dont worry... I'm getting better at this game and will soon be able to do something competant...

or maybe that should be why you're worried...
 

Yoy21

General
36 Badges
Jan 6, 2006
2.168
0
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Expansion Pass
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Together for Victory
  • Stellaris - Path to Destruction bundle
  • Steel Division: Normandy 44
  • Cities: Skylines - Mass Transit
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Death or Dishonor
  • Stellaris: Synthetic Dawn
  • Age of Wonders III
  • Cities: Skylines - Green Cities
  • Cities: Skylines - Natural Disasters
  • Stellaris: Apocalypse
  • Cities: Skylines - Parklife Pre-Order
  • Cities: Skylines - Parklife
  • Cities: Skylines Industries
  • Stellaris: Megacorp
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Expansion Pass
  • Prison Architect
  • Cities: Skylines - Campus
  • Victoria 2
  • Cities in Motion 2
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Darkest Hour
  • Europa Universalis III
  • Europa Universalis IV
  • Hearts of Iron III
  • Naval War: Arctic Circle
  • Semper Fi
  • Cities in Motion
  • Victoria 2: A House Divided
  • Victoria 2: Heart of Darkness
  • 500k Club
  • Cities: Skylines
  • Cities: Skylines - After Dark
  • Cities: Skylines - Snowfall
  • Stellaris
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Cadet
Wait, the last soldier that was shot for incompetence, that was illegal. That guy should be punished!
 

Lord Boreal

Pangalactic Gargleblaster
68 Badges
May 22, 2004
2.808
5
  • Crusader Kings II: Conclave
  • Semper Fi
  • Sword of the Stars
  • Victoria 2
  • 200k Club
  • 500k Club
  • Cities: Skylines
  • Cities: Skylines Deluxe Edition
  • Mount & Blade: With Fire and Sword
  • Crusader Kings II: Way of Life
  • Pillars of Eternity
  • Crusader Kings II: Horse Lords
  • Cities: Skylines - After Dark
  • Europa Universalis: Rome
  • Cities: Skylines - Snowfall
  • Stellaris
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Cadet
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Colonel
  • Crusader Kings II: Reapers Due
  • Tyranny: Archon Edition
  • Stellaris: Leviathans Story Pack
  • Crusader Kings II: Monks and Mystics
  • Stellaris - Path to Destruction bundle
  • Cities: Skylines - Mass Transit
  • Europa Universalis IV: Mandate of Heaven
  • Stellaris: Federations
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Cities in Motion
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Crusader Kings II: Charlemagne
  • Crusader Kings II: Legacy of Rome
  • Crusader Kings II: The Old Gods
  • Crusader Kings II: Rajas of India
  • Crusader Kings II: The Republic
  • Crusader Kings II: Sword of Islam
  • Deus Vult
  • Diplomacy
  • Europa Universalis III
  • Europa Universalis III: Chronicles
  • Hearts of Iron II: Armageddon
  • Divine Wind
  • Europa Universalis IV
  • For the Motherland
  • Hearts of Iron III
  • Hearts of Iron III: Their Finest Hour
  • Hearts of Iron III Collection
  • Heir to the Throne
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
  • Magicka
  • Europa Universalis III Complete
Incredibly funny joeb, nice arr. just read it through

*subscribes*

:D
 

joebthegreat

Practitioner of "Calm Rage"
6 Badges
May 13, 2006
486
2
  • Diplomacy
  • Europa Universalis III
  • Victoria 2
  • Victoria 2: Heart of Darkness
  • 500k Club
  • Mount & Blade: Warband
ex-ex-ex King Glenn

I can't say much... other than my computer is having problems with a very important button... the POWER button...

so I'm having troubles getting it to turn on... once it's on I can do everything I need and blah and whatever... but due to general lazyness... I'm not turning my computer on until this problem is fixed... and I'm not fixing it...

so this is being written on a different computer, this is a different author even! This is joebtheGreat... notice the capitalized G... that means something very important... I wont tell you what... you have to guess...
_______________________________________________________________

Yoy21 : yes but the justice system is incompetant and so nobody can really do anything about lawbreakers...

Duke of Wellington : Of course you like the new leader... he's Khan... who doesn't like Khan!?

Kruz : 'K

Lord Boreal : YES! Someone read through it all at once and didn't get bored! That makes 2!!!
________________________________________________________________

(Dealing with ex-ex-ex King Glenn in his Sweedish elementary school)

"OK, how old are you?" the teacher asked.

"Seven!" ex-ex-ex King Glenn said with a smile.

One of his royal guard whispered something in his ear.

"Oh... wait... I think I'm nine or ten now! I'm a big boy!" ex-ex-ex King Glenn shouted.

The teacher pulled out a chain and beat the royal guard over the head.

"NO TALKING UNLESS YOU'RE CALLED UPON!!!" the teacher screamed over his body and then turned and slapped ex-ex-ex King Glenn. "and no shouting either!"

"But... you just..." ex-ex-ex King Glenn started.

"NO BUTTS! THIS IS AN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL AND WE DON'T WANT ANYTHING THAT COULD EVER REFER TO ANYTHING LIKE THAT!" the teacher screamed and kicked ex-ex-ex King Glenn really hard in the leg, breaking his bone.

Ex-ex-ex King Glenn started to cry.

"There there... it's all George Bush's fault..." the teacher said in a baby voice while hugging him.

"Who?" ex-ex-ex King Glenn asked.

"I SAID DON'T QUESTION ME!!!" the teacher screamed and beat ex-ex-ex King Glenn over the head with a frying pan.

"Umm... Royal Guard... are you guys going to help me here or what?" ex-ex-ex King Glenn asked looking back to where his Royal Guard was. They weren't there. The Royal Guard was cowering in a corner trying to sneak out the door and get away.

"NO TALKING TO OTHER PEOPLE DURING CLASS!!!" the teacher yelled kicking ex-ex-ex King Glenn in the throat. She then turned over to the Royal Guard with a glare. "AND NO LEAVING UNTILL I SAY YOU CAN GO!!!"

The Royal Guard started to cry.

"Some Royal Guard you are!" ex-ex-ex King Glenn shouted as he got tied to a pole and hit over the head with a chair for talking in class.

The Royal Guard just sat there, looking down.

"OK! What's your name then?" the teacher continued in a sweet voice pointing back to the application for the elementary school.

"Ex-ex-ex King Glenn" ex-ex-ex King Glenn said nervously.

"Stop promoting stuff that's inapropreate for elementary school children!" the teacher yelled and beat ex-ex-ex King Glenn over the head with another kid.

"What did you just hit me with!?" ex-ex-ex King Glenn asked in horror looking at the poor kid.

"I'M THE ONE WHO ASKS THE QUESTIONS! YOU ANSWER!!! NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND!" the teacher yelled beating ex-ex-ex King Glenn harder with the poor kid.

With this, one of the Royal Guardsmen stood up with his gun and pointed it at the teacher. She laughed and walked up to the man.

"You wouldn't have the balls!" she yelled, almost right in his face.

"Um... keep your language school apropreate please..." the principal said walking into the room. He looked around to make sure everything was in order and left again.

After the Royal Guardsman let out a gulp she took his gun and started beating him over the head with the butt of it. Ex-ex-ex King Glenn saw this as his chance and he ran out of the elementary school with the rest of his Royal Guard. As they left they could hear the teacher scream. "NO LEAVING BEFORE CLASS IS OVER! I'LL FIND YOU!!! YOU CAN'T ESCAPE FROM THE RULES!!!"

This would cause ex-ex-ex King Glenn to wet his bed for many months to come.

(and now... updates... maybe... when I decide to actually start my computer)
 

Yoy21

General
36 Badges
Jan 6, 2006
2.168
0
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Expansion Pass
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Together for Victory
  • Stellaris - Path to Destruction bundle
  • Steel Division: Normandy 44
  • Cities: Skylines - Mass Transit
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Death or Dishonor
  • Stellaris: Synthetic Dawn
  • Age of Wonders III
  • Cities: Skylines - Green Cities
  • Cities: Skylines - Natural Disasters
  • Stellaris: Apocalypse
  • Cities: Skylines - Parklife Pre-Order
  • Cities: Skylines - Parklife
  • Cities: Skylines Industries
  • Stellaris: Megacorp
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Expansion Pass
  • Prison Architect
  • Cities: Skylines - Campus
  • Victoria 2
  • Cities in Motion 2
  • Crusader Kings II
  • Darkest Hour
  • Europa Universalis III
  • Europa Universalis IV
  • Hearts of Iron III
  • Naval War: Arctic Circle
  • Semper Fi
  • Cities in Motion
  • Victoria 2: A House Divided
  • Victoria 2: Heart of Darkness
  • 500k Club
  • Cities: Skylines
  • Cities: Skylines - After Dark
  • Cities: Skylines - Snowfall
  • Stellaris
  • Hearts of Iron IV: Cadet
That poor, poor XXX king glenn. I hope he survives. Oh, and I hope the teacher doesn't happen to be one from my school. *shudders* :eek:
 

unmerged(17581)

AARlander
Jun 12, 2003
8.591
8
Visit site
What a scary teacher! :eek: